*** I've wanted to fic this song for a very, very long time (I think I've had a vague plot in mind since late August when I first heard "How You Remind Me" by Nickelback. FYI, The Angel also ficced this song and she did a great job. Our interpretations of the song are a bit different...but that's a good thing. So go read her's too!!! I don't own the song, I don't own the WWF, and guess what...none of this ever happened. I hope you like this. PLEASE review! ***
// Never made it as a wise man
Couldn't cut it as a poor man stealing //
I've tried to deny it for so many years. It feels like a lifetime. And I've handled it badly. I can't pretend now that my addictions aren't slowly killing me. I can't pretend that I'm the one in control of my life anymore. I can't be the person people see every night, mesmerizing them.
I've done a good job hiding my weaknesses. Maybe too good. Maybe if I had slipped up once or twice someone would have noticed and helped me. Maybes aren't going to do me much good. I know now I have to do something. I have to get myself out of the mess I've created.
The only question is...do I really want out of the mess my life is.
// Tired of living like a blind man
I'm sick of sight without a sense of feeling //
Hello, my name is Chris Jericho and I'm an alcoholic. I know not too many people would expect those words to come out of my mouth. I try to convince everyone around me that I'm perfect. I think I was really just trying to convince myself that I was perfect.
I would stop drinking, except drinking helps me deal with my other addiction. I'm not sure which addiction is more dangerous. But I know I need both of them. My life would be drastically different if either thing were not in my life anymore.
I drink because I can't stand the man I have become. I am the man I have become because of the woman I'm addicted to, the woman I love. The woman I love is none other than Stephanie McMahon-Helmsley.
// This is how you remind me
This is how you remind me of what I really am //
"Chris Jericho right?" a sweet looking girl asked hesitantly.
"Yeah," I said, not paying much attention to the girl in front of me. I was looking for Vince McMahon or Shane McMahon. This girl was probably just related to some wrestler and was hanging around talking to people.
"I'm supposed to show you to your dressing room," she said.
"Do you mind if I asked who you are?" I asked. I noticed now, as I looked a little more closely at her, she was a little older than the eighteen I had originally imagined. And she had dark circles under eyes.
She laughed dryly, "I guess you don't watch too much of our programming, do you?"
"Just what Mr. McMahon sends to me," I replied.
"I'm Stephanie McMahon," she said, "follow me please."
I watched her walk away from me. I had heard about the boss' daughter, but I had no idea she had a nice little body or a pretty face on her. I shook my head thinking I might like to get to know her.
// It's not like you to say sorry
I was waiting on a different story //
"How could you not tell me?" I asked. I had never felt more like crying in my life. Stephanie McMahon, no, Stephanie McMahon-Helmsley stood in front of me after Armageddon of 1999, tears welling in her eyes.
"I didn't know Chris," she said softly. "I didn't know until I did it. I was going to root for Daddy, but what Hunter said made sense."
"Turning your back on your family and your friends makes sense?" I asked. "Turning your back on me makes sense?"
"Don't do this," she whispered. "You weren't there while I was being held captive. You didn't know how scared I was. You couldn't understand."
"I don't think I want to," I replied. "I made a mistake ever becoming friends with you. I should've know better than to get close to a rich little girl."
// This time I'm mistaken
For handing you a heart worth breaking //
Stephanie and I had become friends shortly after I came to the WWF. She didn't get along with too many of the divas, mostly because they all thought she was stuck-up. I was new to the WWF so she thought maybe I had some chance of being normal, I guess.
We became really close after she ended up married to Hunter Hearst Helmsley and Test turned his back on her. She was heartbroken. Vince was too wrapped up in making Hunter's life miserable to listen to his daughter. Shane was kind of wrapped up in himself, but he always is. And Linda was busy. She tried to be there for Stephanie but she had so much on her plate.
Still, it was hard to look at Stephanie the same when she betrayed Vince. I knew Hunter had talked to her about allying with him to get back at Vince. But until Armageddon, I had no idea she had seriously thought about it.
// I've been wrong,
I've been down to the bottom of every bottle //
The sick thing that happened after Stephanie made her marriage with Hunter legitimate is that she became attractive. I always thought she was pretty, but when she started dressing like the slut Hunter wanted her to become, she became sexy.
I started calling her names because she changed who she was for a man. But I liked who she had become deep down inside. She stood up for herself. She wasn't afraid to dress however she pleased and she took all the power she wanted.
She hated that I called her names. She wanted to make me miserable. What she didn't realize is that I liked it when she noticed me, when she made my life a living hell. Maybe that's the masochist in me. I probably never would have fallen for her if I hadn't been a little bit of a masochist. God, I really am sick.
// These five words in my head scream
"Are we having fun yet?" //
"What the fuck were you thinking about you cretin?" Stephanie asked furiously after she followed me from the ring after my King of the Ring match in 2000.
"Your precious boyfriend won," I replied nastily. "Isn't that what you wanted?"
"Keep your lips off of me," she said, her blue eyes on fire.
I stepped closer to her. "And if I don't?"
"I will make your life miserable," she said, her voice low and husky as she pressed her back against the wall of the hall. I placed a hand on the wall on either side of her head.
"You already make my life miserable," I said. I kissed her again. This time she kissed me back.
// Yeah, yeah, yeah, no, no //
"Haven't seen you around too much man," The Rock said, sitting down at a barstool next to me in the hotel bar.
"I didn't realize you would miss me," I said sardonically.
"Why are you drinking?" Rocky asked, eyeing the three empty shot glasses in front of me.
"Women problems," I replied dryly.
"What woman?" Rocky asked.
"That's a secret," I said. "And I'm not drunk enough to tell you yet."
"So what's the problem?" Rocky asked. "Did she leave you?"
"I wouldn't have problems anymore if she left me," I said. "I'd probably be a lot better off if I had never gotten involved with her."
"Why are you with the woman if she drives you to drink?" Rocky asked.
"You'd have to really know the woman to understand," I said.
// It's not like you didn't know that
I said I love you and I swear still do //
"Fuck," Stephanie whispered as her cell phone rang. She was sleeping in my hotel room. She did that a lot. Hunter didn't give a crap where she was. We had been having an affair for about ten months when the Power Trip started. She hated the Power Trip. She hated Austin. She was starting to hate her husband too. But there wasn't a whole lot she was willing to do to get rid of him. At least not while he was on top.
I watched her talk on the phone as I stroked her bare back. I propped myself up on one elbow and grabbed a bottle of Jack Daniels from the bedside table and took a swig from the bottle. This was about the time I started noticing that I was drinking a lot. I didn't care that I was drinking. I just noticed it.
When she hung up her phone she leaned against me. "Hey," she whispered. "Can I stay at your house for the next couple of weeks?"
"Yeah," I said. "Why?"
"Because Hunter invited Austin and Debra to stay at our house while Austin's house is being renovated or some such crap," Stephanie said. "I don't know how much more I can take out of that bastard. I wish Hunter would just drop his ass."
"It gives an excuse to be together," I said, lowering my head to kiss her neck.
"I like the sound of that," Stephanie said.
// And it must have been so bad
Cause living with him must have damn near killed you //
"I hate being here," Stephanie said, tears choking her throat. "And he blames you the whole time. He is the jerk who put his leg down weird."
"Do you want me to come down to Birmingham?" I asked her over the phone.
"No, I'm coming home this weekend," Stephanie said. "I told Hunter I have some business to take care of. And I do, but I'm going to need your help."
"Steph, we're in the middle of this Invasion thing," I said. "I'm kind of wrapped up in it."
"Yeah I saw you kissing my dad's ass," Stephanie remarked dryly.
"I believe it was Austin and Angle getting their noses covered in shit," I said.
"Will you meet me this weekend?" she asked.
// This is how you remind me of what I really am
This is how you remind me of what I really am //
"It's so good to see you," Stephanie said when she opened her door to see me. She quickly ran into my arms and kissed me.
"Hey baby," I whispered into her mouth. She pulled away and grinned at me as she pulled me into her house.
"Lets get the business out of the way first," Stephanie said. "Then we can enjoy the weekend."
"Wait one second," I said, pulling her into my arms and kissing her again. "Okay, now I can talk business."
"Great," she said. She smiled in a way that reminded me a lot of when we first became friends. "I need you to lend me some money."
"Aren't you the Billion Dollar Princess?" I asked.
"Yeah, but all of my money is tied to Daddy and to Hunter," Stephanie explained. "I managed to get some of it free, but it's not near enough."
"Enough for what?" I asked.
"To buy ECW," Stephanie said. "I want to own my own company."
// It's not like you to say sorry
I was waiting on a different story //
"Why don't you just come back and help your dad beat WCW and then see about buying ECW?" I asked.
"Because I don't want to beat WCW," Stephanie said. "My dad is a jerk and he cheated on my mom. Shane was right when he beat the crap out of him, now it's my turn."
"Steph, I'm with the WWF," I said.
"Look Chris," Stephanie said. "You would be the partner in this venture. Silent of course. But this could be something that we have together."
"Are you saying I would have a job if you managed to kill the WWF?" I asked.
"Stop acting like I'm doing this to you Chris," Stephanie said. "I want to be with you. I want you to be a part of this. I mean, what has Daddy done for you?"
"He made you," I said.
She smiled softly at him. "Is that why you've been nice to him recently?"
"I haven't been nice," I said.
// This time I'm mistaken
For handing you a heart worth breaking //
"You're sure that's enough?" I asked her. "I have more."
"I know sweetie," she said. "Hey, you need to get some sleep tonight."
"What, do I have tired written on my forehead?" I asked.
"No, you just didn't get much rest this weekend," Stephanie said.
"I know," I said. "I have one question."
"Yeah?" Stephanie asked.
"Did you tell Trips about your plans to buy ECW?" I asked.
"You're the only one who knows," she said.
// I've been wrong,
I've been down to the bottom of every bottle //
I didn't want to help her. But I did want to help her. I tried so hard not to fall in love with her. But I did it anyways. I know better than anyone that Stephanie McMahon-Helmsley is a manipulative bitch. But I want to believe that she loves me. I wanted to believe she was acquiring ECW for us.
She never talked about me defecting to ECW. She kept me informed about everything she was doing. She was the one who suggested that I start calling her names again. Part of her liked that I could still call her names and humiliate her. Part of me liked to do it.
The thing about our relationship is that both of us recognize that we belong together, but we don't like it. Stephanie doesn't like to depend on me. I don't like to need her. So we make each other miserable. We hurt each other. But we always come back to each other.
// These five words in my head scream
"Are we having fun yet?"
Yeah, yeah, no, no //
"I hate you!" Stephanie said, tears falling down her cheeks.
"You told me to make fun of your damn surgery Stephanie!" I exclaimed. "You're the one who said the fans would eat that one up."
"Just once could you say no?" she asked. "Could you say you don't want to humiliate me anymore because you think it's juvenile and you love me?"
"You've been testing me?" I asked.
"I guess I got my fucking answer," Stephanie said. "You're a bastard. I'll draw up papers to buy your half of ECW this weekend."
"Fine," I said. "You're a bitch. I thought you knew how I felt about you."
// Never made it as a wise man //
I told myself I could stay away from her. She had the papers messengered to me right before Summer Slam. I looked at them on my table in my dressing room. She wasn't going to get away from me so easily. She may be a bitch, but I loved her.
So I kissed her at a PPV. I know she pretended she didn't like it. But she was waiting for me when I got back to my dressing room. And we made up. I ripped up the papers and we spent the night together.
// Couldn't cut it as a poor man stealing //
"Chris?" Stephanie asked me in the middle of the night.
"Yeah?" I asked.
"Do you really think I'm a bitch?" Stephanie asked.
"Do you really want me to answer that?" I asked.
"Yes," she said.
"Yeah I do," I said. "But that's part of what attracted me to you in the first place."
"Then I don't feel so bad thinking you're a bastard," she said. "We're a perfect pair. A bitch and a bastard."
// This is how you remind me
This is how you remind me of what I really am //
She hasn't told anyone, but she's trying to get Hunter to file for divorce. She doesn't want to be the one to do it because then everyone will feel sorry for Hunter. And she's not that big of a bitch, to divorce a man while he's out with an injury.
And she keeps pissing the crap out of me. She knew it would drive me crazy when she became "friends" with Test again. She knew that I wanted her nowhere around him. But she likes to drive me crazy. Just like I like to embarrass her.
I know our relationship is sick and twisted. I know I drink so I can live with myself after I call the woman I love and need a ho. I need to knock myself into oblivion to continue to love a woman I know is a bitch. But I need her. And I need to drink to stand her.
// It's not like you to say sorry
I was waiting on a different story //
"What the hell are you thinking about?" I asked her. I had her arm in my hand and I knew I was hurting her but I didn't give a fuck.
"Rob's the best sweetheart," Stephanie said, smiling.
"And you want him to kill me?" I asked.
"I think you can beat him," Stephanie said innocently. "You used to be ECW. Most people would be shocked to know you're still ECW."
"I can't take this anymore," I said.
// This time I'm mistaken
For handing you a heart worth breaking //
"Take what Chris?" Stephanie asked, her eyes gleaming. "That we would rather hurt each other than make each other happy?"
"Is that what we would rather?" I asked.
"We have for over a year," she said. "You know what I think?"
"What?" I asked.
"That you like hurting me," Stephanie said, smiling seductively. "And you like when I hurt you."
"Fuck, your arm," I said, realizing I had been nearly crushing it.
"You want to make it better Chris?" she asked.
"Are you going to keep hitting on Rob Van Dam?" I asked.
"Would it make you angry if I did?" she asked, her eyes looking devilish.
// I've been wrong,
I've been down to the bottom of every bottle //
"I'm such an idiot for caring about you," I said to her. And then I kissed her. And she kissed me back.
She would leave the room and I would go get my flask of whiskey out of my gym bag. She would show up at my hotel room and we would have sex. That's how it always goes. I started hating myself for loving her somewhere along the way. I don't know when. But it doesn't matter anymore.
Because I need her. And I hate her. And I'll never leave her.
// These five words in my head scream
"Are we having fun yet?"
Yeah, yeah, no, no //
*** Welcome to the dark side. I don't know, I just had to get that out of my system. A lot of the stuff I write about these two will probably be darker from now on. I guess I feel like being angsty. Later! ***
// Never made it as a wise man
Couldn't cut it as a poor man stealing //
I've tried to deny it for so many years. It feels like a lifetime. And I've handled it badly. I can't pretend now that my addictions aren't slowly killing me. I can't pretend that I'm the one in control of my life anymore. I can't be the person people see every night, mesmerizing them.
I've done a good job hiding my weaknesses. Maybe too good. Maybe if I had slipped up once or twice someone would have noticed and helped me. Maybes aren't going to do me much good. I know now I have to do something. I have to get myself out of the mess I've created.
The only question is...do I really want out of the mess my life is.
// Tired of living like a blind man
I'm sick of sight without a sense of feeling //
Hello, my name is Chris Jericho and I'm an alcoholic. I know not too many people would expect those words to come out of my mouth. I try to convince everyone around me that I'm perfect. I think I was really just trying to convince myself that I was perfect.
I would stop drinking, except drinking helps me deal with my other addiction. I'm not sure which addiction is more dangerous. But I know I need both of them. My life would be drastically different if either thing were not in my life anymore.
I drink because I can't stand the man I have become. I am the man I have become because of the woman I'm addicted to, the woman I love. The woman I love is none other than Stephanie McMahon-Helmsley.
// This is how you remind me
This is how you remind me of what I really am //
"Chris Jericho right?" a sweet looking girl asked hesitantly.
"Yeah," I said, not paying much attention to the girl in front of me. I was looking for Vince McMahon or Shane McMahon. This girl was probably just related to some wrestler and was hanging around talking to people.
"I'm supposed to show you to your dressing room," she said.
"Do you mind if I asked who you are?" I asked. I noticed now, as I looked a little more closely at her, she was a little older than the eighteen I had originally imagined. And she had dark circles under eyes.
She laughed dryly, "I guess you don't watch too much of our programming, do you?"
"Just what Mr. McMahon sends to me," I replied.
"I'm Stephanie McMahon," she said, "follow me please."
I watched her walk away from me. I had heard about the boss' daughter, but I had no idea she had a nice little body or a pretty face on her. I shook my head thinking I might like to get to know her.
// It's not like you to say sorry
I was waiting on a different story //
"How could you not tell me?" I asked. I had never felt more like crying in my life. Stephanie McMahon, no, Stephanie McMahon-Helmsley stood in front of me after Armageddon of 1999, tears welling in her eyes.
"I didn't know Chris," she said softly. "I didn't know until I did it. I was going to root for Daddy, but what Hunter said made sense."
"Turning your back on your family and your friends makes sense?" I asked. "Turning your back on me makes sense?"
"Don't do this," she whispered. "You weren't there while I was being held captive. You didn't know how scared I was. You couldn't understand."
"I don't think I want to," I replied. "I made a mistake ever becoming friends with you. I should've know better than to get close to a rich little girl."
// This time I'm mistaken
For handing you a heart worth breaking //
Stephanie and I had become friends shortly after I came to the WWF. She didn't get along with too many of the divas, mostly because they all thought she was stuck-up. I was new to the WWF so she thought maybe I had some chance of being normal, I guess.
We became really close after she ended up married to Hunter Hearst Helmsley and Test turned his back on her. She was heartbroken. Vince was too wrapped up in making Hunter's life miserable to listen to his daughter. Shane was kind of wrapped up in himself, but he always is. And Linda was busy. She tried to be there for Stephanie but she had so much on her plate.
Still, it was hard to look at Stephanie the same when she betrayed Vince. I knew Hunter had talked to her about allying with him to get back at Vince. But until Armageddon, I had no idea she had seriously thought about it.
// I've been wrong,
I've been down to the bottom of every bottle //
The sick thing that happened after Stephanie made her marriage with Hunter legitimate is that she became attractive. I always thought she was pretty, but when she started dressing like the slut Hunter wanted her to become, she became sexy.
I started calling her names because she changed who she was for a man. But I liked who she had become deep down inside. She stood up for herself. She wasn't afraid to dress however she pleased and she took all the power she wanted.
She hated that I called her names. She wanted to make me miserable. What she didn't realize is that I liked it when she noticed me, when she made my life a living hell. Maybe that's the masochist in me. I probably never would have fallen for her if I hadn't been a little bit of a masochist. God, I really am sick.
// These five words in my head scream
"Are we having fun yet?" //
"What the fuck were you thinking about you cretin?" Stephanie asked furiously after she followed me from the ring after my King of the Ring match in 2000.
"Your precious boyfriend won," I replied nastily. "Isn't that what you wanted?"
"Keep your lips off of me," she said, her blue eyes on fire.
I stepped closer to her. "And if I don't?"
"I will make your life miserable," she said, her voice low and husky as she pressed her back against the wall of the hall. I placed a hand on the wall on either side of her head.
"You already make my life miserable," I said. I kissed her again. This time she kissed me back.
// Yeah, yeah, yeah, no, no //
"Haven't seen you around too much man," The Rock said, sitting down at a barstool next to me in the hotel bar.
"I didn't realize you would miss me," I said sardonically.
"Why are you drinking?" Rocky asked, eyeing the three empty shot glasses in front of me.
"Women problems," I replied dryly.
"What woman?" Rocky asked.
"That's a secret," I said. "And I'm not drunk enough to tell you yet."
"So what's the problem?" Rocky asked. "Did she leave you?"
"I wouldn't have problems anymore if she left me," I said. "I'd probably be a lot better off if I had never gotten involved with her."
"Why are you with the woman if she drives you to drink?" Rocky asked.
"You'd have to really know the woman to understand," I said.
// It's not like you didn't know that
I said I love you and I swear still do //
"Fuck," Stephanie whispered as her cell phone rang. She was sleeping in my hotel room. She did that a lot. Hunter didn't give a crap where she was. We had been having an affair for about ten months when the Power Trip started. She hated the Power Trip. She hated Austin. She was starting to hate her husband too. But there wasn't a whole lot she was willing to do to get rid of him. At least not while he was on top.
I watched her talk on the phone as I stroked her bare back. I propped myself up on one elbow and grabbed a bottle of Jack Daniels from the bedside table and took a swig from the bottle. This was about the time I started noticing that I was drinking a lot. I didn't care that I was drinking. I just noticed it.
When she hung up her phone she leaned against me. "Hey," she whispered. "Can I stay at your house for the next couple of weeks?"
"Yeah," I said. "Why?"
"Because Hunter invited Austin and Debra to stay at our house while Austin's house is being renovated or some such crap," Stephanie said. "I don't know how much more I can take out of that bastard. I wish Hunter would just drop his ass."
"It gives an excuse to be together," I said, lowering my head to kiss her neck.
"I like the sound of that," Stephanie said.
// And it must have been so bad
Cause living with him must have damn near killed you //
"I hate being here," Stephanie said, tears choking her throat. "And he blames you the whole time. He is the jerk who put his leg down weird."
"Do you want me to come down to Birmingham?" I asked her over the phone.
"No, I'm coming home this weekend," Stephanie said. "I told Hunter I have some business to take care of. And I do, but I'm going to need your help."
"Steph, we're in the middle of this Invasion thing," I said. "I'm kind of wrapped up in it."
"Yeah I saw you kissing my dad's ass," Stephanie remarked dryly.
"I believe it was Austin and Angle getting their noses covered in shit," I said.
"Will you meet me this weekend?" she asked.
// This is how you remind me of what I really am
This is how you remind me of what I really am //
"It's so good to see you," Stephanie said when she opened her door to see me. She quickly ran into my arms and kissed me.
"Hey baby," I whispered into her mouth. She pulled away and grinned at me as she pulled me into her house.
"Lets get the business out of the way first," Stephanie said. "Then we can enjoy the weekend."
"Wait one second," I said, pulling her into my arms and kissing her again. "Okay, now I can talk business."
"Great," she said. She smiled in a way that reminded me a lot of when we first became friends. "I need you to lend me some money."
"Aren't you the Billion Dollar Princess?" I asked.
"Yeah, but all of my money is tied to Daddy and to Hunter," Stephanie explained. "I managed to get some of it free, but it's not near enough."
"Enough for what?" I asked.
"To buy ECW," Stephanie said. "I want to own my own company."
// It's not like you to say sorry
I was waiting on a different story //
"Why don't you just come back and help your dad beat WCW and then see about buying ECW?" I asked.
"Because I don't want to beat WCW," Stephanie said. "My dad is a jerk and he cheated on my mom. Shane was right when he beat the crap out of him, now it's my turn."
"Steph, I'm with the WWF," I said.
"Look Chris," Stephanie said. "You would be the partner in this venture. Silent of course. But this could be something that we have together."
"Are you saying I would have a job if you managed to kill the WWF?" I asked.
"Stop acting like I'm doing this to you Chris," Stephanie said. "I want to be with you. I want you to be a part of this. I mean, what has Daddy done for you?"
"He made you," I said.
She smiled softly at him. "Is that why you've been nice to him recently?"
"I haven't been nice," I said.
// This time I'm mistaken
For handing you a heart worth breaking //
"You're sure that's enough?" I asked her. "I have more."
"I know sweetie," she said. "Hey, you need to get some sleep tonight."
"What, do I have tired written on my forehead?" I asked.
"No, you just didn't get much rest this weekend," Stephanie said.
"I know," I said. "I have one question."
"Yeah?" Stephanie asked.
"Did you tell Trips about your plans to buy ECW?" I asked.
"You're the only one who knows," she said.
// I've been wrong,
I've been down to the bottom of every bottle //
I didn't want to help her. But I did want to help her. I tried so hard not to fall in love with her. But I did it anyways. I know better than anyone that Stephanie McMahon-Helmsley is a manipulative bitch. But I want to believe that she loves me. I wanted to believe she was acquiring ECW for us.
She never talked about me defecting to ECW. She kept me informed about everything she was doing. She was the one who suggested that I start calling her names again. Part of her liked that I could still call her names and humiliate her. Part of me liked to do it.
The thing about our relationship is that both of us recognize that we belong together, but we don't like it. Stephanie doesn't like to depend on me. I don't like to need her. So we make each other miserable. We hurt each other. But we always come back to each other.
// These five words in my head scream
"Are we having fun yet?"
Yeah, yeah, no, no //
"I hate you!" Stephanie said, tears falling down her cheeks.
"You told me to make fun of your damn surgery Stephanie!" I exclaimed. "You're the one who said the fans would eat that one up."
"Just once could you say no?" she asked. "Could you say you don't want to humiliate me anymore because you think it's juvenile and you love me?"
"You've been testing me?" I asked.
"I guess I got my fucking answer," Stephanie said. "You're a bastard. I'll draw up papers to buy your half of ECW this weekend."
"Fine," I said. "You're a bitch. I thought you knew how I felt about you."
// Never made it as a wise man //
I told myself I could stay away from her. She had the papers messengered to me right before Summer Slam. I looked at them on my table in my dressing room. She wasn't going to get away from me so easily. She may be a bitch, but I loved her.
So I kissed her at a PPV. I know she pretended she didn't like it. But she was waiting for me when I got back to my dressing room. And we made up. I ripped up the papers and we spent the night together.
// Couldn't cut it as a poor man stealing //
"Chris?" Stephanie asked me in the middle of the night.
"Yeah?" I asked.
"Do you really think I'm a bitch?" Stephanie asked.
"Do you really want me to answer that?" I asked.
"Yes," she said.
"Yeah I do," I said. "But that's part of what attracted me to you in the first place."
"Then I don't feel so bad thinking you're a bastard," she said. "We're a perfect pair. A bitch and a bastard."
// This is how you remind me
This is how you remind me of what I really am //
She hasn't told anyone, but she's trying to get Hunter to file for divorce. She doesn't want to be the one to do it because then everyone will feel sorry for Hunter. And she's not that big of a bitch, to divorce a man while he's out with an injury.
And she keeps pissing the crap out of me. She knew it would drive me crazy when she became "friends" with Test again. She knew that I wanted her nowhere around him. But she likes to drive me crazy. Just like I like to embarrass her.
I know our relationship is sick and twisted. I know I drink so I can live with myself after I call the woman I love and need a ho. I need to knock myself into oblivion to continue to love a woman I know is a bitch. But I need her. And I need to drink to stand her.
// It's not like you to say sorry
I was waiting on a different story //
"What the hell are you thinking about?" I asked her. I had her arm in my hand and I knew I was hurting her but I didn't give a fuck.
"Rob's the best sweetheart," Stephanie said, smiling.
"And you want him to kill me?" I asked.
"I think you can beat him," Stephanie said innocently. "You used to be ECW. Most people would be shocked to know you're still ECW."
"I can't take this anymore," I said.
// This time I'm mistaken
For handing you a heart worth breaking //
"Take what Chris?" Stephanie asked, her eyes gleaming. "That we would rather hurt each other than make each other happy?"
"Is that what we would rather?" I asked.
"We have for over a year," she said. "You know what I think?"
"What?" I asked.
"That you like hurting me," Stephanie said, smiling seductively. "And you like when I hurt you."
"Fuck, your arm," I said, realizing I had been nearly crushing it.
"You want to make it better Chris?" she asked.
"Are you going to keep hitting on Rob Van Dam?" I asked.
"Would it make you angry if I did?" she asked, her eyes looking devilish.
// I've been wrong,
I've been down to the bottom of every bottle //
"I'm such an idiot for caring about you," I said to her. And then I kissed her. And she kissed me back.
She would leave the room and I would go get my flask of whiskey out of my gym bag. She would show up at my hotel room and we would have sex. That's how it always goes. I started hating myself for loving her somewhere along the way. I don't know when. But it doesn't matter anymore.
Because I need her. And I hate her. And I'll never leave her.
// These five words in my head scream
"Are we having fun yet?"
Yeah, yeah, no, no //
*** Welcome to the dark side. I don't know, I just had to get that out of my system. A lot of the stuff I write about these two will probably be darker from now on. I guess I feel like being angsty. Later! ***