I wanted to cry.
But I knew I wouldn't be able to. I wasn't really sad. I should be, but I wasn't. The truth is, this has been and will always be one of the most satisfying relationships I have ever had. I was taken care of and felt loved. I was happy. Breaking up with John Carter tonight was the right thing to do. I knew it and he knew it; we had just lost that connection we had in the beginning and eventually it would have hurt both of us to stay together. The break- up was my idea. I keep thinking I was being a coward, that I couldn't manage an intimate relationship with somebody for over 6 months and maybe that is the truth but then again, what's the point in being with somebody if you can no longer tell them exactly what you are feeling?
***
"Abby, I'm so sorry."
This has got to be the most annoying part of breaking up with somebody you work with-news travels fast and the pitiful looks and 'caring' sorrys always ensues. I turn around to see it's Susan, even though I recognized her voice, it couldn't quite compute in my mind.
"Oh no, its fine. Really. It just didn't work out." I reply, sadness suddenly sweeping over me.
"That's why I'm surprised. I thought you and Carter were a match made in heaven, heck, I gave him up for you," Susan joked with a slight grin on her face, "I know you're probably going to be bugged a lot throughout the day but if you need to talk to me."
I give a small smile, "Thanks. That means a lot."
Suddenly Chuny rushes in and calls to Susan in a rush, "Dr. Lewis. They need you; 4 year-old boy, found in his neighbour's backyard pool, unconscious."
"Oh jeez. Abby I'm sorry, I'll talk to you later!" Susan shouts as she runs out of the lounge.
I sigh inwardly. One down, a million more confrontations to go.
***
I walk out of the lounge to find chaos awaiting me. But even before I could process what to do next, I get handed a clipboard with instructions from Kerry to check the patient in Exam 4.
The day passes by somewhat uneventfully until at exactly 5:15 that afternoon. Trauma with multiple victims and they need help in the emergency room. And whom should I happen to bump into? The exact person I was trying so hard to avoid, of course. John Carter.
"Hello," I greet him unsurely, as I don't know exactly what his take was in this whole situation. He has undoubtedly been bothered just as much as I have been today because he answers with a somewhat disgruntled and low, "Hi."
Throughout my entire assist I tried my best to avoid his eyes, only listening and following his orders and commands. It wasn't as hard as I thought it would be; there was so much movement and noise in the room I probably would have succeeded even if I weren't trying.
~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~
Why does she have to be so charming and lovable? She used to fit so comfortably in my arms, wrapped in my warmth. Why couldn't today be like yesterday? In my heart, I knew why. I say that I would like today to be yesterday, but the truth is, yesterday wasn't even that great. Nor was the day before that, or the day before that. The truth is, we've lost our fire and the candle we held between us was starting to flicker. If Abby hadn't done what she had done, we wouldn't have been able to rekindle what we had before.
God, I missed her. Not in the way you might think though. I miss her comfort and her care and her love; but most of all, I just miss her friendship. And I missed our bond. I vowed to make everything better. tomorrow.
~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~
Finally. A new day. I woke up thinking that today will be full of the same little mortifications as yesterday brought but as I got ready for my shift I somehow got the feeling that today would be different. Much time seemed to have elapsed between 12 measly hours but still, I felt a sort of renewal, kind of how nature feels like after a gentle spring rain shower.
***
"Oh Abby, you're here, good. I need help with a patient," I vaguely hear Elizabeth calling to me, just as I finished getting my stuff and pushing my way out of the lounge.
"I'll be right there," I answer, walking into reception. I spot Carter and give him a sideways glance, knowing he saw me as well. Much to my surprise, he walks towards me and mutters, almost in a whisper, "We need to talk, later, after our shifts, meet me at Doc Magoo's, ok?"
I nod slightly; well aware of the looks we were getting from the others. I had no idea what it was that Carter wanted to talk about but I knew we couldn't carry on the way we had and I was glad for this open invitation, just so we could get some things out in the open.
***
"Hi Carter," I say hesitantly, as I sit down across from him in the booth. I had entered the diner and found that he had arrived before me.
He looks up from the tabletop replying with a simple nod, "Abby."
"How was your shift?" I ask, trying to make some small talk to break the ice.
"The normal. People come in. We save some, we lose some," he responds with a serious tone.
I nod calmly and wait while he collects his thoughts and cuts to the chase.
"Abby," he sighs as he says my name for the second time in less than 5 minutes, "Do you know why I wanted to see you today?"
I look at him, even though he doesn't meet my gaze, "It probably has something to do with the fact that things have been less than normal between us, right?"
He looks up at me, and this time, I don't meet his gaze, "Yeah, and, I don't know, I guess I just wanted to talk to you," he pauses. "I missed you."
Our eyes meet and a wave of hope washes over me, "I missed you too." Maybe now, we can finally begin to regain a little bit of what we had lost.
- - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - -
I have some ideas to continue with this story but I don't know if I should. Therefore please review and tell me what you think; either 'this story sucks, stop here' or if you want me to continue onto another chapter. :D I appreciate all reviews! Thanks!
But I knew I wouldn't be able to. I wasn't really sad. I should be, but I wasn't. The truth is, this has been and will always be one of the most satisfying relationships I have ever had. I was taken care of and felt loved. I was happy. Breaking up with John Carter tonight was the right thing to do. I knew it and he knew it; we had just lost that connection we had in the beginning and eventually it would have hurt both of us to stay together. The break- up was my idea. I keep thinking I was being a coward, that I couldn't manage an intimate relationship with somebody for over 6 months and maybe that is the truth but then again, what's the point in being with somebody if you can no longer tell them exactly what you are feeling?
***
"Abby, I'm so sorry."
This has got to be the most annoying part of breaking up with somebody you work with-news travels fast and the pitiful looks and 'caring' sorrys always ensues. I turn around to see it's Susan, even though I recognized her voice, it couldn't quite compute in my mind.
"Oh no, its fine. Really. It just didn't work out." I reply, sadness suddenly sweeping over me.
"That's why I'm surprised. I thought you and Carter were a match made in heaven, heck, I gave him up for you," Susan joked with a slight grin on her face, "I know you're probably going to be bugged a lot throughout the day but if you need to talk to me."
I give a small smile, "Thanks. That means a lot."
Suddenly Chuny rushes in and calls to Susan in a rush, "Dr. Lewis. They need you; 4 year-old boy, found in his neighbour's backyard pool, unconscious."
"Oh jeez. Abby I'm sorry, I'll talk to you later!" Susan shouts as she runs out of the lounge.
I sigh inwardly. One down, a million more confrontations to go.
***
I walk out of the lounge to find chaos awaiting me. But even before I could process what to do next, I get handed a clipboard with instructions from Kerry to check the patient in Exam 4.
The day passes by somewhat uneventfully until at exactly 5:15 that afternoon. Trauma with multiple victims and they need help in the emergency room. And whom should I happen to bump into? The exact person I was trying so hard to avoid, of course. John Carter.
"Hello," I greet him unsurely, as I don't know exactly what his take was in this whole situation. He has undoubtedly been bothered just as much as I have been today because he answers with a somewhat disgruntled and low, "Hi."
Throughout my entire assist I tried my best to avoid his eyes, only listening and following his orders and commands. It wasn't as hard as I thought it would be; there was so much movement and noise in the room I probably would have succeeded even if I weren't trying.
~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~
Why does she have to be so charming and lovable? She used to fit so comfortably in my arms, wrapped in my warmth. Why couldn't today be like yesterday? In my heart, I knew why. I say that I would like today to be yesterday, but the truth is, yesterday wasn't even that great. Nor was the day before that, or the day before that. The truth is, we've lost our fire and the candle we held between us was starting to flicker. If Abby hadn't done what she had done, we wouldn't have been able to rekindle what we had before.
God, I missed her. Not in the way you might think though. I miss her comfort and her care and her love; but most of all, I just miss her friendship. And I missed our bond. I vowed to make everything better. tomorrow.
~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~
Finally. A new day. I woke up thinking that today will be full of the same little mortifications as yesterday brought but as I got ready for my shift I somehow got the feeling that today would be different. Much time seemed to have elapsed between 12 measly hours but still, I felt a sort of renewal, kind of how nature feels like after a gentle spring rain shower.
***
"Oh Abby, you're here, good. I need help with a patient," I vaguely hear Elizabeth calling to me, just as I finished getting my stuff and pushing my way out of the lounge.
"I'll be right there," I answer, walking into reception. I spot Carter and give him a sideways glance, knowing he saw me as well. Much to my surprise, he walks towards me and mutters, almost in a whisper, "We need to talk, later, after our shifts, meet me at Doc Magoo's, ok?"
I nod slightly; well aware of the looks we were getting from the others. I had no idea what it was that Carter wanted to talk about but I knew we couldn't carry on the way we had and I was glad for this open invitation, just so we could get some things out in the open.
***
"Hi Carter," I say hesitantly, as I sit down across from him in the booth. I had entered the diner and found that he had arrived before me.
He looks up from the tabletop replying with a simple nod, "Abby."
"How was your shift?" I ask, trying to make some small talk to break the ice.
"The normal. People come in. We save some, we lose some," he responds with a serious tone.
I nod calmly and wait while he collects his thoughts and cuts to the chase.
"Abby," he sighs as he says my name for the second time in less than 5 minutes, "Do you know why I wanted to see you today?"
I look at him, even though he doesn't meet my gaze, "It probably has something to do with the fact that things have been less than normal between us, right?"
He looks up at me, and this time, I don't meet his gaze, "Yeah, and, I don't know, I guess I just wanted to talk to you," he pauses. "I missed you."
Our eyes meet and a wave of hope washes over me, "I missed you too." Maybe now, we can finally begin to regain a little bit of what we had lost.
- - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - -
I have some ideas to continue with this story but I don't know if I should. Therefore please review and tell me what you think; either 'this story sucks, stop here' or if you want me to continue onto another chapter. :D I appreciate all reviews! Thanks!