It had seemed so blissful.
Hagrid had taken him from the Dursleys. He had been free, free of starvation and beatings amd a hopeless future, and it didn't matter that everyone knew about the Dursleys, because he was free.
Dumbledore had tricked him, risked the life of him and his friends, and then lied. It was okay, because they had rescued him.
Lockhart had taken him into his office, had touched him there and made Harry pee blood for days. It was okay, because he was safe at Hogwarts. And besides, he can't even remember much.
It was okay that Sirius made him feel the same, dirty and sick and gross, because he was a friend of Harry's dad, and Harry couldn't help but wonder if his father had lived, would he have done that to Harry? And Harry feels guilty, because it's not okay to be glad your parents died.
It's not okay to be glad your godfather is wrongly convicted, just because he pinched your bum and winked when he invited you to stay with him.
Moody had taught you the imperius curse, and everyone said you were strong, but you only got it because you didn't want him to make you do those things you did in the private lessons. He didn't want to hear how his father raped his mother and how she tried to slit her wrists twice. He didn't want to hear how his mother was fucking Sirius behind your dads back. And he hated Moody for telling him these things, but then again if Dumbledore hired him, he must be safe. Then again, Dumbledore isn't trustworthy.
After Cedrics death, you stop sleeping. The only time you aren't awake is when you're so stoned and drunk you pass out.
You hate Snape, because he sees your memories, sees how you like to dig your razor blade in to your leg and watch blood flow, sees how sometimes you wake up and there are bite marks where you've bitten yourself. He sees the beatings and the rapes and the cutting and the drugs and he tells Dumbledore. You hate Snape even more for revealing your secret, and then to indescribable levels when Dumbledore does nothing.
When Sirius dies, it is only Petunias tiny conscience kicking in that stops you dying surrounded by blood on her bathroom floor. For weeks you scream and cry because you want to die. For the last three weeks of summer you are in rehab for alcohol and drug abuse. Every night you are sent to the mental asylum in Birmingham for therapy.
In sixth year, he catches Ginny sweating and rolling with Dean Thomas. They fucked on your bed. After you keep hearing Hermione sneak into Ron's bed, you begin spending your nights in the Slytherin dorms. You hate Draco Malfoy, and you've seen his dark mark, but he is the only one who can make you scream and lose yourself in ecstasy. His long white body lays stretched out, naked, and it is the only thing that is currently keeping you sane.
When he tells you your tryst can't continue, you nod and walk off. It doesn't affect you, but the lack of sex does. When Blaise Zabini lures you in, he's nearly as goos as Malfoy. Not quite, but close.
In seventh year, you leave alone. Ron and Hermione would hold you back. The whole mission takes 5 months, and he gets out relatively unscathed. Voldemorts death was quick, easy.
For months, you are numb. You don't leave the house. There is literally nothing to live for. Ron and Hermione live in Wales. Draco is in Azkaban. There is no one else.
It takes 16 days to find the body of Harry Potter, dead on his couch. No one really cared enough to come looking.
Harry Potters perfect life was not as it seemed.