So this my first non-TMNT fanfiction.
Eddward, we need to talk about your choice of friends and how it affects your future.
Mother…?
Son, your mother and I have been discussing this matter for some time now, and we have both come to the conclusion that perhaps it's time for you to start looking for more…appropriate peers to associate yourself with.
But…but Father…!
We understand how strongly you feel about your two friends, but let's face the facts. That Ed is a simpleton who obviously does not care about his personal hygiene. God knows what that child has been rolling in. Not to mention that his dubious entertainment choices can rot anyone's brain, including yours.
Well, actually, Ed's taste in movies is quite…
We're not finished, Eddward. Don't interrupt your father.
I'm sorry, Mother.
And don't even get me started on that Eddy fellow. He is loud, manipulative, and has an unhealthy obsession with money. He doesn't even think of you as his friend. He just uses you in his "scams" and overworks you. You shouldn't waste your talents like that. You could instead join a quiz bowl team or even the chess club at school.
The point is, sweetheart, those kids have been nothing but a bad influence on you. Ever since you became friends with them, you've been the black sheep of the cul-de-sac. If you continue to stay with them, you won't have a future. Do you understand what we're trying to tell you, Eddward?
Double D sat at his desk and tried to get his mind off the dinner conversation by counting his five thousand two hundred and thirty-nine ants. That usually cheered him up.
"Three thousand five hundred and one…three thousand five hundred and fifteen…three thousand five hundred and twenty-three…"
He sighed discouragingly and buried his head in his arms. He couldn't believe that his parents thought so lowly of Eddy and Ed. Sure they had their faults, but everybody does, including himself. Some of things his mother and father told him were true, though. Ed wasn't exactly the sharpest tool in the shed, and Eddy could be a little bit…well, okay, majorly greedy at times.
And he had been an outcast ever since the three met and became friends.
But come to think of it, he has always been an outcast even before he met Ed and Eddy.
"Hey, freak!"
The four year old Eddward flinched and glanced behind him. A bunch of bullies laughed and pointed at him.
"Nice buck teeth!" a chubby child laughed.
"Go on! Say something 'o-phis-ty-cated', nerd!" a girl with pig tails giggled.
"The word you're looking for is 'sophisticated'," Edd murmured with a frown.
This only made the kids laugh even harder.
"See! There he goes again!" a boy with a baseball cap mocked. "The kid is like a tiny grown-up!"
"Yeah, and he wears a sock on his head!" a boy with curly red hair pointed at his hat. "How stupid is that?!"
The kids chanted "Freak!" over and over again, causing Edd to run away with tears in his eyes…
While he was overjoyed that he finally moved out of that dreaded neighborhood, he was also nervous. What if the kids here make fun of him, too? He took a deep breath and opened the front door. Stepping outside, he looked around for any kids playing in the street or in their yards.
He saw two boys at a stand, the overhead sign reading "Bottomwess Ed". A tall kid who wore a red and white striped shirt had a fork in his hand and a T.V. in front of him. Sitting next to him was a shorter kid who wore a large yellow shirt with a vertical red line and a propeller beanie hat that had a dollar sign embroidered on it.
His mother said that he needed to start making friends in the cul-de-sac. So he might as well try with these two. He walked to where they were and held out his hand, trying to hide his nervousness with a smile.
"Salutations, gentlemen!" he said politely. "My family and I have just moved in, thank you!"
He expected the kids to laugh at him because of the way he talked or because of his two big front teeth or even because of the sock on his head.
The shorter kid nudged his friend with a smile. "Hey, Ed! Get a load of the new kid on the block!"
The taller kid, whose name was apparently "Ed", looked around for the 'new kid'. "Where?!" The shorter kid looked annoyed and pointed at Edd. "Oh! Welcome, friend! My name is Ed!" Ed smiled at him and held out his hand…which had flies swarming around it. Good Lord, how often does this kid bathe?
"And I'm Eddy!" The shorter kid held out his hand as well, only his had a joy buzzer on it. Edd could see that this "Eddy" was obviously some kind of prankster.
He didn't want to be rude and refuse to shake their hands. So he put a glove on Ed's hand and then shook it. He only shook Eddy's fingers, avoiding the buzzer. "Pleased to meet you! My name is Ed also, but with two D's!"
"Gee, ain't that a coinkydink!" Eddy slung an arm around Edd's shoulder and pointed at him while smiling at Ed. "We all have the same name!"
The two kids started to laugh, but they weren't laughing at him, like how the other kids in his old neighborhood used to. They were laughing at the fact that they all had the same name, which was indeed very funny.
Even though he just met these two, he already felt connected to them. And it wasn't just a coincidence as Eddy pointed out. It was fate.
This could perhaps be the beginning of a beautiful friendship.
Edd genuinely smiled at them. "Humorous, indeed."
"Hey, Sockhead! Ever tried a jawbreaker?"
"A…jawbreaker? Why, no, I'm afraid I haven't. But my parents never allow candy in our house. They said that the sugar causes cavities and other…"
Eddy roughly grabbed him by the strap of his purple overalls and dragged him away. "Yeah, yeah, yeah! Come on, let's go!"
That was the very first time that Edd walked into the Candy Store. He had never seen so many candies and sweets before. Chocolates, licorice, gummy bears, candy canes…
"Three jawbreakers, please!"
His thoughts were interrupted by Eddy shoving a very large ball in his face. Goodness, how could he fit something this big into his mouth? He glanced at Ed and Eddy, who were sucking on their jawbreakers with ease. He then decided that he should give it a try.
The second the candy touched this tongue, his taste buds went absolutely crazy. He closed his eyes and a dreamy grin appeared on his face. It was like he had died and went to Heaven.
"So how do you like it?" Eddy asked with drool dripping out of his mouth.
"Wonderful," Edd whispered. "It's the best thing my taste buds have ever experienced."
"Hey, Double D!" Ed said gleefully. "My mom got us enough money for some fudge! Want some?"
Double D?
"Did you just call me…'Double D'?"
"Uh-huh!" Ed nodded at him. "That's your new name!"
"You said your name has two D's, right?" Eddy gently nudged Edd. "So we're calling you 'Double D' from now on! Sweet name, huh? I'm the one who came up with it."
"Hey!" Ed frowned. "I came up with that name!"
"Nu-uh!"
"Yea-huh!"
"Nu-uh!"
"Yea-huh!"
While the two continued to argue, Edd, or "Double D" smiled at them fondly. He really liked his new nickname. "Hmmm, 'Double D'…"
"All done!"
Seven year old Double D had just finished constructing a large volcano for the science fair and couldn't wait to show it to his parents. He ran out of his room and called for them. "Mother! Father! Come see what I've accomplished!"
Complete silence.
"Mother? Father?"
He searched around the house but there was no sight of them. Then he saw a new sticky note on the kitchen door. He pulled it off and read it.
Dear Eddward,
We will be back around 9 p.m.
You can have leftover chicken in the refrigerator.
Love, Mom
Double D sighed. He forgot all about the business dinner that his parents were supposed to attend tonight. They were rarely home anymore. He'd admit that it was pretty lonely at times, but he respected his parents and understood that they both led very busy lives.
He went back to his room and decided to test his project. He pushed the button to activate it, expecting it to blow out air. But instead it was…sucking it in? Something wasn't right.
"Perhaps when Father returns, he'll help me figure out what the problem is," he reasoned to himself. "After all, he's a much more experienced inventor. If anyone can fix this, it's him"
His father never did help him with the project. His parents came home later that night claiming to be too tired to assist him and went straight to bed. So Double D had no choice but to turn in the defective volcano for the science fair.
As to be expected, he didn't get first place for a volcano vacuum. He didn't even get third place. It was a humiliating defeat for him.
He dejectedly walked out of the cafeteria when Ed suddenly grabbed him in a hug. "Double D!" he exclaimed. The putrid smell of his shirt suffocated Double D, and his face started to turn purple.
"Ed…please…your…shirt…" Double D tried to pry Ed off him.
"Whoa, hold on there, lumpy!" Eddy pulled Double D away, allowing him to breathe in fresh air. "Don't kill Double D just yet! 'Cause we need him for our greatest scam ever: the Ed-In-The Box!"
"And I will be the Ed in the box!" Ed proudly pointed to himself.
"Oh, I don't know, Eddy," Double D sighed deeply. "I'm just not in the mood today. I mean, despite all my hard efforts, I didn't win first place in the science fair…or second…or third."
"So you didn't get a stupid ribbon," Eddy scowled. "Who cares?!"
"Apparently, I do," Double D whispered and sadly walked away. Ed and Eddy called out to him, but he completely ignored them and continued down the hall.
The next morning, Double D took the volcano to the basement and was about to smash it with a hammer. He couldn't stand to look at that abomination anymore, for it reminded him of how much of a failure he was. But just as he was about to bring the tool down with full force, the doorbell rang.
He went back upstairs and answered the front door. To his surprise, Eddy and Ed were standing there holding a ribbon that was made of cardboard. A big fat #1 written in blue ink was in the center of the circle.
"Surprise!" Ed said gleefully with a huge smile on his face.
"Yeah, surprise," Eddy mumbled, rolling his eyes.
"What…what's this?" Double D asked.
"You were pretty bummed about the whole ribbon thing," Eddy said while shoving the fake ribbon into Double D's chest. "So, yeah, Ed and I made you one."
"You're the smartest person in the whole wide world, Double D!" Ed exclaimed. "You deserve a bazillion ribbons!"
Double D stared at the cardboard ribbon in his hand, and he felt tears building up in his eyes. His spirits had been lifted and his confidence had been restored, thanks to Ed and Eddy. He honestly couldn't ask for better friends. "Thank you," he said softly.
"Okay, so now that we got that out of the way," Eddy grumbled, "can we get to the Ed-In-The-Box scam already? Time is money! And what's with the hammer?"
Double D realized that he was still holding the hammer in his other hand. "Oh, this?" he smiled sheepishly and a blush appeared on his cheeks. "This, um, is the hammer with which I will build our latest invention! Let's get to work, fellas!"
The loud beeping of his alarm clock woke him up. Good Lord, he fell asleep at the desk…in his clothes. He felt so unsanitary.
After taking a shower and changing his clothes, he went downstairs into the kitchen. He was about to prepare his usual breakfast when he saw a new sticky note on the toaster.
Dear Eddward,
Mow the lawn.
Love, Dad
Oh, how he detested mowing the lawn. Hopefully he won't have to do it alone and his friends will...
Eddward, we need to about your choice of friends…
…perhaps it's time for you to start looking for more…appropriate peers to associate yourself with.
…those kids have been nothing but a bad influence on you.
If you continue to stay with them, you won't have a future.
…choice of friends…
…more…appropriate peers…
…bad influence…
…you won't have a future.
…friends…
Yes, Ed and Eddy were his friends, whether his parents liked it or not.
Yes, Ed had the IQ of a slice of buttered toast. And he smelled worse than even the junkyard. But he also had a very kind and loving soul that no one else in the entire cul-de-sac possessed. If everyone were like Ed (and bathed themselves daily, of course), the world would be a much better place.
Yes, Eddy had an obsession with money, and he could be very selfish most of the time. But Double D knew that deep down, there was a good, caring person within him. He had seen that side of Eddy more than once through all the years that he had known him. And Eddy did think of him as a friend, despite what his parents may say. Even before he learned just how useful and inventive Double D could be, he liked hanging out with the gap toothed nerd who wore a sock on his head and used complex words whenever he spoke.
Sometimes the kids of the cul-de-sac would ask why he continued to say with Ed and Eddy. Out of the three Ed's, he was the one they tolerated the most and actually liked. In fact, if he wasn't part of the infamous scamming trio, he'd most likely become friends with everybody and be more popular both in the neighborhood and in school. There were times when a very small voice would scream at him to ditch the two and be forever free of the dark cloud of unpopularity that hung over his head.
But he'd never abandon his friends, his true friends. The ones who stood by his side from day one. He didn't care that no one else, including his own parents, liked Ed or Eddy very much. All that mattered was that he liked them. And he didn't just "like" them; he loved them. He loved them like the siblings that he never had.
So maybe he was the black sheep in the herd. At least he wasn't alone. And he'd rather stay unpopular than be liked by everyone at the expense of losing Ed and Eddy. And without the two people who had always supported him, he certainly wouldn't have much of a future to look forward to.
He could confidently say that he was proud to be the 'Edd' in Ed, Edd, n Eddy.
The Volcano Vacuum invention is actually featured in the episode "3 Squares and an Ed".