Prequel

Clara was bored. The Doctor had gone out bow tie shopping and had left her in the TARDIS. Alone. Great, she thought, another day hanging out with the snog box.
"You're a right barrel of laughs aren't you?" Clara muttered. Wandering around the dimly lit control room she started shouting commands and questions at the old machine seeing if it would for once wake up and pay attention.
"Make me a cup of tea snog box!...How can I make the perfect Soufflé?...how many lives has the Doctor saved?...why don't you like me?" With a flourish of the wrist her hand stabbed at a series of buttons and yanked hard on the closest lever. The TARDIS groaned in reply surprising Clara and forcing her to jump back with bewilderment.
"What is Gods name was that?" She murmured, her voice slowly trailing off. From the corner of her eye she could see the control screen flashing brightly, text quickly appearing. Running over she stared into the glowing screen and she scanned the text curiously.
"FRIENDS OF THE DOCTOR." it read in bold TARDIS blue text. Scrolling down she saw a long list of names, each one connecting to a personal profile. She knew the Doctor would be away for hours as for him choosing bow ties for him was like a mother picking her favourite child. Also she did have nothing to do so one look wouldn't hurt.
Pulling up a chair, Clara leaned into the screen and began to read.

"Clara I'm back!" The Doctor said cheerfully walking through the door to old sexy. "Clara? Clara where are you? Just look at what I've bought! I told you I would find a blue Bow Tie and I have! Look here it's got..." The Doctor stopped in his tracks halfway up the control room runway. Something was wrong. It was quiet, too quiet. Normally he was greeted with a hello or at least a teasing comment from his impossible girl, but today. Nothing.
Then softly he heard it. The whimpering cry coming softly from the opposite side of the control room. It was Clara, and it broke his hearts to hear that noise. Creeping around the main control panel he saw her.

Her eyes were glued to the screen in front of her, they were glistening with tears both new and old. Her cheeks were flushed pink and her dark hair had become a tousled mess. His eyes flicked to the screen and at once he understood. she had seen the list. the list of all the people he had ever known. Rose, Mickey, Jack, Sarah Jane, Donna, Wilf, Martha, River, Amy and Rory. Every single one. She had seen their history, their time with him, how it had ended, but most of all she had felt their pain. He had ruined their lives and it was all his fault.

Clara signed, bringing the Doctor back to consciousness. He cleared his throat, causing her to snap her eyes in his direction. They were full of grief and pain, sorrow and remorse. He had seen that look too many times in his long life mostly directed towards him.
"Clara..." He started.
"You. This is all your fault. You just don't get it do you? You don't get how many people's lives you have affected. You turn up, put a huge dent in their life and then leave. Do you know how that would make them feel? Do you know how much sorrow you have caused?"
"Don't try to talk to me about sorrow or grief Clara" he whispered through clenched teeth.
"Did you ever visit any of them though? Did you ever think they might want to see you again? This list is called friends of the Doctor, but friends visit each other, friends send letters, have photos, share memories but not once have you mentioned a single person on this list. You hadn't even told be about your own wife! I still wouldn't have known if it wasn't for Vastra! You spend all your time locking away your feelings, hiding away. I know what it's like to hurt inside but sometimes YOU just need to let it show." Knowing he had understood Clara got up to leave.
"Clara, wait..."
"Just take me home Chin Boy, take me home."

AN: I know it starts of very depressing but it will get happier I promise! This is my first ever fanfic so if you have any ideas or reviews please post them as I'd love to improve it! Thank you! Jess X btw this is set after TNOTD