Super Mario's Super Poop
By Bong & Schoolgirl Studly
channel/UCjh4_Ocbv0FtP7vQST9n_5A
Mario had just gotten home from a long day of jumping on the heads of his enemies, and boy was he tired. Not to mention clogged up. You see, Mario had been eating nachos and burgers all day. And by all day, I meant constantly, all day. Whenever his mouth would empty of food to chew, he would replenish the supply by taking another bite. Mario was a stress eater, and this was a stressful month.
You see, about a month ago, Mario had invested a good chunk of money into a small startup specializing in steel manufacturing. Unfortunately, almost immediately after his investment, steel prices went down worldwide, and even worse, the CEO of the company has recently become under investigation for raping a small Burmese child. Obviously, the stocks crashed hard, as had any hopes and dreams of spending that profit on Princess Peach.
You see, Princess Peach had cancer. All sorts of cancer. Mouth cancer. Ass cancer. Breast cancer. Skin cancer. Liver cancer. Even the dreaded eyebrow cancer, Princess Peach had all the cancer. Mario needed money for treatment, so he could save her life through modern western industrialized medicine. To do that though, he needed money.
You see, the Japanese don't respect Italian people very much, so Super Mario got super screwed when he signed his contract with Nintendo, the Japanese gaming megacorporation. He made about two cents to every hundred dollars profit off of his image, which didn't amount to diddly squat. Even worse, Nintendo takes a percentage out of any coin Mario finds in a coin box, so making and saving money isn't the easiest task in the world for the obese plumber.
As he walked through his small, one bedroom apartment, Mario wondered how his life came to this. He had so much promise, and had wasted it on saving Princess Peach ovah and ovah again from the clutches of King Koopa. Now, he had to save her one last time, but he wasn't sure how fireballs or raccoon tails were going to save the day this time.
Mario thought about heading out to Las Vegas, just putting all of his remaining funds on a roulette wheel. If he won he'd be rich; if he lost he could just kill himself. Mario knew if he died someone would just hit start to continue anyway; it was all so pointless. Mario then had an idea. It wasn't an idea to make money though. He just had the idea to go to the bathroom before shitting his pants. So, he did.
You see, Mario didn't like to shit his pants, so whenever he could he'd use the toilet. For a lot of you that might be weird, the idea of not liking shitting your pants, but to Mario it made perfect sense, somehow. The fat piece of shit scurried to the bathroom, where he took his overalls off just in time. As he placed his flabby, sweat soaked buttcheeks on the cold porcleain, he sighed a sigh of relief as the first turd began to penetrate his anus from within. As every inch came out of Mario, he felt better and better, until he realized that the turd wasn't stopping. He was terrified that the turd wouldn't stop growing out of his asshole and it would eventually take him into the sky, like in the only released in Japan Super Mario Scat. But then the end of the turd left his butt and made a big plop into the toilet.
You see, Mario was relaxed from his stool dropping so he pulled out a Camel brand cigarette. Camel brand cigarettes make you live longer, and taste great, plus with the combination of Turkish and American tobaccos you have the satisfaction you are helping the international economy with each and every drag. Hooray for Camel brand cigarettes, the premier cigarette of Super Mario Scat. As he inhaled the delicious smoke from the Camel brand cigarette, Mario wanted something to read. Almost as if ordained by God, a notification of his Samsung brand smartphone went off. Mario grabbed it out of the overalls around his legs, and was surprised to see Princess Peach had died. But not of cancer like you are no doubt expecting, but from a gunshot wound to the face by some gang members in the streets because the new Mario game is in like some real city that looks like New York all Mario style n shit.