A short note:
This story is fitted in an unknown timeframe for the manga/anime as I am lazy to research deeper. It should be before they went to fetch Gaara as here Tobi is not yet part of Akatsuki, Sasori is still alive, and Sai has not yet joined Team Kakashi/Yamato/NewTeam7/Whysomuchnames!.
Thank you for your time spent in reading this explanation.
"Surely, Itachi-san, there must be a faster way for us to get to the entrance" Hoshigaki Kisame frowned. "This climbing is getting annoying."
"We've been walking on this path for no more than half an hour," Uchiha Itachi said, voice cool, stepping forward on the dry, dusty and rocky forest path.
Kisame opened his mouth to protest – white, sharp teeth flashed under the hot sun – and then closed it. Both men kept the pace between each other for a few more minutes.
This section of the forest had suffered a fire and all the trees were dry and charred. The broad-brimmed hats the two men wore were offering a pathetic protection against the light and heat, and that, mixed with the no-trees issue, had gotten the Mist shinobi annoyed. But he could not convey again as it would be pointless to argue with the ice logic of an Uchiha.
If only there was real ice, thought Kisame to himself.
There was no wind as well and the tall man was sweating under his black robe, marked with red clouds.
"We've reached the live forest at last," Itachi's level words were music to his ears. "Hurry up, Kisame, the climb is not over yet."
It took them around an hour to find the cave complex that served as the Akatsuki hideout in the region. Its entrance was carved skillfully under a boulder and the living compartments went deep into the mountain core.
The Uchiha man did a series of seals and then the stone doors opened by themselves, shrieking in protest. A wave of cold air hit the shark-like man in the face like a wall of relief. Then they entered.
There was light, Itachi could see, coming from a few lit torches. Usually the entrance's ones had a special seal to keep their flame at all times.
"Someone was here recently," he informed his partner.
"Look, Itachi-san, even I know about the seals," the taller man said, shaking his head as if the Uchiha was not thinking properly or maybe was mocking him, but that was not typical of him.
Itachi user said nothing, but moved with caution. As they went down the corridor and entered a smaller door they gazed upon a vast hall where all torches were alive with fire and even a candle lamp was lit. The Sharingan possessor carefully observed the surroundings. Then he chose a door and, followed by the other, went into a room that should have been a big kitchen. It was all in light.
"I think your previous statement was correct and someone was here recently" a mildly ashamed Kisame admitted.
"How observant of you."
"Look Itachi-san , I'll admit your skills anytime, but it was the damn heat that had me off-guard!"
"No need to apologize, Kisame."
"So who else could have been here then?" The man slippery replied.
"Maybe the Leader sent someone else, from the Organization, on a different task not long ago," The Uchiha assumed, looking around, his red eyes fixing on every detail.
"They sure made a mess out of it."
The room was quite a mess indeed. Everything was scattered in pieces, the walls had black markings on them, and the wood was burnt… As if there had been an explosion inside the cave complex.
"Can you move any slower, Master Sasori?" Deidara was leaning on a nearby tree, finding shelter under its branches.
"Can you keep your mouth shut for at least 5 minutes?" Came the sharp reply.
"But if I do that you could actually speed up…hmm!"
"Always the smart-ass, aren't you?" the voice of Sasori was a bit robotic, his crunched figure moving with the motion of a old lady, or so Deidara thought.
"That is so kind of you to say," the blond man rolled his eyes.
"Should I remind you that we are here because of your stupidity, Deidara?"
"I don't understand how this was my fault!" He shifted from the tree, waving his hands defensively in front of him. "I just wanted to make a few arrangements in the furniture."
"By blowing them up?" Sasori's thin eyebrow moved up as in disbelief and that, in addition of his mask, gave him an even weirder look.
"This is how my art works, Master Sasori," the other man said, smirking.
"Why would simple chairs had do suffer your art, I wonder!"
"What a bunch of assholes!"
"Shut your trap."
"Why, are you afraid someone else will attack us?"
"I told you to keep quiet."
"I can't be silent when I am enraged!"
"Stop slavering yourself."
Both men, dressed in black cloaks with red clouds stood in front of each other, desperately wanting to kill the other. As there would be no point in it, they both gave up.
"Let's go, Hidan, we're late already," the first man, the one with the mask beckoned.
"I wonder why that is, Kakuzu…" The second man had silver hair and weird triple-bladed scythe. "It can't be because of the people in that place that we just left, I would like to see those fucktards hanging on my scythe!"
"Stop ranting about that!"
"You should have let me kill them, for Lord Jashin!" Hidan insisted for the 10th time.
"I need them alive to get more money from them, moron."
"You are a greedy bastard, Kakuzu."
"Shut up."
"Make me!"
"We're near so quit jabbing, we have to be silent." His calm voice faded between the trees as they climbed higher into the mountain.
"Itachi-san, I can hear footsteps," Kisame noted, but it was too late as the Uchiha had already left the room and was standing in the corridor.
"Let's find out what's going on, but be cautions, Kisame."
"Okay."
They moved with great speed and were about to take cover when they heard familiar voices.
"I told you to be silent. Do you understand what this word means, Hidan? Do you?"
"I understand well enough, but I am not obliged to follow your orders, Kakuzu!"
"Moron."
"I swear I will rip your throat very soon, Jashin is my witness," the silver-haired man pointed his scythe at his partner. "You are such a pain in the ass," he continued as Kakuzu paid him no attention at all, clearly used to his partner's tantrums. "There is no one here, we're in a cave! Who could I bother? The cockroaches?"
His gaze switched as he noticed two figures moving towards them.
"Hey look who it is! Itachi and Kisame. The bugs grow bigger where no sun shines," Hidan barked and then busted into a loud laughter, causing Kakuzo to cover his face with his palm.
"Nice to see you too, freak" Kisame greeted.
"Don't make me kill you to, freak right back at ya!" Hidan clenched his teeth.
"Stop this." The tree of them turned towards Itachi. "Was it you who destroyed the kitchen?"
"We just came in." Kakuzo explained, suspicion in his voice. "Why? What's happening?"
"Can I finally kill someone?"
There was a loud bang at this moment and daylight came running into the cave. Parts of rocks and dust clouded the vision of 3 of the 4 standing Akatsuki members, and when they could finally see again they noticed that a part of the wall near the entrance was missing.
"Idiot!"
The voice came from the newly established 'door'.
"No need to be rude, now."
"Why didn't you use the seal?"
"I did, but it did not work!" Deidara announced to an enraged Sasori "So I made a new door…hmmm!"
"You…" Sasori had no more words left to explain the idiocy he had to witness. "The entrance is not here."
"Oh…"
Then they both noticed they are not alone.
"Well… well… Now we know who trashed that kitchen," Kisame smiled a toothy smile.