Disclaimer: I own nothing but a lava lamp and a bus pass

And the lamp is stolen anyway.

A Itakisa fanfic written for a Deviantart Contest. Fanfics had to be Itakisa and involve tainted sushi and a kimono. XD T'was fun! Lemme know what you think. It's my first attempt at anything remotely comedic.

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The first thing Kisame realised when he opened his eyes was that he was no longer in his bedroom, but in a dark empty room with a wooden floor and candles in two rows either side of him.

well, that and the fact that he was tied to a chair with all his clothes including underwear were lying in a crumpled heap a few feet in front of him.
Looking down he saw that he was dressed in a sumptuous dark blue kimono, reaching just to his knees, tied altogether too loosely by a length of thin silver cord. He struggled against his bonds, but only managed to tighten them so they cut painfully into his wrists.
Growling through pointed teeth he eyed the room, squinting ahead, he could make out a figure at the back, shrouded by shadows.

"Who's there?" He snarled at the darkness around him. "What the hell do you think you're doing?"

"Comfy Kisame?" A soft chilling voice echoed round the strange room, sending a shiver up the shark mans spine.

"You'd better let me out now, or I swear you'll pay in limbs!" He roared, lunging into the air in front of him, only to be pulled back by the rope round his wrists.
As the echoes of his outburst died into wringing silence, a slender figure stepped out from the shadows.

"Itachi! What the hell? I mean - "

"Come on Kisame, You've known me four years and you still can't recognise my voice?"

"Well forgive me Itachi-san, but I think given the circumstances you can understand me being a little distracted! Now would you get me out of here already? this is embarrassing!"

But the pale man just smiled and stepped further into the glow of the candles until he was directly in front of his partner. Kisame saw that he was also wearing a (slightly too loose) kimono, in an elegant inky black with crimson trim, highlighting his porcelain skin and delicate features, frames with sleek raven hair, hanging untied across his shoulders.

"Itachi?" Kisme said slowly "What's going on?" He was concerned now. Before he'd been worried he'd been kidnapped from his bed and was going to be killed in an unpleasant way and left to be found in an embarrassing position and a skimpy outfit.

Now he felt even worse. Itachi was smiling slightly, and in past experiences, that meant someone was dying, dead or about to be.

"Y'know Kisame," Itachi whispered, leaning into his partner and putting his hands on his shoulders. "It's been four years tomorrow since we started working together, I just wanted to celebrate with you." He laughed softly, his breath
tickling kisame's cheek. "Happy anniversary Same-san." He straightened up and backed off into the shadows.

"Was that it?" Kisame asked, relieved but also a bit disappointed at having the rather risky images that'd been flashing through his mind cut short.

"Oh no Same-san." Itachi breathed, reigniting the dirty slideshow in kisame's head. "I still have to give you a present."

The younger man emerged again, this time carrying a small dark wooden tray. As he got closer, Kisame could see squares and circles of rice and fish with vegetables and Nori.

"Sushi, that's my present?" he said "um...thanks, but was the whole tied up and in a skimpy kimono really necessary? Most just people tend to wrap stuff up in pretty ribbons and junk."

"No silly shark." laughed Itachi in an innerving way, producing a pair of chopsticks, "How would you eat it with your hands behind your back?"

"Itachi what-" But he was cut short as Itachi swiftly slid his legs around kisame's until he was straddling him, his slender creamy thighs gently pushing into the folds of the dark blue silk at his partner's hips.

"Now," he said looking at Kisame. "hungry?"

"uh...yeah." he said, his throat dry, "though not really for sushi." he thought staring into the pools of black that were Itachi's eyes, rimmed so perfectly with long thick lashes.
Silently Itachi took a small square of rice and fish in the chopsticks and and lifted his hand to kisame's lips, never breaking his gaze. Kisame let the sushi slide into his mouth, the sensation of the cool rice and slick fish along with the heat of Itachi's body pressed against his set his body trembling and he swallowed quickly.

"Nice?" the smaller man asked, resting his not-holding-a-tray hand on his partner's chest. Kisame nodded, his heart racing against his partner's fingers.

"Good."

Itachi lifted another piece into kisame's mouth, and another, all the while staring at him. After the fourth piece, Kisame realised that he was incredibly aware of just how close Itachi was, his body glistened with sweat in spite of the cold room and his heart was pounding furiously.

"Itachi!" He gasped, shaking "What's happening?"

"Ah yes" came the reply from curled lips "that would be your other surprise." He pushed his hips further against Kisame's, earning a moan. "You see, that sushi wasn't just normal sushi, I had it prepared with Belladonna, one of the strongest aphrodisiacs, and I know you sharky boys are particularly sensitive to it." He laughed and slipped his hand into kisame's kimono, sliding his finges down Kisame's chest and stomach, resting it just above his hipbone. "It seems to be working." he smirked.

Kisame was on fire, every tiny sensation set his skin alight, pulsing through him like waves of heat. He was tingling, burning wherever Itachi's flesh touched his own. Every inch of porcelain collarbone, exposed from beneath black silk sent his senses into a frenzy, he couldn't see anything but Itachi, could't think about anything but Itachi, that and how annoying the kimono was. He bucked forwards, trying to free himself, trying to reach the beautiful figure before him, knocking the tray from his hand.
He growled savagley at Itachi, his animal instincts clouding his mind, stripping away his reason and concern, leaving nothing but his burning core of desire.

"Have it your way then" Itachi sighed looking at the sushi scattered across the floor. He pressed himself into Itachi and buried his lips in his own. Kisame snarled into Itachi's mouth and pulled again on his restraints.
"Okay okay, I'll free you, but let's get this kimono off first, i have a feeling we may-" A loud ripping sound told him Kisame had the same idea. He took the shredded pience of black silk from his partners mouth and kissed him again before sliding his hands down to the cord at Kisame's waist.

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(Use your imagination here, seriously. I didn't feel like writing smut XD)

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Kisame's eyes opened, only to shut tight again from the stream of light blazing through his bedroom window. "wow" he thought "whatta dream" Sighing he forced himself to sit up and stretched his muscular blue build before rolling half heartedly onto the wooden floor. He dressed slowly and made his way into one of the main rooms, where he found Pein, eating buttered toast and drinking from his "evil and proud" mug the team had given him last year as a birthday present.

present? Oh God. That dream again, so vivid and yet so ridiculous, although it really was four years today that they'd started their partnership. It actually beat the crap out of most of the other Akatsuki pairs.

"Good morning Leader-sama" he said, nodding his head at him.

"Ah yes Kisame, you and Itachi have a mission today." The mention of Itachi brought back very vivid memories, of shredded silk and tainted sushi and a badly broken chair. Pein outlined details of the mission with Kisame drifting in and out of listening mode. "Kisame? I said is that clear? Because i don't want any slip ups!"

"huh...um...yeah?" came the not-really-concentrating reply.

"Excellent, now go find Itachi, he should be outside."

"Uh...what? I mean, okay leader-sama." A slightly confused Kisame began to turn around.

"Oh, wait Kisame, you have something on your cheek!"

"What?"

"Yeah, it looks like a bit of sushi rice."

"WHAT!?"

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END, (huzzah!)

So Good ? Bad? Catastrophic? Should I stick to heartache? (see 'Only in dreams.')

Also, if you're on DA, come say hi! I'm supermariposa, though this was written for my old account (which is the same name as on here) :D