Umm…let's see…Harry goes to a tea party, we discover what Filch and Mrs. Norris really eat, Harry gets a new room mate, and we find out what Snape's first form of employment was.
Tea Parties with Harry Potter
Harry was three fourths of the way through making his hiccup cure in potions, and he was beginning to think that something was terribly wrong. Professor Snape had not made one nasty comment to Harry through the entire class; he hadn't even glared at Harry. What could be going on? He wondered.
Just as the bell rang Snape called, "Harry, stay behind please. I need a word with you." Harry sighed with relief, he must have just imagined that Snape wasn't picking at him. Although he had to admit that Snape had not sounded nearly as menacing as he usually did when he spoke to Harry.
As Harry made hi way towards the front of the classroom Snape took a deep breath and began, "I've been thinking Harry, and it seems to me that our relationship has gotten off on the wrong foot. And I want to apologize, because I feel that it is due to a silly little grudge I was holding against your father and his friends from years ago. (Harry resisted the urge to demand why it had taken Snape over four years to realize this) I was wondering if you would come have tea with me after your last class today?"
The word "sure" popped out of Harry's mouth before he realized what he had said. He had meant to yell, "Do you think I'm crazy? You'll slip poison in my tea! Of course I won't come to tea with you!"
"Good," Snape replied, giving Harry what appeared to be a genuine smile.
"Are you CRAZY!?!" Ron yelled in the middle of Professor McGonagall's lecture about transfiguring insects into jewels, and why it wasn't a good idea. (It is very hard to get rid of the wings, and very disconcerting to see your jewels fly away.)
"Shh!" Hermione hissed at them, thoroughly absorbed in the lecture.
"Hermione, Harry's going to tea with Professor Snape this afternoon!" Ron hissed back.
"What?" Hermione gasped, dropping the quill that she had been taking notes furiously with.
"Yeah, That's what I said," Ron agreed, picking up the quill.
"You're not really going, are you Harry?" Hermione asked. "What if he tries to poison you?"
"I thought of that too," Harry admitted. "But he just seemed so…honest about it.
"Snape? Honest?" Ron laughed.
"Harry? Has Snape bewitched you?" Hermione demanded suddenly.
"No!" Harry cried in outrage. Why wouldn't his own friends take him seriously?
"You three! See me after class," Professor McGonagall cried angrily. "And for now, STOP talking!" Ron, Hermione, and Harry sat through the rest of the class in silence. After the class was over and everyone had left Professor McGonagall began to scold them about ignoring her during the lesson, but seeing the impatient look on Harry's face snapped, "What is it, Potter?"
"Nothing," Harry said a little to quickly.
"Have you got something better to do than listen to me yatter away?" she demanded in an enraged tone.
"No," Harry replied. "It's just that Professor Snape invited me to have tea with him after this class was over, and I didn't want to keep him waiting."
Professor McGonagall stopped quite suddenly, and stared at him with evident shock. "You're having tea with Snape?" she asked disbelievingly.
"Yes Harry replied.
"Potter, are you sure that this is…ah…prudent?"
"Yes!" Harry said beginning to grow irritated. Professor McGonagall sighed, continued to look concerned, but said nothing else about the subject, and finished lecturing them quite quickly. As soon as Professor McGonagall let them go her went tearing down to Snape's dungeon. Even Harry himself was baffled as to why he wanted to go to tea with Snape so very badly. But he had an odd feeling that something truly amazing would happen.
"Ahh, Harry, I'm so glad you were able to make it," Snape greeted him warmly as Harry walked into the dungeon. Harry smiled at him warily, slightly baffled. "Here, come sit down and have a cup of tea," Snape motioned. He poured his own tea, and Harry from the same pot, but harry wasn't comforted, Snape could have easily put poison in Harry's cup. "Would you care for a muffin?" Snape offered. "One of my friends bakes them and sends them to me regularly," he explained.
"Oh," said Harry politely.
"You haven't touched your tea, don't you like it?" Snape asked suddenly.
"Errr…" Harry began.
"You don't think I've poisoned it, do you?" he gasped suddenly. "Harry, I thought I made it perfectly clear that I want only to be friends with you." At this Harry had no choice but take a sip of the tea. To his surprise, nothing happened. He continued sipping the tea, and took a bite of the muffin, which he discovered was absolutely delicious. Suddenly Malfoy burst into the room looking first shocked and then delighted. "You've poisoned him!" He crowed.
Taking another sip of tea, Snape shot a bolt of green light at Malfoy who crumpled to the floor. "Dreadful, annoying boy," Snape muttered, tucking his wand away. Mrs. Norris burst into the room suddenly and began devouring Malfoy. Harry stared at Snape in utter shock. "What?" Snape asked. "You didn't think I actually liked him, did you?" But Harry was unable to answer because Filch had just burst into the dungeon and was causing quite a disturbance.
"Mrs. Norris!" Filch shrieked, catching sight of his beloved cat devouring Draco Malfoy. "What on earth do you think you're doing? That boy could have been our dinner! Now I'll have to find another dead body somewhere in the castle," he finished, dragging Mrs. Norris and the rest of Malfoy's body away.
"I'm so sorry about that little disturbance," Snape apologized kindly. "Go on, finish your tea." Once Harry had had his fill of muffins and tea he left to find Ron and Hermione.
He found them both sitting very apprehensively in the Gryffindor common room. They looked very relieved at the sight of him. "Ron, Hermione, you'll never believe what happened," he began, and commenced retelling the whole story of his tea with Snape.
"Harry? Have you lost your mind?" Ron asked incredulously when Harry had finished.
"No!" he replied indignantly. He found the story difficult to believe himself, but why would he lie to his friends about something like this? Hermione suddenly muttered several things under her breath that sent several jets of light at him. They all bounced off harmlessly though.
"Oh no! I'm really worried!" Hermione cried. "You haven't been confunded, had your memory altered, or anything! Snape hasn't done a single thing to you! Come on Harry, we're going to Dumbledore NOW!"
Before Harry could even begin to argue Ron and Hermione had grabbed both of his arms and were dragging him towards Dumbledore's office. Luckily they didn't have to spend forever guessing passwords because Dumbledore was just heading towards his office when they arrived. "Hello Hermione, Harry, and Ron," he greeted them warmly.
"Professor, we have to talk to you," Ron began.
"There's something terribly wrong with Harry!" Hermione broke in.
"Well come up to my office and we'll discuss this matter," He replied noticing the look of anger on Harry's face, and Ron and Hermione's tight grip on each of his arms.
As soon as they got up to his office Hermione began telling Dumbledore the whole story. As she finished Dumbledore asked. "Well Harry, is this true?"
"Yes, that's exactly it, it Is true!!!" Harry responded.
"I see," Dumbledore murmured. "Ron, I want you to go to Snape's office and, no that's won't work. Go to Madame Pomfrey and tell her that I require her presence and the strongest truth serum she can find, but under no circumstances should Professor Snape come too."
"All right," Ron said already partially out the door.
"Professor, don't you believe me?" Harry cried.
"This is a difficult matter Harry, I believe that you believe what you have told us," Dumbledore answered cryptically. Moments later Madame Pomfrey arrived and withdrew a small bottle of clear liquid from her robes. She picked up a small piece of chocolate from Professor Dumbledore's desk and dripped two drops of the serum onto it. "Harry, I'm going to need you to cooperate with us, please eat the chocolate," Dumbledore said as Madame Pomfrey handed him the chocolate. Scowling, Harry ate the chocolate hoping that now people would finally believe him. "Now could you please tell us about your tea with Professor Snape this afternoon?" Dumbledore questioned. Harry retold them the exact same story that he had already told Ron and Hermione. As he did Dumbledore's face paled considerably. When he finished Dumbledore smiled and said "Thank you Harry, for telling us that. Ron, Hermione why don't you and Harry go back to your common room, I will handle the situation, and be up to speak with you shortly.
Harry, Ron, and Hermione, all wearing identical expressions of puzzlement, headed back to their common room wondering how Dumbledore would "handle the situation". Moments later Dumbledore appeared. "Harry, if you will come with me please," he directed. Harry followed him and was surprised to find that they were heading for the hospital wing. When they arrived at Madam Pomfrey's office Harry was given a potion to drink. He was quite suspicious of it, but he trusted Dumbledore, so he gulped the goblet of liquid down quickly. Dumbledore caught him as he started to collapse, fast asleep. "Thank you Poppy, the potion was most effective," He thanked Madam Pomfrey as he left.
Peering out the window fifteen minutes later Ron and Hermione were quite surprised to see Dumbledore flying away from the castle, holding on to a sleeping Harry. "Ron, Hermione, I need to speak to you immediately," a clipped voice startled them. They spun away from the window to find Professor McGonagal standing directly in front of them. "In private," she added, noticing a cluster of students gaping at them.
"I'm afraid I have some unfortunate news to deliver," she began as soon as she shut the door to her office. "Harry has lost him mind. As we speak Professor Dumbledore is taking him to a mental institution especially for witches an wizards." She explained. Ron and Hermione stared at her, to stunned to speak.
When Harry awoke he wasn't sure where he was. He was lying in a bed, in a very plain room, but the bed next to his was not plain at all. It had a very frilly, lacy cover on top with face pearls stitched along the edges, and both pillowcases were a shocking pink. As he turned to look around the rest of his room he was startled to see a man wearing a shiny pink shower cap, with what appeared to be green paint on his face. "Would you care for a scone?" the man asked.
"Who are you?" Harry demanded.
"Oh, my friends call me Mortie," the man replied. "I'm your room mate."
"What do you mean my room mate?" Harry asked suspiciously.
"Why, I mean that I'm sharing a room with you," he answered.
"Where am I?" Harry yelled, finally loosing his temper.
"Oh dear, haven't they told you yet?"
"WHO?!?" He yelled in exasperation.
"Why, You're in a mental institution," he said hurriedly, now would you like a scone, and a cup of tea?"
Tea, thought Harry, tea, why does that ring a bell. I was having tea with Professor Snape, and he was nice to me, but nobody believed me, and we went to see Professor Dumbledore…HE DIDN"T BELIEVE ME EITHER!!!! HE'S PUT ME IN A MENTAL HOSPITAL!!!!!
"Yes, it was a bit of a shock when they put me in here too, but that's when I took up baking, it's a very calming hobby, here have a scone."
Well, it's no wonder YOU'RE here, Harry thought, but I'm normal, I shouldn't be here.
"What's that on your face?" Harry asked as Mortie handed him a scone, and a cup of tea.
"Oh, I have very dry skin, this is a soothing cucumber face mask, I always wear it. Do you have dry skin? You could try it to, if you're interested." Mortie offered.
"That's ok," Harry said quickly "My skin is just fine," Taking a bite of his scone he was surprised to find how tasty it was.
Several weeks pass. Mortie and Harry become best friends. Harry forgets completely about his former life at Hogwarts.
One morning, coming back from playing golf with a young witch who believed that she was the offspring of an eggplant, Harry was shocked to run into Professor Snape. "Why Harry, how are you?" he asked warmly. "I have another friend who resides here as well, and I thought I'd visit both of you today, as it is a day off." He continued before Harry could answer his first question. "Come along, I'd love for you to meet Mortie,"
"Oh, I know Mortie!" Harry exclaimed. "He's my room mate."
"Splendid!" Snape began "Come along then."
"Why Severus, how kind of you to come visit me! I didn't know you were lucky enough to know my young room mate Harry. Here, I was just getting ready to have tea, please join me."
"Alright," Snape agreed readily.
"How do you two know each other?" Harry asked curiously.
"We used to work together," Mortie replied, taking a sip of tea.
Harry suddenly felt his stomach sink. Things had just fallen into place. Mortie…Voldemort, Snape and Mortie had worked together…Snape had been a death eater…
"What work did you do?" he inquired innocently.
"Oh, we used to be cabinet salesmen. Our office was in the middle of the Atlantic Ocean,"
"Oh," Harry said, quite bewildered.
They continue on and have a lovely tea. Blah Blah Blah.
Finally at the end of the tea Harry's curiosity got the better of him, and he had to ask, "Mortie, why did you end up here?"
"Well, I don't have a perfect past, along time ago I used to have an itty-bitty control problem. Some people think I tried to take over the world, but my therapist and I are working through my control issues. They all stem from a childhood lack of butterflies."
"Butterflies?" Harry asked in surprise.
"Yes, I always wanted one for a pet, but my mother never let me have one." Mortie sighed looking as though the world had just ended.
"Oh, I see," Harry said, although he actually did not see.
Epilogue
Harry forgot all about the rest of the world. He is now happily content living in the mental institution. Mortie is his best friend. Snape visits them regularly.
J.K. Rowling can own all of it, even though I made some of it up.