A Matter of Nomenclature
Author: Chaos Valkyrie
First Conceptualized: September 7, 2009
Posted One Shot: October 4, 2009
Disclaimer: If I owned FMA, don't you think Ed and I would've had a death match over ownership of Roy by now?
Author's Note: A quickie that came to me one night. Took all of ten minutes to write and edit. And it still amuses me. Enjoy.
Edward Elric, teenage prodigy and genius extraordinaire, glared at his younger brother across the library table and wondered how anyone in Amestris could be so damn dense.
His brother Alphonse was thinking the exact same thing.
"I'm not gay, Al."
"Yes you are!" Al insisted. "How can you say that…?"
"I'm not," Ed refolded his arms across his chest for what felt like the hundredth time that hour. He probably wasn't far wrong.
Al sighed, the sound echoing through the armor as he readied himself for battle yet again.
"All right, let's go over this one more time," he began impatiently. Edward sighed as well.
"Roy Mustang is a man."
"Last we heard, yes," Ed replied snarkily.
"…and you're butt-crazy in love with Roy Mustang," Al continued, ignoring his brother's tone.
Another sigh. "Yes…"
Alphonse Elric looked at his brother in disbelief.
"So what part of 'you're gay' are you not understanding?"
Ed raked a hand through his bangs in frustration.
"All right, let's look at this another way. Although I am attracted to him, I am in no way, shape or form attracted to any other men."
"Not Havoc?" Al asked.
"Nope."
"Fuery?"
"Nada."
Al considered for a moment.
"…Armstrong?" he ventured tentatively. Ed grimaced.
"…Don't make me hurt you Al."
"Don't worry, I think I just mentally scarred myself. …What about women?"
Ed paused. "Same thing. Not Winry, not Hawkeye, women are just…"
"Not attractive to you?" Al finished. Ed grinned.
"I was going to say 'scary as hell', but that works too."
"So what are you then?" Al asked in confusion. The two brothers thought for a moment before Ed answered him, a slight blush on his cheeks.
"…Roy-sexual?"
End Notes: Aren't we all, Edward, aren't we all.