So…this took ages. ( Heavily inspired by Arctic Monkeys song "Do I Want to Know." ) I started writing this with the episode "A Beautiful Disaster" in mind, so spoilers for episode 11x18. Also spoilers for Star Wars the Force Awakens? This is my farewell to the greatest theoretically possible/ probable gay couple on TV. Long live Sperek/ Moreid. Love to everyone that still believes.

You know the drill, Reid/ Review/ Enjoy. :D

"So Pretty Boy, what do you think about Poe and the Storm Trooper?" Derek comes back from your kitchen with two more beer bottles in hand.

You tuck your feet into the couch cushions; your fingers curling loosely around the beer bottle offered to you. He plops down beside you, his thigh pressing against your knee as you both settle back into the movie.

Derek pops his open and takes a sip; a lopsided smile tugging at his lips.

"What'd you mean?" You ask; stomach flipping as he nudges you with his shoulder, his eyebrows raising.

"Finn and Poe- space boyfriends." Derek nods at his own words.

You can feel your face heat up, laughter bubbling in your chest. Giggles escape, your face deciding to blossom into scarlet as Derek claps you on the shoulder, the callouses on his hand rubbing gently on the nape of your neck.

You miss this, television rolling on as Star Wars plays. Movie nights are coming few and far between with Derek…gone.

Starting a whole 'nother life with a wife and baby.

Your mind is pinging with the want to go into an epic rant on the homosexual subtext running rampant in modern media; the notion of Poe Dameron the Lothario and the inexperienced Finn both being queer and in love with each other would be groundbreaking.

Instead you go with— "They kind of put me in the mind of you and I."

"What are you saying, pretty boy?" Derek sits his beer bottle on the coffee table, turning his full attention on you. Fuck.

You try to remain calm; any sudden movements, any break in your façade and Derek won't stop digging until he finds the truth.

You are accustomed to lying to hide. Used to the slight of hand to conceal your emotions.

It doesn't work on Derek; you wish it did.

You slowly look at Derek, and you feel the blush creep higher. And damned if you don't feel Derek's gaze sweep over your face, his eyes narrowed. You can practically see the realization slip into place for Derek; his eyes going wide in a sort of shock.

And there goes your friendship.

"Spencer?"

First name too…you're screwed.

"Hm?" You try to feign calm and ignorance.

"Reid?" Derek sighs, shoulders sagging as he stares you down.

You should have told him when you had the chance. Now there is a wife and a baby to consider. There's no way you'd step between Derek and his chance at happiness now.

You had a lifetime of forever's to confess. Now those forever's are gone.

"Why didn't you tell me?" Derek's voice is thin and worn.

"Because there was no reason to." You fidget with the bottle in your hand. You wish you were drunker for this.

"Want another one?" You tilt your beer bottle at him, and he frowns.

"No. And you don't want one either. You're just stalling." He says. Your throat squeezes tight as he touches your wrist. You're no blushing maiden, it's just…he has to know what he's doing. What effect he has on people.

"I want plausible deniability in the morning." You try and joke. Derek huffs out a laugh.

"Sorry kid," he shrugs. "If you want to be off your head for this, who am I to stop you? But knowing you, you'd still remember this whole conversation word for word and have a hangover out of this world too." He says.

Knowing him he's right.

You pick at the label on your beer bottle. Your body feels heavy as you try to summon the words to say.

"Whenever I would work up the courage to tell you that I had…feelings for you it would never be the right time. Either I was physically compromised or mentally and emotionally stressed to the point that I was broken. Or you'd be dating someone… Or going through a crisis your self. It was just…I didn't want to mess up the one relationship I could make work, even if it was just a friendship."

Your throat is dry. Raising the bottle to your lips, you take the last pull before setting it down on the table.

"And you're married now, and have a beautiful baby boy…and I would never try to come between your dream of a normal family. I just…I just want the feelings to go away."

You look up to find Derek scowling. His body stock still as he glares past your shoulder.

"How long?" Derek's voice comes out jagged.

"I'm not"—

"Don't you dare lie to me Reid."

"Um…the case in Seattle. Timothy Vogel…I knew I was attracted to you then…but the big shift when I knew it was more than a crush… the hostage situation in Houston." You stare at your hands. It's been a long time coming.

"Damn, kid. I can't believe this. That case in Houston and that goddamned vest." Derek laughs. "I knew in my heart then that something was up. Just didn't want to admit it to myself. Hankel is when I couldn't lie to myself anymore." Derek sniffs; you curse internally.

"Eleven years between us." Your throat is tight with regret. " If we weren't so stubborn, so…us…we could have had a chance?" Your chest aches with each breath you drag in and out.

"Possibly." Derek's voice is small.

"Do you know how many times I wanted to pull you in my arms and kiss you." Derek says, voice filled with longing. " How many times I just wanted to breathe you in?"

His gaze open and honest, trained on you.

"I dream of you…sometimes the looks you would give me…makes me want to do things I never knew I could want…fuck." Derek's voice his heavy.

He's murdering you. Pressing a knife to the hilt and twisting.

It's not his fault.

"It was always you." Derek raises a hand to his eyes, scrubbing at the wetness forming there. "I just…I just wish I realized it sooner."

" I guess we're both too good at keeping secrets." You say, giving him a tight-lipped smile.

" I was too busy being yours to really fall for someone new." You laugh, covering a sob begging to escape. "I tried though." You shrug.

You both sit in relative silence, the movie background noise.

You close your eyes as Derek takes your hand, laces his fingers with yours and squeezes. You do the same.

He shifts, and you feel his lips press against your temple. Your heart breaks just a little more.

" I love you, Spencer Reid." Derek's voice broken. You open your eyes.

" I'll miss you, Derek Morgan."

A/N: Whelp, my head hurts, my heart hurts, and I don't know what I'm going to do without our Derek Morgan. This couple has been the love of my life for the past eleven years. They were my first slash couple. They opened my eyes to gay subtext and I'll always love them. *sigh*

Well, let me know what you think. Thanks for sticking with me to the end.