Run. Remember. Nightmare. Hide.
No matter what I do I cannot forget the horrors from the wars I've helped in. Every single one has evolved to a new and exciting way to kill each other. Your enemies are the ones your 'bosses' tell you who they are and why they're your enemies. But since the soldiers do as they are told innocent lives are either destroyed or lost because I did what I did as a soldier, my memories resurface every anniversary. The nightmares remain for many countless nights after.
Because I am a soldier who has done what he was ordered to, I have lost my humanity.
The memories of holding my comrades as they bleed to death in my arms, the always lingering smell of burning flesh from our bombs, seeing the whites of my teenaged opponents' eyes as their final breaths left their bodies, tasting the sulfur on my tongue every single time I fired my rifle. Always hearing the screams and cries for missing loved ones when a silence finally falls over the never ending battles in my head. No matter what I do the memories are always floating in my mind.
I cannot forget my memories. Each one I have done in ignorance has been craved into my chest….over and over again.
Protect. Cry. Laughter. Harm.
I thought I was doing the right thing every time I have taken hold of my gun but in reality I was destroying the dreams of countries I have never met. I crushed their people, telling them by my actions they were…are useless; that all their plans, hopes, everything they stand for means nothing.
How can I look in to the mirror knowing I have destroyed so many lives with the simplest decisions? Decisions I have made never knowing the full situation.
I can't stand this!
My realizations have made me think…
How can I call myself a hero after I discovered I am history's most notorious villain?