She never told you, but she can play the guitar.
She taught herself how to play the guitar at age 14. It wasn't really that much, but she still called him up on the phone at 1 in the morning and bragged about her latest achievement. Dino just yawned countless times, and almost fell asleep half-way through the conversation, if it wasn't for her loud voice which seemed unbelievable to him. That day, he was supposed to stay at his grandfather's mansion, so he needed time to sleep. Nevertheless, he still managed to stay glued to the phone, and smiled at his best friend's incredible dual personality, both with amusement and with a strange feeling of privilege.
Looking back now, Dino just smiles at the memory, suddenly trying to bring back to mind the entire conversation. He desperately grasps for the exact words. Every detail seems so important all of a sudden.
She loves to argue, and you didn't know about it.
Nobody could ever beat her in an argument, whether if it is about love, family, or simply opinions. Amazingly though, Dino was the only one she couldn't beat, either. And she simply just couldn't accept this simple fact. She challenged him once, saying that she'll definitely beat him, and when she does, he should give her a reward for it. He remembers asking her when it would happen. Before I turn 20, she says.
Dino would just shake his head and smile. She's now 21, and him 22, and he still claims the throne.
I'll never fall in love again, she swore.
She told him once that she'll never let herself fall in love ever again. She was 16 the first time she tasted the paradoxical bitterness of love. The boy was a senior in their school, and a son of an equally rich Mafioso, though not as popular as her own father, who was the Boss of an ally family of the Cavallone, the famiglia of the then-future-boss and her best friend Dino. It wasn't easy not to fall in love to a dashing young woman from an influential family, and within a month, they became a couple.
She was awfully devastated about their relationship in the end, which barely even lasted for a year. For a few weeks after the break-up, she tried to stay away from everybody, especially men, as much as possible, even avoiding her best friend on every occasion. She locked herself up in her room more often, and childishly clung to her thoughts that all men were all jerks. Dino could not comprehend all these. Both of them knew he wasn't the one at fault, nor could it be her loved ones', either. But he still gave her space, painfully watching over his best friend, who had started being both distant and indifferent.
She saw all the things around her in shades of black. Everything was bad, painful or dark. She didn't see any light in any of it, and she didn't plan on looking for any, anyway. She saw the world as a cruel one in an estranged perspective, forgetting all about her own self, and the ones around her.
In the end, she finally gave in. She came to him broken and with nowhere to go. She was hurt too much, and he was the only one who could understand her. He was the only one who can see through her. He knew that she gave her all to the one she loved, and in the end, left her with nothing but despair and sadness.
She apologized to him endlessly for dragging him to her problems, for ignoring him, blaming others, and for not listening to her best friend. There wasn't any point in avoiding him, she says. Dino listened intently as her voice cracked on every word, stroking her back and constantly pushing strands of her blonde locks gently out of the way of her pained, lovely face. Dino locked her own petite body in a warm embrace, shaking and trembling in uncontrollable sobs. She looked up to his hazel eyes, locking their gazes with her tear-filled ones. For a moment, Dino wanted to look away, afraid she might see through him and discover his own feelings for her. But she just smiled and thanked him for everything, innocently overlooking the truth.
She can see through everything but my heart.
That was the reason why it was a big question to him that she is in another relationship now. How would he not understand? He was her best friend. He was supposed to be the first person to understand her and encourage and support her on everything she does. He should be the one to give her advices and make sure that her relationship with the guy would stay strong, because he wouldn't want his best friend to be hurt again. He should be the one to accept, give way, and give consideration. No matter how much it would hurt, he knew that there'd be no way on earth he'd be able to make her happy without hurting his own feelings.
He knew there was no other way. It would be awfully selfish if to pave way to his feelings.
…Though he knew as well that he could not simply ignore that strange feeling and slight twinge in his chest whenever he saw her.
To sacrifice and forget about your own happiness: that is a part of being in love.
If only she'd be a little bit more insightful when it comes to me. If only she'd stop making me feel weak whenever she comes and smiles at me with her bright smile. If only she'd know that I hold my breath every time she's there. If only she'd stop setting her sights afar and instead start looking closely for what's right in front. If only she'd realize that I love her more than anything else, and that I'd be willing to give back to her the things that she'd sacrificed for other people.
If only life wouldn't be as hard without her. If only.
He was mad. She was mad. Both of them were.
She could not understand why he was being like this. He was her best friend. He should be happy for her with what she has in her life right now.
He does understand why she was being like this. What he could not understand is himself. Why is he being mad and letting his own emotions out? He was used to just letting her do the things she want, though in the expense of his own happiness. He prioritizes her feelings more. He didn't usually care about himself, and he can even ignore the fact that he was madly in love with her. He had done it before, so why can't he just do it right now that she was already happy with her life? Why can't he just stand the truth?
On and on they argued. Him explaining to her the track she's once again retaking, and she defending her own love for the other guy. It was a pointless argument, and Dino knew that he's being immature about all this. He just let out an exasperated sigh and gave way to her.
She became quiet as well, and her face was plastered with a bitter smile. I won, she said. And the least he could do to reward her was to be understanding and let her live her own life, she finally said as she started to turn around and walk away from him.
It finally dawned on him that whatever she'd decide now would strain their friendship forever. Without a second thought, he subconsciously grabbed her arm and closed in on her on the wall, putting both hands against the wall and on each side of her head. He looked down on her face with great longing and sadness, both hoping and pleading for a chance. Her face burned with his face only inches away from hers; their foreheads almost touching. It was mixed with slight anger, surprise, astonishment, confusion, but most of all, realization.
After a second of locking gazes, Dino leaned closer and he pursed his lips to her soft ones, subduing a slight yelp that signified her shock. His tongue travelled through her mouth, as his hands rested ever so gently on her arms. Her anger was replaced with pleasure and great longing, strangely. Her right arm dangled awkwardly on her side, and she closed her eyes and rested her left hand on his chest, feeling the moment, their own hearts spontaneously beating as one. Some part of her wished for the moment not to end, and she knew they could've gone forever if it wasn't for the need of oxygen for both of them.
Panting heavily and their own chests heaving up and down, they just stood there with each other, unmoving in their own positions. She looked to the ground and instinctively touched her lips, only realizing now what they had just done. She looked at him hesitantly, trying so hard not to meet his gaze, only to meet his eyes and abruptly dart her gaze away.
He leans forward to her, head resting on her shoulder, hands gently draped on her milky-white arms. She could feel his warm breath tickling her neck, unable to subdue her feelings.
"I love you," he murmurs softly after a long silence.
It was wrong, and she knew it, to make him feel like this every time. He had been hurting inside all along, only for her to realize it now. It was bad. It was selfish of her to hurt him like this. He deserved to be loved. And he does not deserve her at all. She had only realized now the consequences of her own happiness through all the years he'd been there with her. She regretted it all. Someone like her isn't fit to be with him. She was selfish. She was never a best friend.
She opened her mouth to speak, only to have found it dried up and her voice attempting to crack every time she attempts to say something. Finally, the tears started rolling, and no matter how much she tried, she could never hold them back.
"I-I'm sorry…" She finally whispered, gently pushing her own body away from him, making space for both of them. "I'm not worthy of your feelings. You deserve a better woman."
"But you're the only one I loved. I wouldn't be able to live without you… I—" Dino blurted out, only to pause and leave the words dangling in the air. He lowers his head, and she saw his pale knuckles clenched then unclenched.
She could see his throat rising up, but she couldn't see his face, so she wasn't sure what his emotions were, but she was definite he was clearly hurt, and he simply couldn't say what he actually wanted to say because he's thinking of what she herself might feel.
She had hurt him once again.
"I'm really sorry, Dino…"
"No, don't be." He said as he finally let go and turned his back on her, facing away. "I should be the one apologizing. I'm sorry …"
"Dino…"
"Look, I wasn't forcing you or anything. I simply wanted to let you know how I feel," He turned to face her, giving her a weak smile that seemed genuine yet forced at the same time, "Don't worry about it, all right? I'm sorry for the trouble…"
With that, he gave her a soft pat on the head, just like what he'd usually do before, brushing strands of her hair out of her face before turning on his heels and finally left without ever looking back, leaving her with a massive hole in her heart.
How foolish of us to think we'd actually be able to act as if nothing happened. We should've known better.
Sometimes, we make decisions against our own will but we knew would bring happiness to other people. Yours was right, though it wasn't entirely against you own will to be exact, because you were willing to make her happy.
She is an hour late. Dino looks at his watch and sighs for the nth time. She told him that he himself should be there an hour before because she wouldn't want to miss the bus ride. It would be a lot time-consuming if they walk, which would practically take them about an hour to reach their destination.
"8 A.M. sharp, huh…" He murmurs under his breath.
How typical. She never changes.
But then Dino just smiles. That's one of the many things he likes about her, anyway. She's never affected by the changes in her environment. Literally, at times. If they were in school, even a number of trips to the disciplinary committee would never stop her from being late. She never changes, and she doesn't have any plans to, either.
And besides, he loves taking long walks with her. They haven't done it for quite a while now.
He knew that there'd be no way their relationship would stay the same after that time. But both of them still tried fight off their conflicting emotions within them. It was worth a try at least, he thought.
Her relationship with her boyfriend became stagnant; it never moved up, neither did it sink. It just became like that; unmoving. So many times she tried to forget about her feelings for Dino, but no matter how much she tried forgetting about the past, it would always come back, and her heart served as a proof that it could never be erased that easily. Finally, she decided to end her relationship with the guy. She didn't want it like that. She couldn't live like that forever.
Surprisingly, their break-up went clean and smooth. There were no compromises. No harm done. Apparently, he had often thought about it himself even before, that their relationship would never work out. He just didn't want to hurt her, because deep inside, he knew he still cared about her and she'll always be a part of his life. He wants her to make her own life out of what she really wanted. She deserves to be happy. And if he wouldn't be able to give her that happiness she sought, then she better follow her own heart and look for it herself.
She was grateful, and they've always stayed friends after that.
-Which would now bring us to the present-
He knows she should already be here right about now, unless some sort of emergency has happened, of course. Dino momentarily panics slightly, though manages to recompose himself after a second, shaking his head. He knows that emergency situations for her would be forgetting to feed her pet hamster, not being able to check her e-mails, running on a black cat, and other silly things he himself would just laugh his head off. He chuckles lightly as another memory is about to hit his mind.
"Wonderful, so you were too early!" He spins his head around and smiles. She is wearing the charm necklace that he'd bought for her as a gift from Japan.
She smiles back and waves, skimping towards him and flinging her arms around his neck.
"I wasn't too early. I was exactly on time actually. You're the one who came late, so don't blame me."
"I wasn't late. I just came a few minutes—"
"Hours"
"Okay. A few hours after the designated meeting time. Besides, it was our maid's fault for not waking me up."
"In other words, you were still late." Dino smiles playfully and gently pulls her wrist before she could even retort back. "We better start walking now, or we might miss the show."
"So we'll actually walk from here to the amusement park?" She asks, looking up to him.
Dino slows his pace, "Yes. Well, we missed the bus." He catches a slight glint in her eyes, one hadn't seen for so long.
"Okay, then. That would be nice." She grins as she walks side by side with him.
Dino smiles knowingly, as he slips his hand into hers, and she reciprocating the gesture with a slight squeeze of his hand.
"Nice necklace."
"Of course. It was from someone really special," She says, leaning her head on his shoulder.
-END-