AFTER ALL

Spoilers for Seasons Seven and Eight

Chapter One

"So." Alex turned the key in the SUV's ignition. "Ross is human after all."

Bobby sat wordlessly in the front passenger seat.

"Always hard to learn you can't trust someone," Alex said. "Even if you already know it."

Bobby stared out the window at the trash ridden oceanfront.

"Nothing to add, Bobby?" Alex asked as she turned away from the water and towards the highway.

"I…I don't think I have the right to comment about trust," Bobby said softly. "Not after what I've done."

A thick silence settled in the SUV. Bobby wished for a knife to cut it, or to use on his wrists.

"At least Ross trusted us on this," Alex said after several miles. "I know Sanchez and Griffin should've caught this one. Ross gave it to us. He must have thought he could trust us."

"Or," Bobby murmured. "He thought it was an easy case…"

"You mean," Alex said in a tight voice. "Ross thought it was the young husband and the young wife running away from the older spouses."

Bobby took a deep breath. He decided his relationship with Alex couldn't get much worse, and, more than that, he had to be honest with her. "Yea…And you saw how he acted with her…Ross…Didn't think…Didn't want to think…She was guilty…We had to convince him…"

"You think Ross thought we'd clear her…"

"Yea…He expected this to be simple…"

"But he did trust us to do that, Bobby…And he did listen to us…Finally…When we got the evidence…"

"He listened to you," Bobby said.

They rode in silence for several minutes. "You listened to me," Alex said.

"I…I should listen to you more often," Bobby said.

"That'd be a change," Alex said flatly.

Bobby winced at her words. He couldn't tell if Alex was really angry, funny, or only stating a fact. He remained quiet for the rest of the drive to One Police Plaza and said as little as he could through the booking. He didn't even ask Alex for any forms he needed. Unfortunately, since he'd just returned to work, his desk lacked every form he needed, and Bobby frequently jumped up from his desk and moved to the supply cabinet.

"Oh, for heaven's sake, Bobby," Alex said after his fifth trip. "You know I've got most of the forms in my desk." Alex always had forms around, partly because when Bobby arrived at Major Case she already had a supply on hand, and partly because Bobby's desk was soon filled with magnifying glasses, evidence bags, books, and everything else a genius detective might require. "Just ask for what you need," Alex said.

Bobby stared at his desk. "I…I'm sorry…I didn't want to bother you…"

"Stop jumping up and down so much and just ask me for what you need, ok? You'll bother me a lot less."

"Uh…Yea…I'll do that…I promise…"

Alex shook her head and continued with her work. Bobby turned to his computer and discovered that it wasn't doing what he wanted it to do. This, at least, was something that was like it was before his suspension. Alex frequently commented on his bad karma with machines, and the computer techs marveled at the weird things that happened to Bobby's computer. Bobby stared at the screen and tried desperately to figure out what was going on.

"Bobby…"

His head shot up at Alex's voice.

"What's going on?" she asked with more patience in her voice than he'd heard in a long time.

"Uh…" He tried not to wave his hands.

"Is it your computer?" Alex stood and walked to stand behind Bobby's shoulder.

"Uh…Yea…I…Uh…Didn't want to bother you…"

Alex leaned over his shoulder. The subtle scent of her perfume reached him. "Some things haven't changed." She typed and hit several keys. "Did you need to save anything?"

He shook his head.

"Ok. I think I got here before you did too much damage." Alex hit several keys, and the screen went blank. She turned off the computer, waited a few seconds, turned the machine back on, and waved her hands over the screen. "A-a-h, O-o-m," she said.

"Was that last part necessary?" Bobby asked.

"Computer magic," Alex smiled, and Bobby was ridiculously happy. "That should work."

Bobby typed in his password, and his icons and wallpaper appeared. "Thank you," he said softly. "I guess the computer magic worked."

Alex stepped back to her desk. "You told me about it in time," she said. "Glad I was able to help."

"I'll…I'll try to remember that…"

"That would save everyone some grief," Alex said gently.

Bobby felt as if he'd just finished a long and difficult test. He was sure everyone in the squad room could hear his heart pounding. "God," he thought. "Everything is a minefield." He tried to concentrate on the forms and screen in front of him.

"Hey…"

He looked up at Alex.

"I'm done…What about you?"

"Uh…Yea…" Bobby signed the last form and added it to the pile on his desk.

"I'll take these to Ross," Alex said.

"Yea," Bobby said softly. "He's not happy to see me when he's in a good mood, let alone now…"

"I'll deal with him," Alex declared.

Bobby watched as she deposited the paperwork on the captain's desk. Her conversation with Ross wasn't long, and it appeared to be civil. "More than it'd be if I was in there," Bobby thought. "But Ross helped me get back. He believed me when I thought Moran might be gunning for me. He didn't think I was paranoid…He did what he could for Donnie…I have to tell Alex that Ross did what he could…I have to tell her everything…" He held his head in his hands. "But how can I talk to her about anything? I've ruined it…Broke it…The one thing I really wanted to come back to…I've destroyed it…"

"Hey, you ok?"

Bobby blinked and looked across at Alex, who'd just returned from Ross' office. "She's actually worried about me," he thought.

"Uh…Yea…" He desperately wanted to talk to her, but he had no idea how to destroy the wall he'd created between them.

"I'm knocking off for the day," Alex said. "Nothing to do until the arraignment tomorrow."

Bobby swallowed and took a swing at the wall. "Uh…Eames…Would you…Uh…Like…"

"To do what, Bobby?" She stood and reached for her coat.

He couldn't read her, an increasingly and disturbingly familiar sensation.

"Uh…Would you like to…To get a bite to eat…Or something?"

"I've been dreaming of a good cheeseburger," Alex said wistfully. "You know how you get a craving?"

Bobby nodded. "Yea…"

"I've had this one for red meat and cheese…"

"I…I think I'm getting that too," Bobby said hesitantly.

"C'mon then," Alex said. "But we're going Dutch. I figure your finances are still shaky."

"You're right about that," Bobby admitted as he shut off his computer. He stood and picked up his binder. "But things are getting better."

As they walked through the squad room and into the elevator, Bobby felt ridiculously happy. They were going to get a bite to eat, just like they had before everything. He leaned against the elevator wall and tried not to act like an idiot.

"There's a new place nearby," Alex said. "I met my Dad for lunch there a few weeks ago."

"Ok," Bobby said. "You're the one with the craving."

He followed her to a brightly lit place filled with what appeared to be lawyers and professionals. The wood was more polished and the floor cleaner than those in the usual cop bar, and they found a booth in the back. Alex ordered a margarita; Bobby an iced tea.

"It…It seems like a nice place," Bobby ventured.

"It is…And the burgers are really good," Alex said. "My sister actually found it. There's a family section on the other side, so she can bring Nate."

"How is Nate?" Bobby asked. It seemed a safe subject, and he was genuinely interested in the boy.

"Great," Alex smiled. It was the warmest expression Bobby had seen on her face in months. She spoke happily about Nate until their food arrived, and then attacked her burger with the spirit of someone who hadn't had food for several hours. Bobby picked at his food with the air of someone who hadn't enjoyed food for some time.

"Something wrong?" Alex asked.

"Uh…It's fine…I'm just not very hungry," Bobby said.

"You don't seem to have much of an appetite since you've come back to work," Alex said.

Bobby's stomach churned. "I…I…Just haven't been hungry…"

Alex took the last bite of her burger and followed it with the remains of her margarita. She leaned forward. "Is that because you've got stuff on your mind?"

Bobby avoided Alex's eyes. "Uh…Yea…Lots of things…But…But…Mostly about how badly I treated my partner…" He took a deep breath. This was it. He'd hit the wall and knocked a few stones from it.

"Your partner may have treated you badly," Alex said softly.

Bobby's head shot up. "Uh…What…"

"When I yelled at you outside the cell…"

"You didn't yell…" He closed his mouth when he saw the look in her eyes.

"When I got angry at you…" Alex rubbed the rim of her margarita glass. "I was so angry…At you…Ross…Moran…Stoat…The whole NYPD…You were the closest and easiest target…And the worst thing…The thing I couldn't get over…" Alex clutched her glass so tightly that her knuckles turned white. "I…I had my gun on you…I could've killed you…"

"I…I know," Bobby whispered. "My…My gun was on you…"

"Did…Did you expect me to be there?"

Bobby shook his head. "No…I knew about the tourists' deaths…I knew you were in charge of that investigation and that it had something to do with Stoat and Testarossa…But I never expected to see you…"

"Stoat…He showed up at Major Case…Sat in your chair…"

"He…He never said anything to me about it…" A stone settled in Bobby's stomach. "You…You don't think…I'm not being paranoid…"

"To think there's a conspiracy against you…Us?" Alex asked. "I don't know…" A shiver ran up her spine. "I…I don't want to think that about the department…About other cops…About the Brass…But there are bad cops…And some of them are in the Brass…" She looked up at Bobby. "I know someone left a rat in your desk."

Bobby winced. "How…How did you…"

"I have my sources," Alex said. "A lot of cops…most of Major Case…like you…You should've told me about that…"

"Yes," Bobby agreed. "But…I…I didn't know how or when I should tell you…You needed to know…That there was a target on your back…"

"And there isn't one on yours?" Alex asked patiently. "Don't tell me that you're not important. That it doesn't matter. It matters…It matters a lot."

"After…After all I've done…Put you through," Bobby muttered.

"Yea…I still worry about you…Defend you…Nobody gets to pick on my partner but me," Alex declared.

"I…I am sorry…So sorry…" Bobby rubbed the back of his neck. "Everyone…Everyone keeps asking me…Why it was so important to come back…"

"I've wondered about that," Alex said softly. "I know you're not in it just for the pension. Was it to prove everyone wrong?"

"Partly…But…But the real reason…The main one…Was to…To work with you…"

Alex stared at him.

"You…You…You're the best, Eames…Best partner…Friend…I realized…As much as the work meant to me…And it means a lot…It was doing the work with you that really mattered." He trembled. "I should've talked to you…I should've told you…But…I was so afraid I might not ever get back to the job…That if I told you…I'd never get to work with you again…Or…Worse…That you'd get in trouble…" His head fell into his hands. "And because I wanted so much to protect you…So much to get back to you…I did the very things I didn't want to…I hurt you…I really…" He choked and lowered his head. He didn't want her to see the tears forming in his eyes.

He felt a strong and gentle hand on his arm. "Bobby," Alex said. "I can understand that."

"You…You can? God, Al…Eames…I don't think I can…"

She gently squeezed his arm. "Look…I was way too hard on you…Yea…You shoulda told me…But once I cooled off and talked to some people…I realized what a terrible spot you were in…That crack about being your water carrier…You never treated me like that, Bobby…You might get lost in a case and forget about me…And everyone else…But you always remembered me and what I did…You always made sure I got credit…And there are times when you carried the water for me, and when I didn't mind carrying it for you."

"I…I can't promise you," Bobby said. "I'll try…I really will…I have been…But…It's so hard for me to trust…Everything in my life has taught me…And…and it seems that all I do is hurt you…"

"That's not true, Bobby," Alex insisted. "We've talked about this…"

"I remember…You said it was too late…"

"I told you what I meant by that…You're the best, too…You've made me a better cop…A better person…It's way too late for me to care about what the Brass thinks or want to be part of them. You showed me a better way…"

"A better way?" Bobby cried. "I…I got you involved with my half-assed attempt to help my nephew…I nearly got you suspended with me…"

"I remember going into that with my eyes open," Alex said. "I knew what I was doing."

"You couldn't have known…"

"No more than you knew what was going to happen to you…And you didn't know that, did you?"

"I…I didn't expect…To wind up in the hospital…I…I wasn't…I know what people say…" Bobby clutched at the edge of the table. "I didn't want…I wasn't looking for punishment…I…I didn't want to be hurt…I didn't think that I deserved…At least not then…Now…"

"Robert Goren." Alex fought to keep her voice even. "No one deserves to be treated like that…You especially…"

Bobby continued to stare at the table. "Do…Do you think…Someone wanted us to both be in that room…"

"I…I don't know," Alex said deliberately. "Ross knew about both of us…But he didn't expect you to be in that room…"

"Moran?" Bobby's question hung in the air.

"Moran hates you," Alex said after a moment. "Or at least what you did…Making the department and him look so bad…But I'm not sure he was involved deeply enough in the investigations…I know he stayed as far away from the investigation of the tourists' death as he could because he thought it wouldn't end well. Once it ended, he couldn't wait to get his face in front of the cameras. And he couldn't wait to give you your badge back either."

"Yea…He didn't even wait for the psychological clearing…" Bobby sighed. "Half the force now thinks I'm a toady to the Brass…The other half thinks I'm a traitor and a whack job…"

Alex reached for his hand, and Bobby's head shot up. "I know you," she said. "I know that you're not a toady to the Brass…I know you're not a traitor…I know you're not a whack job…"

Bobby stared at their hands. "If…If it wasn't for the dangers…Your opinion would be the only one that matters…"

They sat for several minutes in a stunned silence—Bobby shocked that he'd revealed so much and that Alex thought so much of him; Ales shocked that Bobby had told her so much and that she meant so much to him. Bobby recovered his voice first.

"Are we…Will we…Be all right?"

"Yes…But you have to be honest with me…"

Bobby struggled with his thoughts. "I…I need to tell you something…"

END CHAPTER ONE