I feel like breaking apart. We haven't talked all morning. I want to bang my head against the wall. You allways tell me: Everything will work out. But what about this time, Yoh? How can we work this whole thing out? I am scared of losing you this way. Maybe we shouldn't have got married right after high school. They told us that the first Love will fall apart easily and won't last for a lifetime. At that time it seemed like it would... like we would last a lifetime. Maybe we were young and naive. Too young for this commitment. Too inexperienced. Whatever it was, it consumed our love. Who knows how much of it is left before we fall apart. Remember when we met? We were just ten. When everything was easier. I asked you why your hair is just as long as mine. Because it looked girly to me. And what have you replied? Why is your hair just a short as mine? I answered you with a kick in the leg. But that did not make you stay away from me. It bonded us together. And so we became friends. And we shared everything from secrets to dreams and desires. We had dreams of flying, so you pushed me on the swing until I could touch the sky with my toes. We built sandcastles and decorated them with shells and leaves. You always said that you are the King and I am your Queen. As a teenager, you sneaked into my room at night when I wasnt able to sleep. Before sunrise, you leave so our parents wouldnt notice.
I rested my elbows on the windowsill and looked down at the brown haired boy. "Password Please" In reply you held up a plastic bag "Chips and rice crackers." I raised an eyebrow. "Oh, and this soap opera you seem to like so much.", you grinned and showed me the DVD you have hidden behind your back. "My lady, please grant me the grace to enter your palace." I started laughing "Accepted!" We were watching all night long till I fell asleep on your shoulder.
Even though you hated soaps, you watched every single episode with me. You don't minded. It was already enough for you to spend time with me. To be with me. But was that enough these days? How simple everything was back then. But we are not the little kids from back then anymore. We have grown to young adults. But have we also grown as a person? Or did we stand each other in the way? Prevent the growth of the other as a person? I bit my lips as realisation hit me. Maybe that was the problem. I opened my bag and pulled out a lipstick. I did not realize that I've been biting my lips all day. There were ripped slightly, but blood was not pouring out yet. I reapplied the lipstick, which made my lips look drier, but I cared less. I just wanted to get the evening over and cry myself to sleep. Family reunion with the Asakuras was not always easy for me. The Asakuras were a very upstanding family whose public performances were very important. His family has welcomed me with open arms, they always thought I would suit him perfectly. They knew that I would uphold their traditions. And that I would never disappoint or embarrass them. As much as this family had influence, was the pressure greater. I looked briefly at my reflection, put on some perfume and went back outside. As I sat back at the table, our eyes met briefly. Usually, he would flash me a smile and take my hand in his, or place a hand gently on my leg under the table out of the sight of the others. But today he did nothing. Even his smile was forced, while he was talking to others. "Anna dear.", Keiko ask. "When will you both give us grandchildren?"
My breath hitched and I could hear Yoh choking on his wine.
"But what are you talking about, Keiko? They are still young, give them time.", laughed Miki.
"I am still too young to be a grandpa!"
"Of course, but the clock is ticking Anna. Don't wait too long, dear.", she winked at me. I felt sick in the stomach. It was not like I don't wanted children, but at this circumstances...
Glancing at my husband and saw him watching me in the corner of his eyes. In all these years this was the first time I wasn't able to read him. What are you thinking, Yoh? God, I was tired of talking. Tired of this family reunion. How about we leave? He seemed to understand because he stood up.
"Anna is not feeling so well. Is it ok for us to leave?", he asked the elder ones. But before they could answer, he took hold of my hand and we left the restaurant. Hand in hand. When we stepped outside, seized by the cold I let go of his hand. This caused him to stop and he turned around, facing me.
He looked at me intensely but still didn't dare to speak. Instead he stepped forward and took off his Jacket and placed it gently on my shoulders. With his fingertips, he brushed the skin on my neck before he placed his hands on either side of my cheeks. Immediately I was embraced by the warmth that radiated from his hands. We haven't talked all day. I wanted to scream at him, to finally say something. I wanted to know what he was thinking. I wanted to tell him how much I hated him. But as his skin touched mine, I realized that I was missing him. I missed his touch. My heart was aching for him. I closed my eyes to memorise every little detail of this moment. His breath on my face. The smell of his aftershave. The sounds of traffic. The warmth of his hands. The softness of the fabric of his shirt between my fingers. It could be one of our last moments together.
„Anna.", he started and I swallowed down the imaginary knot in my throat. I loved how my name escaped his lips. Gently yet firm. My eyes lowered, I waited for him to the speak the words. The words I am too afraid to speak out loud.
„It's not working out."
This was the first time I have heard him say that. My heartbeat stopped and my breath hitched. I closed my eyes, in hope to escape the reality. Like a child who thinks a blanket over his head would save him from the monsters lurking under his bed. Even if we know there is no such thing. But in closing the eyes you start imagine things. And suddenly the sounds from under the bed become real.
„Let's go home.", He said and placed an arm gently around my shoulders before guiding me to our car. On the way home I was avoiding his glance, but I noticed that he was looking at me from time to time.
„I am going to take a shower, Anna.", he yawned as he stretched his limbs. Then without looking back, he walked away leaving me alone in the hallway.
What? First he confessed that things are not working out and now he is taking a shower like nothing happened? I clenched my fist and followed him. Without warning I opened the door. He already got rid of his shirt and his hands were on his belt, when I opened the slide door in one swift move. He paused and turned around facing me. Unintentionally, my eyes roamed over his wide strong shoulders, the bare chest and those defined abs. I licked my lips.
„Yoh, what is not working out?! You can't just say that and then act like nothing happened! Tell me. Do you want a divorce?! Do you want couple therapy?! Do you even want to talk about it?! Do you want to try again? Don't you love me anymore?! Tell me!" I have lost it. My voice was shaking and so quietly, I almost doubt that he heard what I said.
He stood there completely stunned. „Anna...", he started and took a step towards me. „what are you talking about? The stocks, we recently bought, are not working out. We will have to sell them.", he placed his hands on either side on my face. „Why do you think I want a divorce? And what makes you think that I am not in love with you anymore?"
„Then why do you avoid me all day?", I asked and tried to push him away, but he was stronger and caught my hands before pressing me against the wall with his right leg in between my legs.
„I just had al lot on my mind lately. I am sorry to have neglected you.", he apologized as he leaned down, closer to me. His scent intoxicated me and I felt how hot tears of anger, of despair, of pain and desire burning behind my closed eyelids.
I tried to remember when he last touched me, but I couldn't.
A tear escaped my eyes and he didn't hesitate to kiss it away. He placed gentle kisses on my eyes, my cheeks, my nose and at the corner of my lips whereupon my breath shuddered. Closer. I needed to feel him. I needed him. Now.
„I am so sorry.", he whispered into my neck. I pushed him away and slapped him.
„Shut up."
He staggered slightly and looked down at me dumbfounded. „I am tired of hearing sorry. So, shut up and kiss me."
A kinky smile played on the corner of his lips and without warning, he took hold of my wrists and in one swift motion my hands were pinned over my head. My back pressed against the cold tiles of the wall. His other arm around my waist and his legs in between mine. He pulled me close enough that every inch of my body came in scorching hot contact with his.
His lips found mine and he kissed me with a passion that took my breath away. The kind of kiss that fuses hungry souls together. It almost hurt when he let go of me. Nipping on my neck, he unbuttoned my blouse. As his eyes catch sight of my breast, he lost his patience and tore open my bra. I should have slapped him again for that, but the desire was greater and all I wanted was him to fuck me. My bra and blouse fell off my shoulders to the ground.
„It's been so long, Anna. I will not be able to hold back.", he growled as he embraced my breast with his hand and rubbed my nipple with his thumb. He made a tormented sound as he closed his mouth around the stiff, dark tip. „Neither do I.", I lost control and wanted to feel him so badly. And bent provocatively into his touch. I wrapped my legs around his waist whereupon he placed his hands under my ass to lift me up.
He let me feel his hot, pulsing erection through the layers of clothes. We were only inflamed skin and panting breath, without a thought of sense and logic. Whatever the problem was, I don't need anything I only need you.
I opened his belt and tugged at his zipper.
„Not yet.", he said as I reached for his boxer shorts. „First I want to taste you."
And without warning he lifted me up more and placed my legs on his shoulders. I lost my last inhibitions when Yoh shoved my slip sideways. His tongue slid between my slit and made its way to my clit. My thighs twitched. Then he closed his lips around the firm little bud and sucked on it in a rhythm. When the sweet sensations became too intense, he switched between licking and sucking. „Yoh.", I moaned and buried my fingers in his hair. I was so close. He let me down and slipped down my panties and skirt at once. I shoved my hand into his boxers and squeezed his cock.
„You shouldn't have done that.", he growled and in one quick powerful thrust, he pushed all of him in me. The desire of pleasure overwhelmed me with unbridled power. I clung to him, unable to suppress a lustful cry as hot waves of electrical ecstasy ran through me. Digging my nails into his back as I came in violent twitches.
„Again.", he demanded as I tried to catch my breath. „This Time together."
He fell into a relentless, masterful rhythm and our bodies moved in perfect harmony. With every thrust I pushed my hips towards him. His thrust became harder and more demanding and as the climax overwhelmed us, I opened my eyes. In the moment our eyes met, we exchanged passionate feelings in one single glance. My heart wanted to jump out of my chest. How could I had any doubts over this man? „I love you.", I breathed against his lips. „I love you too, Anna.", he smiled and kissed me gently.