It was unusually cold for September, the mist hanging threateningly over San Francisco's surburbs. She was chilled to the bone, the thin material of her leggings barely protecting her from the icy wind.
"Shit!" she muttered.. Unsteady on her feet, she just dropped her shopping bag. The other people waiting at the transporter hub watched silently as the small auburn-haired woman clumsily tried to pick up all the items. "Shit," she repeated when she realized her precious bottle of Jameson had cracked. She had spent the better part of her ridiculously low pension on whiskey this month. "But I'm not gonna start drinking cheap liquor," she murmured to herself. "I am… was a Starfleet captain! A captain with Irish ancestors! I will not- I will not buy cheap whiskey!" The people stared at her, whispering. Kathryn realized she'd shouted the last words out loud. Embarassed, she tried to hide her face.
From the corner of her eye she saw a bunch of people materializing on the transporter platform. A man approached her and knelt down to help her. "Thanks," she said, the alcohol slurring her speech.
"Come on, let's get you home." The man patted her on her back, took her shopping bag and pulled her up by her arm. She stared at him.
"Tom!" she squeaked and pulled him into a bear hug. Though she knew she shouldn't, she was way too drunk to care.
"Shhh Kathryn, it's fine. Come on," he said looking nervously over his shoulder, realizing some of the people queuing already recognized her. Kathryn noticed it as well, glaring at Tom. "Are you serious? You – of all people – you, Tom Paris care what people think of you? Or me? I don't care— YES IT'S ME YOU'RE DAMN RIGHT YOU CAN STOP STARING I'M NO FUCKING–," she started to shout at the people passing by but she was interrupted by Tom guiding her down the street with his hand steadying her, obviously heading for her apartment.
"Would you stop doing that? I can walk by myself!" she exclaimed.
He sighed, but let go of her arm.
"Wait! How do you know where I live?"
He rolled his eyes. "It's in the database, Captain."
"Don't call me that," she whispered barely audible.
"Call you what? Captain?" He merely shrugged. "The stripes on a tiger are hard to change."
They walked in silence until they reached the little house she lived in. She searched for her keys but didn't make a move to open the door.
"Kathryn? What is it?"
She avoided meeting his eyes.
"It's nothing. I'm fine," she whispered. As she turned to unlock the door, Tom thought he saw a tear escaping her eye but he wasn't sure. Kathryn Janeway did not cry. 'Well, she rarely cried,' he mentally chided himself, remembering their time on Voyager.
"Tom?" her voice reached him, startling him out of his reverie, surprisingly quiet and insecure. He looked at her, standing there with her keys in her hand, obviously not sure what to do next.
He nodded, making a quick decision. He took the keys, unlocked the door and crossed the doorstep. It was dark inside and he noticed the faint smell of alcohol. He looked around, trying to figure out where the kitchen was. "Kathryn? Would you like some coffee?" She didn't respond, obviously deeply absorbed in thought.
Kathryn just realized she hadn't cleaned up in weeks, so she quickly made her way to the living room, trying to tidy at least some of the mess. An empty bottle caused her to falter. Tom, who had followed her, swiftly steadied her. He called the computer for light and the abrupt harshness of it left them both blinking. When his eyes got used to it, he took a real first look at his former captain, obviously shocked by her appearance.
His eyes confirmed what his hands had already felt. The pink sweater barely covered the fact that Kathryn was just skin and bones. She looked unbelievably tired, the thick layer of make-up hardly covering the dark circles around her eyes. These incredible eyes which once used to pierce through him, reading him like a book, were now lifeless and puffy from crying.
But suddenly something sparked in them.
"Don't look at me like this," she hissed. "I don't need your pity! Now go and don't you dare coming back!"
She pushed him towards the door and he was so surprised he put up little fight. Standing just outside, he turned around. "Captain—"
"I – AM – NOT – YOUR – CAPTAIN – ANYMORE!" she shouted hysterically.
He moved in her direction, holding out his hand to touch her. "Kathryn…" he tried again. She just looked at him, tears rushing down her face and slammed the door in his face.