Hello! Well I absolutely love the Big Bang episode and everything about it, but I've been thinking over this idea and thought it had to be written. If the Doctor had showed up a bit earlier before Amy and Rory's wedding, I thought he would fit hilariously in this role: the best man. And the biggest task of the best man is to deliver a speech for the happy couple. I mean really, does anyone believe the Ponds have other friends besides the Doctor?
Rory glanced down the table where the Doctor sat, anxiety evident on his features. While he trusted the Time lord with his life, he wasn't confident in him performing the task given to him. Rory turned to his wife.
"Amy?" he asked.
"Yes, Mr. Pond?" He sighed at her not accepting their actual last name, Williams, but this wasn't the time to convince her. Augustus Pond sent his gaze down the table to his daughter.
"Did you ask me something Amy?" Amy sighed and shook her head.
"No Dad, I was talking to Rory." Perhaps this would be a helpful point in Rory's future planned argument but he passed this aside for the issue at hand.
"Look, I'm not so sure about the Doctor giving the best man's speech. I mean you know him he'll—"
"Be fine. Look he's our best friend other than Mels, who decided not to go, but he knows what he's doing," Amy declared.
"The last time the Doctor had anything to do with our wedding he burst out of the cake at my stag party," he noted.
"Better it was him than Lucy," she remarked half joking half serious.
"Well I did give him index cards to read off of. Yeah, he'll do fine," Rory assured himself, attempting to ease his nerves.
The Doctor rose from his seat, clearing his throat.
"Hello everyone!" he chirped and then addressed the guests, "Seeing as I am Rory's best man I am supposed to deliver a speech to you all so I thought now was the best time to do it." The crowd nodded as the Doctor reached into his pockets, pulling out the index cards Rory gave to him. He flipped through them rapid speed muttering incoherent babble under his breath until at last he looked up at his audience.
"Oh, what do I need these for?" he queried and soon pitched the notecards behind him which fluttered to the floor. He spun to face the groom and asserted,
"Nice thought Rory, but I think I handle this one on my own." Now he knew he was done for.
"Now I met Amy and Rory on two different occasions. When Amelia was seven I happened to stop by her house since I was a bit alone and lost and honestly quite a bit disoriented because my house exploded into flames. She was the first face I saw," he paused here and smiled fondly at Amy who returned it graciously while the guests were concerned about the part "my house exploded into flames" and that brought up a considerable amount of chatter.
"She invited me into her house, even fed me. It took her a couple of tries but she soon fixed me my new favorite dish, fish fingers and custard." Rory avoided the confused and somewhat disapproving glares sent his way holding him accountable for choosing a madman as his best man. He didn't dare look at Augustus and Tabatha, his new in laws, who Rory just knew were judging him on the spot.
"And we imagined traveling the stars together and we were ready to run, but then I had to leave. I promised her I would be back in five minutes, and she waited for me, patiently. Only those five minutes escalated to twelve years. No one else though saw the likes of me, so they thought I wasn't real in the first place, that I was just a figment of Amelia's imagination. But I just realized that I haven't introduced myself properly. Hello! I'm Amy's imaginary friend, her Raggedy Man. The Raggedy Doctor." Gasps and hushed whispers soon filled the room, shock and disbelief spreading.
"And when I came back I went into Amy's house she didn't even recognize me! She hit me with a cricket bat and handcuffed me to a drainpipe!" he cried indignantly.
"Oi! I had not seen you in twelve years, how was I supposed to recognize you? Plus, you were breaking and entering," his wife interjected.
"What did I break?" the Doctor questioned, obvious he was now conversing only with the bride.
"My lock. And you made me late for my shift," Amy retorted.
"I'm sure you truly missed something," the Doctor countered mockingly. Rory coughed loudly, breaking the awkward tension that had arisen.
"Right good point Rory," the Doctor acknowledged even though he had not said anything to the alien but he continued on, "But then I met Rory! Blimey, you were eighteen. Wow it's two years later. Anyways, I'm sure you all remember the sun going black back then, correct?" The guests nodded but had no idea where he was going with this.
"Well that was the Atraxi closing off your upper atmosphere preparing to boil the planet but thanks to those two," the Doctor pointed at them, "me," he then pointed to himself, "and Jeff, the planet wasn't incinerated. Teamwork works wonders. Oh I forgot, say hi Jeff! Come on, don't be shy. We all know you deserve some credit for saving the Earth, even if it is two years after the whole incident," the Doctor encouraged while Rory just shook his head. He should've known something like this would've happened. Everyone turned to look at poor Jeff who was put directly in the spotlight. The man just waved his hand shakily, seeing that no other choice was there. The nurse pitied him so much.
"He was my best man during the whole thing! Well, I'm not referring to best man in the wedding sense, but you know what I mean. By the way Jeff, did you delete your internet history yet?" the Doctor questioned. Jeff was taken aback by this inquiry and stammered until he finally answered with embarrassment,
"Yes."
"Good man! Guess you got a girlfriend finally. Where was I? Oh right I was finished explaining how I met Amy and Rory or how they met me or maybe I was going on about something else entirely," the Doctor stated and pondered over this a bit until he added, "Right so now I should actually talk about the bride and groom. Amy, you are the feistiest ginger the world will ever set eyes on and Scotland should be proud to have produced such a courageous and brilliant young lady. You saved me, so many times; I am eternally in your debt. Rory, you have grown so much since I first met you. From being a nurse in Leadworth you became the loyalist and finest centurion of them all. But I'm sorry also for what you had to endure to achieve that. Oh Rory the Roman. So I think I've talked long enough to bore you out of your minds so I would like to propose a toast to the bride and groom." The Doctor raised his glass and announced,
"A toast. To Amy and Rory Pond. The man and woman whose love has lasted over two millennia and will continue to prosper for thousands of years. Ponds. The couple who came from a fairytale." Everyone else raised their glasses as well and sipped at their drinks, but the Doctor who had taken a sip of his drink spit it back into his glass and tossed the rest of the contents of the drink to the floor.
Amy couldn't resist the urge and started to snicker at her best friend's ridiculous actions and Rory found that he was soon joining his wife in her merriment.
"Oh Doctor," she chuckled. The Doctor grinned back at her obviously pleased he had entertained them both to such an extent.
"Well, I think it's time to dance. I mean honestly, that was the only reason I came here," the Doctor explained. He pointed his sonic at the ceiling and the disco ball lowered itself and lit up while the lights dimmed down. The alien hurtled over the table, seeming to be too giddy for this moment, and his feet touched the surface of the dance floor gracefully. He faced Rory and Amy and sighed with disappointment.
"What is it now, Doctor?" Amy quizzed.
"Well are you two coming or what? Seriously this party is damper than Queen Elizabeth the Ninth's coronation!" the Doctor protested.
"Well, we can't have that, can we?" Amy asserted and leaped over the table and joined the Time lord. She whispered,
"Thank you," into his ear.
"My pleasure Pond," he replied. Amy kissed him lightly on the cheek and while Rory was a bit flustered by this, his confidence in his wife was restored when she yelled at him,
"Oi! You coming to join me on the dance floor Mr. Pond or are you just going to sit there with your stupid face?" Rory gave his answer as he silently climbed over the table and his hands intertwined with hers and their lips met in their close embrace. Soon the guests filled the floor forgetting the strange speech and danced to the beat of the music. The husband and wife decided to catch their breath after a while. They observed the Time lord in amusement as he waltzed with Mrs. Angelo who happily accepted his invitation to dance while on the other hand when the Doctor tried to dance with Jeff, who he had tormented far too much today, or even Augustus Pond they simply turned away with disturbed looks on their faces.
Oh why had he doubted the Doctor? Yes this was the second time this year the Doctor had publicly humiliated Rory without even realizing it, but only then did the nurse understand that Amy's in laws' or Jeff's opinions of him didn't and shouldn't matter to him. Only the ones of this time traveling trio he was a part of meant anything to him. And that was good enough for Mr. Pond.
I just love the relationship between the Doctor and the Ponds and I miss them so much, even though I am excited to learn more about Clara Oswald. This was certainly entertaining for me to write and hope you guys enjoyed too and please review!