Coffee in hand, I took a deep breath as I stood in front of the expansive hospital in front of me. The sun was rising to my left, and I felt the familiar ache in my tired muscles from functioning on too little sleep and being awake far earlier than I would like. There was another sensation though, one of distinct anxiousness. Like one would feel on the first day of school. This was, after all, like the first day of school all over again – for the countless time in my 28 years of life. I felt myself ticking off the years in my head as I spaced out a little, lost in thought, 'Middle school, high school, undergrad, med school, internship and the start of my residency...".
Which brought me to where I stood, in front of Grey-Sloan Memorial Hospital, about to join their surgical residency halfway through my second year as a transfer. My previous hospital in Virginia had been much smaller, and the idea of a hospital the size, and prestige, as this one was intimidating. Thinking back on the circumstances that preceded this one, I was glad for the sudden distance between me and my former home.
Glancing around at the trickle of employees walking in, I smiled softly to myself and slipped in behind them. I looked at the email on my phone again, following the numbers on the door until I found the one that I had been instructed to go to on my first day.
I knocked on the doorframe, peaking my head in to see a shorter woman standing behind her desk on the phone. She looked up and smiled, motioning for me to come in and have a seat. I remembered her from my interview—Dr. Miranda Bailey, chief of surgery. I had been thankful when I had met her before - it felt reassuring to be led by a confident woman in charge. I looked out of the windows at her office and watched the people hustle by across the atrium bridge, trying to not listen in to her phone call.
"Allison, I'm so sorry to keep you waiting! I hope you were able to make it here easily this morning," Dr. Bailey said as she came around the desk, extending her hand toward me. "I'm excited that you're here, I think you'll make a wonderful addition to our surgical program," she said, smiling warmly as we shook hands.
"Thank you, ma'am. I'm very thankful to be here," I told her, returning the smile. She motioned for me to follow her, leading me down the hallway to the resident's locker room.
"I thought I could have you with Dr. Webber today, he's been an integral part of our residency program for a long time. He'll be able to get you acclimated and oriented pretty well today," she says as she opens the door to the locker room. Its empty, as rounds have already begun, which fills me with a sense of relief that I avoided the awkward introductions I was sure I would have to do.
"That sounds great," I reply as I look around the room. There is one empty cubby on the far right, and I walked towards it to sit down my small bag. "Is there anything I should know before starting here?" I asked, glancing back at her.
She thought for a moment with a slight smirk on her face. "Dr. Moren, there can be a lot of distractions. Especially as your work life bleeds into your personal life here. It is bound to happen; we all spend 75% of our lives here during residency. Just try to focus more than anything else."
I nodded thoughtfully. "I'll do my best, Dr. Bailey. I came here for a better chance than I was getting at UVA. I knew if I stayed there, I wouldn't be pushed to my full potential."
"I remember what you told me of what happened there, and I promise you that if anything of the sort comes up, you come to me immediately and I will put an end to it right then and there. Got it?" She said with pursed lips and a determined look in her eye.
"Of course," I promised, taking a small deep breath.
"Alright then, Dr. Webber is waiting for you at the nurses' station down the hall. Good luck today." She patted the door frame as she walked out, smiling at me before she disappeared back down the hall again.
I turned back to my cubby, reaching into my bag for my pen and hair tie. I clipped my badge to my white coat and pulled my long, dark hair up into ponytail before turning for the door.
I found Dr. Webber and his warm, fatherly demeanor was reassuring as he walked me through the halls of the hospital and explained the basics of their program, introducing me to some of the staff along the way. "I'll give you a few days before I assign you any interns, let you get the lay of the land first," he told me as we reached a nurse's station surrounded by doctors clad in the same blue scrubs I was wearing. "Dr. Moren, this is Dr. Schmitt and Dr. Helm. They're both surgical interns. This is Dr. Moren, our new resident." he introduced me, and I shook their hands.
"So, what brings you to Seattle?" Dr. Helm asked, and I gave her a tight-lipped smile.
"Ah, well I just really like... the weather," I said awkwardly, glancing out at the clouds moving in. She gave me a slight raised eyebrow and shrugged. I laughed nervously, "Kidding... Mostly. I just wanted a better opportunity to grow as a surgeon." She seemed to believe this and turned back to the other intern. I was determined to keep my story to myself. People tend to pity you when they know what you've been through or find a way to use it against you.
After lunch, Webber left me to shadow Dr. Wilson, a fellow, while he attended a meeting. I sat behind her at a desk, looking over scans of one of her patients. I felt slightly overwhelmed trying to remember the names of everyone I had met when, yet another two doctors joined us in the office. "Wilson, you coming to happy hour tonight?" a young black woman asked.
"Yeah... Maybe if I'm not stuck in surgery all night. It's not looking too good at the moment," she said, leaning back in her chair. I looked up and made eye contact with the dark-haired guy standing behind her, blushing and looking back down at the computer screen again when he gave me a small grin. Wilson glanced behind her and seemed to remember I was there, "Oh! By the way, this is our new resident. Allison, right?" she asked, and I gave a small laugh and nodded.
"Yeah, I'm the transfer resident from UVA. Allison Moren," I introduced myself with a small wave.
The young black woman stepped forward energetically, reaching for my hand. "I'm Maggie Pierce, head of cardio, and this is, uh, Dr. Deluca. He's a third-year resident on my service for the week." He gave a small 'hey' and nodded in my direction. "You're welcome to join us for drink tonight if you'd like! It's at the bar across the street!"
"Thank you, that's very sweet..." I said, trying to find a good excuse to shy away from too much social activity so soon.
"Come on, it'll be fun. Most people will be there, it'll be a good chance for you to get to know the other residents and attendings! Deluca, will you be there?" Maggie asked, not looking back at him, barely giving him a chance to pitch in a hesitant 'uh... yeah" before she continued "See! You'll already know someone! It'll be fun!"
I smiled, a little overwhelmed with my eyes wide at her level of excitement and fast speech. "Uh.. Sure. I'll be there." She accepted my yes happily, leaving with her resident in tow. "She seems... sweet," I giggled lightly and Dr. Wilson nodded in agreement.
"She's great. She's a brilliant surgeon, too. If you're interested in cardio at all, she's your go-to," Wilson confided.
I thought for a moment, watching the doorway where they had just left. "Right now, my interest is in general or peds. I'm sure that might change over time though."
"Hmm, well if you like peds then you're in luck. My husband is our peds attending and he's a rockstar," she boasted proudly, winking back at me.
"So, do you really think that this happy hour thing will be fun?" I asked, resting my head on my hand as I sat back in the chair.
"A bunch of exhausted doctors drunk? It's always an interesting time," she laughed. "You should see some of the dinner parties we've had."
I stood in the bathroom, fixing my eyeliner and hair, sighing. 'Good enough, I guess,' I thought as I ran a hand through my loose waves. I hadn't planned on going out for drinks after work, so my jeans and plain gray V-neck would have to do for the night. I made my way out of the hospital and across the street, the small bar standing out among the restaurants and small shops. I saw a few doctors I recognized and claimed a barstool on the end of the group as they chatted. I introduced myself to the nearest few, and then settled down with my drink and my phone, quietly replying to text messages when I noticed someone slipping into the seat next to me.
"You know that the point of these things is to make friends, right?" I heard them say, and I looked up to see the resident I had met earlier grinning at me. I tried to remember his name, Deluca I thought I recalled.
I rolled my eyes a little and giggled, "You know... I was getting to that part."
"Ah, so you're a 'few-drinks in' kind of girl then, that makes sense." I opened my mouth to protest but caught his playful wink and decided to let that one slide. "I heard you're from Virginia?"
The bartender brought his beer as I looked over at him, "I am... What else have you heard?" I asked, worried that other rumors had started.
He shrugged as he leaned against the bar on both arms, taking a quick drink. "Honestly nothing else. No one knows anything about you... Which I guess can be a good thing with the way people talk around here. You have a good story?"
I hesitated, running my finger around the rim of my glass. "It was a smaller hospital, not as many specialty learning opportunities. Plus, I wanted a change of scenery. Seattle has a much different vibe than the South. I like change, sometimes."
He looked over at me for a moment before I broke the eye contact, glancing down at my phone. "Pretty generic story then. Any family, friends, boyfriend here?" he pried, smirking a little.
"No, just me. No family, friends, or boyfriend here. Just me." I told him, taking a long sip out of my drink. "What about you?"
He took another drink before he sat back, shrugging. "Sister comes and goes occasionally, but for the most part, it's just me too." I nodded and was about to reply when someone called his name from the other side of the room. "Hey, we'll talk more later?"
I nodded and smiled, "Of course." I watched him walk away for a moment before someone next to me drew me into the conversation.
I made pleasant small talk for a while, long enough to finish three drinks. I looked at the clock and felt the tired for the first time all day. I excused myself from the conversation, leaving my money under my glass and stood up. As I gathered my things, I made brief eye contact with Deluca, but turned away to leave.
Walking out of the bar, I felt a hand push the door open for me and turned around to see him smiling sweetly down at me. "Can I make sure you get to your car okay?" I bit my lip a little and shrugged as we stepped outside. "It's getting late anyway, so this is a good time for me to leave too."
We walked silently for a minute, and I let him lead until we got to the crosswalk. "So have you decided on a specialty yet?" I questioned, looking for small talk to fill the silence.
He looked down at me, his hands in his pockets. "I have no idea honestly. I haven't made any decisions. I figured I would just keep testing everything okay until something felt right."
I sighed and nodded, "I can understand the appeal of that. I've always been a 'I-need-to-know-now' kind of person, so i try to plan everything out as much as I possibly can."
"And how has that worked out for you so far?" he asked quietly as we crossed the street. I stopped once we crossed and looked up around me at the skyscrapers and bright lights.
I let a quiet pause pass before I finally answered him. "Well, I've ended up here. Seattle was never in my original life plan, so I guess I've been forced to roll with the punches a little bit." I giggled as I stumbled back a step, my balance just a little off after three drinks.
"Woah, hey," he laughed as he reached out to steady me, his hands on my shoulders. I bite my lip as I looked up at him. "You sure you're good to drive home?"
"Hmm, mhmm. Maybe..., I think so," I said, slightly unconvincingly. He raised an eyebrow and narrowed his eyes in slight concern.
"Do you want me to drive you home? I only had one drink, so I'm fine to drive," he offered, his hand on my back as we started walking toward the parking lot again.
"I suppose that isn't a bad idea, but if I leave my car here, how will I get here tomorrow morning?" I mused, fishing for my keys in my purse.
"I guess I can throw in a ride tomorrow morning too, no big deal," he said, winking at me.
"You really don't have to go out of your way, I don't want to be a bother," I admitted, stopping a few feet away from my car while he kept walking for a few steps. He turned back and looked at me, his head tilted a little.
"Hey, I really don't mind at all. I like you, and I'd much rather see you here at work safe tomorrow morning as a co-worker than as a patient." I sighed and nodded, putting my keys back in my purse. He reached his hand out and I smiled softly as I took it, letting him lead me to his car. Once we were settled in the car, I held my hand out for his phone to put in my address. "Can't say I remember a time I had a girl's address before her phone number," he teased and laughed while I tried to fight off a grin.
"So, you really don't have a girlfriend?" I asked, leaning my head back against the headrest and looking over at him. "I find that hard to believe," I slipped, internally chastising myself.
He chuckled and shrugged as we pulled onto the main road. "Ah, well it's a little complicated. But my last relationship didn't work out. I still see her at work, but we've been able to keep it professional which I'm thankful for. So, no. No girlfriend."
"Why do I feel like everyone there has dated everyone else. They all seem so involved in each other's personal lives." I noted, playing with my phone in my lap. He laughed and glanced over at me with a smirk.
"You have no idea. It's easy to date people at work though. They usually understand your work schedule and have similar interests, and you spend hours on hours with them. It's natural that attractions build up. And yeah, everyone is super involved in each other's lives. It's like a big family though, which is great," he says, his arm resting on the console between us.
"I saw some of that tonight. That's not something I've had before. Obviously, there's still competition, but it doesn't feel as cutthroat and cold as what I've experienced." I thought back to the co-workers I had left behind and felt peace with my decision to leave my former life behind for this new place. We made small conversation for the rest of the ride to my apartment, and I looked down at my phone as we pulled up outside of my building.
"So, I'll see you tomorrow morning?" he asked softly, looking over at me with a small smile. I nodded quietly, biting my lip a little.
"Yeah, tomorrow morning," I replied back, willing myself to get out of the car... somewhat unsuccessfully. Before I could move, I felt his hand on the side of my face and his face right in front of mine. I closed the distance and pressed my lips against his, my heart racing and head spinning, partially from the residual alcohol left in my system. After seconds that felt like minutes, he pulled back and let out a small laugh.
"Sorry... I shouldn't have..." he trailed off, his hand dropping to his lap.
I shook my head and tried to hold back the smile that was trying to come through. "No, that was... I'm not upset. That was... good," I grinned and looked back at my apartment. "I'll see you in the morning."
"I'll be here," he said, his eyes holding mine for a long moment before I opened the car door and walked into my building, glancing back to see him pulling away once the door was shut behind me.