A/N: So I've edited this chapter heavily, felt it would be better to throw everything is a slightly different direction. I have the second chapter almost done, I just had to put it on pause due to school starting up. But I have good news! I completed my last semester and now have my AAS in Culinary Arts! Yay me! This means also that I will take a year break from school for a while (about a year) so during this time I will mainly be just working which means more time for me to start writing, again!
Again, each chapter was to be written as an episode, I think I will break the chapters up into parts if they go over 10,000 words (it's what's up with chap 2 right now.) so we'll see how this all works. (I just don't want to give you all extremely long chapters all the time.)
I hope that you enjoy the story and if you have any ideas for a chap please feel free to tell me them in a review! (I've got almost all of them planned out but I need some more ideas for the summer eps.) Either way please enjoy!
Disclaimer: First, I do NOT own Hey Arnold! Or any of the characters or plot or anything related to Hey Arnold!
Hope you enjoy the story and please Read and Review!
Chapter 1: Goodbye Arnold
She had been blinded by love for so many, many years. Love wasn't just about having the butterflies in your stomach or the way the one you loved made you swoon or how many poems of shrines you made for then or even how many years you waited for them. When it came done to it real love was the ability to be able to spend the rest of your life happily with another. The ability to not only love deeply but be stable, happy, be able to overcome the challenges that life brought forth, to be able to be realistic and understanding of one another and still after years and years of being together still love that person as you did before. Butterflies and poems are just the start of loves journey and not many of the journeys that people take last. For Helga, she just had a lot to learn before she was truly ready to take that journey.
It was just towards the end of the day, some of the colors of the sun setting could be seen splashed against the sky, the noise of the city surrounded them as they stood outside a ways from both of their homes, far enough to be away from the prying eyes of at least their peers. It would have been a nice time, except again Helga and Arnold were having a small lovers quarrel.
"I don't get it Helga!" Arnold yelled up at her, though he was 10 now and still growing he was still just a bit shorter than her. "It's been three months now and you still act rude and mean to me! I know how you feel Helga I just don't understand why you are still so scared!?"
"Can it buck-o! I don't need a lecture from you I can act as I please and do as I please!" Helga hurt at his words but didn't show it, it wasn't the first time she had again messed up and been unable to break her old habits of just being mean to her beloved Arnold, she couldn't stop herself though. "And Helga g. Pataki ain't afraid of NOTHING!" She clenched her fists tightly and tried to stare as much fire and she could muster down into Arnold's eyes. Arnold did something that threw her odd guard a bit, he's features softened and he reached and touched her face.
"Helga you know how I feel about you. And the last thing I want is for our last time to…" He stopped himself before he could finish. All he wanted to do is just calm her down and let her know that he cared her, a lot, that she can stop fighting for there's no reason to fight and there hasn't been since they got back from San Lorenzo. He didn't want for his last day with her to be filled with a fight.
"What did you say?" Helga now spitting her words with the venom she had before been holding back. "You better tell me now geek-bait and tell me the truth!" She didn't realize when she did but now she was holding him by his shirt and close enough that their noses touched. Arnold gulped.
"I…" He knew this would just exacerbate her more and he didn't know how she was going to react, he had to calm her down enough to at least make sure she wouldn't do anything that would hurt her self, or the both of them.
He put his hands on her shoulders and felt her immediately relax underneath his touch, it was now or never and she had to be told it was inevitable. Arnold's heart quivered as though it was about to break and his emotions tumbled and churned causing a storm that rained upon his soul. Right now he was looking out from under the only dry place left staring out at the rain he knew he would have to walk though, the unavoidable rain of breaking the heart of the one he cared so much about.
"I….I'm moving Helga." He felt heart sting as he say the tear suddenly well up in her eyes, he didn't want to do this.
Helga didn't know what to do, it didn't matter what was happening before or why they were arguing, all that crossed her mind was that Arnold was leaving. Her grip on his shirt loosened and she backed away from him, she couldn't touch him or even look at him for if she did she would break in front of him and be unable to stop it. She threw up her defenses best she could, she blinked back her tears and clenched her fists as tight as she could holding onto the last piece of rope that was holding her together.
"Lis…listen Football-head, go ahead and do what you want. I don't care and I don't think the rest of the neighborhood cares either weather you leave or not." Her body felt numb, it was all she could do, she had to just hold her emotions back long enough to get out of there, she didn't want to show anyone she was weak especially Arnold.
"Helga," His voice cracked and it was hard for him to get almost any words out. "I don't want to leave. It's just…my Parents, they" He was cut off.
"So just go!" She found her self on the brink of screaming, "Just prance out of here with your family, as soon as your gone I'm sure we'll be throwing a party that finally your out of the neighborhood!"
"Helga, I know you don't mean that."
Arnold's eyes filled with worry as watched Helga, he hated to leave yes, but he didn't want to ever leave his parents sides again not now that he had them. Miles and Stella both have been busy with interviews of their travels and were constantly being bombarded with questions from their colleagues of their findings while in the jungle of San Lorenzo. Though they never mentioned anything about the Green Eyes they had a million other things they worked on while there, and because of this they both were offered jobs, just not in the neighborhood of Hillwood. Arnold reached over and grasped one of Helga's hands.
"I know it's sudden, I know we've already had our share of fights since we started dating. But..." He had wanted to say that he didn't want to let her go, that maybe they could try to make things work out some how with the distance. Before he could finish Helga ripped her hand out of his tears streaming down her eyes and her defenses almost completely gone.
"I DON'T WANT TO HEAR IT ARNOLD! IT'S NOT LIKE YOU CARE ANYWAY!" she yelled as loud as she could before turning from her love and bolted. Arnold called for her and ran after her, but she never heard him and quite quickly she lost him.
Helga was not ready for at all. She moved her legs with all the strength she could muster tears free falling down her face. She took alleyways all the way home not just to lose Arnold but to keep herself from the sight of any prying eyes. She was crying, her, Helga G. Pataki, crying! This was never supposed to happen. The love of her life, her dream, her prince, the one who she would always adore, the one who would bring the light into her darkest hours, who would always be the crusader of justice against all that was wrong, the one whom without she would fall apart and crumble into many pieces from the constant bashing of the world! And now her golden haired angle, her beautiful knight with his oddly shaped foot-ball head, was leaving her!
She ran home and when she got home she quickly ran to her bedroom. She slammed her door shut and locked it to make sure she would have some time alone. Helga then quickly moved to her closet, flung back the clothes and revealed her shrine to Arnold. In her mind she went over everything that had happened in the past 3 months, and she was just told now by her beloved, and she collapsed in front of her shrine weeping more then she felt she would ever again in her lifetime weep.
Arnold found himself on the door step of Helga's home. He felt horrible, he knew she didn't mean what she said, but everything he wanted to have happen just seemed to blow up in his face. Arnold took a deep breath and rang the door bell of the Pataki house hold and the grip on the small white envelope in this hand tightened. It was the last thing he wanted to do before leaving, he just wished he could have given it to her in person. After a moment the door was answered by Big Bob.
"Who's there?" Big Bob grunted semi-frustrated. He looked down and saw 10 year old Arnold looking up at him, a big fake grin on his face holding something that he quickly moved behind his back. "Oh, it's just you, what da' want? The Wheel's on so I ain't got much time."
"I wanted to know if I could talk with Helga for a moment, I have something I want to give her."
"Look kid as far as I know she's up in her room sleeping. It's late and I don't wanna have to worry about someone else's kid running around my house. So beat it!" Bob tried to close the door but Arnold quickly put his foot in the way of the door closing.
Luckily Bob didn't try to close it hard at all. Bob re-opened the door about to say something to Arnold, but was beaten to the punch.
"No! Wait, please Mr. Pataki can you please give this to Helga! It's very important." Arnold held out the white letter out with the best grin he could muster.
Bob looked at the letter and then looked at Arnold with half lidded eyes that easily expressed how much he did not want to partake in some child's wish, especially Arnold's. However it was just a stupid letter, and a easy task of slipping it under Helga's door, and the sooner he said yes the sooner he could get to his Soaps.
"Fine kid," Bob snatched the letter from Arnold, then yelled "now SCRAM!" and slammed the door in Arnold's face.
Arnold blinked staring at the door for a moment not sure really what to feel. He was happy Big Bob took his letter, but he didn't feel the best after getting yelled at by an adult and then having the same adult slam a door in his face. Either way he thought that for now his mission was done and he just had to wait until tomorrow.
*BANG* *BANG*
"OLGA! A boy just came by and left some crummy letter. Just don't disturb me for the rest of the night, it's the big Wheel Marathon and I don't want to miss a second!" Big Bob yelled from behind Helga's door, not even really trying to open it.
"CRIMINEY Big Bob for the LAST time it's HELGA!" she screamed as loud as she could, which now wasn't much since her throat had become somewhat raw from her crying. She heard something get tossed under her door as some of the blanket she now had on her had fallen off her shoulder as she leaned up to yell and look at the door. She heard her father's footsteps as he walked down stairs to watch his stupid TV shows. Once she could hear the faint dull white noise of the TV she then allowed herself to gaze up at the shrine.
"Oh why my dearly beloved, why must you leave me alone with my poor excuse for a family! You are my longing and my love and yet, though we are together, I still cannot find it within myself to show you my true feelings! I pine to be able to show you the kind and tender Helga you know to be here! And yet I always find some way to make a fool of myself and fall back into old ways despite that I have you now!" Helga sat up from her laying down position and grabbed the shrine Arnold's head.
"I have tasted heaven on your lips and now to only have you willfully taken from me, oh Arnold! Why must fate torment me so? Why must I be cursed, for me to not see your golden flaxen hair and football-shaped head is a death sentence to my soul! Though I do not show it I know you are not blind my darling, you might have been before but not now! I know that you understand what lies beneath my hardened shell, and yet on this night the will of the world threatens to crush that which is inside of me by removing the only light which I have in my life!"
Helga again laid on the floor and curled up into a ball. She didn't care about the letter right now, she didn't want to feel any worse than she did at the moment. She cradled the head of her shrine in her hands and whimpered as she let a few more tears stream down her face.
"Oh Arnold, if only I wasn't so ridged in my ways, if only I was able to control the beast which is my anger and frustration to keep it at bay or directed at those who deserve it! Oh Arnold…." She voice was horse, her face red from crying, her body felt as though she had been beaten and battered. She pulled her object of affection closer to her. She felt as though she had lost, or maybe that she was lost, and shook and shivered as thoughts raced in her mind. She had to find some way to pull herself back together but how was she to do that when she couldn't stop herself from breaking to pieces in the first place.
When Helga woke up she felt horribly sore from sleeping on the floor and emotionally sick from all the crying she did during the night. It was morning and it was now Saturday, the day Arnold was to leave if he had not already left. At this point she was not only too sleepy and sore to cry that and she had cried herself into a numbness almost canny to when she took that stupid supposed love potion so long ago. She was a little glad though that Arnold picked a weekend to tell her he was leaving, otherwise she would not be attending her 5th grade classes today if it wasn't.
She dragged herself off the floor and went to lay on her bed when she looked over at the door, remembering Big Bob said something about a letter last night. She left it be though, she was still pretty upset and didn't want to start up again. She looked at the clock and saw that it was pretty early still, 6:29 AM, and decided that she'll just read the letter once she woke up again and she pulled herself into bed. Because of the horrible nights sleep she got she quickly feel asleep, sadly only to have nightmares of Arnold never coming back and living alone for the rest of hers.
Helga's eyes opened quickly, she still felt hollow inside from the night before and her dream. She sat into a full sitting position, her breath was heavy as though she was running and her eyes were wide. She blinked a couple of times realizing she was in her bedroom. She looked over at her clock which said 11:47AM now, she was amazed she slept so long especially with the dream she had. She calmed down first, breathing in deeply, and then threw the blankets off to the side. She paused for a moment thinking about her dream, how when Arnold left he seemed to become erased from the world, every ever she went she was tormented seeing shapes and things that reminded her of him, she ran through on foot from city to city looking for him. In her dream years passed by, school continued, the torture of her seeing him everywhere haunted her, she wrote poems of want that was never fulfilled, and when she talked about Arnold no one understood who he was. The dream ended with her still walking the town of Hillwood searching for her beloved but as an old woman, still hurt from his in-existence, the torment of him just beyond her reach, and that she was more alone then she had ever been before.
*BANG* *BANG* *BANG*
This time the door knob made a metal clanking sound of trying to be opened, Helga realized she forgot she locked her door. She quickly got up and went to unlock the door since she guess it was probably her father, which before she was off the bed his voice rang out to confirm.
"Olga open this blasted door! You've been sleeping all morning!" He was still trying to jiggle open the knob.
Helga unlocked the door and pulled it open. Last night she was upset to a fevered point, and right now, she just didn't care, and so she didn't even bother to correct her father this time.
"What is it, DAD?" Helga spat as she glared up at her father.
"Oh good your up, was almost worried about you. Anyway get dressed and get out of here I'm having a big investor over and I don't want you to mess it up or something."
"Whatever will get you out of my hair, Big Bob." Her father yelled something about 'That's good' and something else about 'Beepers' as he went down the stairs. She closed the door again and before she went to go get dressed she decided that it was about time to read the stupid letter she got.
It didn't take her long to realize that it was the artist of her heart, her muse, her passion, that has written the letter.
She stood in her room though, reading the letter over and over again. Excited of what he was able to do but she wondered if it would even be worth it. She would just mess things up again and ruin anything he tried to do. Not on purpose but as who she was, still trapped in the grasp of her fears that he couldn't really help her from. If he thought it was hard for her to tell him she loved him, it would be unthinkable for him to get her to admit she was afraid, let alone shed that fear.
It was her last chance, and she didn't want to push him away to the point where he really would never return to her. There wasn't much time.
She ran to her dresser quickly grabbing clean fresh clothes and changed into them as quickly as she could. After she got on her shoes and quickly made her hair she ran out of her room, down the stairs, quickly turned her head to call out to her parents that she was leaving which she knew they would care anyways, and run out the door towards the boarding house.
Helga,
Look these past few months being with you I wouldn't trade for anything in the world, and I hope that it's the same for you. I can't change what' happening Helga, it' just how life is.
The plan was that we were to leave tomorrow morning, I hope that you get this before then for I have something to give you before I go. I'll be waiting, so see you then.
Arnold
Arnold lay on the couch in his room gazing up at the ceiling. His heart panged as he thought about how this would no longer be his room, that he would be leaving all his memories of the 4th grade, his best friend Gerald, and Helga behind. Helga. He turned onto his side on the couch and too to staring out the little half-moon window. She often crossed his mind for many years, she always bullied him and was always the one that would anger him to points he never thought he would cross. However in the last few months of the 4th grade she confessed to him on that fated roof, though he suggested that it was the 'heat of the moment' and she said that it was, something in him clicked. During the school trip to San Lorenzo not only did he find his parents but during the trip he had been so conflicted with his feelings for Helga, and by the middle of the trip in the heat of the jungle he realized he returned her feelings even if just a little.
Once they got back they started to date, but she would always treat it as though none of it ever happened and wanted to keep their relationship secret. Arnold ruffled his messy blond hair. 'Why is she always so frustrating!' Arnold sighed and decided to head downstairs to grab some lunch. As he walked down his stairs and the hallways of the boarding house he pondered how Helga might have been if he stayed, how he would feel about her, would he like her more than he did now, or love her like she loved him. He shook his head telling himself he was just in the 4th grade and love is something he doesn't want to rush. But Helga made he feel…different, he couldn't place it. He didn't have much time to ponder it as he heard his name called out by his Father telling him it was time they headed out and they couldn't wait any longer.
Arnold sighed and frowned as there was still no sign of Helga. Maybe everything she told him on the FTi building was a lie. She hasn't told him anything remotely close to that day, so maybe it really was the 'heat of the moment'. Arnold balled his fists up angry that he even considered giving his time to her if all she planned to do was mess with him again. 'Maybe,' he thought 'it's a good thing she didn't show up.'
4 Years Later
Helga looked up at her new school, her grey beanie hat snugly on her head hiding her old pink bow now tied around her neck as a small scarf, she wore her pink and white shirt and a pair of blue jeans that were ripped at the knees. It was the first day at Hillwood High and she was waiting for her best friend Phoebe to show up. Helga crossed her arms impatiently as Phoebe kept her waiting. They planned to meet up so they could pick up their class schedule together. For some reason Phoebe feverently wanted Helga to just meet her outside of the Cafeteria's more east doors. Small trickles of kids fell along the sidewalk passing her by, talking about their nerves being on edge for the first day of school.
Helga sighed again and moved so she could look past a small wall that jutted out from the side of the Cafeteria so she could see the parking lot and scan for her small Asian friend. In the distance over by the Gym she saw Phoebe, but what really caught her eye was the tall dark skinned boy that was walking hand in hand with her. Helga rolled her eyes, 'So THAT''s why she wanted to just meet me at school. She could have just told me.' It didn't take long for Helga to start thinking about her old love for Tall-Hair boy's best friend. Helga's heart hurt as though yet another pin was pushed into a over filled cushion. She turned away from the couple as she headed in some random direction towards the other side of the campus. Anywhere so she could get away from the sight of the couple.
As she waiting she suddenly felt a longing that would often come about when she was alone. She reached in her shirt and pulled out a heart shaped locket with the picture of her and Arnold together that they took in the park so long ago. She smiled a bit as she looked at it, she remembered when she finally got this new locket it was like she lost limb or something was finally replaced. It was worth it though losing it in the first place. She felt the key that was now strung on the chain alongside it hit her fingers lightly as she held it tightly. She was now very aware of the firm object nestled against her chest, warm from her body heat it now felt as though it burned her skin. She thought of her anguish, of her love for the boy, of her want to see him, and her want to just leave him behind and move on with her life. Once she came to the farthest most secluded edge of the campus, an area that later she found out was the Science building and that she would end up visiting on a fairly regular basis. It had been 4 years since she say the little twerp, 4 years since she had talked to him, and 4 years since she had felt like her old self. Again feeling as though she was a pot about to burst it's lid off and over boil all that she held inside of her, she reached inside her shirt and fumbled with the metal object. She grabbed the chain that held the locket around her neck. She felt her muscles boil with hurt, anger, and loneliness as she pulled the chain, it could not hold again the pain the girl felt and let out a twang of metal breaking.
The past 4 years for her had been hell like no other. Without her muse to be there and at least give her a shining glimmer that there was something better that there was a chance that maybe one day she could just be happy her life had been left to the dark void that was her family and classmates. The darkmatter of their hate and neglect to her had slowly been eating away at the girl. For a few years the locket has been a saving grace by now it was nothing but a painful reminder of the day that she was shone that she could never be happy, and fate was against her. Her fists tight around the chain, her skin red with her grip, she readied to throw it. Softly, the high-clang of metal on metal could be heard and Helga froze, the sound sending a wave though her body that vibrated deep into her body, it's fingers reaching and touching all of her inside searching till it found the last shred of hope that somehow was not ripped from her. A little silver key, white against the deep yellow gold of the locket hung in front of the picture of a much younger Arnold. she moved the locket for her to gaze at, not for the picture but for the key that sung to her. Helga's anger was lost, her body becoming numb as her thoughts turned to that last day she saw Arnold…
The last box was backed into the car by Arnold's father Miles as he hugged his Grandpa, tears stinging in the corners of the young boys eyes.
"I'm going to miss you Grandpa."
"Don't stay too long away from the ranch Cowboy, too much work for me to do it's alone." Arnold's Grandma chimed at him, a bright smile folded in the warm wrinkles on her face.
Arnold laughed lightly, "I'll make sure to visit Grandma!" Arnold moved to her and squeezed her tightly.
Stella came around from the front side of the truck as Miles came out of the back, everything inside set in place and the trip ready to be had. Arnold tuned and walked up to his parents as his Dad pulled the sliding gate shut.
"I…I think I'm ready Mom." Arnold's voice was shaky. He still didn't want to go, he was leaving all of his friends, the town he helped to defend, Big Pete, Gerald's Field, all of his memories behind. He reached into his pocket, a brand new key scratched against his fingers. There was still Helga too, so much was unfinished with her it was almost like he had made no progress with her since FTI, and as much trouble she cause him he didn't want to let her be the only person he didn't say goodbye to. He glanced around, hoping that maybe it'd happen like something in a story where at the last minute she would come running up and things would be as bad as they were now.
Nothing, the morning streets of Hillwood were stirring in a low mumble as people went to work, shopped, or ran errands but they were empty of the girl her searched for. His heart sunk, she had just done this to mess with him, again. He should have expected it. Helga was Helga, she was mean and bullied him and hated him and just wanted him to be her live toy to play with.
The loud grinding of gears and sputter of the truck starting behind him knocked him out of his thoughts. His Mother put hear head out of the driver's seat, a sad smile on her face.
"Let's go Arnold."
Arnold nodded, and pulled the key out of his pocket. It no longer mattered, she no longer mattered, he was moving and should just move on with his life as she was obviously was with hers. He threw the key as far away as he could down the walkway hearing it clang against the concrete. He turned towards the car, a frown plastered on his face as he pulled himself into the vehicle and closed the door. He waved to his Grandparents one more time, a forced smile on his young face.
Around the corner of an alley burst Helga, she stopped in from of a little Silver key that she had scene clatter to the ground just a few moment ago. She looked to her right to see a grey moving truck moving away from the boarding house. She snatched up the key and pushed her legs to continue to move. She didn't want it to end like this at all. She felt her shoes flex with her foot as she pushed and maneuvered every muscle she could in hopes to catch up to the moving chariot taking away her golden haired love god. She didn't want it to end like this. The truck's load made it so that she still had a chance, she began to gain on it, being no more than ten feet away, just a little more and maybe she could grab one of the silver handles on the side and make it, get them to stop and just give her one last moment with her knight of all that was good and right. She didn't want it to end like this! Pain shot though her legs as she continued to strain her muscles, her breath not enough to provide it with the oxygen it needed, she began to slow. 'I can't let it end like this!' The truck started to gain speed, the engine finally picking up the weight of all the boxes and furniture inside, she quickly took a ragged breath as deep as she could.
"Arnold!" Arnold had been near the window, arm propped up holding the right side of his face, when he heard the distant call of his name. His eyes went wide as he perked up and looked to his parents. Neither of them were focused on him and instead consumed in their own talk of the plans for the next few weeks. Arnold then turned his gaze out the window and looked behind the truck the best he could even with the seat belt restricting him. Arnold froze as he saw Helga running behind the truck.
Helga didn't notice the jutting ledge of a piece of sidewalk that had been displaced by the heat in the summer time months ago and as she pasted over it, like the cold hands of fate the edge grabbed the tip of her left shoe. The key that was tightly gripped in Helga's hand flew from her grasp as she came to kiss the grey solid. Once she was no longer moving forward, she moved to get up, she didn't want the truck to get out her sight. Once up, in the distance the metal contraption that was taking her beloved away turned to the right, the Football headed boy's eyes locked onto Helga. Helga held her right elbow that stung and was slick underneath her fingers, her face stung, and he legs shook threatening to drop her to the ground again with any more strenuous movement. Time seemed to slow for her, she knew that there was no way she could catch up that all her effort was wasted effort. If she was going to say anything she needed to say it now it didn't matter if he couldn't hear her or even if it mattered. Fate took almost every chance for her to say it, and she would be damned if she just stood there like a loon as Arnold lowly moved out of her sight for good. Time returned to normal for Helga as she quietly breathed two words she wanted more than anything to tell him in much different scenario. She could feel liquid start to pool and slide slowly down her face, she was unsure if it was tears or blood.
"Goodbye Arnold."
She gazed at the key fighting with all her strength to hold back tears. She remembered how later the year after that she found that the cut silver piece belonged to the long time locked and forgotten sky roof door. Why she tried the key out on that night on that door she swore only the rain that was pouring that night and the twisting hurt in her heart would know that truth, but the reasons behind the key eluded her. She took the broken chain off the locket and key, both now loose in her hands as she placed the locket back against her chest and the key into her pocket.
She had for years wanted to throw the locket away, but by some miracle the corn-flour haired boy somehow still had some influence on her as for her the key was her last silver lining to keeping the young boy close to her heart.
She headed towards the school's front offices heading there to pick up her class list and took a few deep breaths as she turned about the corner of a large white building with large red letters that noted it as the library. Helga adjusted her beanie as she strode closer towards an endless line of students all waiting for their designated list of cells for them to spend the rest of the year in. Helga threw up her scowl as she clicked into her bully-self shoving a few students at the front of the line out of her way. She demanded to the startled faculty work her paper, angrily giving her last name, and then ripping the paper out of the women's hands before heading towards her first class listed on the paper. The cool metal of the locket had started to warm and now seemed to melt into her for by the time Helga started up the stairs she could no longer feel the metal heart or the little key of hope in her pocket.
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