Disclaimer: I don't own Naruto. Or a camp called Funshine.
2020: I just had a flash of inspiration to write this.
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The Misadventures at Camp Funshine!!!
Chapter 1: Tsunade's Aggrivation
Subtitle: The First Day at Funshine
"SHIZUNE! LET ME IN TO SEE THE HOKAGE!!!"
Upon hearing the familiar, annoying voice, Tsunade banged her head upon her desk.
"Uh... I-I'm sorry, Naruto, the Hokage is... um... busy! Yes, she's out on a mission!"
She banged her head on the desk again. When had Shizune become such a poor liar?
"You don't fool me, Shizune! The Hokage doesn't go on missions! I'll bet she's out gambling again!"
Insolence!
Another voice joined the two. "What? Tsunade's out gambling again? Ugh! I've been guarding the door- she must have slipped out another way!"
Whaaat?! Sakura- her own apprentice- thought she would sneak away and was GOING TO STOP HER?!?!?!
Yet another voice joined them. "Well, Naruto, if you ever do become Hokage, try not to become a gambling addict."
Even Kakashi?! Does no one respect the Hokage?
"Tenten always says she wants to be like Tsunade- I wonder if she realizes that her hero is a drunken gambler?"
Insubordination! That does it. Tsunade flipped through her papers, wondering what punishment would fit the crime of badmouthing the Hokage. A tapping on her window made her look up. A large, bright orange falcon sat outside, with a scroll tied to his leg. Curious, she stood, opened the window and let the bird in. Written in flowing script on the scroll was her own name. She unfurled it.
Cousin Tsunade,
Hi!! How are you? It's me, Hitomi- your second cousin's half-sister twice removed? We met that once, at the family picnic?
Tsunade smiled. How could she forget Hitomi? Without her, she would have never survived that family reunion.
Anyway, I heard a while back that you became Hokage- congrats! I've been meaning to write, but, well, I've just been so busy with the camp and all...
Speaking of! You probably havn't heard of my latest escapade- I have recently aqquired a summer campsite. I call it Camp Funshine! It's been keeping me so busy. Last week our last group left, and now I'm the owner of an empty camp. It's very picturesque- we're right next to Lake Happysmile, and across the lake, we have a perfect view of Loveydovey Forest and Mount Pleasant. If being Hokage ever gets too stressful, I still owe you for helping me steal Great Auntie Karazeki's steak- you should come visit!
Happiness to you!
Hitomi Sakigake
The letter reeked of Hitomi. Literally- it was coated in her sickly sweet rose perfume. Suddenly, Tsunade was hit by a sudden flash of information. Taking out a pen and a small scroll, she began scribbling furiously. When she was done, she tied the letter to the falcon, and released it out the window. She smiled to herself.
One Week Later
"I wonder what Tsuande wants?" Sakura said aloud. She, and the rest of the Konoha genin, along with their senseis, were standing outside the door to the Hokage's office.
"Maybe she's going to name me the next Hokage and wants you all to witness!" Naruto's eyes gleamed.
Kakashi rolled his eye. "Uh, sure, Naruto. Just keep telling yourself that."
Gai looked at his genius pupil who lacked pupils. "Neji! What is happening in there?!"
Neji shrugged. "I don't know. The walls and door must be lined with lead."
"... Summer camp..." Shino muttered.
Suddenly, the door burst open. Tsunade walked out, followed by a short woman with short, spiky blonde-and-pink hair. The short woman wore a pair of dark sunglasses, and a white shirt with an orange sun reading 'Camp Funshine' paired with a pink denim skirt. "Subordinates!" Tsunade barked. "This is my cousin, Hitomi Sakigake. Otherwise known as, the head counseler of Camp Funshine. Which is where you all will be until I think your punishment is over."
"WHAAAAAAAT?!" Everyone's voice echoed around the room at the same time.
"Hi everyone! We're going to have sooooooo much fun together at Camp Funshine!" Hitomi squealed. Her voice was naturally high-pitched, to the point that it was painful to listen to. "We have naps, and apple juice, and all kinds of good stuff!"
"Ahem." Tsunade coughed. "Just so you don't feel as if we're singling you out- the camp is supposed to be closed right now- we've selected six other people about the age of you genin to attend the camp also. The Sand siblings, Sasuke Uchiha, and two girls we found walking outside about five minutes ago, Chitomo Tsubasa and Haipa Okashi."
"Okami! KAMI! KAMI KAMI KAMI! O-K-A-M-I!" A tall girl, with long brown pigtailed hair, jumped out of the Hokage's office. "Like a wolf! HOOOOOOOWWWWWWWWLLLLLLLL!!!!!!!" She had a spastic aura about her, which was enhanced by her wide, mottled eyes and the messy pigtails.
SMACK! Behind her was a shorter girl, with short brown hair. Compared to the other girl, she had an almost Buddhist-like calmness, even when smacking the wild girl upside the head. "Hai! Don't be weird!"
"Owwww... Neechama..."
Following them out was their old aquaintance, Sasuke Uchiha.
"SASUKEEEEEEEEEEEEEEE!!!"
He gimaced. "If I can survive this, nothing my brother can do will hurt me... If I can survive this, nothing my brother can do will hurt me..." Mumbling this mantra over and over, he was oblivious to anything else going on around him.
Next were the Sand siblings, Temari, Kankuro, and Gaara. They silently joined the crowd of Konoha genin.
"Um, Hokage? What are we supposed to do? If all our students are gone..." Kakashi spoke up.
"Hm? Oh yes, that's right. Asuma, Kurenai, Kakashi, Gai. You will all be assitant counselers at Funshine."
"WHAAAAAAAAAT?!"
"I think that's about it... I'll give you an hour to pack. Report back here when you're done." With that, Tsunade and Hitomi walked back into the Hokage's office and shut the door.
"Ahaha, holy fudgesnappers, this is gonna be, like, awesome, I just love summer camp! It's like, yeah, and camping out in the cabins and ghost stories and s'mores and stuff!! And with a lake, there's like, swimming and diving and boating and skiing! Ahahaha!"
SMACK! "Stop! Being! Weird!"
The hyper girl rubbed her head. "Ow... Neechama..."
The shorter girl turned to the others. "Um... Hi there... I'm Chitomo Tsubasa, and this is Haipa Okami... But you can call us Chi and Hai."
"That's Chi and Hai! Someone once called us Tweedledum and Tweedleidiot. That's not even close to Chi and Hai! Get it right!"
Wooow... more like Tweedlespaz... Sakura thought.
One Hour Later
The group stood outside the gates to the Hidden Leaf Village, waiting for the Camp Funshine bus. Hai, the hyper girl, stood next to a large chest with a pillow and rolled up sleeping bag on it and stuffed-to-capacity backpack, chattering aimlessly to any who would listen. Chi stood next to her, also with a chest, pillow and sleeping bag, smacking her whenever she became too annoying. So basically, she smacked her again and again and again... Gaara stood off to the side, with his brother and sister, who were laughed at the antics of the two comical girls. Sakura, Naruto, and Ino were harassing Sasuke to no end, while he tried to ignore them. Hinata was unsuccessfully trying to get Naruto's attention, while Kiba was unsuccessfully trying to get hers. Shino was watching the drama take place between his teammates and the objects of their affection. Chouji was eating. And still eating. And eating. Shikamaru seemed to be asleep, leaning against a tree. Tenten was counting her kunai and weapons, and Lee was making sure he remembered all his weights. Neji was praying to any higher being that he would somehow get out of this.
A large orange bus pulled up in front of them, the side emblemed with the Camp Funshine logo. The door opened to reveal a woman with short, curly red hair, wearing a Camp Funshine shirt. "Hello everyone! I'm Jama, the Arts and Crafts counseler at Camp Funshine! We're going to have so much fun together!" Like Hitomi's, her voice was at a high frequency painful to the human ear.
Hai jumped with joy. "YAAAAAAAY CAMP!"
Jama smiled even brighter. "You're just the kind of spirit we love at Funshine! Now, I want everyone to put their stuff in the compartment underneath the bus..." She hit a button on the dashboard, and a compartment opened. "Now, put your stuff in. I want our new counselers to sit in the front of the bus, and I want all the new campers to pick someone you don't know to sit with!"
Sasuke expertly stepped to the side as Sakura, Ino, and Naruto ran towards him. He quickly grabbed Chi's arm and dragged her inside.
Hai ran onto the bus. "I CALL BACK SEAT!!"
"Woah there, little eager beaver!" Jama stopped her. "You need to find a partner that you don't know to sit with. That's the Camp Funshine Bus Rule Number Three!" She pointed to a sign near the door.
CAMP FUNSHINE BUS RULES
hands and feet inside the bus at all times
not throw things out of the bus windows
sit with someone new, or your Bus Buddy
listen to the bus driver
fun!!!
"Um..."
"Go and find someone new, then come sit. I'll make sure the back seat stays open, new camper!"
Hai brightened. "OK!" Hopping out of the bus, she looked around. "Um... partner... partner..."
By some incredibly strange force of nature, Hinata had managed to get Naruto as a partner. Kiba had ended up with Ino, Sakura with Shikamaru, Neji with Kankuro, Temari and Tenten (this wasn't going to end well), and Lee with Chouji. Hai had two options, Shino or Gaara. She knew neither. "Umm... Eh?!" She was taken by surprise as Gaara quietly walked by her, catching her arm as he passed and pulling her to the back seat she wanted so much.
Jama frowned. "Well, this won't do! No one is left out at Camp Funshine!" Just then, Hitomi came running to the bus.
"Jama! Jama! Tsunade just realized that she sent an odd number with you. She says to send the odd one out back to her office. She'll need an assistant while Sakura is gone."
Jama clapped her hands. "Well! Splendid! Run along now, little one!" she told Shino. Shrugging, the boy in the white overcoat walked back into the village.
Neji ran off the bus, yelling, "NO! NO! I'LL GO INSTEAD! I'LL GO!!!!!!!!" Hitomi reached out expertly and stopped him.
"Oh, no, can't have that! Back on the bus, new camper!"
Finally, the bus pulled out, en route to Camp Funshine.
Chi turned around in her seat to look at her friend. "Well, Hai, what a day this turned out to be. We woke up thinking it would be a normal day, and now we're getting a free stay at summer camp."
"Normal day? I never thought it would be a normal day. It's never a normal day when you're around, you crazy."
Chi's mouth popped open. "Did you just call me crazy? You? The one who claims psychosis on a daily basis?"
Hai shrugged. "Who would know craziness better than a crazy person?" She turned to stare out the window.
They hit a bump, and Chi, who had been facing backwards, fell between the seats. Stuck. "Ow!... Hey... um... Hai! YOUR FAULT!"
A voice called from over the seat. "Not my fault."
"Do you need help?" Chi looked over into the dark eyes of her 'bus buddy'. He was looking at her, well... like she was a complete idiot.
"Um, that would be nice..." In one quick motion, he pulled her out and turned her around so that she was facing forwards. "Thanks..."
"Don't do it again."
In the seat opposite them, Tenten and Temari were fighting about something completely arbitrary.
"Edward."
"Jacob."
"Edward!"
"Jacob!"
"EDWARD!"
"JACOB!"
"What are you two fighting over?" Lee leaned on the top of the seat from the one behind.
"It's nothing, Lee," Tenten sighed. "Just a book."
"Proving how little you know!" Temari laughed triumphantly. "Don't listen to her, Superbrows. It's not just a book. It's only the greatest book in the world!"
"Don't call him superbrows!" Tenten said sharply.
"I will if I want, vampire slave!"
"Werewolf bitch!"
Lee frowned. "Would this be a bad time to ask for more information reguarding this book?"
Tenten turned away from her argument, giving Lee a strained smile. "No, Lee, go ahead."
"What is the title of this book? And who are Edward and Jacob? Are they characters from the book? And why are you arguing over vampires and werewolves? Is it a vampire and werewolf book?"
While Tenten explained the world of Stephanie Mayer to Lee, with occasional commentary by Temari, Neji was trying to switch partners- his was very creepy, playing with his dolls. Looking across the aisle, he saw Naruto and Hinata. He didn't wish to sit with either ot them. Behind them were Sakura and Shikamaru.
"Psst... Sakura..." he whispered. The pink-haired girl turned to him. "Sakura, please, trade seats with me."
She wrinkled her nose. "No way, Neji. That guy is way creepy. I hear he's always trying to feel up any girl he sits near."
"How about if I owe you forever?"
"How about no?"
The sporadic conversations and arguments continued all through the trip to Funshine. Finally, they arrived.
When they got off the bus, their belongings had already been thrown into a pile by Hitomi, who had gotten off before Jama had let anyone else off. Standing on the porch of a cabin in front of them, she smiled and spread her arms wide after everyone had disembarked. "Eveyone, welcome to Camp Funshine, the happiest, nicest camp in the Land of Fire! We have several cabins, but we will only be using two. One for girls-" she gestured to a building to the right. "- and one for the boys." She pointed to the one on the left.
Kiba raised his hand halfheartedly. "Um, shouldn't they be, you know... farther apart?"
Hitomi blinked. "Farther apart? Why?"
He shook his head. "Oh, never mind." Hey, this might be fun after all...
"Anyway!" Hitomi continued brightly, "This building here is the main office- I'm in here most of the time. The building behind this is the mess hall. You'll eat all you meals there." She thought for a minute. "Um... I beleive that's all! You'll find some maps and a schedule of what activities are happening when in your cabins. Dismissed!"
"Alright, campers!" Jama said. "Get your stuff and get settled into your cabins!"
Silently, for once, the group picked up their paraphernalia and walked to their respective cabins. Inside each cabin were seven bunk beds, each with a set of drawers at the foot. A small door led to a set of bathroom stalls. The showers were in a communal washroom down a narrow dirt path leading from each of the cabins.
"WINDOW BED, CALLED IT!!" Hai slung her stuff on a top bunk near a window. "Neechama, Neechama!"
"I'm coming, spaz case." Chi spead her sleeping bag out on the bunk beneath Hai's. "I'll keep my stuff in the bottom two drawers, and you keep yours in the top," she said, gesturing at the set of drawers.
"I don't care where I sleep," Tenten said loudly, "as long as it's not near the Sand idiot."
"At least I don't have loose metal for a brain!" Temari snapped, taking the bottom bunk of one of the bed closest to the door. Tenten scowled as she placed her stuff on the top bunk farthest away from Temari's- which was just across the room from Chi and Hai's.
"Hi, brown-hair-in-buns girl!" Hai smiled as she waved crazily. "Hi, white-eyes girl!"
"Um, Tenten? Could I sleep in the bunk below yours please? I don't want to sleep in a bunk alone, and the other girls scare me..."
"Sure, Hinata, go ahead."
Ino settled down on the bottom bunk of the bunk beds across the room from Temari. "Temari," she said, "please teach me how to torment brothers."
"You don't have brothers, stupid pig!" Sakura called from the top of the bunk in-between Ino and Tenten.
"Two words, billboard brow: Chouji and Shikamaru."
Temari laughed. "Oh, I have some of the best pranks. They'll never see it coming."
"LEMON lemonlemonlemonlemon LIME peach pear apple pear orangey orangey kumquat!" Everyone turned to stare at their newest pigtailed companion.
"Um... do I even want to know?" Sakura asked. Chi shook her head. Hai continued singing the names of fruits until she was nearly decapitated by a flying kunai.
"Shut UP!" Tenten yelled.
"The new girls scare me too..." Hinata whispered, shaking.
"Hey, can I see the schedule?" Chi called. Temari opened up a box near the door, which contained seven Camp Funshine shirts, schedules, and maps.
"Catch," she said, hurling one of everything at Chi, who caught it all with some difficulty. Everyone gathered around to see the schedule.
Camp Funshine Special Session Days One and Two Activities Schedule
Day One!
Arrival at ???????
Relax, set up cabins. Explore the campground until dinner.
Dinner at 6:30 pm.
Free Time until lights-out.
Lights out at 10:00 pm.
All campers must be asleep or silent by midnight.
Day Two!
6:00-6:45 am- Breakfast
7:00-8:00 am- Arts and Crafts
7:00-9:00 am- Archery
8:00-9:00 am- Xtreme Sports Games (Soccer)
9:30-11:00 am- Swim test
11:00 am-12:00 pm- Free Time
12:00-1:00 pm- Lunch
1:30-3:00 pm- Cooking
1:30-2:30 pm- Tower of Fear and Ropes Course
2:00-4:00 pm- Nature Hike
3:00-6:30 pm- Swimming
6:30-7:30 pm- Dinner
7:30-10:00 pm- Free Time
10:00 pm- Lights Out
All campers must be asleep or silent by midnight.
*If you do not have an activity you want to participate in, or have 30 minutes or so in-between activities, you may have Free Time.
Campers MUST participate in at least two activities per day.
Questions, Comments, or Concers: See Hitomi in Main Office or one of the counselers.
"So if there's two activities we want to do," Ino sid slowly, "I guess we have to pick, huh?"
"Looks like." Temari muttered.
Lee will probably do the Xtreme Sports Games, Tenten thought. She shook her head. Hey! Since when do I care what Lee does?
"Cooking, chiyah!" Hai pumped her fist in the air.
"Cooking sounds fun!" Sakura said happily, only to frown when Chi shook her head.
"Look at the times." Cooking was in the middle of the afternoon. "It will be hot, probably in an enclosed space. With an oven going. Probably not the best idea, spazazoid," she called up to Hai. Happily singing the fruit song again, the hyperactive girl did not respond.
Temari looked at her watch. "It's about four now. That means we have about two hours to explore the campground."
"Well, there's a map for each of us." Chi distributed the maps among the girls.
"I'm thinking, Achery, Swim Test, Cooking, and then Swimming," Hai said. "For my activities tomorrow."
"Maybe I'll do the Tower of Fear in the afternoon," Tenten muttered. "That or the Nature Hike. Depends on who's doing what."
This made Temari look at her, grinning evily. "I think... Tenten's got a crush on someone! And she's trying to pick the activities he'd pick!" The sputtering protests from the enraged girl only strengthened Temari's argument. "Aww, do you dream of him at night, Tenten? Do you looooove him? Hahahahahahahaha!" She neatly ducked to the side as a volley of kunai, shuriken, and other deadly metal objects sailed past her head and buried themselves in the wall behind her.
"Um... it's OK... I can sleep by myself, I don't mind..." Hinata said, moving her stuff to the bottom of the bunk in the very back of the room.
Temari continued to torture Tenten. Seeing a friend in need, Hai recalled their earlier disagreement. Perfect. Hanging upside-down from her bed, she cheerily called out, "Is he as awesome as Edward, Tenten? Because Edward is the bomb. Period."
Temari's eyes narrowed. "Edward is nothing compared to Jacob!"
Ino stepped up next to her. "That's right! Team Jacob all the way!"
'Team Edward', consisting of Tenten and Hai, and 'Team Jacob', consisting of Temari and Ino, exchanged verbal blows and slams to the other team's hero.
"Bella ends up with Edward anyway!"
"Yeah, but he leaves her to go crazy!"
"In the beginning. Then he comes back and never leaves her side!"
"They were so meant to be!"
"But Jacob never stops loving her! That's devotion!"
"Darn straight!"
That being the wrong thing to say around Chi. "I started my own team," she said hopefully. "Anyone want to join?"
"What is it?" Sakura asked from the safety of her own bunk.
"Team Edward-and-Jacob-realize-they-are-madly-in-love-with-each-other-and-elope-without-Bella."
"Uhhh..." All the girls collectively sweatdropped. Hai pulled herself upright on her bed.
"Neechama is a yaoi fan," she explained.
"Oh."
Out of things to talk about, they were silent for a minute. Which was longer than Hai could bear. "ALRIGHT!" She yelled, jumping down from her bed. "I'm pulling out the Topic Hat!" Rummaging around in her backpack, she explained, "Everyone writes down a topic to talk about or something on a piece of paper, put it in the Topic Hat, and I pull one out. That is what we talk about." After everyone had written something down and put it in the hat, hat shook it up and pulled out a piece of paper. "Truth or Dare," she said. "Awesome! Neechama goes first."
"Fine... Hai, truth or dare."
"Truth!"
"Who do you have a crush on, out of all the guys that came to camp." She said it in a bored tone, as if she knew already.
Hai's smile dropped. "I switch. I switch. I pull a Becky."
"A becky?" Ino asked.
Chi nodded. "A Becky is, basically, a switch. However, after you pull a Becky, you have to answer the question or take the dare. One Becky per turn."
"And if we don't choose to answer or take the dare?" Tenten asked.
Chi thought a moment. "I dunno... Hai? Ideas for punishment of refusal?"
Her smile was back. "We'll strip you down to your underwear and bra and tie you to the flagpole!"
"And don't think she can't. I've seen her bench more than a hundred and beat up star football players," Chi warned. "Anyway. Where were we? Oh, right, Becky. Hai, I dare you to... jump off the roof."
"Right-o!" She ran outside and scrabled onto the roof, then jumped off. "Tah-daaaaah!" She walked back inside. "Um... Temari! Truth or dare?"
"Dare."
"I dare you to admit that Edward pwns Jacob."
Temari tried to repeat the phrase, but all she managed was a choking sound. Finally, she gave up. "Becky."
"Um..." Hai thought for a minute. "Oh! Which of your brothers is your favorite and why?"
The older girl thought about it. "Um... neither, really... Kankuro's creepy and Gaara's scary. I guess Gaara, because he's quiet and stays out of the way." Hai nodded, satisfied. An evil grin light upon Temari's face. "Tenten... truth or dare?"
Tenten gulped. "D-dare..."
Temari frowned, then smiled again. "Alright... I dare you to tell us who you like!"
A knock on the door interrupted. Tenten almost fainted with relief. Ino opened the door to reveal the guys.
"What are you all doing here?" Sakura asked, surprised.
Kiba, the unofficial spokesman for the guys, shrugged. "Nothing really. We just didn't have anything better to do, so we came to see what you were doing."
Temari answered. "We were playing tru-"
"About to go exploring!" Tenten interjected. No way did she want the guys to witness whatever insanity the others would force her to say or do.
"Cool. We can all go."
"Noooo!" Hai called. "I wanna stay here!"
Chi pulled her pigtail, which was hanging over the edge of the bed. "Come on, skipsospaz. Excercise will do you good."
"Oww! Fine, I'm coming..." She leaped off the bed and landed with catlike grace, only to fall over absolutely nothing as she stepped forward. Standing amid the laughter, she forced a smile. "Ah ha... yeah, I meant to do that..."
"Come! Let us explore the camp of Funshine!" Lee yelled, eager to look around.
"Shut up!" Neji screamed. He had been listening to Lee talk nonstop since they arrived.
The rest dissolved into conversations as they progressed throught the campsite.
"Neechama, can I have a piggyback ride?"
"No."
"Edward!"
"Jacob!"
"Nooooooooooodles!"
"Hai, if you cannot say something related to the topic at hand, don't say anything at all!"
"So, big sister, which girls would most likely be won over by my charm, intellect, and great personality?"
"None of them, you doll-loving freak. And you have none of those things!"
"Dance, dance, dance, cooking dance...!"
"I mean it, Hai!"
"So I hear you and four-leaved over there are into werewolves. You know, I'm a dog man myself."
"So I see. You carry that little puppy everywhere."
"I'm a wolf too! HOOOWWWWLLLLLL!!!!!!"
"Hai...! Oh, wait, that kind of is related to the conversation. Carry on."
"Has this campsite been enjoyable for you so far, Tenten? I am enjoying this youthful experience very much!"
"Uh, yeah, it's been great."
"The window! The window! She threw it out the window! Mary had a little lamb and threw it out the window!"
"HAI!!!"
"ZZZZZZZZ......."
"Munch, munch, munch..."
"Bark!"
"OWW! Neechama, that organ is essential to daily life!"
"I don't care! You should have been quiet!"
The chaos slowly came to a halt as the group stopped in front of a beautiful lake.
"Woooow," Hai breathed, for once at a loss of words.
"I think that's Lake Happysmile," Hinata said quietly. "And the wooded area beyond is Loveydovey Forest, and that mountain on the horizon is Mount Pleasant." For the longest time, all they could do was stare at the scenery. Soon, though, it was time to eat.
Everyone sat outside, in the cool evening air. The meal was either hamburgers or salad. Hai happily shoved her second buger in her mouth as Chi daintily took a bite of her salad.
"So you two are best friends?" Kankuro asked Hai, who blissfully nodded.
"And you're a vegetarian, and she's one of those people who could eat nothing but meat for the rest of their lives?" Chouji asked Chi, who also nodded.
"M-mmm ma mmffitrr'n, ifffa pheefonaaa ffhisssh."
"Hai! Don't talk with your mouth full!"
The taller girl took a giant gulp. "I said, I'm a meatatarian. It's a personal choice. You know, a meatatarian? I only eat meat?" She explained as she stole a baby carrot from Chi's salad.
"Hey, Cadette Oxymoron. Carrot's not meat." Chi growled.
"Umm... I'm an omnivoritarian," Hai ammended.
Chi rolled her eyes. "That means you eat omnivores."
"I'M A HUMANITARIAN!" WHACK! "Oww..."
"Don't be stupid," Chi said stiffly.
"Anyway!" Hai said brightly, ignoring her friend. "You're all ninja? All of you?" The rest of the group nodded collectively. "That's way cool! I tried to be a ninja once..." she trailed off.
"What happened?" Sakura asked, curious.
Hai hid her face in her hands as Chi laughed. "Oh, it was... wow. She almost took the instructor's head off with a bo staff. And then she somehow pinned herself to a tree with her own kunai. And for no reason at all, she ended up on the roof, fell off, and broke her ankle, dislocated her shoulder, and cracked her skull. All in the same... hour, was it? Yeah, her first and last hour as a ninja. It made the most epic story- perhaps you've heard of it? 'The Girl Who Couldn't Be A Ninja'?"
"I love that book!" Naruto yelled. "I always thought that one day, the girl became the best ninja ever! That would make a great sequel!"
Chi laughed harder as Hai sank further into her own arms. "That's great, however, the story is based off of true events."
Everyone was silent for a few seconds. "Hey... that... does that mean...?" Hinata couldn't quite phrase her question, but Chi knew what she wanted to say.
"Yep- I wrote it! Oni-nee is my pen name."
"B-b-but... If you're Oni-nee..."
"She writes a bunch," Hai called. "I write too, but it's hard to finish stories when you have the attention span of a- OH! BUTTERFLY!"
"AHH! I KNOW A FAMOUS PERSON!" Ino screamed.
"AH! You wrote my all-time favorite book, The Ignominy of Alice Mimir!" Temari said excitedly. "I brought it with me! Will... will you sign it?"
"Sure," Chi said brightly.
The spontaneous conversations carried on until dinner was finished.
"I want to go back to the cabin," Hai yawned.
"First, we should work out the showering schedule," Sakura said. "Since we're all sharing one shower building."
"And what is the deal with that?!" Hai fumed. "I mean, why is there only one firebirding showerhouse?"
Kiba shrugged. "To complete this hell on earth?"
"ANYWAY!" Sakura said loudly. "How are we going to work this?"
"We could all shower together..." Kankuro chuckled.
"TWIN DRAGONS PUNCH!" He was punched with such a force that her flew backwards untill stopped (hard) by a tree. Chi and Hai stood in matching martial arts stances, fists outstretched.
"We are... the anti-pervert duo! Protectors against perverts everywhere!" Hai called.
"People, can we just figure out the ^^%%^$^ schedule so we can all leave?!"
Chi coughed. "Sorry, Sakura."
After much delibiration and off-topicness, and several angry outbursts from Sakura, it was agreed that for those who showered at night, the boys would go first, and in the mornings, the girls would go first. Hai was the only girl who showered at night, so after the boys were finished, she could stay in the shower as long as she desired. Most people took morning showers, but there were a few who showered at night. Glad that this agreement had been reached, everyone seperated and left to their own cabins.
"So, what are we going to do now?" Hai had zipped herself up into her sleeping bag upon returning to the cabin.
"Poke Hai with a burning stick," Chi muttered.
"You know, Tenten," Temari said evily, "we never did finish that game of Truth or Dare... Tenten?" The brown-haired girl had vanished.
"Um... I havn't seen her since dinner." Ino said.
Hai shrugged from the inside of her sleeping bag. "Maybe she got tired of you losers and ran away." Tug. "Ow..."
"Hai, apologize to the losers. I mean people."
"I'm sorry that you're all losers... I mean, I'm sorry I called you all losers."
From the safety of the outside of the cabin, Tenten listened to the confusion caused by her 'disappearence'. When she was sure that no one was looking, she darted across the path to the lake. When she got there, she wandered a little bit into the woods, still staying by the shore, and sat down, watching the moon rise above Mount Pleasant. Maybe it wasn't so bad here. Except for the part about being stuck in a room with Temari and Ino and their silly Truth or Dare.
The sound of footsteps and her name being called interrupted her musings. She jumped into a tree to hide. It looks like they've got a search party for me... too bad I don't want to be found...
"Tenten!"
She nearly fell out of the tree at the sound of Lee's voice right next to her. He reached out and caught her before she could. "Tenten, I am sorry, I did not mean to startle you..."
Tenten whirled to face him, careful of her balance. "Lee! What are you doing here?"
He teammate shrugged. "Looking for you."
"And why are you looking for me?! Maybe I don't want to be found!"
"No one had seen you for a while. We were worried."
She paused for a minute. "Well, how did you find me here? I was hidden so well."
The reply was a strange one. "I could smell you." Tenten blinked, and Lee looked slightly embarassed as he realize what he just said. "No, no, that is not what I meant to say... I mean, it is, but not how I planned to say it... what I meant was, the scent of metal. I smelled metal, and I thought it must be you, since you always smell of metal."
Say something, idiot. "Um... I smell of metal?" NOT that! Thank him, stupid, even if you didn't want to be found!
He looked away at the lake. "Yes, it is probably from all the metal weapons you carry around. But not just metal- there is the scent of paper and ink as well, from the scrolls you carry for summoning, most likely."
Tenten followed his gaze towards the moonrise. "It's pretty, isn't it?"
Lee began having a slight panic attack for some reason. "P-pretty? Did I say that? I never... I didn't mean it like-"
"Lee, I have no idea what the hell you're talking about, but you did not say pretty- I did, while I was talking about the moon."
"Oh."
There was a long silence. "So what were you talking about?"
"What?"
"When you didn't mean it like something, the word pretty."
"N-nothing."
"Lee, you are a very poor liar. Do not disrespect me by lying to me."
Lee sighed and continued to watch the moon. "Tenten, I do not meant to disrespect you, it's just that..."
"Just that...?"
"I do not know how to say it. Can we just watch the moon and forget this entire conversation?"
Yeah, why not. It's not like this conversation made any sense anyway. "Sure."
They were silent for a long time, sitting together on the tree branch and watching the moon ascend into the starry night sky.
"I wonder what it is like up there..." Lee muttered.
"What is what like?" Tenten asked. She hadn't been paying attention, but in the quiet of the night, she could clearly hear Lee's softly spoken question.
"Heaven. I wonder what it is like."
"Ummm..." She thought for a minute. "Well, in Heaven, you'll be measured by how much you do. How you're born won't matter, or what talents you have. You'll be able to pursue your dreams without the limitations of a cumbersome physical body, and be respected for what you can do, no matter what your background and history. Essentially, it's everything anyone could wish for." There was another long silence. "But don't try to get there yet. I... I still want you here for a while yet."
"Tenten... thank you." Smiling, Lee wrapped his arm around his friend's shoulder.
Tenten smiled and leaned into him. Yes, maybe this camp wasn't so bad after all.
Later that night, back in the girls' cabin, the girls were winding down from their first day at Camp Funshine. Temari, Sakura, and Ino were playing SlapJack in the middle of the floor, Chi and Hinata were deep in a discussion about Broadway, and Hai (who had just finished her shower) was in her bunk recording in her journal. They all stopped and looked up as the door opened slowly.
"Hi, guys..." Tenten said quietly, slipping through the open door.
"Tenten!" Sakura jumped up. "Where were you?!"
"We looked everywhere for you," Ino added, "but eventually we gave up."
Tenten shrugged. "I... didn't want to be found."
"Oh... alright." Sakura looked towards where she, Ino, and Temari were playing their card game. "Wanna play SlapJack with us?"
"No, I'm fine..."
"So where were you?" Temari asked.
"N-nowhere."
"What rhymes with orange?" Hai called from her bunk.
"Nothing!" Ino called back.
"Oh. What about antidisestablishmentarianism?"
"Whaaaaat?!"
"Never mind..."
"So, guys," Chi said, "you think we'll have a good time here at Funshine?" She looked to Hinata, who looked to Hai, who looked to Tenten, who looked to Sakura, who looked to Ino, who looked to Temari, who looked back to Chi.
"I think so."
"It'll be great!"
"... Today was pretty good."
"Totally!"
"The best!"
"Can't wait for tomorrow!"
Chi smiled. "Yeah. That's what I thought too."
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2020: Yay! It took me, like, 2 or 3 weeks to write this, but I finished the first chapter! I like how I ended it on a sweet Leeten note.