Disclaimer: I don't own Narnia, I just like playing with the characters.
This is just something I wrote because I had nothing better to do. I thought it would be fun to just write a fluffy humour so enjoy.
(This story is sort of an addition to my other one. I just wrote it for fun. It's suppose to be set when Peter and Ashley are on their honey moon so yeah.)
Edmund Gets Susan Drunk
Edmund POV
Wow! I am so bored. For a huge castle like this, there is really nothing entertaining to do. I was randomly walking down different corridors looking for something to do.
"Hi, Eddie!" Oh great, just what I need.
"What is it, Lucy?" I asked unenthusiastically.
"I'm really bored, so I was wondering if you wanted to come and play with me," she asked sweetly. I sighed and turned around to face her
"Fine." I figured that I may as well. I mean seriously, what have I got to lose.
"Yay! So I was thinking maybe we could play with my dolls." Oh man! I'm going to so lose my dignity. What could be even more fun than playing with Lucy's dolls? I know! This is going to be great!
"Hey, Lucy, have you ever seen Susan drunk?" I asked curiously. She tilted her head cutely and then shook it.
"No, why?" She asked sceptically. I smirked wickedly.
"Would you like to?" I asked. She nodded her head slowly.
"Oka-" she started to answer before I started dragging her to the cellar in the town. Once we got there I went up to the mahogany counter and rung a little bell that was above it.
"Yes. What can I help you with, Your Majesty?" the faun asked.
"Do you have any strong alcohol?" I asked. He looked underneath the counter and pulled out a tiny bottle, before placing the little diamond pot on the counter.
"This is the strongest we have. If you put one drop in a cup of water, it will make them so drunk they won't even be able to think straight," he explained. Perfect! Just what I need!
"We'll take it!" I said before Lucy could interject. I gave him the crescents and took the bottle from his stretched out hand. "Thank you!" I said while pulling Lucy out of the cellar with me. Best thing about being a king, you don't need to show ID. I chuckled evilly and walked into the giant, white-stone castle. We entered the kitchen, after making sure the coast was clear, and got out a cup and filled it up with water. I put one drop of the red stuff in and headed back out. "Where's Susan?" I asked Lucy. She smiled and grabbed my hand.
"In the throne-room," she said while pulling me through the double doors.
"Now don't tell her we've spiked it, okay?" She nodded her tiny head before zipping her mouth closed and throwing away the key. Good! Now my plan is coming together.
"Hey, Su? I know you're working really hard so I got you some water," I said while walking up to her throne and handing her the drink. She took it and looked at it suspiciously.
"Thanks," she said before taking a breath and swallowing all of it. I grinned wickedly.
"Right. Now, Lucy, stand back and enjoy the show," I said. Lucy started giggling which gave us a few looks from some guards. I'm so glad Peter's away on his honeymoon otherwise he would probably kill me.
Susan POV
As soon as Edmund offered me a drink, I knew something was up. He is not the type of person who just randomly gives you a drink. I accepted it though, to my utter amazement, and jugged it down. I was rather thirsty after all. That tastes really strong to be just water. It took me a minute to realize that everything had gone majorly blurry. I felt myself sway the tiniest bit before falling onto a sea of ice cream. "I'VE GOT AN ICE BLOCK!" I screamed out when I found a little green icicle. I picked it up and immediately started licking it. It tastes like tree. Yuck! I threw it down onto the ice cream and started to walk down the chocolate topping. I suddenly felt airborne. That's really weird. My head fell onto the ice cream and I squealed. I get to make ice cream angels now. I laid flat on my stomach and made angel wings with my spaghetti. "ICE CREAM ANGEL!" I said.
"Susan, are you feeling okay?" I heard a little tinkle voice say. He He-tinkle! I looked up and screamed.
"EVIL IMP!" I screamed again. I got up and started running away as quickly as I could, but instead I slid on the vanilla ice cream. "AHHHHHH!" I screamed as it came up slowly too me. This is even worse than that horror movie. She touched my arm and I burst out crying. "DON'T TOUCH ME, EVIL IMP!" I exclaimed. I got back up and ran outside on spaghetti and ran into a tomato sauce wall. "EWWW!" I complained. I turned around and ran on spaghetti to the edge of the ice cream without slipping because I'm that cool.
"Susan? Are you- " a leprechaun started to ask me. I started crying again and looked around hysterically for my closest exit. I had no choice, I had to.
"HEY LOOK, ANTS! I'M A BIRDIE!" I shouted as I flew out the opening. I felt like air. I flapped my wings hysterically. It works I'm flying. I suddenly saw green cordial coming up to meet me then – bang, blackness. Yay! I'm covered in liquorice!
Edmund POV
I swear I was about to piss myself because I was laughing so hard. Susan drunk is the funniest and most hilarious thing I have ever seen in my entire life. I looked beside me and noticed Lucy laughing just as hard as me. This is so great! She just jumped out a window for goodness sake, yelling out that we were all ants and that she was a bird. Now she's flat on the ground, squealing and saying that's she covered in liquorice. She's been calling me a leprechaun for goodness sake. I know I'm wearing green today but gosh, she doesn't need to make fun of my height. This day can't get any more funny.
Susan POV
Liquorice tastes so good. In fact now that I think about it, it sort of tastes like shoe. Oh well! I got up and noticed the little, green leprechaun staring at me again. I flipped my hair and tripped over again. Yay! The pool of green cordial is back again. I miss the liquorice though. I stood back up on spaghetti again and strolled over carefully to the leprechaun.
"I want chicken," I said. I just realised he has a twin next to him. "Hi, leprechaun brother," I said happily then looked back to the other one.
"What?" he said stupidly.
"I said I WANT CHICKEN! NOW!" I commanded and then burst out crying.
"Okay then," the little, green leprechaun said while walking away. I looked next to me and noticed...
"THE LITTLE EVIL IMP'S BACK! AHHHHHHHHH!" I screamed while running away. It's going to kill me. I hid behind some broccoli and parted it with spaghetti. She has a twin too! I burst out crying again and stood up while running through the tea bag area. I stopped then in the middle of the pool of green cordial. I can't believe I'm walking on cordial. It's so cool. Then I saw something. "CHICKEN!" I shouted out while chasing it around on green cordial. I want me a chicken.
"Back off, freak, oh!" the chicken said while bashing me over the head with something. The world got covered in liquorice again. Oh yeah! I didn't get my chicken though. I opened my eyes suddenly to find the twin leprechauns and the twin...
"IT'S THE TWIN EVIL IMPS AGAIN!" I squealed while getting up and running on my spaghetti and heading through the honey mustard walls. It felt like the mustard were all watching me. I turned around and they were. I ran into a bark door then and started crying. I tried to get in, but couldn't. I burst out crying again and then the most peculiar thing happened. It broke and I fell onto the yoghurt. I swam through and finally made it to the lake of grapefruit. I dove into it and closed my eyes so that I was covered in liquorice again.
I woke up in the morning with a searing head ache. My stomach was aching and I had bruises in the most unusual places. I know one thing for sure. Edmund is going to pay!
Please R&R! I know it's totally random. Please be nice!
Susan's Drunk Dictionary! Hooray :D
because some of it is pretty tricky to understand: (I know, some of them are explained already, just making sure though that everyone understands ;)
Green icy-pole/ice block = leaf
Ice-cream = white floors
Chocolate topping = brown stairs
Spaghetti = her limbs (arms and legs)
Leprechaun = Edmund (Of course)
Evil Imp = you guessed it - Lucy
Tomato sauce = mahogany wall outside the Throne Room
Ants = Town's people
Liquorice = The darkness when she closes her eyes and a dwarf's leather boot
Broccoli = green bushes
The tea bag area = the houses and small stores in the town outside the castle
Pool of green cordial = little grassy paddock
Chicken = little old faun lady
Honey Mustard = yellow walls of the corridor outside Susan's bedroom
Bark = brown wooden door that leads into Susan's bedroom
Yoghurt = cream floors
and last, but not least, The lake of Grapefruit = Susan's purple doona/quilt on her bed
Hope that helped a bit ;)