A short Blam drabble concerning Sam's private school past.
"Are you afraid of falling apart?" Sam asked softly, smashing his eyebrows together in a way that made my stomach turn. He looked up at me, barely visible in the moonlight of the East Corridor. I saw his glossy eyes faintly through the dark, the glimpse I caught of them filled with an overpowering sadness. For a second, it was like the breath had been sucked out of me, watching Sam nearly broken on the floor. I bet if I had listened hard enough, I could of heard him cracking.
"What do you mean?" I questioned, picking at a string hanging off of my Dalton blazer absentmindedly as I tried to decode his expression. Sam fluttered his eyelids, not really knowing what to say back. He looked back down at the floor, switching his sitting position so he was leaning against one of the couches in the hallway. He pulled his knees up, his eyes glued to my face. I didn't want to catch them with mine, deathly afraid that I was going to see something I didn't want to.
Sam was my best friend. Countless nights of singing and dancing together, sneaking out of our dorms and sitting on the couches in the halls and throwing the couch cushions over each other's heads...
It broke my heart to see him sitting on the floor, balancing on the edge of bursting into tears.
"Can you at least come back to the dorms with me?" I whispered, searching for some kind of response. Sam finally caught my eyes. For a second, it was like we were sharing the pain. My stomach burned, all of the sour feelings building up in my chest. My heart rattled against my ribcage, my lungs suddenly only able to handle little sips of air. Sam broke off the gaze, watching me take a step back. I glanced down at my feet like I was questioning them.
Why are you stepping back?
"You don't get it, Blaine. I'm terrified. Completely terrified," Sam paused, begging for eye contact again, "That's so hard for me to admit, but these feelings...aren't ones I should be feeling." I winced, swallowing hard, "I'm scared of falling apart, Blaine. More than you know. Which is why I have to go." I snapped my head to find his eyes.
"Go? Sam, you don't mean-" I started, Sam's stern voice cutting me off.
"I'm leaving Dalton," He flicked his head toward everything from his dorm, a smiling picture of us sitting on top of his suitcases, "My mom's coming to get me."
"Sam, please. You can't leave..." I trailed off, the pain intensifying in his eyes. When I saw headlights pass in front of the doors, I knew it was over. Sam stood up, wrapping his arms around me for the last time.
"I'm sorry, Blaine," He whispered, letting me go. As he pulled his suitcases away, I could swear he took a piece of me with him that I didn't even know was there. Something bigger than I can even think about. Something bigger than both of us. I leaned on the wall next to the window, watching Sam's mom pull away.
I'm afraid of falling apart, too.