I can't tell you what I did to deserve this. To be brutally honest, I don't know myself. As each day passes, the beatings get worse, and I don't think I can handle the truth. People just seem to come and go from my life as they please. Taking from me all that they can, and leaving me with nothing. I feel so empty inside, I feel don't feel like the Boy-Who-Lived, more like the Boy-Who-Died, because I can't seem to remember the last time I truly smiled... I wish I knew how. These smiles I give out so freely are just trophies of how they've broken me. I'm a trapped bird yearning for freedom... Oh, yes, freedom... It's what I wish for most in life... Yet, maybe I'd have to die to attain it.
All of my friends are fake. Here not for me, but a lie that I portray so others can sleep at night. When do I get to sleep? When can I feel safe? When do I get to drift off into the sea of unconsciousness without crying myself to sleep before doing so? I don't want to live a lie, I just want to be real for once... Yet, why is nothing ever simple? Life isn't fair. I learned that early on. I set myself up for disappointment, I'm a pessimist, a cynic worse than anyone can tell. Maybe I don't even fight for the light, I'm shrouded in darkness, my true loyalties lie somewhere else... I was born to a destiny, a fate I could not deny... I wish I could run away, but I'm stuck in this web of misfortune. I don't even love the woman I'm with! I don't even like women at all!
Why can't someone reach out their hand, offer a simple suggestion of a change to this retched lifestyle... I try and I try but nothing will ever change for me! Nothing I do is good enough, a hero the first day, a leper the second, it's tiring and futile, I wish I could just lie down and give up everything! Why couldn't this fate be placed on a man much better than I? I certainly am not the man that everyone thought that I would be... One day I could just turn to the dark side, burn everything to the ground! Wouldn't that be great, no more hopeless charade, no more masks and facades that I have to put on, it'd be great! Could I do that? Would I do that? Should I do that? Will I do that?
No. I wish I could, but I won't do that. Not yet anyway. I'm not strong enough to give into my desires... I can't let everyone down. I can't stand being hated, and acceptance has always been hard for me, imagine how hard it'd be then... I'd be left out in the rain... Left out without even fake smiles and hugs like now. Fake reassuring words of gratitude and tales of how I'll save the world. Can I save the world? Am I good enough? I don't think I am. I don't think that many people have faith in me, I know I have no faith in myself...
Everyone dies because of me. I wish the world would just stop. No more sadness, no more madness, no more pain or insecurity... Happiness seems to come only once in a lifetime for me... I wonder if this world would be better off if I had died... I sure know a lot of people who wish my parents had lived instead of me. The man I love is one example. He loved my mother, but hated my father, and because of these two facts, and added that I lived instead of my mother, he hates me worse than my father. Yet, he protects me. I wish he wouldn't. Spare me, let me die, it would make me much happier.
I wish I could escape. I wish I could be free. I don't care how. I don't care who did it. I just wish I could get away from it all.
I don't own Harry Potter.