A/N

Hi. Welcome to the Start of TWTFATRTR or The Way To Forget and The Reason To Remember. This started out as a oneshot but stupidly I continued it. I am HORRIBLE at finishing stories so you should know that as of right now I only have a chapter and a half left to write. This story should end up at around 8 or 9 chapters by the end, all around this size. (Hey, be happy I'm trying to finish this) Anywho. I should update every week or every other week on Tuesdays. I will always update on Tuesdays. (unless I accidentally forget ) ENJOY AND REVIEW PLEASE!

NearXMello
The way to forget and the reason to remember
Near's POV

I walked down the hallway quietly. Never making a single sound. I bit my lip, trying to keep the tears from streaking down my face. I would not let him see how much he hurt me every day. I was the emotionless one...the quiet one...THE one...the successor to the great L. But none of that mattered to me. All that mattered to me was him.
The way his blonde hair fell across his face. The way his striking blue eyes could strike fear into your heart at just one glance. The way he tried to pretend like he hated him...
I shook my head. Who was I kidding? He did hate me. He always would.
But I would always love him. No matter what.
I glanced down at my wrist, ever so slightly pulling up my sleeve to get a glance at the many scars littered across my pale arm. One for every time he hurt me. Soon there would be one more.
I looked up and stopped, realizing I was at my room already. Gently I pushed open the cold wooden door to room 14. N's room. My room.
Turing around I made sure to lock the door. I wasn't sure if I wanted someone to find me or not...then again I never truly was sure. There's something about knowing that someone cares enough to try and keep you from hurting yourself. But there's the fear of someone stopping you. Taking away your only way to forget.
Slumping down in the back corner of my room I turned to grab the knife out of my closest. I held it in my lap for a moment...thinking again of why I was here, back in my corner with a knife in my hands.

"You'll never do anything right sheep. All you can do is solve puzzles! Your just a coward. Go ahead. Run and hide!" I stood there shaking in the rain as Mello taunted me. My white clothes turned almost see through as they clung to my sides. I could see the rage in his eyes as he started for me. I wasn't too scared. He had down this before a thousand times. But this time was special. L chose me today. He found out I was first. That he was second. And always had been.
"If you're so special, stand and fight!" He knew I couldn't. He was going to kill me. I could feel it as I stood there, the thunder getting closer and closer. Almost mimicking Mello's anger. Getting louder and more fierce.
I cowered as Mello ran towards me. I felt as he hit me again and again. I could barely hear him yelling at me over my screams of pain.
He had been smart to come after me when there was a thunderstorm. Or had it been luck? Who knows. I don't know how long he had attacked me. The next thing I knew I woke up slumped beneath a tree outside. Bruises covered every inch of my skin; I had had to limp inside.

It took a few weeks for the bruises to heal. I knew I had to wait for that before I could continue my tradition.
The tears now fell freely. The memory hitting me full force. I squeezed my eyes shut and winced at the metal torn through skin. Sighing in relief as the blood flowed down my arm. The pain. The wondrous pain that made me forget. I didn't ignore it, I embraced it. Welcomed it.
What I didn't welcome was the knock at the door. "Near! Open the door. Please..." I knew the begging could never come from Mello. I had never once heard Mello beg for anything. "It's me. Matt." I stood up slowly, wobbling, dizzy from blood loss. Fumbling slightly I managed to open the door a crack, forgetting I still had tears streaking down my pale cheeks. Matt gasped quietly and forced his way in, shutting the door behind him.
"Near...not again...you said you had stopped cutting!" I stared at him with expressionless eyes, well aware now that tears still fell down my cheeks. He wasn't concerned at all about the tears though.
"Come here. Sit." The red head gently pushes me down onto my bed. Pulling my blood soaked shirt off me, tearing
it into strips and wrapping them tightly around the still bleeding wound.
"Stay." From the furious look in his eyes I decided it would be best to listen to him. I watched as he stalked out of the room. All but slamming the door behind him. I listened as his running footsteps faded down the hall.
The torn shirt still lay on the floor. It's strip tied tightly around my arm, already soaking with blood. I glanced up at the door, the sounds of running and dragging mixed with arguing reached my ears. It was hard to keep my expressionless look as Mello himself was dragged into my room. Matt threw him down and pointed angrily at me. "Look a wha' you've done Mell!" When Matt was angry his British accent usual started to show more vividly. "He just abou' cut off his arm this time! And it's all your fault!" I could see the anger start to fade from Mello's eyes as he looked at me. Truly looked at me. The small white child, pain and fear plainly in my vibrant silver blue eyes. The blood soaking though the torn shirt tied around my wrist. Mello stood up and slowly walked towards me. I flinched and scooted back into my corner. "I...I won't hurt you Near..."
It must have been obvious I didn't believe him because he started to cry. I blinked and looked at him In shock. Cry! Mello! It was unthinkable! Yet here he was in front of me. Practically sobbing.
Matt backed out of the room; satisfied that Mello wouldn't hurt me.
"Near...I'm so sorry...I...I was so scared...I started to like you more and more and I..." his head fell down in shame, his sobs ripping through his weakened body violently. "I didn't know what to do. Nothing made sense anymore...my head was saying I was stupid and wrong but...my heart knew...it always knew...that I loved you..."
I was almost afraid to believe him. Could this somehow be a trick? Was Mello just trying to hurt me again? But his tears...the pain and fear in HIS eyes...it had to be true...Mello...MY MELLO loved me...
Biting back my fear I slowly crawled forward to him. Lifting up his chin gently to look him in his beautiful blue eyes. "I love you too Mello." I leaned forward before I lost my courage and gently kissed the blonde. He wrapped his arms around me and held me like I had always dreamed he would.
I knew then that everything would be okay. I would always be okay if I was in Mello's arms.