Summary: Maybe this was the only way to stop herself from becoming the portal. She had to try, didn't she? Rated for attempted suicide.
Set an undetermined time after The Prophecy but before The End.
A silent wind lifted her hair in the night sky. Her cloak flew back slightly with the gentle breeze. Raven stood atop the Titans Tower at the edge of the roof, looking out at the bay. She was not meditating like she had told her fellow teammates, she was thinking. Thinking very hard about a disturbing topic. "I can't let him use me." She murmured softly. "I won't let him hurt anyone. Not my friends." Her gaze fell to the rocky ground below. Would it really be so easy? Could it really happen? Or would her powers not let the seemingly unthinkable, though Raven had considered it numerous times before, happen? It surely couldn't be that easy...but what if it was?
Her gaze shifted upwards as her mind began to play out the aftermath of if it did work. They most likely wouldn't find her until morning. It was late, near two in the morning, everyone was asleep. It would probably be Robin, he liked to take a morning walk around the tower. He'd yell then try to hide the sight from Starfire, but she'd fight away from his grip and see anyway. She would scream, and that would wake up Beast Boy, who would still be asleep at such an early hour. He'd get up and outside fast, thinking the tower was under attack. He'd see her and freeze. Who knows what would go through his mind, but eventually he might lose it and the Beast would take over. It would probably push Cyborg away, who was usually in the garage during the morning, before breakfast. He would have arrived after Robin yelled, and would be crouched down beside her, trying to find a way to revive her. But there would be no use. She would be dead. The Beast would stand over her, growling at the other Titans, intent on giving her time to heal. But no healing would happen and Beast Boy would eventually come back, still silent and still frozen.
Could she really do that to her friends, to her family? Her brothers and sister, who cared for her even after learning about her parentage? Raven closed her eyes. It would be better than the alternative, where they were turned to stone then slowly destroyed by her father's hellish fire. Raven kept her eyes closed, she didn't want to see the end, see the ground speeding to meet her gruesome end. And then, she let herself fall forward.
"Raven!" Someone screamed from behind her. Her eyes flew open, wide as her body began to twist in mid-air to see who would witness her final moments. Beast Boy raced across the roof in an attempt to catch her before she fell too far. "Raven!" He screamed again, leaning over the edge and just barely managing to grab the end of her cape, causing her to twist again and hit the side of the tower, once again facing the bay. "Raven." he sobbed as he began pulling her up.
"Let me go Beast Boy. Let me go." Raven demanded in the softest voice she could muster through her shaking voice. "I don't want anyone to get hurt."
"It would hurt us Raven. It would have hurt us." Beast Boy whimpered, scared to change into a stronger animal to pull her up in case he ripped her cloak and she continued to fall. "We would be devastated. Raven please!" He cried, pulling with all his strength. But gravity was against him and she didn't budge.
"I know, but I don't want to be his portal. I don't want him to use me to destroy you. This is the only solution Beast Boy." Raven whispered, looking at the bay. The waters were so calm, seemingly ignorant to the battle going on above them.
"No it isn't. We're working on a plan, a plan to keep you safe and stop it from happening. We won't let him hurt you." He pleaded, looking down at her. Raven looked up and into his eyes, wishing it was the easy. She knew it wasn't though.
"And I won't let him hurt you." She whispered as her hand rose and slowly unclasped the cloak from around her neck. She heard him yell as she began her freefall yet again. She didn't want to see whatever stupid stunt he would pull to try and save her life, so she closed her eyes and enjoyed the moment of total lack of control. She was always in control of something, usually her emotions. To not have to rein anything in felt wonderful. She let herself be happy at the thought of Trigon having no more power over her, sad at knowing Beast Boy would witness her demise, and terror at what was to come if she didn't succeed in her mission of death.
Then, the world roughly hooked her by her navel and pulled her up. Eyes open she watched as Beast Boy, now a pterodactyl, guided her to the top of the roof, a tight grip on her arm and around her stomach where he had grabbed her. He gently laid her on the cement and pulled her into a hug as he morphed back to human. "Raven. Raven you scared the shit out of me."
Raven startled at his use of foul language but relaxed against him. "You should have let me fall." She muttered. "It would have been better for-"
"Shut up Raven. You know there is no way I'd let that happen. No one would let that happen. Now shut up and tell me what the heck you were thinking." She chuckled lightly.
"That's a contradiction Beast Boy. I can't shut up and talk at the same time." He pushed her back and looked at her. The look in his eyes said he was in no mood for jokes. Her eyes went down to her lap, surprised to see she was sitting on him. She spared that no more thought though as Beast Boy pulled her head up to look at him again.
"Raven, what was this all about? Do you really think that was the only way to stop him?" He asked softly, both hands holding her face now. Raven tried to look down but found it impossible with his grip keeping her head level and chose to not say anything. Tears began to cloud her vision and her lids closed, attempting to keep the salty water in. "Raven. Don't ever do that again. It isn't the answer to anything. Just because you're gone doesn't mean he won't find a way out. He would find a vessel to possess or have another kid to use as his portal. You gone just means we have a lesser chance of winning. Don't do this Rae. Please don't do this." His voice cracked and Beast Boy began sobbing, pulling her close again. Raven leaning her forehead against his shoulder, her own body wracked with sobs. He was right. Her death wouldn't stop Trigon, it would just make him more determined to find a way to take over the world.
"I'm sorry. I'm sorry Beast Boy. I'm scared." She whispered, clutching his uniform. "I don't know how to stop him. I don't think I can stop him. No one can." Her body shook, suddenly cold from the chilly night air. "I'm cold." Raven felt as helpless as a child with no superpowers. The feeling echoed in her voice and she held onto him tightly as Beast Boy carried her down to the common room. They sat on the couch, saying nothing. Nothing needed to be said, Beast Boy knew she made a mistake, he knew she knew that. She wouldn't try that again. Raven laid her head against his shoulder, exhausted and glad he was there to support her tonight
She didn't want to be alone anymore.