I'm trying to ease myself into Mirror Star trek fanfiction. I'm trying to get in Kirk's head and put myself in the proper mindset to have a nice full lengthened story.I suppose you can see this as a sort of prequel to main story I hope to write.

Sum: Mirror Kirk only felt fondness for a very few people. This explores just how that came to be.

I.S.S. James T Kirk: Fond

Jim would admit to having a fondness for some people, which was more then most in this world would admit to. It wasn't his mother; no she was a damn bitch that couldn't even pretend to have the justified maternal instinct most other mothers seemed capable of providing.

He didn't have an opinion on his Father seeing as how George Kirk died before he met the man, but he did have a stepfather and their relationship was anything, but fond. Frank was a drunk and a bully and after Jim's brother had enough and left both Frank and Jim, Jim deiced that he had, had enough as well, only instead of leaving he drove his father's car off a cliff. Frank hadn't been too happy about that and Jim had only taken three day of that mans displeasure before he came up behind the drunken pig that was passed out on his couch and slit his throat.

When he was sent to Tarsus IV he may have felt some budding fondness for his relatives who, provided he made himself useful, were actually willing to be somewhat affectionate toward him. Useful meant anything from working in the field with the crops or watching his younger cousins, to making repairs on some of their household items and affection meant anything from real spoken words of praise to actual non painful touching, such as having his hair ruffled or a pat on his shoulder. It was all a novel concept to Jim Kirk and it figures that just as he was learning there could be something good in this kill or be killed life that it was all taken away.

Jim didn't let himself become fond of the kids he tried to save. He knew most of them would die and the only way any of them would live would be if he pushed them. If he forced them to kill and run and survive anyway that they could, but they were children, sheltered children even.

How do you make a child whose feet are bleeding keep running? How do you make a child whose body is weak keep killing? How do you make a child who is starving, shacking, alone, cold, desperate, miserable keep living? You didn't unless you became worse then all of those things put together.

Jim or JT became cruel and ruthless. If they feared him, they would follow him. If they feared him they would obey him. If they feared him they would live. The group of children he gathered around him were his and it was understood that if they stopped following, that if they stopped trying he would kill them in a way much worse then starving to death and then he and the others that were left would eat the remains. Anything to survive, no matter the cost; became something of a motto for JT in those days.

That being said, when it was down to his last 5 children and he knew there was no way they would live for much longer he softened his methods somewhat. He felt numb and when five would became four he would feel nothing, but with his last survivors that he had taken so far and for so long he tried to be…comforting. It was not easy for not only did they hate him and fear him, but he had precious little to base comforting action or words on.

Still he tried.

Evan was terrified of him. He kept his head down and agreed to everything JT said. He truly did fear the leader of their group more then death and when JT turned his attention to him, tried to be nicer from one dying boy to another, this seemed to spur Evan into a new phase of terror. It was a shame Jim's first attempt was such a failing because Evan in a move of surprising recklessness was caught by the guards and killed not shortly afterward. JT wasn't ignorant of the fact that Evan took the chance in the first place so as to get away from him.

Nick was practically a zombie. He had lost almost all of his personality and only spoke when spoken too. He would turn slightly confused and uncomprehending dazed eyes towards JT if he was address by him for a reason other then survival, but JT did learn that he would lean into any physical comfort.

It felt strange for Jim to do such a thing, he had barely been getting used to receiving gestures of physical contact himself before everything went to hell, but he was running out of things that he could do both for himself and for those that were depending on him. There was nothing he hated more then helplessness so he steeled himself angst the foreignness of the feeling and squeezed the other boys' shoulder gently, feeling the brittle bones under his own too thin hand. Nick still didn't speck much and still seemed lost if he was spoken to, but began seeking JT out to sit or walk next too.

JT considered this to be somewhat of a win if you could call anything an achievement on this dying world.

Kathrin the only girl left had to her credit, become tough as nails. She had been a fairly overweight child before the food shortages so despite the fact that missing even one meal had been painful for her she had much more for her body to break down when she was starving then most of them did. Now of course she was as skeletal as the rest of them, but still irritable. In other words she still had a personality and this personality hated him. This didn't mean however, that she was unresponsive to his attempt to comfort; only that she reacted in an unexpected way. His attempts at reassuring words turned into her countering them with unshaken pessimism and this evolved into true bickering between them, which was actually was quite stress reliving for both of them.

Tommy was the only one that seemed to understand JT's methods and became almost a second in command so to speck, enforcing JT's rules even when he wasn't there. The two of them had an understanding and when JT changed his methods Tommy understood that too. He stopped breathing down the necks of the others and instead turned his full attention to taking care of the baby. Little Kevin was only four and it was part miracle, part Tommy's desperation that had kept him alive.

JT didn't know why the youngest member of their group meant so much to Tommy. As far as he knew they weren't related. Still Tommy did obviously care for the boy and as he was as close to an equal as JT had in his group he deiced the best way to ease Tommy's own passing was not to use meaningless words or press physical contact on someone even more unused to it then he was, instead he began watching out for Kevin. Sharing the extra reasonability that Tommy had given himself, worked quite well and by the time Starfleet finally came though and got them off of the godforsaken planet JT or rather Jim was not only feared by his group, but also respected and trusted. When they were saved and Jim knew that they all would in fact live he allowed himself to be fond of those last four.