Author's Note: HEY!!! Okay, I got a few negative comments on my fic 'Trowa Talks!' about Wufei fans. Some people said they were fans…and I respect that. ^_^ So for all you Wufei Fans…here's something you guys were secretly begging me to write…A WHOLE FIC BASED ON JUSTICE RANGER!!! …^_^ This is for everyone, but mostly for Wufei Fans! Enjoy it, and please review! (Hey! This is actually in story form!)
BE WARNED! THIS IS THE MOST POINTLESS PIECE OF CRAP EVER WRITTEN!!! BUT IT'S STILL FUNNY!!! …THANK YOU.
JUSTICE RANGER: THE MOVIE!
Prologue
Introduction
THE JUSTICE RANGER!!!
*****************
Wufei and Dr. Justice, his boss, walked swiftly to some secret room. This room has a lot of secret stuff I don't even know about.
Wufei pressed this button and a vault opens. Dr. James Jerald Jack Jones Jimmy Jelly Jab Justice, or we can just call him Dr. Justice if you want, cleared his throat. "…Wufei…it is itme."
Wufei nodded and he and Dr. Justice walked inside the room. Wufei sighed, "So now what?"
"This is your mission if you wish to accept…" Dr. Justice said. Wufei nodded. Dr. Justice continued, "Then come along…"
They walked through 10 more doorways before they got to the room. "Safety issues." Dr. Justice explained. "Now, Wufei,"
"Yeah?"
"You are the ranger of justice and you shall prevail all!"
"I know."
"So now, your mission is clear…" Dr. Justice snarled. He brought out a poster of something and yelled, "FIND MY DOG!"
Wufei sweat-dropped. "Can't I have a real job? A real mission?"
"Fine." Dr. Justice cleared his throat. "This is Dr. Injustice, my brother." He showed him a picture of a person. "He is a very injustice man…you must kill him." He brought out another picture. "This is Dr. Injustice Injustice, my sister in-law. She is also injustice, kill her too."
"But this is your family, sir." Wufei reasoned.
"I was born into a very injustice family! They need to be slaughtered because they have no JUSTICE!" Dr. Justice commanded. "This is Dr. Injustice jr., my nephew. He's very injustice, he must die.…now this is my niece, Dr. Injustice girl. She is very stupid, and numb. She doesn't know anything, she must die." He rolled up his papers. "Your mission is simple…remove all injustice people from this world before this Wednesday!"
"Why?"
"Because I'm busy this Thursday." Dr. Justice muttered.
"But it's Sunday. How will I ever-"
"You will know when it comes to you." Dr. Justice nodded. "And when you are done this, you shall find my dog."
"A-"
"Enough said." Dr. Justice began to walk away.
Wufei shrugged. He then nodded, "But how will I know who is injustice?" He looked on the large map. He noticed the place where he was living, was outlined all in blue, and the other half of town was outlined all in red. Down below, in the blue, it said
DR. JUSTICE TERRITORY
And in the red, it said: DR. INJUSTICE TERRITORY
"…so…all I have to do is kill all the people in Dr. Injustice territory, then I shall be free." He was about to walk away proudly when he saw 4 other maps. All outlined in red and blue on either side.
"Dr. Injustice territory, Dr. Justice territory…So…I have to go around the world…and…kill all injustice people?" Wufei asked himself. "Fine! I will! …If I can bring my fish, Harold, with me!"
JU-STICE! RAN-GER!
And so Wufei takes off in his helicopter of Justice, free to roam the justice skies, with his fish, Harold!
Blub blub…justice…
"Harold, save it for injustice people…." Wufei scanned the ground. "LIKE HIM!" He dived down and crash landed in someone's house. He stopped an old man from crossing the street and snarled, "…justice…"
"Wha?"
"I said…justice…"
"I can't hear, you, sonny!" The old man snapped. He whacked Wufei in the head with his cane. "Speak up!" He then ganged up on Wufei, whacking him here and there until Wufei had to be taken away in the helicopter by his own pet fish.
Blub…blub…wake up, fool…blub…
"Harold!" Wufei sighed. "You have saved me!" He saw how the helicopter moved. Wufei laid back on the chair while Harold piloted. Then it hit him! Harold doesn't have any hands!!! Wufei screamed and shoved Harold off the seat. "Ha-…huh? Harold? Harold?!" He saw Harold, fishtank and all, falling out the helicopter. "HAROLD!" Wufei dived out of the copter and tried to grab onto the fish.
"Is this thing on? Oh, hello." A reporter began. "We're on the corner of this street, and it seems a man dived from up there, out of his helicopter…just to save his fish. The asylum workers have arrived. Uh, excuse me."
"Huh?" A man bumped into her. "What?"
"You've come for that man, right? To take him away?" She asked.
"Of course!" He ran after the falling Wufei.
"He's mad to be jumpin' that high!" Replied another man.
"…this is me. Back to you." The reporter signed off.
JU-STICE! RAN-GER!
"…Wufei?…Wufei?…WUFEI!! WAKE UP!"
Wufei opened his eyes as he was staring face to face with his communicator in a padded room. He gasped, "Dr. Justice?"
"Yeah, it's me." Dr. Justice replied. "How much people have you killed?"
"None, sir, but-"
The communicator went blurry.
"…SIR!" Wufei snapped. "Si-"
Just then, a man burst in. He walked up to Wufei. "Hi, I'm Butch. Just wanna let you know that you came from Dr. Justice Territory."
"Yeah, so?" Wufei asked.
"And now you're in Dr. Injustice Territory, and I am Injustice." Butch nodded.
Wufei snapped, "JUSTICE!"
Butch fell dead.
Wufei smirked, "One down…more to go.
JU-STICE! RAN-GER!
"…Harold! Are you listening?!" Wufei snapped, while cruising in his copter…hey wait a second. I skipped a part here. How the hell did he escape from an asylum in Dr. Injustice territory?! One second…
***
Much better! Read on.
Wufei looked out from that window in the room. He saw some people walking around. He looked back at the dead Butch on the ground. What he didn't know, was that Butch had the key…
Let's just adjust Wufei's thinking volume here…
"Hey!" Wufei gasped. "Magically, yet unbelievably true, I know that Butch has the key!" He bent down to get the key from Butch.
There we go.
Wufei opened the door and yelled as loud as he could. "JUSTICE!" Several nurses and doctors fell dead. He ran through the office. Then he spotted what he was looking for! "HAROLD!!!!!"
Blub…justice…blub…
Wufei grabbed the fish tank, fish and all, and dashed out of the asylum.
"…Harold! Are you listening?!" Wufei snapped, while cruising in his copter. "Never fall out of the fish tank like that again! We landed in Dr. Injustice territory."
Just then, his communicator went on. It was Dr. Justice again. He nodded, "Wufei. How much people?"
"A whole asylum, sir." Wufei nodded in return.
"…that's it?"
"What?"
"By now, you should be moving on to the next continent!!" Dr. Justice snapped. "You are a disgrace! And unless you kill 2 continents by the next time I talk to you--YOU ARE FIRED!!!" …and the communicator went off.
…blub…you suck…blub…
"Shut up, Harold." Wufei snarled. "New sub-mission. Do not talk to Dr. Justice until I kill all people on the territory." He threw his communicator out the window. …5 minutes later… "WAIT A SECOND! That was my only copy!! Come back!!!"
JU-STICE! RAN-GER!
Wufei crash landed into some fountain in the middle of Dr. Justice Territory. He walked into some electronic store. "Where Can I get a megaphone?"
JU-STICE! RAN-GER!
Wufei got back in his copter and sailed over Dr. Injustice territory. He yelled out the window in his megaphone. "JUSTICE! JUSTICE! JUUUUUUUSSSSSSTTTTIIIICCCCEEEE!!! J-J-J-J-Justice! JUSTICE!" He watched carefully as all the people fell dead. He smirked, "On to the next continent!
JU-STICE! RAN-GER!
Okay, yes. This movie would be done in a second if Wufei used the megaphone all the time. Cue that.
"Hey!" Wufei snapped.
In fact, our sworn Justice hero can not have everything go his way! …let's make him get a little car trouble, eh?
"But I'm in a helicopt-eeeeeeeerrrrr!!!" Wufei screamed, while his helicopter crash landed into a forest in Dr. Injustice territory.
…much better. Read on!
Wufei dusted himself off. "Thanks a lot, stupid person." He scanned the ground. "How will I ever get my helicopter fixed?" Suddenly…It hit him. Under all the rubble and steel, lay- "HAROLD!!!"
Told you.
"Harold!" Wufei found Harold's fish tank…but no Harold. Aw, don't cry, Wufei.
"I'm not gonna cry!!!" Wufei bawled. "HAROLD!! HAR-"
"I couldn't help but hear you." Said some lady, walking up to him. "Have you lost your friend?"
"Yes, my friend and pet fish, Harold." Wufei nodded.
"Well, I own a fish store. Maybe he's over there." She nodded. "By the way, my name's Olive."
"…don't you mean, Olivia?" Wufei asked.
"No. My whole family has weird names." Olive nodded. "My brother's name is Pickle. My mother's name is Tomato, and my father's name is Carrot."
"…last name?" Wufei asked, sort of afraid that her name might be something really stupid.
"Cheesed." Olive replied. "…why, I remember when I was in school as a child, people used to make fun of my name. On the attendance list, it said…Cheesed Olive."
Wufei sighed, desperately trying to not laugh. He shook his head and smiled, "So, which territory am I in?"
"Dr. Injustice territory." Olive replied. "I am injustice, you know."
"Yes…" Wufei muttered. "So am I."
"Well, the store's just that way. I need to pick some flowers." Olive smiled. "Good bye."
"Yeah." Wufei smirked. "And one more thing."
Olive turned around.
"Justice."
Olive fell dead.
Wufei smirked, "Now where was that shop?"
JU-STICE! RAN-GER!
"Harold? Harold?" Wufei whispered, through the shop. He passed by the shopkeeper and muttered, "Justice," So the keeper fell down dead. Wufei gasped, "HAROLD!" He hugged the fish and sped out the door.
Now, Wufei has his faithful fish back, but what about his copter? How will he get around the continent? …well, since the author could not think of a way to get Wufei's copter back, we'll just magically get him a new one and continue.
"Yay!" Wufei cruised the skies in his copter. "Harold, how will we ever kill all the Injustice people?"
…blub…justice…
"…I've got it, Harold!" Wufei exclaimed. "We can go to the mayor's hall. He's having a speech. Then we can say Justice while the people are listening!"
…blub…ju-
"No time, now, Harold. Let's go.
JU-STICE! RAN-GER!
"Now…I am the mayor of this injustice continent." The mayor smiled. "And I'd like to say something. That the justice people on the other side, are invading. Be on the lookout for a Wufei Chang, one of Dr. Justice's people who have come to kill us all." He pointed in the crowd, still smiling joyfully, "In fact," He began, in a calm voice. "Isn't that him?"
Wufei gasped. He was right in the middle of the crowd. This was a perfect opportunity. He hollered. "JU-STICE!!!!!!!! JUSTICE!" All the people within a 2 mile distance fell dead. He decided to go running around town, saying Justice to everyone. He found an old man, and as usual, thought he was a simple target. He walked up to him, "Sir,"
"Yes?" The man asked.
"Did you hear justice today?"
"…sonny, ya can't hear justice. You-" The man fell dead.
Wufei smirked. "Almost done! I just need to get a few more people!"
Just then, a few more people came up to him and smiled. "We're ready!"
"Huh?" Wufei asked. "You wanted to be justified?"
"Yes, sir. Say the word, now, or we'll kill ourselves!" They chorused.
"Well-"
"JUSTICE!" The people beamed. Then collapsed…dead.
Wufei shrugged. Just then, something unspeakable had hit him!!! …he bent down and picked it up. It was a note. It said.
Shh, Justice Ranger!!
You might be in Injustice Territory, but there's a Justice sanctuary in the north wood.
Start walking, fool, because it will take 1 million hours to get there!
Wufei sighed, "I better start walking!"
Wait, wait, wait! No Justice Ranger I've ever…written about, has ever walked for one million hours! Let's cue the time loss, pretend it was only 15 minutes and zap him there, okay?
Chorus of unknown kids: O-TAY!
…let's get going.
IN A MAGICAL 15 SECONDS!!!
Wufei appeared at a temple gate. He gawked, "Whoa! Extreme…" He walked into the temple. There he met 5 monks and a tablet. …no, no, not a tablet, a Table.
The monks spoke. "Welcome Ranger of Justice."
Wufei nodded, slowly. "I need help in the name of justice!"
They nodded as well. "This way.
JU-STICE! RAN-GER!!
The leader monk spoke. "Since you are here, we must tell you something!"
"What is it?" Wufei asked. "How to get rid of all the injustice people?"
"Uh-"
"Because some people don't hear me when I say Justice-"
One monk fell dead.
"Uh…and I always have to yell 'JUSTICE!!'"
2 monks fell dead, then the leader.
"I knew it! These were injustice people!!" Wufei snapped. "JUSTICE!!!!" He hollered. After a quick 10 second echo, he smirked. "On to the 2nd last continent!"
JU-STICE! RAN-GER!
Now, it has been 2 continents, so now Wufei can talk to Dr. Justice. Let's just let him magically get a new communicator. Dr. Justice's head appeared on the screen, "…yo."
"I've killed 2 continents, sir." Wufei nodded. "Moving on to the 3rd, out of 4."
Dr. Justice smirked, "Very impressive, Wufei. You are catching on."
"I know." Wufei nodded.
"…not entirely." Dr. Justice snarled. "YOU HAVE BEEN AVOIDING MY MESSAGES!! A DOG HAS BEEN PICKING UP FOR 1 HOUR!! I WILL FIRE YOU, WUFEI, AND YOUR JUSTICE LICENSE! AND I WILL SHIP YOU TO DR. INJUSTICE TERRITORY, ON THE 5TH SEA!! …now get to it."
Wufei stuttered, "…there's a 5th sea?"
"There will be." Dr. Justice nodded, and the screen faded.
Wufei nodded. "I'll try my best." He pointed down at the continent. "A crowd of parading nuns!" He zoomed down and crashed down in a ditch. He ran up to the nuns. "Excuse me, ladies. I'd like to go to the…uh…church! Yeah, that's right!"
The nuns gasped. "Oh great heavens. What should we do?"
"Should we let him pass?" Asked another.
"Or should we-"
"JUST LET ME THROUGH!" He snapped. "Or I'll say…JUSTICE!"
The nuns fell dead.
Wufei ran inside the church. Luckily for him, the continent was having some kind of get together with all the people in the continent there. He yelled, "JUS-"
"Hold it right there!" A policeman ran up to him. "You're violating the rule of saying justice-" He fell dead.
"Yeah, justice." The second officer said, falling dead soon after.
"JUST-"
"Stop." A nun walked up to him. "Do you really want to sentence us to death by saying justice?" She fell dead as well.
"Why are you people trying to steal my job?" Wufei growled. "I AM THE JUSTICE RANGER!! WHEN I SAY JUSTICE, YOU ALL SHOULD DIE!! JUUUUUUUUSSSSSTTTTIIICCCCEEEE!!!" …the rest of the continent fell dead. He smirked, "That was a hard task, but someone had to do it." He shouted again. "AND FOR ANYONE ELSE WHO DIDN'T DIE--- JUSTICE!!" He then raced out of the church and into his copter, with his pet fish.
JU-STICE! RAN-GER!
Blub…justice…blub…
"Quiet, Harold." Wufei snapped. "I do not wish to talk to you, for there is a burning desire to kill all injustice people in my head! For I shall-"
"Wufei…" Dr. Justice appeared. "How much?"
"Advancing on to the 3rd continent, sir." Wufei nodded.
"WU-"
"Before you fire me, sir, hear this." Wufei objected. "I, Wufei Chang, was born into justice, and so shall I remain! And nothing you say shall stop me from…s-saying justice!!! …sir."
Dr. Justice nodded, "I see your point, Wufei. Carry on."
"You really mean it, sir?"
"Yes." Dr. Justice smiled. "…I'll just give you a TIME LIMIT, Wufei!! You are way too slow! If you don't get this mission done, Poofi will be in grave danger!!!"
"…poofi? What's a poofi?"
"Not WHAT's a Poofi, WHO's a Poofi!" Dr. Justice snapped. "…it's my dog."
"Is that what's getting you so frustrated?" Wufei asked. "I'll kill all the injustice people, sir…and there'll be enough time to rescue your stu- dog…your dog."
"But-"
"There will be plenty of time, sir!" Wufei turned off his communicator. Dr. Justice reappeared anyway. "Sir?"
"Wufei!" Dr. Justice sighed. "I've been holding something back…DR. INJUSTICE IS NOT WHAT HE SEEMS!"
"What?" Wufei asked.
"He…is Poofi, my dog." Dr. Justice sighed.
"WHAT?!" Wufei gasped. "How?"
"He was an experiment gone wrong. But…he is very injustice. You MUST kill him, Wufei! Say the word, and the whole continent will die." He nodded. "…AND YOU'VE GOT 10 DANG MINUTES!!!" And the screen went blurry…
JU-STICE! RAN-GER!
"10 MINUTES TO SAVE THE WORLD?!" Wufei gasped. "AND I HAVE TO SLAY A DOG?! What is going on, if I may not be too rude to ask?" He was still cruising in his copter!!!
"…ahem?"
…oh yeah. With Harold-
blub…justice…blub.
AND-- was on his way to the 4th continent at last--when he spotted this temple made out of sand in the middle of nowhere. He stopped by there and made a crash landing in a dune. He got out of his copter. "Sand…"
Sand.
"…and more sand." Wufei shook his head. "Where am I?" He asked himself.
…
…
…
…
…
…
…well, since no one is around to tell the dense Wufei where he is, I'll just make him know automatically, okay?!
"…could this be…the 4th continent?" Wufei asked.
Bingo.
"The 4th continent is a shrine…built to injustice people!! I must stop this from carrying on!" He dashed inside the temple, which seems like miles away. And in one step, BOOM, there he was having tea with a large man. "…Dr. Injustice?"
"Right." Dr. Injustice smiled. "How are you Wufei?"
"BUT YOU'RE A DOG!!!" Wufei snapped. He jumped on the table. "Dr. Justice told me about you! Now you shall die! If I say the word, you and ALL injustice people shall banish!!"
"…but I'm the only injustice person left in the world."
"…true, quite true." Wufei nodded, agreeably. "…WAIT! I WILL NEVER LISTEN TO YOU!" Now, in very slow motion… "JUUUUUUUUUUUSSSSSSTTTTTIIII-"
"SILENCE!" Dr. Injustice snapped. "First, battle my soldiers."
"Why?"
"Because I just made them and it'll be a waste if no one kills them." Dr. Injustice nodded. He snapped his fingers and 200 robots came out and charged at Wufei.
10 minutes later!!
"…dang, they're dead." Dr. Injustice sighed. "Fine, kill me, so this movie can end."
"Okay!" Wufei yelled. "JUSTICE PRISM POWER!!" He hollered, and transformed into…Super Sailor Wufei!!!! ^_^
"No!" Dr. Injustice gasped. "It can't be!!"
"JUSTICE---- CRAP--- ELIMINATION!" He yelled, pointing some stick at Dr. Injustice. Then he shouted, "JUSTICE!"
Dr. Injustice fell to the ground…and disappeared. Suddenly, Wufei got a sense that all the people he killed turned Justice and were living in Justice harmony. Wufei smirked. "Yes!"
JU-STICE! RAN-GER!
"I'm very proud of you, Wufei." Dr. Justice nodded. "You defeated Poofi…Dr. Injustice."
"But…Dr. Justice." Wufei began. "What about Dr. Injustice Injustice, Dr. Injustice Girl and Dr. Injustice Jr.?"
"Them? Oh, I made them up. I mean, come on!" Dr. Justice scoffed. "Who the hell would have such stupid names like Dr. Injustice Injustice and things like that?"
Wufei sweat-dropped.
"And remember, there will always be Injustice people out there, Wufei."
Wufei nodded. "And I'll always be ready for them."
********
CREDITS
Cast
Harold ………………………………………………………….Bob the dang fish
Dr. Justice ………………………………………………………….Brad Pitt
Dr. Injustice …………………………………………………………George Clooney
Olive Cheesed ……………………………………………………..Britney Spears
The Nuns ………………………………………………………… Samuel L. Jackson
Jennifer Lopez
Vanna White
Lassie ……………………………………………………………...Himself
Extras ………………………………………………………………Eddie Murphy
Director: Trowa Barton
Writer: Duo Maxwell
Producer: Heero Yuy
Thanks to: No one but Wufei
Special Thanks to: No one else but Wufei
Copyrighted by: DA GUNDAM BOYZ
© 2001 Wufei Chang and Bob the dang fish