Title: Blind
Author: OpheliacAngel
Pairings & Characters: Dean/Gabriel, Castiel, Sam
Genre: Romance/Hurt/Comfort
Rating: Teen
Summary: The only person Dean can physically see is the one person he thought he would never lay eyes on again.
A/N: So I've always wondered what would happen if Dean wasn't quick enough to close his eyes after Castiel unleashes his grace to decimate demons. Plus, I just wanted an excuse to write more Debriel angst, so here it is.
Dean honestly didn't think his day was gonna turn out like this when he woke up this morning...
Castiel is there last, but Dean can sense his presence the moment he appears in the warehouse. He can't help but smile as he sees him, and they make brief eye contact before Castiel loses himself in the battle as well, and Dean snaps back to reality before he gets cut down by one of these damn things.
"There's too many!" He can hear Sam screaming and Dean takes heed but keeps on fighting, refusing to give in. He won't stop until he's down on the ground and dead. He tries to make his way closer to Cas, whom it seems all the demons are deviating towards, but there's just too many between him and the angel and Dean knows he'll never make it. More seem to keep pouring in from somewhere and the three of them aren't killing them quick enough.
They're all going to die in here.
Another slice on his arm has Dean gritting his teeth in pain as he lashes out towards one of the three surrounding him, taunting him. Before Dean can comprehend anything else, all the actions of this night spinning into a mind-blowing blur, Castiel makes his move.
In a piercing voice he screams out, "Shut your eyes!" Dean looks over to Sam on instinct, making sure he's still okay, still alive, that he's aware of what's going on and listening to the angel...
The light comes too fast and in a split second, every single one of Dean's nerves are on fire; his head feels like it's going to explode and he drops to the ground, hands going over his ears instinctively, writhing and begging the piercing, stabbing, taunting pain to stop, to just stop and leave him be. He can hear the terrible noise of screaming nearby, and he feels like no part of him isn't touched by an all-consuming fire that leaves him seizing and crying on the cold concrete floor of the warehouse. He thinks about Sammy, wants to make sure Sammy's okay but his body feels like a prison and he is sinking further down within it, unable to escape the pain, wanting to tell the person that won't stop hideously screaming to shut up and he feels like he'll never be able to draw a decent breath again.
And it's too late, it's too late to do anything anymore or figure out what's going on, and the second before he loses consciousness, he realizes the person screaming even louder than Castiel had moments prior is himself. And what's more? He can't seem to stop.
He can't seem to hold onto life any longer as he sinks deeper and deeper into hopelessness and pain.
Castiel is panicking.
In fact, it is a huge understatement that Sam is making to say that Castiel is just panicking. Sam feels like he's going into shock himself and he wasn't the one to cause the damage. He wouldn't give anything to be in the angel's place right now.
Seeing Castiel sprint over to his brother's body in a flash and then picking him up like he weighs nothing, cradling him in his arms as his hands brush extremely gently over every inch of his body, trying and failing to heal him, causes Sam Winchester to not blame him. How could he blame him, seeing how guilty Castiel is, seeing how this is eating him up inside, making him panic like this? Sam doesn't think he's ever seen him panic before and it's scaring him, Dean not responding to Castiel's touch is terrifying him.
He stands there, speechless and still, afraid to walk closer, not wanting to ruin the angel's tragic, heartbreaking moment with his brother.
"I am so sorry, Dean. I... I don't know what to do."
Sam knows he needs to be near Dean, even if Castiel is currently lost in another world with him. He needs to give him comfort and the feeling of home that he knows Dean only feels around him. So he gets up and collapses down beside the two, noticing the numerous tears Castiel sheds and Sam can see his brother still breathing from where he sits, but it doesn't stop tears from coming his eyes too, it doesn't stop him from wanting to have a breakdown right here and now. But he can't, because he needs to be physically here for Dean.
Needs to be here for his big brother, who's sacrificed so much for him.
"Cas..."
If anything, Castiel cradles Dean closer, as if envisioning his own tears bringing Dean's eyes back. Sam knows what's happened, and he's almost afraid to look but he does. He looks for a split second then tears his eyes away and gags, managing to move away a little bit before he throws up. Tears still spilling from his eyes, he goes back to the two of them. He wants Dean to wake up but not to this, never to this, this fact only making Sam cry more. Dean is stronger than him though, strong enough to handle this. Right?
"Cas, it's okay," his voice cracks on the last word, and he really wishes Dean was awake so he could hear the same thing from him, so he can tell him that everything is going to be okay, that the both of them will take care of him, though it seems like the angel needs to hear the words a great deal more.
He jumps when a figure suddenly appears behind Castiel, and though he can't see much through the haze of tears in his eyes, Sam recognizes someone he hasn't seen in ages. Someone he believed he and his brother had sent to their death. Blinking, believing he's hallucinating, Sam stares up at the figure in shock and disbelief.
"Gabriel?"
The archangel that looks too much like Gabriel for it not to be true, glances down at him briefly with shining amber eyes before bending down, his hands reaching forward slowly to take his brother from Cas' embrace. The latter pulls him away though, a fierce and determined look in his eyes.
Sam can hear Gabriel sigh softly, "Cas, you need to let me take him." And he doesn't know what he should be thinking at this point, he doesn't know whether he should treat the archangel as a threat. But he doesn't want to, he really doesn't want to.
The angel shakes his head vehemently. Sam thinks it's more to do with not wanting to be separated from Dean than fear of handing him over to Gabriel. The archangel drops his hands at that, though only briefly as he forces the angel to look at him and not at Dean, trying to express to him the seriousness of the situation, as if they all didn't know that, and attempting to convince Castiel that the best idea is for the archangel to take Dean, hopefully to help Dean.
Sam switches back and forth between the two, but the decision isn't getting any easier to make other than the fact that Gabriel genuinely doesn't stir up warning signs in his head, his actions being slow and careful rather than forceful, and his face expressing a concern that Sam Winchester has never seen before.
It's all pretty strange, Gabriel alive and here, Gabriel looking like he wants to help.
What the hell is going on?
He's about to tell Castiel that maybe he should hand Dean over, but the words don't make it out of his mouth in time before the impossible is thrown before him.
Gabriel's hands are back up again, one resting on Castiel's shoulder, "He's stopped breathing, let me revive him." It's only then that both Castiel's and Sam's eyes flicker in further panic down to Dean's prone body, and Sam's fingers instantly reach for his brother's neck, where he realizes there's no pulse.
How could I not have noticed?
His gaze shoots up and he does something that he never thought he'd ever do again, specifically because it never worked for all those times when Gabriel killed his brother, when he begged Gabriel to leave them in peace and let them have their last few months together, the last few months of Dean's life that weren't really enough at all but were better than nothing. Gabriel had come through for him finally, and he thinks he just might again. So he pleads to him with tears in his eyes and gasping breaths; he can't lose Dean again.
He won't lose Dean again.
"Save him," and the archangel finally looks at him and nods slowly, barely noticeably.
It is at this moment that Castiel hands the human over, suppressing his reluctance upon taking in the state of his charge again, and Sam can see how truly difficult it is for him. Castiel continues to watch Dean as Gabriel takes him with wide and sad, cerulean eyes; he focuses on the archangel a moment after.
"Thank you for coming when I called," his tone is grateful and Sam is right now too, not even taking the time or energy to wonder how the hell Gabriel managed to come back from the dead.
"Don't mention it, baby bro." Gabriel's eyes never leave the human's and Sam thinks back to a moment before, of how gentle Gabriel was when he took Dean from Castiel and placed him in his lap, one hand sliding underneath his head to support him and the other stroking his brother's forehead, eyes latching onto Dean's burned out ones before shutting his own eyes to concentrate on the arduous task ahead of him.
Sam doesn't take his eyes off his brother for the rest of the night, and it feels like days before Gabriel whisks them away to some room and lays Dean down on a downy soft king bed, Sam and Castiel stepping forward to tuck him in as the archangel examines him one last time.
He steps back and watches with surprise and happiness at the meticulous care Gabriel shows to his brother.
Is it possible he's truly changed?
There's white everywhere, so blinding it's searing his eyes, cutting through his head first and then his body like liquid fire. It feels like every inch of his skin is being peeled off, piece by piece, and he knows there will never be any reprieve for the pain.
He wants to tell Castiel that he doesn't blame him for anything, that no matter what, he still wants him by his side, but the thought dissipates as the pain increases hundred-fold, until he can't even form a thought in his head anymore, until he can't even remember his own name or who he is or why the word 'Sammy' keeps on echoing throughout his head when he doesn't even know what it means.
Dean doesn't know if his eyes are open or closed, but no matter what he does the stark white is still shimmering everywhere, making him cry out in pain and grit his teeth, feeling they may break and he may literally explode at any moment.
A golden light reaches for him and he grasps it weakly but tightly, holding on for dear life. The warm, soft light holds him firmly and gently though, having no apparent intention of letting Dean slip out of its grasp.
Dean gives into it altogether, and it takes him away to a quiet and serene unconsciousness.
Gabriel has seen this damage before and yet... it feels instantly different and infinitely more heart-shattering that it has happened to Dean. Maybe it's due to the utter shock, a shock that he rarely feels, over Castiel doing this to his own charge, but really it may just be because Gabriel remembers Dean's hazel eyes so vividly and now they are gone, replicated in his brother but they aren't nearly the same.
They don't even come close to sharing the same beauty and liveliness.
It's hard for him to concentrate at first, to stop looking at the areas where Dean's eyes used to be, to try to put from his mind the fact that he will never see those giant hazel orbs again, either looking at him in anger, indifference or surprise.
Gabriel hadn't wanted to come back to see this. This was the last thing he wanted.
Because Dean will never look upon him again, and he will never see how sorry Gabriel is even though he wasn't the one to cause the damage. He will live the rest of his life in painful and wretched darkness and Gabriel wants to kill something, wants to take out his anger on the world and at Castiel and maybe even Sam but he doesn't. Because he can always cling onto the hope that maybe he can still be with Dean, despite all that's happened between them.
That maybe he can still make Dean see how much he loves him, no matter what he's lacking.
He doesn't want to remember what happened, though all he can do is think about it. Think about the pain and emptiness and chill and then the warm feeling that came afterward, the one that spread from the very tips of his toes all the way up to his head, giving him an almost welcoming headache, when he realized that Gabriel was not actually dead but very much alive and sitting on the bottom of the bed, so close to him. And even though Dean couldn't see his face as clearly as he would have liked, he could still see his immense concentration and concern for his well-being, and this warmed him even further.
Gabriel's touch had sent lightning bolts through his entire system, but after the pain had ceased there was a feeling of blissful numbness that he could have sworn made him smile and sigh in contentment just before he blacked out.
Castiel and Sam were in shock that the only person he could remotely see was Gabriel, and while Dean had been too much in pain or too out of it to consider the situation and render it strange enough that it seemed more suspicious than anything, he now thinks about it a little, just not enough to make his head ache, as he drifts back into consciousness and puts up a fight to open his eyes, which feel like they've been sealed shut with super-glue. His hearing needs work too, voices filter in and out and he wonders whether he'll be able to hear Gabriel's loud and clear. He's clinging to the archangel like a lifeline now, and suspects it'll only increase as time goes by and his condition either stays the same or worsens.
By the time he manages to open his eyes, he can no longer hear bits and pieces of a conversation and figures his brother and Cas have left the room. He can feel that he isn't alone though and true enough, a moment or two later Gabriel hovers into his vision.
The ever-present stabbing pain is gone, and he knows that Gabriel must be the cause of it.
There is still an eye-searing white everywhere, surrounding Gabriel but not touching him: his grace must be too strong. The archangel's presence brings welcome, muted colors to the blinding white that burns his eyes, so he focuses solely on him and hopes he doesn't make it look like too much of a chick flick moment.
Piece by piece, the ringing in his ears stops and the white settles further and further into the background until all Dean can see is Gabriel's tacky, colorful clothing. It's a beautiful sight after endless white.
"...You're alive?" His voice makes him wince, and Gabriel slips something into his mouth faster than he can react. An ice chip? He lets it melt on his tongue and then swallows, the cool liquid soothing his throat somewhat.
"Alive and kicking, Deano," Gabriel's smile is blinding as he slips him another ice chip, though in a gentle and he hates to admit it, mesmerizing way rather than a painful one. "Castiel sure did a number on you." So I can hear his voice perfectly, good to know.
"Not his fault," Dean's voice grates out. "My fault, didn't... close eyes quick enough."
"He still should have checked," Gabriel says matter of factly, though not placing much effort into it.
"There was no time, and I... I don't want him to feel bad," Dean admits, already knowing it'll do no good. Castiel probably feels so much guilt right now that him being around would make the human physically ache.
"Fat chance of that," Gabriel scoffs. "He has a hard time even looking at you, with your eyes burned out and all." Gabriel goes instantly quiet after that and Dean focuses on the guilty look on his face, there's also pity there too though and he hates that more than anything.
"If I'm so ugly to look at, why are you here then?" His strength is starting to return, and he isn't sure whether or not Gabriel is pouring more of his grace into him. He doubts that he's actually recovering, he's never really been an optimist.
"I never meant that, Dean. I shouldn't have said it. Cas just doesn't want to see the damage he's caused." Dean still turns away and closes his eyes anyway, and a piercing pain causes him to black out for a moment. He doesn't want to look at Gabriel anymore, can't look at him anymore, even if he is probably the only thing he'll ever see again. He refuses to continue to show him the worst parts of him, the parts of him no one should have to see. Gabriel doesn't seem to give a damn though, and a hand still hesitantly touches his arm as he surges back up to consciousness. "Don't, Dean, there's nothing you need to hide from me. I'd rather see your eyes open than see them closed."
And why would Gabriel try to make me feel better, even if he is speaking the truth?
Why the fuck is Gabriel even here?
He opens his eyes again, albeit suspiciously, and then suddenly realizes... how can he even still open and close his eyes?
As if reading his mind, Gabriel answers, "I healed you enough so that you still can. Not that it makes much difference, but I thought it would help with the transition."
"But my eyes...," he lifts his hands up to try to feel the area they used to be in, but he can feel Gabriel's own wrap around them before he sees it happen, pulling them back down to the bed gently. Dean doesn't struggle, especially not when Gabriel's thumbs run alongside the top of them, calming him down slightly. Shit, he feels like a total girl, and what's more is that he doesn't care. "I thought my eyes were burned out."
The archangel sighs softly, "They were, but I managed to bring part of them back. Like I said, I thought it might be easier. To sleep, still feel human, whatever..."
Dean just can't believe it, he can't believe that Gabriel could, would care enough. "Why are you here?"
Gabriel shrugs, "Cas asked me to come. I've seen... this kind of damage before, so I know how to help."
"What?" Dean doesn't really care what he says anymore, he doubts Gabriel could do worse to him than what Cas accidentally did, "Ones that you've caused?"
"Maybe," the archangel says vaguely. "Go back to sleep, kiddo."
The human's surprised that he even gives him a choice, instead of merely touching his forehead and sending him off to sleep. Still, he's too curious to be tired at this point. He licks his lips, "My eyes... can you make them...?
"There's nothing wrong with them," Gabriel cuts in with an insisting tone, though really, Dean begs to differ. He has no idea why Gabriel is trying to be nice to him, and the only explanation the Winchester can come up with is that he feels a pity that just so happens to mask his taunting nature. He thinks he'd rather have Gabriel treat him like he's nothing or make fun of him than face his pity alone.
Still, he'd rather have Gabriel actually be here in the room with him rather than be alone. "Will I ever go back to the way I was?" His hands start shaking and Gabriel looks down at them, but doesn't touch them. Hell, it's way better than actually crying. He knows he can still cry too, more than just a few tears have slipped out since the incident.
"I can't say. The severity of the damage says a lot, so does the length of the exposure. You managed to shut your eyes at one point, so healing at least partially isn't an impossibility..."
"Just tell me my chances," Dean grits out, wanting to know rather than continuing to remain in the dark. There's a long pause though, and the hunter can't for the life of him figure out what the hell is with Gabriel, why it's so difficult for him to just state the facts when prior to his supposed faked death that was all he seemed to want to do, or at least taunt for a good long while before getting to the punch line. Now, Gabriel is nothing but hesitant and quiet and it's downright freaking confusing. "Why can't you just spit it out?"
"Because..."
And Dean doesn't give him a chance to finish, "Because what?"
"Because you're most likely going to be blind for the rest of your life."
The human pretty much takes it in stride, concerned less with what he can't see and more with what he actually can see. "But I can see you."
"You can see me," Gabriel confirms, and he wonders if the archangel finds it as shocking as everyone else seems to.
"Why? Why can I see you?"
Gabriel gets up and starts to leave, "Just go to sleep, Dean."
"Why can I see you?" Dean repeats with more force, despite how weak and pathetic he must look to the archangel right now. The potential answer to his question is starting to scare him.
"Because when I brought you back, my grace linked to your soul." There's a heavy pause before the archangel speaks again, "I wasn't sure what would happen, to be honest, but when I noticed you could see me I realized that it had been a possibility all along."
And suddenly Dean is rendered speechless, though still manages to splutter out, "I died?"
Gabriel nods and it looks pretty freaking sad from where Dean is, propped up against pillows and only having a limited view of the archangel considering how much he's moving about the room, as if irritated or frustrated. Dean doesn't want to experiment with moving his head around too much. He switches over to the other part of his words then, the part that terrifies him even more. "What? Like... like a... bond?"
"The link enables you to see me as I am." As he is? "In my true form," Gabriel explains. "I'm merely masking myself from you because I figured you would want to see me more... human."
There's absolute silence for a few agonizing seconds, Dean taking slow and steady breaths, his head spinning. Gabriel, sensing and witnessing his distress, sits back down on the bed, a permanent presence to the human's frantic and lonely mind. "So what does this mean? Is it like Cas' hand-print?"
"No, it's more powerful than that. Considering Cassie's a mere angel and I'm an archangel, plus a great deal of my grace has latched onto you and sealed itself within you. You will be able to sense when I'm in distress and vice versa." And all Dean can think is: Isn't that going to be a major pain in the ass for you? But he doesn't ask him that.
"For how long?"
"For forever, Dean. Or until your death or..."
"Cas..."
"Knows and accepts. It's a small price to pay for saving your life. His grace is still in you, mine has simply covered it."
It takes Dean another few minutes to process this, and Gabriel makes no motion to leave again at any point. He sits there, silent, and even though the human isn't looking at him he knows he is studying him, trying to gauge his emotions and exactly what he's thinking. To be honest, Dean thinks most of his remaining sanity at this point has to do with Gabriel being here to calmly explain things to him and be supportive.
And being supportive is the absolute last thing he ever would have expected a trickster slash archangel to be towards him.
Then he gets a pretty awesome thought in his head, kudos to him since it hasn't been that long since the incident. "So can I order you around and you'll feel obligated to obey me? Say, bring me some pie?" Gabriel stares at him curiously a moment before he smiles slightly and snaps his fingers, a sandwich appearing in his hand.
"Hey!" Dean exclaims, "I said pie!"
Gabriel rolls his eyes, and it's actually pretty adorable. "You need to eat actual food, Dean. Not junk food. You can have the pie later." Dean puts on his best pouting face, but of course it wouldn't work on Gabriel, even if his face does turn just a little soft.
"And yes, I do feel obligated to you now. But I also did when Cas told me what happened to you." Gabriel thinks a moment before continuing, as if wondering whether he should dare let himself say what he's about to say next or not. "It also means that if you want me to stay with you, I will."
Dean thinks about it for a split second; he's so emotional at this point that he's not sure whether he'll start to cry again before he even asks a question that, before all this mess, he would have rather shot himself than ask. "So...," he licks his lips, nervous, "What if I say it's your choice?" Dean tries, realizing he maybe shouldn't, only making this more into a chick flick moment by the second.
His hands aren't shaking anymore though and he no longer wants to cry, so he considers this to be a major improvement. He's become completely relaxed in the archangel's presence and he realizes that he has needed this, more than anything.
The archangel only smiles wider, indulging him willingly, "Then I'll tell you that I'm bored to death, and that there's nowhere else I'd rather be. Besides, I've always had a liking for you, Deano." He ruffles the human's hair with a smile nothing less than contagious, and it brightens his mood despite all that's happened, permitting Dean to smile back, not even thinking about how ridiculous he must look like right now.
So maybe Dean will never actually see his baby brother or Cas again, and so maybe he'll get depressed and angry in the face of never probably being able to hunt again. But Gabriel, Dean has always wanted Gabriel, beside him, in his life, and him being here at a moment like this is nothing less than a miracle. And Dean's isn't going to lie, he isn't going to throw Gabriel out and sulk and deny that he wants him, that he's always wanted him, and maybe to anyone else being blind is a huge price to pay, a price that isn't worth it for having Gabriel here, supportive and actually willing to admit, actually already admitted that he wants to be with Dean too...
But the human figures that maybe being blind isn't as bad a price to pay as he imagined it would be, for having Gabriel in his life again, and maybe Dean's just happy that he isn't dead, that he's getting to see Gabriel again. And in fact, from where he's sitting, it feels almost too good to be true.
With the archangel looking right at him, smiling and radiating true love, Dean figures he's probably the most beautiful thing in the world right now to Gabriel, despite how terrible his eyes may actually look.
He makes a split decision, "Gimme the sandwich already."
Gabriel leans forward and kisses him, and their mouths coming together feels like nothing less than magic.
Up close, Dean can finally be allowed to see Gabriel's beautiful true form, bathed in a deliciously warm and soft golden light as it overtakes him, caressing every part of him, including the swollen areas around his burned out eyes. It feels like gentle ocean waves are rolling around him, carrying him, supporting him, and Dean wonders what life was like before this.
What his life was like before Gabriel.
And he really doesn't want to remember.
And he really doesn't want to sulk or lie to Gabriel or submit to that his life may be over. So he doesn't do any of those things, and he doesn't think about doing any of those things anymore.
He may be blind, but he has never seen a more beautiful sight than the one before him, and Dean wouldn't change that for the world.
FIN
A/N: So I have a really difficult time coming up with titles for most of my fics, though I figured 'Blind' was a perfect title for this because it not only represents Dean being blind physically, but also that he is blind to Gabriel's love and devotion for him until it stares him straight in the face and overtakes him. Awww, now I'm making myself become all gooey inside. Anyway, hope you enjoyed, it was really fun to write.