A/N: Just a quick one-shot on Faith's thoughts as she watches Buffy walk out the door in 'Empty Places.' Also, this may sound like Faith bashing in some parts, but it's not. Faith is one of my favorite characters. This is just a look into (what I hope is) the workings of her mind. It may seem a little broken up and random, but that's what I'm trying to do, because let's face it, our minds never stay on the same track for long.
Disclaimer: I don't own it, this is just for fun.
Distribution: Have it if you want, just let me know where it is going.
I couldn't believe it. What the hell were they thinking? I can't be a leader. B's the leader, not me. She's the slayer; I'm the screw-up – that's how it is. So why did they name me as their leader? I mean, look at my past. I killed a guy and instead of dealing with my guilt I turn and become the right hand man – woman or whatever the hell is PC – of the Big Bad. How is that leadership material? I mean, come on, they love me 'cause I got them drunk! B was completely right about that. How am I supposed to fight The First? I couldn't even take down the Beast, I had to have an evil Angelus do it.
They are all off their rocker. Not a one of them knows a thing about me, because if they did they would be running scared. I was labeled as the Rogue Slayer. I spent time in prison. That should set off some alarms in their heads that I'm not exactly all they think I am. No one in the pen is an upstanding citizen, no matter what their lawyers say. Most people in there are loners, just like me. I am happy being a loner. I hate having people rely on me, because that means they can be disappointed in me. That means there is a greater impact when I fail.
That's it isn't it. The reason I'm scared shitless as I see B close that door. I'm scared that I'll fail. 'Cause if I fail this time, not only do I let down a few people, I let down the world. I'm not used to that. B is the one who does the whole averting the apocalypse thing. Face it, not matter what side I'm on, I'm always the back-up. So why the hell did they put me in charge of something so big?
I just want to scream and yell right now. I don't know what to do, all I know is I have to do something. I have to figure out a plan of action. I can do this. I can do this. I can do this. Yeah right! I can't do this. It's too much pressure. I mean, if nobody counted on me to win this fight, I could kick butt like there's no tomorrow, but I can't handle the variables. I can't handle worrying about these girls, the Scooby Gang and the fate of the world.
Buck up, girl. It's time to be a leader. You have survived bad shit before and you can survive this. Put those survival instincts to use. It's fight or flight and flight is not an option!
Damn, I wish B were here.
A/N: Please review and tell me what you think!