AN: Silliness we came up with in chat while sharing fanart. Apparently, Uno is the housewife/mother of Hell 14, and does all of their cooking and cleaning. Around his time as a professional prostitute, of course. :D
Disclaimer: All characters Konami
He'd only been there a few hours.
He'd been led through the layers of Hell by a man with a German accent so heavy he could hardly be understood, and was now in this house. He'd been introduced to a group of people who were between indifferent and freakishly excited to see him, and then been ordered to make pancakes.
Whoever or, perhaps more accurately, whatever this person was, they watched excitedly as the matador continued to mix the batter. The black eyes which were far too large for anyone's face took in everything as if this whole process were wonderfully exotic. His tiny frame was nearly completely hidden as he crouched behind the counter.
He believed that Wilhelm person had referred to him as 'Goku' at one point.
But then, he had also been labeled as 'Uno', even though that wasn't even close to his name. The instrument told him that this would apparently make things easier, even though it was ridiculous. So he had no idea what this person was actually called.
He'd taken this job offer when he'd been told he would be allowed to travel, to meet all sorts of new people. And, he'd thought that his career was beginning to be a bit too routine; he could use a vacation.
Uno supposed this international freak show was what had been meant by meeting new people.
Uno ladled the batter into the frying pan and began to cook. This Goku person nearly squealed in happiness.
"We haven't had almost anything to eat in weeks," he told Uno in an excited whisper, "And Wilhelm was cutting back our budget for eating on missions…"
"… Great." Uno plated the food and passed it over.
Goku inhaled it happily, as if he really hadn't had anything in so long. Which couldn't have been true, considering he was still very much active and… relatively healthy looking.
But, then again, this was Hell.
"You'll like it here," Goku told him. He looked up and smiled, a smear of syrup on his white cheek, "It's fun. More please."
Uno sighed and began to cook again, "What's so fun in hell?"
"Well… there's a park, and we have a TV, and there's music sometimes…" Goku leaned against the counter, watching as the bubbles rose in the cooking batter. "And on missions, we get some time back on Earth."
Uno looked over, "But I'm still damned to Hell."
"I guess so."
Goku tried to get closer to the food, but Uno shooed him away.
"It's not like there are demons and things… Well, Koku can be mean when he's angry… But…"
"But it's still Hell," Uno said flatly.
"So?" He asked, one of his non-existent eyebrows raised.
"So I was a devout Catholic, what did I do to deserve this?" Uno put the food onto the plate, "Did I not confess enough?"
Goku dug in again.
"You cook good food," he said between mouthfuls.
"Er… thanks."
Goku shook his head and took a gulp of water to wash down the mouthful. "No, I mean that's why." He tilted his head at Uno's shocked expression. "Wilhelm wanted someone with a lot of things, but they also needed to know how to cook. Didn't he tell you?" He went back to his food, "Don't worry, the missions are fun."
Uno groaned, "What's it going to be? Making wedding cakes?"
If it was possible, Goku's smile grew even wider. He laughed for a long while.
"I like you. You're funny." He put the dish into the sink. "Thanks, Uno-Kun. See you at dinner."
Uno stared after him as he nearly skipped off.
It wasn't a matter of not going to confessional or saying his prayers the incorrect number of times.
It was because he could cook that he was now in hell.
He groaned as he began to clean up. This all… this was just beautiful.