Getting of the train made me finally face reality. I was a one-legged, heartbroken victor.
Seeing my family didn't make it any better either. They knew I wasn't going to make it. I knew it too. But, by some miracle, the girl with the braid saved me. I should be happy that I'm even here to be heartbroken, but I can't. Those words keep playing in my head, "We forget". I don't want to forget. Forget the way her touch made me feel alive in my death ridden state. How her kisses made my heart flutter. How seeing her light up the entire room. But it's what she wanted.
It's been a week since I've been home and nightmare have raided my sleep. From the fight with Cato, to the mutts. I haven't left my home. It's nice to feel some sort of comfort in knowing that I am safe. Even if it is for a split second. I then remember how I obtained the bed I'm laying in, the house in living in. Effie tells me I deserve it. But how? By killing people? "We forget". How am I supposed to forget the nightmare that was the games? How am I supposed to forget the girl with the braid?
Rye and Thomas try to get me out, but it all feels wrong. Like I shouldn't have the privilege to be able to go out. To have fun. It's just not the same. Not without her.
The funeral was today. Closed casket. If you could call it that. Closed wooden box is more like it. A lot of people showed up. They all resent me. Wishing it was me in the box and not her. Jokes on them, I wish it too. They talk about the good she had done. Her giving heart and her beautiful voice. They talk about how she was too young, too gentle. They talk about her first moment to her last. They talk about what they know about the games. What the Capitol showed. They say that I stabbed her. That I killed her to win. That my love was all a game. What they don't know is that it wasn't. I've loved her since I heard her singing the Valley Song. My goal was to protect her. But, the girl in the braid saved my life. She stabbed herself in the heart. Telling me there was no life after the games. That life in 12 wouldn't be the same and she couldn't live like that. She says they need their winner. She had one last rebellious act. From shooting the arrow at the gamemakers to dressing Rue's lifeless body in flowers. She took her own life. Gave me clean hands. She let me win the games without killing anyone.
The girl with the braid slipped away from me and there was nothing I could do.
"We forget" was her answer to our love, to our families, to the hurt. We forget.