| Farewell Author: kira-nerys |
| Dukat ran along the Promenade searching for his daughter. His heart was pounding in his chest. It was all over. He knew that in his mind. Damar had tried to make him leave but he had nearly knocked his first officer out. He had to find his daughter first. As long as he could find Ziyal and get her to go with him - back to Cardassia - everything would be all right. It will be all right. The words kept rolling around in his head over and over again. Of course he cared about losing the Alpha Quadrant, of course he didn't want to lose Terok Nor once again, but as long as Ziyal was safe, everything would be fine. He didn't realize his mind was going around in circles. All he could think about was his daughter. Where was she? * * * A guilty conscience was something Ziyal had to learn to live with. She had always had it - more or less. When she was a child, that guilty conscience could show its ugly head whenever someone made her remember what an atrocity she was. People on the station could be rather cruel and it wasn't easy being a half-caste. For the most part, she didn't think about it. Her parents had always made her feel like she was the most wonderful thing that ever happened to them, but she knew they worried about her. When her father had decided to send her and her mother to Lissepia, she thought he sent them away because he was ashamed of her. The guilty conscience was there - again. Her mother saw it and tried to make it go away. "Your father loves you very much Ziyal, you must never forget that. He only wants what is best for us," her mother had said. Her voice had sounded so sincere and Ziyal had believed her - for a time. Even though those were Naprem's last words before she died on Dozaria they didn't give Ziyal much comfort after a time. Ending up in that Breen prisoncamp - being forced to live among Bajorans, Cardassians and Breen made her feel like she wasn't worth anything. The Bajorans hated the distinct Cardassian features on her face and the Cardassians couldn't see past the Bajoran ridges on her nose. The Breen just hated them all. She never really fit in and that had made her doubt Naprem's words. Wouldn't mother have begun doubting it too? For each year that passed by, the conviction of her father's love dissipated more until it was nearly gone. Because of all the harsh words and violent actions she was subjected to - simply because of her heritage - she began doubting her father had ever really cared. How could he? She was worthless. She began to believe that he had sent her and her mother away only to get rid of them, and the guilty conscience grew. Other times she worried about him. What if he had been killed? If he had died during an attack on Terok Nor - or perhaps in an assassination attempt on his life by the Resistance - he might have wanted to come for her. Flashes of hope came to her sometimes. Hope which said that he would come for her eventually, but as the years passed by, that hope resurfaced more and more seldom. When he had found her it had felt so right. He did love her. He did care. Then he had lifted that rifle and pointed it at her. The other prisoners had told her about this, that it was going to happen and she thought - he might as well kill her. Then she had seen the love in his eyes and she could finally let go of the pain, because no matter what or who she was, he loved her. Unfortunately the fact that he let her live made the guilt manifest itself to stay forever. She was the reason for his demotion. She was the reason he lost his *real* family. Maybe that was part of the reason she could never truly get along with him? No matter how much she loved him, she would never understand his actions and his devotion to Cardassia and the state. Living in that prison camp had taught her the real values of life. Those lessons of life that she learned were that love and family came first. Pride, duty and power weren't nearly as important. She only wished she could teach her father that * * * Ziyal walked through the corridors of Deep Space Nine, looking for Dukat. She knew it was over. And she had to say good-bye. He would want her to come with him. He would ask her to go back to Cardassia with him A pang of that all-too-familiar guilt showed its ugly head. Ziyal tried to suppress it. She couldn't go with him. He knew that, but she didn't look forward to having to make him admit that. For the first time she knew how it felt to choose to betray someone and the guilt she felt now was so different from the one she had always carried inside. This time she had to tell him that she had been instrumental in bringing him down. She had to tell him she had chosen Kira before him. That was what it would come down to for her father. That wasn't true. She chose Kira's values. Ziyal wished her father could see that Kira was the best thing he had in his life. If only he could have seen that Bajor and the Federation was right and that Cardassia needed to change. If only he could understand He would never forgive her, she thought, and the guilt grew even more. All of the sudden he was there, before her. His eyes were filled with a panic she had never seen before in his eyes, but of course he had to keep the pretense going, even to her. "Ah, Ziyal. There you are. I've been looking for you!" he said warmly. "Father!" They embraced. "Come on. Hurry up!" Dukat said, not even asking his daughter what she wanted. Ziyal refused to move. "I am not going with you," she said Ziyal's heart was pounding. Once again she had to defy him, and the words of her betrayal poured out of her mouth like water down a hill. His face changed from shock to astonishment and to disbelief. Ziyal waited for the hatred, but it never came. Instead she felt a burning sensation in her stomach, and she slumped to the floor. "Ziyal! Oh no, Ziyal" Her father's voice sounded so distant. All she could hear was his pleas. "Forgive me Ziyal. I forgive you please forgive me. I couldn't live with myself if you hated me" She fixed her eyes on him and she saw the profound grief there. Don't be sad father, she thought. I love you and I forgive you. The guilt she had felt all her life dissipated when she saw the raw emotions in his eyes. He loved her - she should never have doubted that. He loved her so much. Farewell father, live well was Ziyal's last thought before she drifted away. * * * Dukat cradled her body in his arms. He was crouching on the floor, his mind elsewhere. All he could think about was that he had now lost everything. Naprem was gone. His wife had divorced him and taken his children. The Alpha Quadrant again belonged to the Federation and Terok Nor was out of his reach. He would go to a Federation prison and be sentenced as a POW. That no longer mattered. All that mattered was that Ziyal was gone. He couldn't help but wonder how he could ever have thought that his lovely girl would be allowed to lead a fulfilling and happy life. He should never have fathered her. Her whole life had been a string of disappointments. Not to him, not to her mother, not to Kira - but to Ziyal herself. He couldn't think about what her life had been like. He shoved the thought away - to the farthest corners of his mind. Now her chance at happiness was gone forever. They had to tear Dukat off his daughter's dead body and those who saw his eyes at that moment believed there was no life left inside him. Part of him had died with his daughter and he shut down completely. ~End~ Send feedback to the author. PLEASE, Positive? Negative? Detailed CRITS? |