Tomorrow's Yesterday

No matter how long she stared at them, the numbers weren't changing.

She sighed, picking out another file from the haphazard pile beside her on the desk. Flicking through it, she found a sheet covered in numbers and tables, and compared it with those she'd been staring at for the last hour. It was no use. Ymir released the paper and watched it settle on top of the scattered mass of files and sheets. She had been working on this project for over five months but the most recent experiments were giving results she didn't want or expected.

She reached for a different sheet and glared accusingly at it, perhaps with the hope of terrifying it into supplying the answers she needed to get this right. But she was drawing blank. She had no idea what to change about the experiments to attain the predicted results, or at least results that would work, so she could move on and continue with the project. Sighing again, Ymir pushed the papers into their respective files and closed them. She would talk to Sasha tomorrow. Surely together they would be able to produce a new plan to get around the rut they were in.

The thought of Sasha made Ymir glance down at the gold band on her ring finger. A small smile pulled at her lips as she lifted her left hand to get a better look. Sasha was a clumsy girl who, while definitely capable when she put her mind to it, always seemed to be caught in the middle of some mishap, or was the cause of it. In normal circumstances Ymir would have cut off contact with Sasha after graduation but she would always be somewhat grateful towards the girl, because it was through her that she met Historia.

Ymir and Sasha had been on the same course at university, though Sasha had been a freshman while Ymir was in her second year. Ymir would never have known that Sasha even existed if it wasn't for them sharing the same tutor. The younger girl always seemed to be talking to their tutor, Hanji, when Ymir had a meeting. She would wait outside Hanji's office and the girl would come bustling out, sometimes apologizing profusely, other times thanking the tutor so much that Hanji would have to push her out the door before she would actually stop and leave.

From those frequent yet fleeting glimpses of the girl, Ymir thought of Sasha as a problem student who was either doing something wrong or needed dire and constant help with her work. Both were things Ymir frowned upon, but her concept of the girl was proven wrong when she decided to ask Hanji about her.

"Sasha Braus?" Hanji had looked up from reading Ymir's work experience application, taking a moment to consider her before replying. "Sasha is a hard worker and always gets good results, it's just her team work needs improvement."

"Team work?" Ymir had repeated, raising an eyebrow.

"Well, you know how some lab work generally means working within a team. Sasha is more of a wild spirit, acting in ways that might affect others without taking heed of them or the consequences. She gets the work done, but I'd rather she thought about things more before taking action. Other than that, I wouldn't say she's a problem student." Hanji paused. "Why do you ask?"

"I just see her in your office a lot."

"Isn't that because you're in my office a lot?"

Ymir had no argument against that. During her time at university Ymir had indeed requested meetings with her tutor numerous times, and by graduation she and Hanji could have even been considered friends on some level, though Ymir would never say so. But the meetings had always been to push her work forwards, for her own self-improvement, never because she was causing trouble or destroying her chances of a good degree.

It was later when Ymir discovered that while Sasha may not have been a problem student, she definitely had problems. Ymir had been on her way to her next lecture when she came across the girl collapsed on the floor. Initially Ymir had thought it was someone who had enjoyed the drink too much the night before and was struggling through the hangover, but when she moved closer she realized who it was and that the girl was way too pale and ill-looking for it to be a mere hangover.

But Ymir was already late for her lecture and she wasn't the only one in the corridor, so surely someone else would help the girl. She had continued walking when she saw a blonde girl crouch down beside Sasha. As the newcomer helped Sasha up into a sitting position, Ymir noticed how thin the brunette had got since the first time she had seen her.

She watched as the blonde spoke to Sasha, the girl's eyes fluttering open before closing again. From the concern on the blonde's face, Sasha had become completely unresponsive.

Ymir had spun around on her heel and stormed over to the two, cursing inwardly and praying that someone would let her copy the lecture notes later. "What's up with her?"

At the sound of Ymir's harsh tone, the blonde had startled, looking up at the tall girl with wide blue eyes. "Um…"

"Her." Ymir gestured towards the passed-out-Sasha. "What's wrong with her?"

The blonde finally found her voice. "She's been working too hard," she said. "We live on the same floor in the dorms and I've tried to help her out by making her meals, but…"

Ymir studied the blonde for a moment. She was short. Really short. And pretty. Really pretty. Ymir reached down and roughly brought Sasha to her feet, holding her up with ease. "I'll take her to her room. Show me."

The blonde had stood up and stared blankly at her for a few seconds before jolting. "O-of course! The dorm isn't too far away."

The dorm was a ten minute walk away from the university, but it took them longer due to having a dead weight hanging onto Ymir's shoulders. As they walked, the short girl kept glancing over at Ymir and it was beginning to get on her nerves. "What?" she demanded of her.

"Ah! Um, well, I just thought it was nice of you. To do this, I mean."

Ymir rolled her eyes and shifted Sasha into a more comfortable position. "I'm not doing this to be nice," she said. "She will owe me for this."

"Oh…I see." The girl looked disappointed for a second but then a small knowing smile spread across her lips. She skipped ahead, spinning around on her heel, and started walking backwards in front of Ymir. "My name's Historia."

"Huh…" Ymir raised an eyebrow at the blonde. "That's a name I ain't heard before."

The girl didn't respond, that smile still in place as she trotted backwards, narrowly missing tripping over on the uneven pavement.

"Ymir," she introduced herself

"That's a name I haven't heard before." Historia was grinning.

"You think you're funny, don't you?" Ymir wasn't as impressed.

"Never."

Historia and Sasha lived on the third floor of a scruffy old dorm that had way too many students living in it. As Ymir carried the comatose brunette to her room, she walked past half a dozen people huddled in sleeping bags along the corridor, and she must have counted over a hundred empty bottles of alcohol before they reached room 34B.

From what Historia had told her on the way there, Sasha had been concentrating on her work so much that she'd ended up having no time to eat properly, and when she did eat she barely had any money to buy her own food so she would raid the kitchen, which only resulted in the rest of the dorm being angry with her. Historia had been the only one who still talked normally with Sasha, and she'd tried to help her out in any way she could. But it looked like she hadn't been too successful, as Sasha had ended up collapsing from exhaustion and malnutrition.

Dropping the girl on her bed, Ymir cracked her neck, the muscles stiff from carrying her, and then turned to the blonde. "I'll leave the rest to you. Tell her who helped her out when she wakes up."

She moved towards to the door when she felt a hand grab her arm, stopping her from going any further. She looked over her shoulder. "What is it this time?"

The girl seemed to suddenly realize what she'd done and released Ymir's arm, putting her hands up. "Sorry, it's just…" She pursed her lips, hesitating, and then retrieved her phone from the bag hanging on her shoulder. "Could I have your number? So Sasha can contact you."

"We're on the same course. We have the same tutor." Ymir's eyes were trained on the phone. It probably wouldn't be too bad to have her number in a cute girl's phone.

"R-really?" Historia looked surprised. "Why haven't I seen you before then?"

Ymir raised an eyebrow. "Why, you on the same course as well?"

"No, no, it's just I've met most of Sasha's friends."

"We're not friends. I'm a second year." Ymir pulled out her phone as well, thumb poised over the screen. "You want my number?"

The blonde smiled and nodded. "Please."

A mere second after giving Historia her number and telling her how to correctly spell her name, Ymir's phone buzzed, a text alert lighting up the screen. She smirked. "'Nice to meet you, Ymir!'" she read. "What's with all these emotes?" Half of message consisted of colourful emoticons, ranging from a blushing face to a small handbag. What were they even supposed to mean?

Sasha had indeed contacted her the next day, all apologies and full of gratitude, willing to pay her back for her kindness. Ymir had attained a pack mule by the end of the day. She knew that asking for the girl to buy her lunches or morning coffees wouldn't be possible if she had no money for herself, nor would asking her to do anything work related be possible when the girl was a freshman, and Ymir preferred to do her own studying and coursework. So when they had free periods at the same time or when they would catch each other in the hallways heading towards a lecture, Ymir would dump her books in the brunette's arms, stating that Sasha had been four times the weight of them so she should count herself lucky. Sometimes she would throw a few coins at her and order her to tramp across the food court to the coffee machine, though she always gave her enough for two.

After a week she had to give her enough for three.

Historia, Sasha, and Ymir became friends pretty quickly. Ymir would usually be teasing Sasha while Historia reprimanded her, but they all got on well.

As time passed, Ymir learned more about the small blonde. She had come to university initially on a childhood studies course but had soon transferred onto a law course. In fact, the reason Historia began to hang out with Sasha and Ymir at the end of that week had been due to the transfer finally being completed and her new timetable being finalised.

Ymir had never been sure what she'd done but she must have done something right, because her time at university became the best years of her life. The three of them became inseparable, and in the final semester of her final year Ymir decided to hold a small party in her shared apartment. Her flatmates had gone clubbing for the night, so it was just the three of them, drinking from cans of beer and watching lame movies on the ancient humpback TV. Sasha had fallen asleep on the sofa after the opening credits rolled for the third movie.

"This isn't much of a party, is it?" Ymir said, watching the brunette snuggle deeper into the cushions and blankets covering the sofa.

"It's fine," Historia mumbled. "It's more than fine."

Ymir twisted around to look at Historia. The blonde had had a lot more to drink than she usually did and it was obvious to see the effect it had on her. "You okay there?" Ymir asked with her mouth against the can in her hand, her words muffled.

"You're graduating soon."

"I am." Ymir raised her can, expecting Historia to knock her own can against it but the blonde didn't react. She just kept staring at her feet. "Shorty, what's with you? Feeling sick?"

"You're graduating."

Ymir lowered her can, settling it on the ground between them. "I know that, shorty."

"You're leaving."

Ymir stiffened. Historia's voice was breaking, as if she was close to tears, and Ymir didn't understand why. Had she had too much to drink? Perhaps she should have stopped the girl when she grabbed her fourth beer, the bottle of vodka that she'd found under the sink in her other hand. The bottle had been unopened before Historia found it, and now it was half empty, standing proudly beside the TV. They had all taken swigs from it but the blonde had gulped it down in big swallows. She had slowed down after that, and now her fingers were clamped around her fifth beer that she'd been nursing for the last forty-five minutes. Luckily the cans were slightly smaller than the ones Ymir normally bought or Historia would probably be in the bathroom right now throwing up.

Ymir sighed. "You're an emotional drunk?" she joked. "You usually coddle two cans all night. What's with you tonight?"

Historia didn't reply.

"Look, I may be smart but I'm no mind reader." She nudged the blonde's arm with her elbow. "Talk to me."

"I just told you. You're leaving."

"Shorty-"

"Don't call me that," Historia snapped.

Ymir blinked, shocked. "Woah, okay. If you're gonna be like this and not tell me what the hell is going on with you, fine." She picked up her can again and took a sip from it.

But then she heard something that scarily sounded like a sob.

"Historia?" she called, putting down her beer again to reach out and touch the blonde's shoulder. She was trembling. Ymir had never seen her like this before. "Historia, come on."

"Y-you're leaving. You're g-going and leaving me behind." Historia sobbed out the words into her arms, her face buried in them as she curled in on herself.

Ymir moved her beer can to her other side and shuffled closer, wrapping her arm around the girl and pulling her against her. "I'm not leaving you. I'm just graduating and getting a job."

"In another city!"

"Exactly. I'm not moving out of the country." She used her other hand to gently run her fingers through Historia's blonde hair. It was so soft, even though it looked dishevelled and needed a brush. "You'll be graduating next year and become a good ole lawyer. There's always trains, y'know."

"It's not the same," Historia mumbled into her arms.

"Come on…" Ymir had no idea what to do. Surely Historia understood? Maybe the drink was blurring her logic. "What do you want me to do?"

"Stay."

"Now that's just selfish." Ymir grinned, bending her head closer to the blonde's so she could see her face through the gap between her arms. "You know that's not gonna happen."

"I know."

"You're acting like a little kid. You know how I feel about them."

Historia sniffed.

Sasha started grumbling in her sleep and Ymir raised her chin to look over at the slumbering brunette. "She looks comfortable."

"Sasha plans to work at the same place as you," Historia abruptly said, her voice clearer and less slurred.

"I know." Ymir smiled. It was nice to have a friend that wanted to stay friends, even after graduation. Though the fact that Sasha wanted to follow her into whichever lab she worked at was probably the unconscious habit that the girl had developed from the first year they had become friends when Ymir ordered her about all the time.

"Do you like her?"

"What?!" Ymir whirled around to stare at her. Historia was watching her, her blue eyes glistening with tears, her expression completely unfathomable. Ymir swallowed, shaking her head. She'd jumped the gun; Historia wouldn't be asking her that. "She's my friend, of course I like her.

"Do you like like her?"

"Why are you asking me this?" Ymir frowned. She hadn't come out to either of them, nor had she made it obvious – she'd consciously made an effort not to look too long or flirt with them or mention any of the crushes she'd had in the past. She'd just taken a step back out of conversations concerning guys, chucking in a sarcastic joke every now and again like usual. Though, fortunately, those conversations hadn't happened a lot.

"I like you."

"Yeah, I like you too."

"No, I like like you."

Okay, now this was unexpected. "Do you know what you're saying?" Ymir jabbed a finger into the girl's ribs and then pointed at the nearly untouched beer that she was still nursing. "You're totally drunk."

"Yeah, I am," Historia confessed. "But that's why I have the confidence to say this."

"Confidence?" Ymir raised an eyebrow.

"I've liked you for a long time, Ymir. I don't want you to leave without seeing if I have a chance."

"A chance at what?" she asked, her voice barely above a whisper.

"A chance that you will say yes."

"Say yes to what?" The words were wheezes caught in her throat. This couldn't be happening, right?

"Will you go out with me?"

Oh, it was happening.

Ymir carefully took the can from Historia's hand and set it down beside her own. Then she leaned forwards until their noses touched. "Will you remember this in the morning?" she whispered.

"Probably not," the blonde replied, her voice just as hushed.

Then she could say what she wanted without fear of embarrassment the following day. "Do you want a flat or a house?"

"W-what?" Historia was confused, her eyes focusing and un-focusing on Ymir's too-close face.

"I'll buy us a place. A nice place. Big kitchen, nice view, south-facing to catch the sun. That's what people say, right? That south-facing is good to catch the sun?"

"Ymir…You mean it?" Her eyes were misty with fresh tears.

"Of course I mean it, shorty."

"So, this is a yes?"

"It's a hell yeah."

That had been over eight years ago and Ymir's life had been countless hell yeah's since.

She twirled the gold band around her finger, grinning as the metal glinted in the glow of the desk lamp. They had been married two years and Ymir had never been as happy.

A knock at the door startled her and she slapped her hand down on her thigh, spinning around in her desk chair. "Yeah?"

The door opened and a head of long blonde hair peeked in. "You still working?"

"Nah, just quit. It's impossible." Ymir waved her in and patted her lap. "Take a seat."

Historia gave her a look, clearly not amused, as she closed the door behind her with a foot and took a step into the room. She was holding two steaming mugs and Ymir stretched out her arms hopefully. "One of those for me?"

"No."

Ymir's face dropped.

"Idiot, of course it is." The blonde passed her one of the mugs. Ymir took it gratefully and wrapped her hands around it, absorbing the heat and enjoying the slight burning on her fingers.

"So, what's up?" Ymir asked, looking over the top of her coffee.

"I, er…"

Uh oh. Historia wore an expression that meant she wanted to ask or tell Ymir something that she was afraid or nervous to bring up. "What's it this time?" Had she broken something? Lost something? Did she want another holiday? A new kitchen? Perhaps a puppy?

"I want a baby."

Okay, definitely not a puppy.

Ymir choked, quickly putting down her mug on the desk before she spilt it everywhere. "A b-baby?!"

"I know you don't like children and you've always said you never wanted kids, but-"

Historia was beginning to ramble and Ymir raised a hand to silence her. She took a deep breath. "You want a baby?"

Historia nodded.

Did that mean Historia wanted to leave her? Ymir frowned. Had she found a man? She knew Ymir couldn't give her a child, and Ymir hated the idea of having children. She wasn't a fan of little kids at all, never had been. Pain suddenly struck her hard, right in the centre of her chest. Her stomach flipped over and panic was rising in her throat. Historia was going to leave her.

She shot up, standing tall over the small blonde. Historia shrank back, her nervousness obvious to see. Ymir opened her mouth, but then closed it again. How could she go about this? Begging her to stay was definitely not her style, nor was outright accusing her of cheating. Historia never seemed to be the type to cheat. Historia loved her, just as much as Ymir loved her. So…what did this mean? Was this one of those 'I love you but I want a family' break ups? No…no, that didn't sound right.

"You want a baby," she repeated, this time a statement not a question. She wanted to prompt the blonde into explaining herself.

"C-can you sit down?"

Ymir stared at her for a moment. Historia was holding so tightly onto her mug that her fingertips had gone white, the tendons and bones in her hands standing out taunt under her skin. Her face was deathly pale and she wouldn't meet Ymir's eyes. Ymir sat down.

"I'm not angry," she said. "I just want to understand."

Relief flitted across Historia's face and her grip on her mug relaxed slightly. "I've wanted children for a long time. This isn't a spur of the moment thing, I've been thinking about this seriously for the last year. I know you don't want children but, maybe…maybe you could think about it? We could adopt, but I'd prefer to have a baby that was part of us – we could find a donor. Though I know it would cost, but our jobs pay well, right?"

Ymir leaned back in her chair. "You…"

"I want to have a family with you, Ymir."

Ymir brought a hand to her face, closing her eyes and letting go of the breath she didn't realize she was holding. "Of course you do." She was stupid to even consider that Historia would want to leave her, for any reason. She shouldn't have been so worried.

"Ymir?"

She opened her eyes again and lowered her hand. Historia was watching her, waiting for her reaction. "You know I don't want kids," she said.

"Yeah, but if you just think about it…"

"Is this…is this important to you?"

"Yes." All nervousness and apprehension vanished when Historia said that one word.

"You're serious about this?"

"Incredibly serious."

Ymir studied Historia, and she tried to imagine a mini-Historia standing beside her. She almost laughed. The blonde was small enough, imagining an even smaller version of her was ridiculous.

Historia, seeing that Ymir appeared to be wavering and actually thinking about it, took a step closer to her. "I would like for it to be your baby, and I would carry it, like a surrogate."

Ymir's head snapped up. "My baby? Surrogate?" Not a mini-Historia, but a mini-Ymir? That was even more ridiculous.

The blonde's cheeks reddened. "Y-your egg and the donor's sperm…so it would be your baby, but I could carry it. It would be our child. And I know you would never want to be pregnant."

Her brow furrowed, deep lines forming between her eyes. "People die giving birth."

Historia blinked, stunned for a moment. Then she smiled. "That's not something you need to worry yourself about," she said softly. "I won't die."

Ymir ran her fingers through her hair. "You better not," she warned.

Historia's face brightened up, her lips parting. "Does…does this mean…?"

"Give me a day or two to think about it."

But Historia knew what that meant. It meant 'give me a day or two to consider it when really we both know the answer already'. "Thank you! Oh my god, thank you, Ymir!"

She hurriedly approached Ymir, placing her mug on the desk behind her, and took a seat on Ymir's lap just as she had offered earlier. "Thank you," she said again.

"I said I would think about it." Ymir put her hands around the blonde's waist. "I never said yes."

Ymir's eyes never left Historia's as the blonde rested her forehead against hers. "I know you didn't," Historia breathed. "But thank you."

"You damned shorty," Ymir mumbled. "You always get your way, don't you?"

Historia laughed, and then closed the space between them, her lips pressing against Ymir's. Too soon the blonde moved away. "I'll make you happy."

Ymir snorted, but it sounded more like a gentle chuckle. "You already do."

"I meant," Historia whispered. "I meant our family will make you happy."

Ymir paused, losing herself in Historia's blue eyes. "I suppose I'll just have to trust you on that."

Ymir reached up to kiss her again, closing her eyes as she felt the blonde respond and kiss her back. Against her lips, she said, "I love you, shorty."

She could feel Historia's smile. "I love you too, Mrs Reiss."