The wall exploded. Laughter, maniacal laughter. From the ashes he came through, still laughing, with a big and wicked smile on his red lips, a gun on his right hand, and a bag of homemade bombs in his left one, the Joker.
"You should have searched in all the orifices!" He said.
He walked through the darkened hallways of the Elizabeth Arkham Asylum for the Criminally Insane, his steps echoed through the unsanitary and desolate walls, until another wall poised itself in front of him, blocking his way. Unfazed by it, the Joker searched in the bag without letting go of the gun, then joyfully threw another bomb at the obstacle, smashing it down whole.
"That's what I call a shattering evacuation," the joker said before crossing through the destruction.
He then stepped into what turned out to be another block of holding cells, which was mostly empty, except for one presence he could feel. The noise of the crumbling wall disappeared, and the pitch black darkness added to the absolute silence made for an agonizingly asphyxiating atmosphere. He psychically located the presence at the farthest corner from him, to his right, on the concrete calaboose. All the noise he had made didn't make a difference to the inmate, who didn't bother to make his presence known. This enticed the joker's curiosity and, once his sight adjusted to the blackness, he went to take a look. Right in front of the simple cell with bars, most commonly found in any other regular prison, certainly not in Arkham as it couldn't contain most of the freaks they had in there, the Joker found more black, and nothing else; he couldn't see the person inside as he or she was covered in shadows.
"Knock, knock, the milkman is here!" The joker shouted,
"go away," he heard back a nasal voice,
"no, and don't tell me who you are yet, let's see, it has to be someone puny, not the riddler, not the scarecrow, not the penguin, not even the calendar man, I'm sorry but I'm afraid I don't remember your voice, can you give me another clue?"
Jervis Tetch, aka the mad hatter, stepped where he could be seen, then walked all the way to the front of the cell where only the prison bars separated him from the Joker. He looked as tired as his eyes, that was, very tired. And part of that fatigue stemmed from the tragedy that was losing his hat, his most priced possession; without it he was nothing. There was nothing covering his badly trimmed hair badly styled slicked back, although he was wearing the rest of his green outfit, just like the Joker was wearing his purple suit, they looked like two peculiarly dapper gents confronting each other.
"I told you not to tell me yet! You've ruined the game," the Joker said,
"I'm sorry," Jervis replied,
"no worries, we can play another game, it's called get out of Arkham and rob a casino dressed as nuns then threaten to blow up a hospital but don't actually do it and blow up the town hall instead, are you in?"
"no thank you, I'd rather stay here, you should leave now before the guards surround you,"
"you look sad you old chap, what's gotten you down?"
"...I'm tired of looking for my Alice, and even if I still had energy I'd still need my hat to just speak to them, without it I am hopeless,"
"well look at you, who would've thought that was the problem? You dog, don't worry, with my help you won't need your hat to talk to the ladies, they don't call me Mr. J for nothing, do you know what the J stands for?"
"Joker?"
"Well, yes, but sometimes it also stands for Juicy, and you know why, don't you?"
"Because of something salacious?"
"You bet,"
"...regardless, I'm good thanks", Jervis finalized rather cuttingly, and the Joker looked at him with a tired pair of eyes, as if Jervis had passed some of his sadness to him,
"whatever, say goodbye to your blue balls for me."
The Joker left Jervis alone in the dark again, and just a few seconds later a squad of heavily armed guards walked in. Jervis boringly raised his hands behind bars and waited for the guards to shock the hell out of him with their hellish tasers, as it was the usual habit for them, however this time they ignored him and left for the Joker's trail. Jervis laughed quietly, then out loud. They had shocked him so many times before, certainly every single time they had visited him, and now that they had failed to do so he was left feeling like his day was incomplete. It didn't matter that the pain was always the same, and that it hurt like hell, he was almost hoping they came back just to shock him. But it didn't matter, what was the point?
Time passed, more explosions and faint laughs from afar. Jervis stood in the middle of his cell with his sight lost, not moving a voluntary muscle. He wished for the day to end, but he didn't want to do anything to distract himself from the slow passage of time; he couldn't be bothered to waste himself away, neither imagining crazy scenarios of him prancing on a field filled with green, as his love gazed at him from afar, nor reading the only book he was allowed to have, the book that realized him.
Then out of nowhere the Joker walked in front of his cell again, carrying Jervis' hat with him,
"Christmas came early for you Jervis," he said, "now step out of the way,"
"why did you come back?" Jervis replied quite confused,
"oh you know just helping a friend, well no, an acquaintance, barely, colleague maybe?"
"You should have left by now, you are putting your chances of escape in jeopardy for this,"
"that's fine I'll do it again later if they catch me, besides I always wanted to meet Alex Trebek, don't worry, when I'm done with you you won't need to use your mind controlling hat to make the ladies fall for you, you'll be doing that just with your sesquipedalian loquaciousness."
Jervis couldn't help but get a bit excited at the prospect of getting his hat back, and being free again, but he also had to admit to himself how interesting he found the Joker's proposition to be; there was no way he could ever talk to the ladies without his hat, but there was no fault in trying.
"Okay!" Jervis replied expressing more enthusiasm than he probably intended,
"perfect, step out of the way sugar", Joker said right before blowing Jervis' cell open and freeing him. Once out, the Joker handed him his hat and Jervis wasted no time to put it on with a smile on his face, and then he felt complete, just like his outfit.
"Just one thing," the Joker added,
"what's that?"
"I wouldn't take it off if I were you,"
"why not?"
"I put a bomb in there, which will activate immediately after you take it off,"
"you are joking,"
"I am, always, but the part about the bomb is actually true,"
"why'd you do that?!"
"Why not?"
The Joker ran outside of the building and Jervis had no choice but to follow him, not sure if he had just made a rather grave mistake or the single worst decision of his life.
"Where are we going?"
"You'll see",
"those bombs can't last you forever",
"well you can help me save some of them by using your stupid hat".
Jervis felt surrounded, it had happened many times before, enough times for him to develop a sharp and reliable instinct. Many steps became apparent and got progressively louder, if they didn't act fast they'd be caught in no time. Their situation only grew worse when the Joker led the two of them to a hallway with no end, where they were trapped between three walls of concrete and a wall of human vessels full of hate for the peculiarly wicked pair; the Joker had done the guards' job for them. But when the guards finally appeared before them there were only ten of them, and Jervis felt an instant relief, it was a piece of cake. He reached into the back of his hat's bond, then he smiled, then he threw a pack of cards right at the guards' heads with perfect dexterity, a remarkable ability acquired through countless hours of practice. Suddenly all of the guards lowered their weapons and stopped approaching their targets, instead each and everyone of them started walking into the wall to their right, and continued doing so after crashing every time.
Jervis then turned to the Joker as if he weren't controlling ten people with his mind, and the Joker gave him thumbs up before throwing another bomb at the wall behind them, shattering it completely. Then he and Jervis walked through the wall and arrived at another cell, where a body shied away from them.
"Whos there? There's nothing here for you, leave!" The inmate already inside cried out.
The smoke dissipated and Jervis was able to notice him, a man wearing dirty brown rags and a paper bag over his head, with holes carved out for his eyes,
"who are you?" Jervis asked,
"are you joking?" The inmate asked him back genuinely offended,
"this brilliant man here", the Joker intervened, "is no one else but Dr. Jonathan Crane himself, aka The Scarecrow,"
"why are you wearing a paper bag over your face?" Jervis asked,
"it's mainly a fashion choice, since I'm not allowed to wear my precious mask but I still would rather keep my face covered, I'm used to it, it's what suits me,"
"see Jervis, this is what I'm talking about, an expert in the human mind like Jonathan knows exactly who he is and what suits a... man like him, a bag over his head," the Joker said, "therefore as he is so sure of himself, someone like him doesn't have trouble talking to the ladies, and keeping his face covered only increases his chances to score, this man is truly a genius,"
"exactly! Thanks man...wait what?"
"so this is your brilliant idea!?" Jervis asked rather incensed, "to take me to a disgraced, deviant, psychopathic psychologist to diagnose me?"
"disgraced? I'm quite successful what are you talking about?! Have you ever heard of anyone else who can scare people to death? I don't think so," Jonathan quickly protested,
"do you still have your title?
"Well no, no they revoked it from me years ago, long, long ago,"
"besides," the Joker continued, "you've got it all wrong Jervis, this isn't to diagnose you or examine you in any way, we just want to help you come out of your shell, but I'm definitely going to need a scientist, even if it's a disgraced one, to have a fruitful and healing conversation with someone as troubled as you,"
"speak for yourself," Jervis replied, "what's more, you are telling me to come out of my shell, but if turtles left their shells they'd die, so that analogy is wrong, pointless and stupid, and this was a really, really stupid idea,"
"come on Jervis we'll have fun, let's just chat a bit, we're your friends,"
"I really hate the both of you and I sincerely hope you die," Jonathan intervened,
"see, and that's coming from your second best friend,"
"how is having a chat going to help me talk to women?"
"it's not just about having a chat, but what kind of chat we would have,"
"what the hell are you talking about?"
"Roleplay!" The Joker exclaimed enthusiastically, "it's what me and Harley do sometimes if we want to spice things up in the bedroom, I'll pretend to be someone like John Douglass, accountant for a non profit, and she'll pretend to be, a horse,"
"can I be the rug? Or the ground?" Jonathan intervened again, "or anything that you can step on like you are stepping on my chances for early release,"
"when is the earliest you can leave?" Jervis asked him,
"I think in 725 years or something like that, honestly I've lost count, and it's definitely more now that you are here, I'm an accomplice now, thank you,"
"regardless of that, I'm sorry but I don't want to pretend to be a horse under any circumstance,"
"you don't have to pretend to be anyone else Jervis, you'll be yourself," the Joker continued, "however Jonathan here will pretend he's a lovely lady named…,"