Disclaimer: I do not own Doctor Who.
OK, this is some weird one-off I thought up with. Please let me know what you think. Oh and thanks to cat2772 for reading it and pointing out a few errors, and helping me fix them.
Where in the Universe is my TARDIS?!
Cold, icy winds blew around the 900 year old Time Lord, but he took no notice of them. The Time Lord, who looked like an ordinary 30 year old British man, and known only as 'the Doctor' had a red, grumpy face and messy brown hair. He muttered furiously to himself as he turned a corner.
"Now, where on earth has that irritating box gone?" he asked himself. He was referring to his TARDIS, his spacecraft, which looked just like an ordinary old fashioned blue police call box. The Doctor, who regularly travelled throughout time and space, had landed in London for a little while, to have a rest from adventures and watch the shops prepare for Christmas. He had parked his TARDIS and gone exploring, but was having trouble finding it again.
"Now, I know it was on a street corner," the Doctor thought to himself. The trouble was, there were a lot of street corners in the city of London. He turned another corner, preparing to walk another block, irritated. He shoved his hands deep inside the pockets of his long fawn coloured coat and stormed forwards, and angry but determined look on his face.
Suddenly, the Doctor was confronted by tall, chain-link fences, with a KEEP OUT sign nailed on. The Doctor's ignored the sign and shoved open the stiff gate, walking in as if he owned the place. Warning signs meant nothing to him. All he wanted was to find his TARDIS.
The Doctor found himself in a large square, with a dolphin statue and fountain in the middle. Cold pigeons aimlessly pecked at the frost covered ground. The fountain was silent, all water frozen. Suddenly, the Doctor caught sight of a large, rectangular, blue police box standing on the edge of a pathway just next to the fountain.
"My TARDIS!" The Doctor ran forward eagerly, ignoring a distant shout of "Hey! What are you doing?!" Approaching the TARDIS, he noticed large, scrawling white words of Set 001, P3 painted on the outside boards. The Doctor shook his head grimly, tut tutting to himself. "Well well well, if I catch that very annoying graffitier again, he will find himself doing a lot of cleaning. Writing rubbish all over my TARDIS. Really."
Turning towards the door, the Doctor pulled out his key. To his intense surprise, it didn't fit the lock. He turned it this way and that, but it swivelled loosely, as if it was too small for the lock. Puzzled, he shoved the door, and it swung inwards easily. "Strange, I could have sworn I locked the doors before I left." He marched inside.
The door closed behind him.
The door opened.
The Doctor came out, looking confused. He walked slowly around the box, examining its wooden panelling, his arms crossed, thinking deeply. Then he shrugged, and walked back in.
The door closed.
Two men came running up, out of breath. One of them had large padded earphones hanging round his neck, and the other was holding a professional camera.
"What is he doing?" asked the one with the earphones. The camera man shrugged. A loud hammering sound came from inside the TARDIS, and angry muttering.
The man with earphones rapped loudly on the door. "Excuse me!"
The door opened,
and the Doctor stared out. "What do you want? I'm slightly busy you know."
The man with the earphones stood up straight, looking stern. "I am Henry Benjamen, head director of the film 'Lost in London'. I ask you to please step out and get off the set. What are you doing in there? Didn't you see the signs? This is out of bounds."
The Doctor's calm face became angry again. He didn't like taking orders, especially from strangers. He liked to be in charge! He crossed his arms angrily. "Well, I'm sorry but I'm quite busy at the moment. Some very and extremely irritating graske has come and boarded up my TARDIS. It's completely dark inside, and I can't even get to the control room, because he's nailed up some giant boards over the entrance. So unless you have a hammer, chainsaw or other 'knocking down' object, I ask to please to leave me ALONE!" And he slammed the doors in their faces, using his sonic screwdriver to lock the door so they couldn't get in.
The two men looked at each other in surprise. They had no idea what a TARDIS was. They didn't realise the 'graske' was an annoying alien who ran around making trouble, and whom the Doctor greatly disliked. The Doctor was surely mad!
"He's mad!" exclaimed Henry Benjamen, rattling impatiently on the door. "Come out! Come out! We're going to start filming in a minute!"
There was no reply except for more loud BANGS and CRASHES from inside. The camera man turned to the director. "We need the police." Henry Benjamen nodded in agreement, and they ran off to alert higher authority.
Not long after they left, a large pickup truck drove along. A man in a fluorescent yellow construction vest jumped out with his assistant. "This is the one!" he said, referring to a tattered clipboard. "Move x1 police call box from set 001 to set 003." The assistant nodded, and the two men heaved up the box, staggering along with it towards the truck.
"Quite heavy," remarked the assistant. "Thought it was just wood, glue and paint."
"I know," panted the driver. "The other ones seemed much lighter."
Puffing and panting, they finally managed to hoist the box onto the back of the truck, along with three other identical police call boxes. There was an annoyed shout from inside. The assistant looked at the driver in alarm.
"Did it shout?!"
The driver laughed. "You're imagining things! Come on, we've got two more to pick up from set 005. Don't know why they ordered so many. Probably just want the sets to look like real old fashioned London."
The two men clambered into their seats and the truck drove off, just as Henry Benjamen, the camera man and two London police officers came from the opposite direction. Henry Benjamen stared in surprise at the empty spot.
"Where's it gone? Don't tell me he's carried it off somewhere?!"
"No." The camera man shook his head. "It must have been moved to another set. Remember, you wanted them all in the city scene."
The police looked around, confused. They had heard strange stories of a madman who had locked himself in a piece of the film set and refused to come out. "Well, if there's nothing else we can do..." one officer asked.
Henry Benjamen threw up his hands. "I don't know?! What is the world coming to! Now I must be going mad! Come on. We have to start filming. The actors are all ready in their trailers. He'll just stay locked in there until he decides to come out. Why don't you two cops wander over to set 003 and look for him? That's where the box is heading."
The police nodded and set off. Meanwhile...
The back board of the police box fell forward with a SMASH! The Doctor emerged triumphantly, rubbing his sore fists. "Finally. Now, back to business. I think I'll head to-" He stopped, in surprise. He wasn't in his control room. He was in the back of a moving truck! Among 3 other TARDISes.
"Now, I was sure I only ever had one TARDIS...WHAT?!" The Doctor looked around, dismayed. He looked back at the box, nothing more than an empty wooden shell. He sat down, and groaned. "Really. All this stress. I'm beginning to get a headache."
At that very moment, he spotted a blue smudge on a street corner, right where they were passing. Elated, he leaped of the back of the moving truck, to the horror of a few passing pedestrians, and raced towards it, skidding dangerously on the icy ground. The familiar peeling paint of the TARDIS caused him to smile ashe reached his space craft. He fitted the key into the lock, which fitted perfectly, and swung open the door. And there...
"Hello!" The annoying smiling face of the pink headed graske grinned up at the Doctor. "I found a way in. Nice little place you've got." The graske scampered back to control room and jumped onto the console. "Now, what does this button do? Oh, and I experimented with a few levers. There was a strange noise, kind of cool really. Where do you want to go next?"
There was no reply. The Doctor took one look at the hyperactive alien and duly fainted.
And that's all.
What do you think?