The Ways We Hurt

Chapter One

Talking

The Teen Titans weren't in the business of dealing with animal abuse cases. It wasn't something they often came across, as most Super Villains preferred to abuse people, not animals. However the one time they did have to deal with animal abuse, it affected them all more than they could imagine. Especially Beast Boy. It was his breaking point.

Being a changeling Beast Boy's instincts and senses always had a more animalistic quality than most to them. He couldn't watch animal planet any more. The last time he'd tried they had been showing Animal Cops Houston or something similar, and Beast Boy had literally been sick.

For a month after that he couldn't turn into any type of domesticated animal without whimpering and hiding from whom ever was near by. Submissive and scared was not how the Teen Titans were used to Beast Boy, nor was he much help fighting villains. Even after that when he became a dog it was always an underfed, abused dog, never the strong, glossy coated dogs he usually became. After that incident Robin had blocked the channel altogether therefore avoiding any further accidents.

A nutter who called himself Wilderness (imagination among villains was, sadly, on a downward spiral) was using whistles, undetected by human ears, to hurt animals. Animals, including domesticated ones, turned to basic survival instincts. Basic survival instincts meant fighting for your life. Animals were attacking everyone and everything.

The Titans had arrived to find dogs attacking their owners, birds pecking at exposed flesh, squirrels attacking with nuts, even insects biting anyone nearby. They started to attack but Beast Boy stopped them, saying he would try to figure out what was going on first.

His fine tuned ears could tell there was an unusual noise in the air, but while in default form he couldn't say for sure what it was. He turned into a squirrel as they were nearest, and not only found himself not only in a great deal of pain, (he was now hearing the noise full blast) but also hearing the cries and pleas of every squirrel within his hearing. Fighting the instinct to attack he changed back with a strangle cry.

"He's hurting the animals. Don't attack them, they can't help it. T-the bells, their sound causes them pain." Beast Boy could still faintly hear the bells and his animal qualities were crying for him to attack. "They don't know what to do but attack. Get the whistles away from him. Stop him, and the animals will stop as well." Beast Boy covered his ears working to quiet the Beast who was screaming to get out.

Robin, Cyborg, and Starfire stood still, processing the information they had been giving while watching for animals close enough to attack. Raven however stepped forward immediately and started chanting. "Azarath Metrion Zinthos, Azarath Met-" Wilderness looked surprised as he found himself cut off by black magic, freeing the animals from the whistles. At once they stopped attacking but many could still be heard crying and whimpering. Beast Boy looked away from them angry and upset. "Robin," Raven never took her eyes off Wilderness "get his whistles and we can arrest him."

"Right. Titans G-" Robin stopped dumbfounded as Beast Boy launched himself past his leader, murder in his eyes.

Raven's magic dropped in surprise and Wilderness amazed he was even doing so, wished she hadn't let it go. Beast Boy was either calling on many animals at once or constantly shifting stopping only long enough to take the shape completely before becoming another animal. It was impossible to tell, he was moving so fast.

Wilderness barely had time to register he was under attack before a hand the size of an ape's had taken his whistles. Next second he was staring into a wolf's face. But no, wait; now he was under an elephant, its foot poised above his chest, lowering slowly to crush him. However, just as Wilderness resigned himself to his death, Raven's magic came out of nowhere surrounding him. Beast Boy's foot no matter how large or how strong couldn't break that magic and they both knew it.

As Beast Boy returned to his normal shape and turned towards his teammates, they saw an ugly look on his face. Robin, keeping his voice calm spoke, "Beast boy, he's been captured. There's no need to kill him, come away from him." Cyborg distinctly heard him mutter "Go to hell." At Wilderness before returning to stand with his team. Slowly, Raven let her energy drop and Wilderness was quickly arrested.

Before anyone could say anything to Beast Boy (not that they knew what to say), he was talking. "Guys, I'll meet you back at the Tower 'kay?" Without waiting for a response he changed into a gull and flew off leaving behind four confused Titans.

"That was- unusual for friend Beast Boy no?" Asked Starfire looking upset. "Did we upset him, or offend him in some way? I know! I will make the cake of chocolate to help improve his feelings."

"Star" Cyborg began, "that's really nice of you but I think it might take more than some cake to cheer BB up. I'm not entirely sure what is wrong though."

"It's obvious" Came Raven's monotone as she lowered her hood to talk with the rest. "Beast Boy's connection to animals is extremely strong. Not only did he have to witness hundreds of animals in pain, but, upon becoming an animal he felt and understood that pain more than we ever could.

"But, I also think this runs deeper. Have any of you noticed that when Beast Boy thinks no one is paying attention it almost like watching a mask fall off? He seems upset and determined to hide it. He's in pain, but I can't say for sure why."

"I noticed," Came Cyborg's voice, low and guilt filled, his human eye turned downwards and his electronic eye seemed to dim. "When ever we played video game or argued over food he didn't seem like he really cared anymore. More like he was doing it because I expected him to. Sure, he would gloat if he won, but it wasn't the same, not as energy filled and crazy. I'm sorry I didn't say anything, I wasn't sure if I should."

"This isn't your fault Cyborg." Robin said determinedly. "None of us spoke up about the changes we noticed in Beast Boy. But now we need to focus on helping him get better. Raven" He said turning his attention the cloaked Titan "would talking to someone help? Getting things out instead of bottling them up?" Raven nodded. "Good. When we get back to the Tower tonight you can talk to him." Raven's head shot up and her eyes were wide with shock. Before she could say anything Starfire spoke up.

"Oh yes friend Raven! You and Beast Boy are, as they say on Earth, adorable! This would be an excellent chance for you two to become closer!" Raven blinked opening her mouth to speak, but merely closed it again.

"Raven." She looked over at Cyborg. "Please do this. He needs someone to talk to, and he trusts you more than any of us." She looked at Cyborg for a moment longer. He looked so sad, not at all like the big brother he so often seemed to her.

"I'll do it. But I'm warning you; I can't make any promises. He has to want my help. It can't just be forced upon him. He needs to accept it."

"I think he wants help Raven. Even if he's not sure how to tell us that." Raven looked towards her leader hoping he was right. Beast Boy needed to talk to someone, hopefully he saw that as well.

While this conversation had been taking place beats Boy had returned to the Tower. Even though he had skipped breakfast that morning and it was well past lunchtime he passed straight through the kitchen into his room.

Digging through the mess on the floor, he'd have to clean it soon or something was bound to start growing again, he found his mp3 player and plugged it into the speakers he had. Putting it on random he lay down on his unmade bed thinking.

He knew the rest of the team must think he was crazy. Seeing so many hurting animals though, and then having to feel that pain, it had just been too much. Beast Boy had been stressed to the breaking point for months now. The reason no one noticed is that he worked hard to keep his mask in place. For months now Beast Boys life had been a carefully planned script.

A few months ago Beast Boy had started having nightmares. Nightmares about all manner of things. The disease he'd contracted as a small boy, having his DNA infused with that of animals in order to save his life, his parents death, being poached for months by scared tribesmen who had once called him family, and losing his second family, the Doom Patrol. But those were old nightmares, old fears and old demons.

Now new ones were adding themselves to the mix. Now he was terrorized by thought of losing control of the Beast, being forced to leave the Titans due to his unstable DNA and losing yet another family. The worse however had been those nightmares where he had told Raven his past, all of it. Once he was finished she had laughed. Her laugh had been cruel and mirthless, the laugh of everyone he had every cared about coming out of her perfect mouth. And her amethyst eyes had been cold and hard, making them look less like hers and more like Terra's. Making him remember the funhouse watching as she betrayed them all. Betrayed him.

He woke from these dreams sobbing and screaming all at once. They're had been a horrible moment a few weeks ago when he had awoken like this and thought he heard a noise. Panicked he could have sworn he heard Raven's door, in the room next to his open. However after waiting a few minutes, sobbing silently and hearing nothing, he put it down as his imagination.

Meanwhile the Titans had returned home and were going about their business. Cyborg started on an upgrade for his sonic cannon and Starfire played with Silke. Raven however had a mission to take care of before talking to Beast Boy; she needed to talk with Robin. Regardless of what he had told Cyborg concerning guilt Raven knew better. She still shared a mind connection with robin and even without it she would have sensed how guilty he felt about Beast Boy.

Robin took being leader of the Titans seriously, and if something went wrong he blamed himself. The last thing Raven needed was more messed up Titans on her hands, and so, she sought out Robin, and soon found herself staring at the neat letters of the nameplate on his door.

Knocking gently she spoke, "Robin?" The door slid open to reveal her leader staring at her in mild concern. As far as he knew Raven had never come knocking on any of the Titans doors, let alone his. "Could we talk for a moment?" The sentence came out somewhat awkwardly and she blushed slightly feeling uncomfortable.

Stepping back Robin allowed her to enter his room and raven looked around curiously. It was how she has always expected Robin's room to look; neat, with everything out of sight and in it's proper place. Nothing in the room showed who Robin was. It would probably surprise some to know that the room was even used regularly. Raven however knew that this came from the amount of time Robin spent in the evidence room, working on a case, or in the training room, working himself into exhaustion until Starfire dragged him out.

"Is something wrong Raven?" Snapped out of her thoughts she looked at him and saw genuine concern on his face. Their mind connection brushed even closer and she caught snatches of his worried thoughts.

"Not- not really" She was trying to choose her words carefully. Phrase it in a way that would force him to listen long enough for her to prove her point. "Robin, I saw the look on your face when we were trying to figure out the best way to help Beast Boy earlier today. What you told Cyborg was true. None of us are responsible for what happened today or what's been going on with him these past few months. Let me finish Robin, please." He closed his mouth glaring and Raven pushed his disagreeing thoughts away from her own. "We didn't have a reason to think anything was wrong with Beast Boy, but now that we do know, we need to help him. Blaming ourselves won't do anything and the important thing is getting through to him right now."

"You don't get it." Robin spat out bitterly. "We may be a team but I am responsible for you guys. I'm the leader. If something happens to one of you, or you're hurting, it's my job to know about it and help you through it. I failed Beast Boys these past few months. Not only did I not realize he was in pain, but a man was almost crushed to death becuase of it." Robin looked incredibly guilty now. "How do I tell you guys to trust me, if you can't rely on me? If I. Can't. Help. You?" He sat down on his bed staring at the floor.

"Robin, listen to me," Raven spoke as she came to sit next to him on the bed. "We all trust you. With big and small things in our lives. You found all of us when we had no families, no homes, and gave us one. Gave us a family and a home and a purpose. We'll never be able to repay you for that.

"No, you didn't see it, but no one did and you can't beat yourself up over this. If you ever need to talk I am here for you and I'll do what I can. Though, truth be told, you may prefer talking to Starfire instead." Smiling Raven got off the bed. The Boy Wonder nodded and blushed slightly. "Good, I'm gonna go find Beast Boy now."

As Raven left Robin's room however she realized something. Like it or not she already had more than one messed up Titan on her hands. All of them had suffered in some very big ways and they had never really talked about, not together at least. Maybe they needed to. Or maybe, they needed to know that they could talk about it with one another. As this thought struck her Raven changed course with a sigh, now heading towards the common room where Starfire and Cyborg sat. For someone who wasn't particularly big on emotions, she sure was dealing with them a lot lately.

"Starfire. Cyborg." They both looked up at Raven. "Seeing what happened today with Beast Boy made me realize that we all need to talk about things a bit more. It doesn't matter who you talk with, whoever your comfortable with I guess. Just as long as you do talk. If- if you ever wanted to talk to me for some reason, well, I'm willing to listen. Okay?" Raven blushed crimson as both Titans nodded. "I- I'll just go talk to Beast Boy than." Turning around Raven went through the doors trying to not to look too uncomfortable.

Standing outside of the changeling's door Raven remembered the last time she had stood outside this same door.

A few weeks ago she had woken rather suddenly with her powers buzzing. She could not only hear some noise –was that crying? Had someone just screamed? - She could also feel that somebody close by was very upset. Feeling the person's mind a bit more she realized it was Beast Boy. What was wrong that could be making him cry so hard? He was absolutely sobbing. There was nothing for it, she'd have to go and check.

However, as soon as she opened her door not only had the noise stopped but a feeling of embarrassment and shame had come over her. As they weren't connected to what she was doing, it only followed they were Beast Boy's emotions. His hurt, pain and fear were slamming through the closed door.

She raised her hand to knock and stopped. If Beast boy was this embarrassed thinking she'd heard him, what would happen if she confronted him about it? Sighing quietly, and not at all sure it was the right thing to do, Raven went back to her room and listened as the sobs started minutes later.

For the rest of the night Raven listened and used her powers feeling what Beast Boy felt. Even after he was asleep again, when Raven was sure his thoughts were coming through only as dreams, the feelings of fear, remorse, guilt and pain continued. Once more he woke up crying but it was much quieter this time and Raven merely sat in bed waiting for it to subside. Beast Boy woke continuously through the night from bad dreams, only to fall asleep once again and awake an hour or so later.

Coming back to where she was Raven raised her hand as she had done two weeks ago. This time there was no choice, she had to know. If she embarrassed him she'd feel bad, but something had to be done. Knocking gently three times she waited. It was then she heard the music that was playing on the other side of the door. The lyrics to 'Smile like you mean it' by The Killers 'Who knew Beast Boy listened to good music?' could be heard. Once again raising her hand she knocked hard the sound echoing loudly in the empty hallway. The volume decreased and Beast Boy's face appeared in the doorway.

Raven thought he had been crying from how red his eyes looked but chose not to comment. "Beast Boy," She said gently, "could I uh, come in?" Beast Boy just stared.

'She wants to come in?' Part of his mind said confusedly. "Well let her in stupid!' Replied another part. "Uh… Sure." 'What did I do to piss her off? I haven't eaten much lately so I don't think I could have left tofu out on the counter. Use any of her teabags? Mess up one of her books? She doesn't look pissed. But why else would she be here?' "Did I do something wrong? Again." Raven seemed to snap out of whatever she was thinking. When he met her eyes he stare was piercing.

Her tone however, was gentle and hesitant. "No you didn't do anything. I just wanted to talk to you. See if everything was okay you know?"

"Oh." He said glumly. Beast Boy had been afraid of this. What if they kicked him off the team? He had no family left. He had no where he could go. He could, of course, live as an animal, but the time he had spent being hunted by different tribes in Africa, all of whom believed he was a daemon, made that idea unfavorable. People didn't really care for green animals as he'd discovered. He was going to be abandoned again. It was a nightmare come true.

Raven was never really sure if being an empath was a curse or a gift. In this case however, she'd take whatever she could to try and help Beast Boy. At the moment she could feel the fear and pain that was coming off of him in waves, his eyes beginning to dart around like those of a trapped animal.

Looking around she wasn't surprised to see clothes, CD's, and empty pizza boxes covered the floor. The boy just wasn't neat. The walls were also covered, though this time with posters, magazine clipping and was that a newspaper clipping? She could see the green-blue walls he had asked to be painted peaking out in the few bare spaces still left on the wall.

"Don't be so afraid Beast Boy. We're worried about you, we're not about to commit you." He looked as if he was going to contradict her about ebign afraid so she kept going. "Beast Boy, I'm an empath. Remember?"

"Oh yeah." He said sheepishly. "I've just been kind of out of it lately Rae. You know stressed out. Nothing to worry about. Must have just lost it a bit today. It won't happen again though. I promise."

He put as much happiness into his voice and thoughts as he could but the fear still seeped out. Engulfing everything like a paper towel absorbing a spill. Raven could still feel his fear, and the fact he was trying so hard to hide it, even now when they knew something was wrong, worried her.

'Should I tell his what I heard a few weeks ago?' Raven wondered. What's the worst that can happen? He could feel too embarrassed to ever look at me again. Or he could be more willing to talk. Well he never stays embarrassed for long one way or another. It had to be worth a shot.

"Beast Boy." How could she say this without embarrassing him too much? "A few weeks ago I uh-" Now Beast Boy looked scared. "heard some noises. They woke me up. I thought someone was crying and when I opened my door I felt how embarrassed and upset you were so I just went back to bed. Obviously though, you're really upset. You can't just bottle things up like this. It isn't good for you. And one way or another things always find a way out. To her immense surprise he laughed.

"Look who's talking about bottling emotions! The Ice Queen herself! No! Rae, I- I didn't mean it like that." He looked down and kept on talking while studying his shoes. "You just really aren't one to talk about bottling things up."

"Exactly." Beast Boy looked up obviously shocked to find himself still in one piece. "If anyone knows about bottling emotions it's me. Which means I know just how unhealthy of a thing it is to do. They'll get out Beast Boy. Emotions always do. I think we saw proof of that today." He looked down blushing. "I'm not trying to embarrass you o make you feel bad. But I am asking you to talk to someone. To one of us. We're worried and want to help. That's all."

"They sent you didn't they?" Raven just stared at Beast Boy confused. "To talk to me Rae. They sent you. Robin and everyone else told you to come and talk to me. You'd never have come here otherwise. Just to see if I was okay." Beast Boy was full-out screaming now and Raven was still to shocked for words. "Someone had to be sent and you were just the sacrificial lamb. Well thanks anyway but I don't need pity." He had slowly been edging Raven out of the room, and she was now standing in the hallway as a door slammed in her face. One thought still crowded out the rest though. 'Beast Boy knows the Bible?'

She thought of knocking but waves of anger were being pushed through the door at her. Purposely pushed through the door at her. Beast Boy was trying to use her powers against her.

Turning around Raven saw Robin's head poke around the corner. "Raven? Was Beast Boy screaming?" Putting a finger to her lip Raven ushered Robin out of the hall. Quietly she relayed the conversation to her leader who was looking angrier and angrier every second.

"She wasn't a 'sacrificial lamb'." Robin kicked the bag hanging before him. "She was the one closest to him. The one we though he'd be comfortable with. What the hell is going on with that kid lately? This isn't like him. He's usually the nicest person he besides Starfire." With one final kick the punching bag had taken it's last bout of Robin's anger and split; pooling sand onto the training room floor like the bottom half of an hour glass. "Damnit." Robin swept the sand into buckets so as to fix the broken bag later that night.

Beast Boy meanwhile felt terrible. He'd been so scared by what Raven was saying, and knowing that no jokes could save him, he got angry. Or, at least, he tried. He had put as much anger into his thoughts as possible but it hadn't been true anger. What he had said was probably true but she had still come. She was still there. Or she had been.

And what had he done? Purposely shoved an emotion at her. Used her powers against her. Like an enemy. So now, he was alone. Emotionally protected sure, but alone all the same.He was so distracted he barely heard the knock on his door. 'Great' He thought. 'Not only did I piss her off. But know she's come to tell me off for it.'

With a grim expression Beast Boy resolved himself not to yell back at her and waked to the door. Then an even better thought caught him. He'd say he was sorry before she freaked out on him. Squaring his shoulders he opened the door.

"Rav-" He blinked. "Robin?" Not only was his leader standing outside his door, but he looked pissed. "Is something wrong? Some crazies break out again? Starfire turn you down for a date?" He was doing his best to smile and make jokes but Robin wasn't having any of that.

"We need to talk." Robin had been trying to stay calm though he could feel the anger coursing through him. Taking a few deeps breaths he kept in mind what'd he decided after breaking open the punching bag. 'Something's going on with Beast Boy. And while we'll be there for him and help him, he can't pull this crap on members of the team. It's dangerous. I just wish he'd let us care about him.'

'Well, here goes nothing.' Taking a deep breath Robin continued. "Can I come in?" Beast Boy nodded and Robin walked in ignoring the mess. Turning to lean on one of the walls Robin stared straight at beast Boy whose eyes were fixed on a Rilo Kiley poster next to Robin's head. "Beast Boy," Robin paused. "Beast Boy look at me." Even thought he said it in a gentle tone Robin was their leader. He had to look at him. "Thank you."

"Now. What has been going on with you lately? And don't try to deny it. We all knew something was going on before today. The fight with Wilderness just confirmed it. Raven wasn't the 'sacrificial lamb' as you put it. We were concerned and she seemed like the one you'd feel most comfortable with. So that this would be easier for you."

"Whatever it is you need to apologize to Raven." Beast Boy nodded. "Good. And Beast Boy, if you ever need to talk we're all here. Okay?" Robin pushed off the wall he'd been bracing himself agianst. "I need to fix the punching bag so I'll see you later." As he walked out of the room he heard his frined say in a quiet voice "Dude. You broke that thing again?" Smiling he grabbed his sewing kit and headed off to the training room.