Co-written by my lovely friend who goes by CrazyCupcakes online.
I do not own UT, and neither does my friend.
This was a dumb idea.
I had nothing. Nothing except my clothes and a knife I'd stolen from our sorry excuse for a kitchen. I'd never survive out there in the real world-I'd never lived anywhere except here and the orphanage; how would I function with barely anything to my name and no life experience?
But nevertheless, I was still going to run away.
I felt horrible for doing this without Fiona. We'd spent years talking in secret at night about how we would someday run away together and make our own lives, and now I was just up and leaving without her.
The fact of the matter, though, was that however badly I would do in life, Fiona would do a thousand times worse. She didn't want to harm anyone unless she absolutely had to, and she probably wouldn't decide she had to until it was too late, knowing her.
I was doing my best to step lightly, but I supposed it wasn't enough with how old this place was. I winced as a floorboard creaked loudly.
Okay. Maybe nobody had heard. Maybe it wouldn't matter. Maybe everyone was too deeply asleep. It would all be fine.
And then a bedroom door opened.
Well, crap. I was done for. Mother would kill me when she found out that I'd been planning to run away, and whoever had just left their room would sure as hell tell her.
At least, that was what I thought until Fiona stepped out.
I let out a breath I hadn't realized I'd been holding. Fiona wouldn't rat me out.
But then I realized: she would be pissed that I was trying to leave without her. She would be pissed beyond belief.
"Clarissa, what the hell are you doing?" She hissed, walking over to me.
I searched frantically through my mind for a response. Some sort of excuse. Finally, I stalled for time with, "Shut up, Fiona! If Mother hears you-"
"And what if she hears you?" Fiona snapped. "Listen here, Clarissa. I want to know what the hell you're sneaking around in the middle of the night for, and I won't shut up until you tell me."
Clenching my teeth, I forced out the truth. "I'm running away."
Fiona's dark eyes turned angry. "You what?! Oh, I'm sorry, were you just kidding when we promised each other not to leave without the other? Or do I just not matter as much to you as you do to me?!" She snapped.
"Fiona, I'm sorry, but-" That was all I got out.
"Don't give me that 'sorry' crap!" She interrupted. "Clarissa, I've been waiting for this for years. The abuse, the work, the horrible living conditions, the only reason I put up with it was so someday, we could make a plan to run away together and get out of this hellhole. Dammit, Clarissa, it was all. For. You!" Fiona pointed an accusing finger at me. "But no! That wasn't enough for you, now was it? You talk about how disgusting humans are, but really, you're just as bad."
"Fiona, please, let me explain." I begged.
"Fine." Fiona crossed her arms. "Go ahead, Clarissa. Explain."
Before I could, though, there was the unmistakable sound of a door opening and closing. We both froze.
I could barely coax my head to turn enough to see who had left their room. The moment I saw who it was, though, my blood turned to ice water.
Because it was her.
Mother.
"Well, look what happened here." She said menacingly. "Clarissa, Fiona, care to explain what you're doing awake?"
"It-it was an accident, Mother." Fiona stammered.
"It was my fault!" I jumped in.
"What? No-" Fiona was cut off by a cruel chuckle.
"You girls are lucky to even be here. You could just as easily be living on the streets. And as I recall, the way you pay me back for letting you live here is by following my rules. One of these rules is that once you go to bed, you may not ever get out until I say you can. And did I say you could?"
"N-no, Mother." I managed.
"Therefore, you have broken a rule. And," Another cruel laugh, "if I recall correctly, rule breakers have to be punished!"
"Wait!" I exclaimed. "Don't hurt Fiona. This was my fault. Just give me all of the punishment."
Mother shook her head. "Believe me, Clarissa, I'd love to. However, Fiona here has also broken a rule; so you both have to be punished." That was when her eyes drifted down and she saw the knife in my hand. I felt myself tense.
She would know where I'd gotten it from. Stealing and being out of bed at night...I'd broken two of her most important rules. The punishment would be horrible.
In that moment, something inside of me changed. "You can't hurt me anymore." I snapped. "You can't hurt Fiona anymore. And you know what? You're never going to hurt anyone again." With almost no input from my brain, my legs jumped forward and my arm drove the (very sharp) knife through Mother's chest.
There was a moment of deafening silence before Mother fell to her knees in weakness. "Wow. Guess you…had some guts…after all. You're…just as bad…as me…Clarissa. See you in…hell." Her eyes went blank, and she slumped down. Grimacing, I reached over and pulled the knife out of her chest.
Next to me, Fiona was shaking violently. "Clarissa, you-you killed her." She stammered.
Staring at that bloody knife, it suddenly registered, and I began to laugh hysterically.
"C-Clarissa?" Fiona looked at me, concerned.
"You're right, Fiona." I managed. "I really am just as bad as them, aren't I? I killed her. Dammit, Fiona, I'm such a monster!" This wasn't funny. Why was I laughing? I didn't know why, but I was.
"Clarissa, stop it." Fiona grabbed me, and I did my best to calm myself. "That's not what I meant when I said you're just as bad as them. I was just upset. Listen, sometimes you don't have a choice but to attack. You've lived here for years; I think it's safe to say that you didn't have a choice."
"No." I backed away. "Get away from me, Fiona. I'm a killer. I'm bad. You shouldn't be around me."
"Clarissa, none of that is true! You did what you had to!" Fiona insisted.
I clenched my teeth. "Don't you get it, Fiona?! I just murdered someone. Look at this!" I held up the bloody knife. "Does this seem okay? Do I seem like someone you still want to be around?"
"Shut. The. Hell. Up." Fiona clenched her teeth. "Clarissa, as much as I hate to admit it, some people don't deserve mercy. You don't get to beat yourself up for saving our lives."
"Fine." I said reluctantly. "We don't have to talk about it again." Of course, that didn't mean I wouldn't be screaming at myself on the inside. "But…what do we do now?"
Fiona shrugged. "I don't know. I guess we just…run."
She wanted me to run? I'd run.
This would keep her safe. It would get her away from a killer like me.
"Okay." Turning around, I shoved the door open and dashed away.
"Clarissa!" Fiona screamed. "Come back!" I chanced a quick glance back and saw that she was running after me. Picking up the pace, I headed in the direction of the one place I knew she wouldn't follow me.
Mount Ebott.
Everyone knew the legends. If you climb the mountain, you disappear. Me? I was all for disappearing. But Fiona? Not so much. She was a good person. She could make it in life. She was cute, and pretty, and no doubt someone would take pity on the pretty little girl with nobody in her life. Me, though, I wasn't like that. I couldn't get help from anyone. Between me and Fiona, people would choose Fiona every damn time. Fiona, with her kind nature. Fiona, with her bright smile. Fiona, with her normal eyes.
And that was why, when I came to the gaping hole that seemed to have no bottom, I didn't shy away.
"Clarissa!" I heard Fiona scream. No. She wasn't here. She couldn't be. Was she really going to go this far just for me?!
She was getting closer. There wasn't time.
Without thinking, I threw myself into the hole. The last thing I heard was Fiona's scream of despair.
It was better this way.
"Clarissa!"
Everything hurt.
Why was everything hurting? Why was I feeling pain? Why was I feeling anything at all? I was supposed to be dead!
That was how it was supposed to be. I was supposed to die so I couldn't hurt anyone else.
And why had Fiona just screamed my name?!
Oh my God. She hadn't followed me. She wouldn't have. She couldn't have.
But when I saw her appear in the doorway with strangely blank eyes, something that didn't look human beside her, my suspicions were confirmed.
"Fiona?!" I exclaimed. "What's that-that thing next to you?!"
Fiona shrugged.
"Don't you shrug at me! That's not human!"
"Oh." Fiona said. "It's not?"
"How can you not tell?!"
"Okay, um…" Fiona paused. "Don't freak out, but I'm kind of, uh, blind…"
"What."
"You heard me." Fiona was surprisingly calm. "I followed you down that hole, and apparently I hit my head on impact, and now I can't see."
"Oh my God…" I felt sick. "Well, then you should probably know that there's a humanoid goat beside you."
Now Fiona was the one to say, "What."
"Clarissa here is correct." The goat spoke up. Its voice was feminine, and I supposed it looked feminine enough for a goat; I figured it was safe to call it a girl. "Everyone down here except for you two is a monster."
Fiona's expression shifted into anger. "I'm sorry, what?! You seriously had the nerve to take advantage of my blindness like that?! Jeez, and here I thought you cared."
"Well, I would not think of it that way." The goat lady said.
"Oh? Then how should we think of it?!" I demanded.
"You have barely been conscious for a few minutes. I believed that we needed to figure out the situation at hand before going into details."
"Details?" I snapped. "You call the fact that you're a monster and that you're probably going to kill us details?!"
"What? Kill you? Children, I would never do such a thing!"
"How can we trust you?!" Fiona demanded.
The goat lady sighed. "Well, I was hoping to wait until you were more settled in before introducing you, but…Asriel, dear, you may come in now!"