How Could I?
an UlquiHime oneshot
"Are you afraid of me, girl?"
No… no. I could never be afraid of you. You're kind to me. Kinder than the others.
Do I hate you?
No…You're such a hurt soul… just searching for an answer. How could I hate you for that?
Do I trust you?
Yes. I know you. You'll never hurt me. Why shouldn't I trust you?
Do I love you?
Yes. Yes, I do. More than anything, I want to hold you the whole night through. Give you the answer you're searching for. Show you that you don't have to be alone anymore. I want to grant your every wish for all time.
Just take my hand. Show me I'm not the only one who cares. Let me know that you love me too. I know you can. You're just a lost soul. Let me guide you to the truth. Put your hand in mine and you'll understand that the heart isn't something tangible. It's those sweet feelings you get when you're near the one you love. It's the tears running down your face when you're apart because it just hurts so much. The heart is those intangible thoughts and feelings of caring.
So please. Take my hand. Let's be together and feel the thrill of love.
But as our fingertips almost brush, you're disappearing, turning to ash, being blown away from me. You're beyond my grasp now, something I'll never hold in my hands. I extend my hand again, desperate to feel your fingers thread through mine, pull me close for a sweet kiss. But all I touch is air and powdered pain.
Please… don't look at me with those eyes. Don't have that sad, hurt expression on your face. I never wanted this. I never wanted to lose you. Not yet, not in this way. Just tell me… did you love me?
"I see. This. Yes. This thing in my hand is the heart?"
I blink back the tears after the last of you is gone, carried away from me on the wind. It's a cruel fate. I can't help wondering if I could bring you back if I caught all that ash, the dust of you, and summoned my powers. If I rejected the reality of your death, would you come back to me?
If I brought you back, would you remember me? Or would you not remember all our time together? Would you remember that I'm the one who fills the hole in your chest? That I care for you more than I ever thought I could? Or would you still be left with an open wound, a lost soul searching for an answer?
I think it would kill me if you forgot me. So instead, I decide to let you go, let you rest in peace. Hope that one day, we'll both be reborn and meet again. Under happier circumstances and maybe then we could fall in love and be together. So I let you slip through my outstretched fingers to the next life. Just make sure you wait for me, Ulquiorra.
You asked me twice if I were afraid of you.
Both times I answered no. What I didn't say was "How could I be afraid of the man I love?"
A/N: Geasp! Is this... my first UlquiHime story? What be this? Could it be... she's a UlquiHime fan?
Yes. Yes I am. His death redeemed him in my opinion. I fell in love with him in that moment. I believe it was around my conversion that I wrote this story. However, it's been sitting on my hard drive for quite a while now, unpublished. But I've been in a UlquiHime mood the past couple days and remembered this sucker. So I reread it, tweaked and voila!