AN: Well, for any of those who are still sticking with me, I'm sure you'll be overjoyed that I've done this. However, I sincerely doubt there are very many anymore. -Sad- I know I haven't written anything lately, but oh god please don't abandon me!!!!! -Cries-

Anyway...this is the long-awaited prequel to Attempted Suicide, and I hope those who are still watching are happy because I worked on this pretty hard. Poor Riku won't get Sora for a while, at least a few chapters, but I have big big plans for the preceding ones so it won't get boring I promise. Hope you enjoy!

Disclaimer: If I were to own a video game, it would probably be Final Fantasy VII

He's beautiful. God, he's beautiful. I'll bet he doesn't know I watch him from across the classroom. I watch the way he bites his lip while thinking; the way his pink tongue sneaks out to wet his slightly chapped lips that I so desperately want to claim as my own; his blue eyes that seem to sparkle with their own light when he was happy; the way his back rose and fell steadily when he dozed while the teacher wasn't looking…perfection.

I know he would never look at me and think these things. No, the only one he loves is her; Kairi.

I don't hate her; I could never hate her, we've been friends for a long time, though not nearly as long as Sora and I. But I can't deny that I resent her.

I see the way he looks at her. I wish that he would look at me like that, smile for me, kiss me…love me.

When I left school heading for home, I had to walk alone. Sora wanted to walk Kairi home, and I foolishly said it was okay.

Sora said his brother, Roxas, would be walking alone too, and if I wanted some company we could walk together. I really didn't want to. He was such a recluse, the complete opposite of his brother who always seemed excited. Roxas spent all his time in his room, hiding away from the world. I'd barely said two words to the guy and personally didn't want to since I was afraid of what would come out.

When I got home, I settled in front of the TV without doing my homework first. I knew my parents or my older sister Larxene would probably get on my case for it, but I was in a mood and craving some brain-destroying electro waves.

Speaking of Larxene, the opening then prompt closing of the front door, as always harder than necessary, alerted me to the fact that she had been out and just came back. It was strange for her to go out very often. She was a sophomore in Computer College and usually took care of the house while everyone else was gone.

The top of her blonde head peeked into the room, strange antenna-spike bouncing on her skull. Her mischievous blue eyes just barely looked out over the door frame.

"Hey, Ri!" she said brightly. "You're home a little early." I shrugged and turned back to the TV. Larxene came in and sat down next to me.

"Something wrong, little brother?" I sighed.

"No…" I shook my head. "Yes…I don't know!" Larxene nodded understandingly.

"Is it a Sora issue?" I nodded and she pulled me into a one-armed hug. Larxene was the only one I'd ever told about my feelings for Sora. She was a good older sister, the kind it was easy to become best friends with. I knew she would never judge me. My parents, on the other hand…well, it's just better they stay oblivious. I'm in no mood to get kicked out today or any other day.

"Tell me what happened," Larxene said, rubbing my arm comfortingly. I sighed.

"There's nothing much to tell. It's just my jealousy getting to me. The long and short of it is that he walked her home instead of walking with me." I laid my head on her shoulder. "There's a good chance he'll spend all night there and won't come over later."

"Did you ask him to?"

I fell silent. That wasn't really the point, was it? Before Kairi, even before I realized what I felt for him, we would spend so much time together. Best Friends, if you believed in such a thing.

I felt a pang of nostalgia, remembering suddenly a time when Sora and I had been skateboarding when we were maybe 14 years old. He fell and badly skinned his knee. He tried not to cry, but I saw them roll down his face when he thought I wasn't looking as I helped him home. It was at that time, I think, that I started looking at him differently. Before I could do anything, I had fallen in love with him.

"No…" I finally answer. "I didn't. Not really." I sigh. "But I miss it, you know? Hanging out so often. We used to be inseparable, remember?" Larxene nodded, smiling.

"I also remember I used to have to keep you two out of my stuff constantly. The dynamic duo, without a doubt." The smile fell from her face and she looked at me seriously. "You know that someday you'll have to tell him, right? You can't hide this forever."

I knew this. I knew this far more than she did. There would come a day where I just wouldn't be able to handle it inside anymore and it would burst out, like a balloon with too much air in it.

After a quick dinner of lasagna and a half-assed attempt at my still unfinished homework, I crawled into bed early. My mom came in and asked if I was sick, and I told her I was just tired. She seemed to accept this and left me in the dark.

I put my arms around a pillow and pulled it close to me. More than once, I'd pretended this pillow was Sora. I'd pretended Sora was sleeping next to me like the angel he surely is, and I would pretend to watch him fondly.

Almost without thinking, I brushed my lips over the cloth fabric of the pillow, pretending it was Sora's soft, warm lips instead. I would rub my hands up and down it, pretending I could feel skin in its place. In my mind, I could feel a pulse quicken, breathing speed up and fall hotly on my throat; hands grasping at me, wanted me to go on.

Keeping my eyes firmly closed to keep the image locked, I slid my hand down my pants and caressed myself, pretending that it was Sora's hand instead. I pulled my hand away with whimpers of protest, as if my illusion really was true.

I could see Sora shimmying out of his pajama pants. Strangely, his shirt was already gone. He looked over his shoulder at me, eyes full of lust and need, drawing me in with reckless abandon.

I gripped his pale hips and plunged into the opening he so willingly offered me. His cries, I noticed, held no trace of pain even though I had not prepared him properly beforehand.

I couldn't think with him surrouding me like this, but somehow I found the presence of mind to move, feeling heat pool in my groin with every cry that fell from his lips. I wished I could see his face and suddenly regretted the choice of position. But there was no time to change it, since I could feel the familiar rush of oncoming pleasure coursing through me.

Orgasm shocked me out of the doze I had fallen into. A crushing depression fell over me as my mind realized Sora was in his own home next door. And I was alone in my bed, lying in a puddle of my own cum.

I got up and padded to my bathroom, quickly shedding my pajama pants and boxers and sticking them in the laundry hamper. I washed the semen off my stomach wit ha washcloth and picked another pair of boxers to sleep in. I'd never been able to sleep without washing that off. It's just too uncomfortable.

When I settled back into bed, I again pulled the pillow to me. I still pretended it was Sora, but this time he was just sleeping. I breathed into it deeply, pretending I could smell his unique scent, which I always thought smelled vaguely of coconut mixed with alcohol.

A light flicking on next door made me sit up. It was the light in Sora's room. He was just getting home? His curtains weren't closed so I could watch him as he undressed. Creamy skin was exposed to my eyes, while I unconsciously licked my lips, wishing I could taste it. Vaguely, I felt my hand creeping toward my boxers again, but I stopped and defiantly rolled over, clutching the pillow.

A wave of sadness washed over me as I realized he had indeed been at Kairi's all night, doing who knows what. I buried my face into the Sora-pillow and allowed myself to cry, long after I felt the darkness of sleep take me into its sweet embrace.