Asphyxiation

I couldn't breathe; your eyes were like ghostly hands around my throat stealing my air, my voice. Your voice was like a sharp knife violating through my ears, your touch like warm rain on a summer day dripping innocently and causing havoc with your ignorance. I was insane with need for you and yet you smile at me with laughter in your eyes unaware of how much I desperately want to touch you, to press my lips against your skin and taste you, I wondered if you tasted like sunshine and if your skin would sear off my lips and tongue with its heat. I wondered why I loved you desperately, so utterly that my soul screamed every moment you weren't mine, it was like an open wound festering and throbbing. It hurt, to see you happily with someone else but what stole my breath and made my eyes fill with tears was your kindness.

Don't touch me with such warmth when you feel nothing for me, don't smile at me with such happiness when it's so platonic it makes me sick, don't speak to me in such a gentle voice with your lips brushing my ear gently making me choke back tears of quiet frustration. Don't violate me with nothing but your presence, stirring me up and making a mess of my heart if only I could hate you if only I could take this love I feel and choke you with it.

"Sasuke, oi Sasuke"

Moments like this when you call my name because it makes you happy makes me insane with need and sickens me at the same time. I'm so obsessed, I'm so corroded, so filthy I want to smash your innocence into little pieces and grind them into to nothing to watch your eyes fill with tear because of me. I want to hold you until you sink into me, I want to make a mess of you so every part of you belongs to me, I want to destroy you so I'm the only one with the power to fix you, I want to scar you so when you see them your mind is filled with nothing but the pain and the pleasure and the heat of that pain. I want you to think of me and only me, don't look at me with such concern! Don't touch me with those calloused hands, don't barrow any deeper inside me.

Could I drown, asphyxiate every time I look into your blue eyes? Can I love you anymore than I already? I'm already so weary, how much more can I take?

"Sasuke, please…"

Don't plead with me with tears in your eyes; don't make me let you go! I can't allow you to drive me any further into the abyss; I can't allow myself to break any further! Don't destroy me any further with your trembling lips and brittle smile. My fingers grip your hair in desperation while I scream your name over and over so silently it echoes through you, and nothing fills me more pleasure than staring into your tearful blue eyes.

"Naruto, Naruto…. Naruto"

You can't deny me, and I'm filled with triumph as your trembling arms wrap around me but its short lived as I can see nothing but worry in your eyes. Your ignorance infuriates me, and something inside me cracks and my hands are around your throat, worry turns to confusion and confusion to fear and I can only smile.

"Do you understand, do you know how much my heart shudders? Do you know the extent of my love you idiot? Ignorant so fucking ignorant! While you cling to me in desperation and look at me in fear"

So ignorant, while I taste my tears, they tasted of regret bitter and sorrow. I wondered if you finally understood and I refused to look back as I walked away from everything, but your touch that warmth on my arm those trembling lips as they meet mine killed me, and I didn't fear death. You tasted just as I imagined, like liquid sunshine, your tears mixing with mine was the most beautiful thing in the world to me.

The pain, and the pleasure, destroy me and I can't breathe…

[My drama filled drabble ]