A/N- Crossovers, humour, all that fun jazz. This will be updated as I get crazy ideas, which does happen frequently. This is my first attempt at humour in the Bleach world, obviously AU, so please be kind :D. Love to hear from you in whatever form you may wish, though reviews are prefered over balloon messages ^^

I'm sorry but I can't do that:

Kurosaki Ichigo, orange hair plastered to his head, stalked down the darkened halls of the giant building on the edge of the Bleach world. Never, never, again was he going to let Rukia talk him into going to the Soul Society carnival. He was soaked in places that he didn't know could even hold water, places he'd rather not think about. He picked up the pace a little, a set of dry clothes was only around the corner.

Suddenly the lights went out completely, leaving Ichigo standing in the middle of the hallway wet, tired, and ready to kill anything that moved. "Turn the lights back on!" he screamed futilely at the heavens, or rather the ceiling two feet above his head. It reverberated loudly, making his head ache.

A silky voice echoed from the air surrounding him, "I'm sorry, Dav-ah I mean Ichigo, I can't do that."

"Who the hell are you? And what did you do with the lights?" A vein in Ichigo's temple was throbbing, if the lights had been on and one had watched closely, one could imagine it was beating in time to "Number One".

"I'm nobody," the voice chuckled, "and because I could."

"Then nobody, turn the damn lights back on. I'm wet, I'm tired, and I have a fight scheduled with Grimmjaw in an hour," Ichigo wasn't looking forward to that, while Orihime always healed him immediately, being repeatedly stabbed in the stomach for faithful viewers wasn't his idea on how to spend the afternoon.

"Nah, I don't think I will," the voice dropped into a familiar formal brogue, though Ichigo couldn't have pinned a finger on who it was.

"Fine! Be that way, I'll find my way in the dark." Ichigo reasoned he had walked these halls plenty of times; the castroom was right around the corner. He reached out a questing hand, running it along the wall blindly. Searching fingers found a junction of a wall, stumbling, his head made a brief, angry, acquaintance with it. Out of the meeting his head fared the worst, swelling to what felt the size of Renji's…nevermind he wasn't going to go there.

Ichigo was sure there wasn't supposed to be a wall there, fingers felt gingerly up and down the corner. Unfortunately it was all too real, not the figment of an overactive, slightly crazed mind. The corner turned the opposite direction than it should have, the universe hated him, hated him with a passion rivaling Byakuya's hatred of water sports.

Forging ahead, blind hands found a doorknob. Twisting the door open an ominous creak protested his actions. Really he should have stopped then, but he had never been the greatest at recognizing foreshadowing, even when it slapped him the face. Light spilled out into the hall, burning dark adjusted eyes. Ichigo moved inside the doorway, taking in the…sight.

"…and then I will take a potato chip and EAT IT!"

A dark haired boy was bent over a desk shoved in the corner of the room, back to Ichigo. Ichigo could hear the crinkling of a bag and the scratch of pen on paper. From the boy's wrist a long chain connected him to the room's other occupant, a pale thin figure, sitting in what looked like a very uncomfortable position. The pale figure looked up at Ichigo, appraising him over the top of a cupcake. "The chance that you are Kira is .00002%."

"Kira? Uhh, I don't think so, he's back with the Bleach psychiatrist," Ichigo slowly backed out of the room. Really foreshadowing could be a bitch if you didn't pay attention to it.

"Don't go, I need your name and your criminal record, oh and a picture would be nice," the dark haired boy said without turning around, "Just in case I have to kill you of course."

Ichigo whirled and bolted, damn the dark, he wasn't going to spend another minute with those weirdoes. Though he did wonder which fandom they were from. It could hardly be popular with such eccentric characters.

His headlong dash introduced him to another wall, this time it wasn't limited to his head. Ichigo picked himself up, leaving wet puddles on the tile floor. "Nobody! Stop fooling with me you bastard!"

"I'm sorry, Ichigo, I can't do that," the familiar voice of Nobody insisted, a hint of dark humor in it, "You are too much fun to torment."

Grinding his teeth Ichigo stalked off into the dark, he was going to find the Bleach castroom if it killed him.

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In the center of the building that touched all fictional worlds but was a part of none, slender fingers pulled a lever, arranging yet another corridor, leading the frustrated Kurosaki Ichigo farther from his goal. Ichimaru Gin grinned to himself, just because he wasn't in the current arc didn't mean that he couldn't have fun.