Author's Note: I debated on whether or not to post this here, but why should Tumblr be the only recipient of my ridiculous prompt-based crackfic? Anyway, here it is.
Anonymous asked: "Do one where a surprise mutation from the nuclear meltdown in California makes Vinick grow to be fifty feet tall."
...
President Bartlet shaded his eyes and tipped his head back. It was hard not to stare. He glanced over at the dumbstruck FEMA coordinator next to him. "So, when you were saying that fifteen miles was absolutely a safe radius from San Andreo?" he prompted mildly.
The FEMA guy was already sweating bullets. "It is! I mean… there must be some other explanation."
"For that?" The President gestured broadly with one arm.
"It could be mass hysteria?" the FEMA man suggested weakly.
"MASS HYSTERIA?" came a booming voice from above. "IF THIS IS MASS HYSTERIA, HOW DO YOU EXPLAIN THAT SKYLARK?" All their eyes turned to the flattened Buick thirty yards away, casualty of a poorly placed foot in beautifully polished Size 600 wingtips.
They were interrupted by the sight of Josh Lyman approaching, head tilted back, as he nearly collapsed the tent by running square into the center support pole. He backed off and regrouped. "Sir. Congressman Santos is here, should I send him over?"
"Yes, I suppose that's for the best," President Bartlet sighed.
In just a moment, Congressman Santos was striding across the field to them. He was concentrating so hard on the tent and all the equipment that he didn't even notice Vinick for a moment. When he did, his steps slowed to a standstill as he tipped his head back. "Talk about a game changer," he finally said.
Josh leaned in close to his boss. "In nearly every election we have recorded stats for, taller candidates do markedly better than their shorter opponents," he muttered.
Santos glowered. "Son of a bitch."