"Me: 'Millions of peaches, peaches for free!' I like that song!
Friend: Hey, that's how my friend Peaches got his name! From singing that song…
Sister: Interesting.
Friend: (pulls out cell phone) Do you think I should call him?
Me: No….
Sister: Sure, why not?
Me: Okay, whatever.
Friend: I'm gonna call him. (dials) Hello, may I speak to Peaches? … This is Peaches? Seriously? … No, this is Maxine. … I just wanted to say hi. … Okay, well don't get totally freaked out that I called you. … No, seriously … Okay, bye then. (hangs up) (stares in aghast) You guys—Peaches' voice is deep and manly!
Me: (laughs hysterically)
Sister: Really?
Friend: Yes! And now he's probably really hot, and he's also really nice, and I'm gonna have a crush on one of my best friends! That's not good!
Me: No, it's not.
Sister: Um….
Friend: Voice… manly and deep….
Me: No kidding (restrains eye roll). I thought you said it was deep and manly.
Sister: Yes!
Friend: Well… it's just both okay?
Sister: Okay…
Friend: (pretends to sob briefly) I have to go tell my mother that Peaches' voice is deep and manly! (runs into Starbucks) Mother!
Me: Okay…. So deep and manly, huh?
Sister: Shut up.
Me: No.
Sister: Yes.
Me: No.
Sister: Yes.
Me: Oh, shut up.
Sister: Whatever."
End quote. Story time. Read. Review. Widen eyes at utter weirdness.
Yes. It was true, and it was terrible. There was no getting away. They were trapped, trapped by those horrid fruits—there was no escaping the peaches, they just closed in. They were unstoppable.
For the past four weeks, the diet of the Teen Titans had consisted of nothing but peaches.
(Don't ask me why. I'm a storyteller, not a researcher. How am I supposed to know the cause of the peach invasion? I'm just telling what happened, if you want a history of it, you might find it if you look up "Jump City Invaded By Torturous Peaches" on Google.)
Cyborg was taking it hard—with no meat, he felt he had no reason to live. But, day after day, he ate the peaches with the rest of them, with obvious torture in every swallow. BeastBoy was getting wackier by the day, doing back flips around the Tower and laughing maniacally like a clown. Starfire was a shivering and silent rag doll, but after she ate twelve peaches or so in one sitting she would burst out screaming at the top of her lungs, racing around and firing destructive star bolts willy-nilly. Raven was over come by mood swings, but generally she was dominated constantly by anger. Many things exploded, but surprisingly nothing major, even though her meditations now followed the course of, "Azarath… Peaches… Metrion… Peaches… Zinthos… PEACHESPEACHES! Azarath…." And Robin… he made really bad jokes and puns. It was weird.
And so the morning began, and the once unbeatable Teen Titans faces their darkest enemy once more.
Well, actually, they were really more a pale sandy reddish color, not really dark at all, so you can just forget what I said about them being the darkest. Never mind.
Anyway…
"Wahoo! Wahoo!" BeastBoy exclaimed, leaping crazily about the common room.
"SHUT UP!" screeched a rabid-looking Raven, hurling the peach from her plate at him with surprising force.
It clocked the changeling soundly in the cranium, and he collapsed to the floor. But, wasting no time, he rose immediately and snatched up the peach that had hurt him. He laughed his creepy little clownish laugh, sunk his teeth into the fleshy fruit, and began to sing.
"Millions of peachesPeaches for me
Millions of peaches
Peaches for free!"
Raven screamed in agony and beast her head repeatedly on counter before her, several times striking the peaches that lay there and squishing them to pulp.
Cyborg entered, muttering feverishly. "Me, why me? Meat, need meat, must have meat… too… much… fruit…." He grabbed a peach and began to eat it.
Starfire was the next to enter. She too reached for a peach with a shivering hand, and immediately ate it furiously. Another and another she devoured, eating with a passion unknown. Then, suddenly, it happened. An ear-splitting roar erupted through the air, and the Tamaranian girl took off in the direction of Robin, who had just appeared in the doorway. She barreled him over without the slightest thought, and continued to tear repeatedly through the Tower as though some huge peach-like demon was at her heels.
"So," Robin began, "What's for breakfast?"
There was a moment of stunned silence. Raven stared. Cyborg stared. Even BeastBoy snapped still for a moment to stare. And then…
"Millions of peachesPeaches for me
Millions of peaches
Peaches for free!"
Raven howled a truly mighty howl and picked up her overripe ammunition.
"PEACHES! PEACHES, YOU IDIOT! PEACHES, PEACHES, WE HAVE BEEN EATING PEACHES SOLIDLY FOR WEEKS! DID YOU THINK IT WOULD SUDDENLY CHANGE WHEN YOU WALKED IN?"
All this time, she was splattering him repeatedly with the tyrannical produce.
"Raven, relax! It was a joke!" He suddenly burst into a fit of laughter, slapping his knee as though someone had just uttered a sidesplitting statement. "HA HA HA HA HA!" His laughter quickly filled the room.
All this time, Raven never ended her assault on him.
Eventually, he stopped laughing and glanced irritably at his sticky self. Raven had finally halted her ineffective firing. Robin crossed the room and began to eat a peach.
Starfire came back at some point and ate a few more peaches before collapsing onto the floor. She rose, however, when BeastBoy yelled, "PEACH FIGHT!"
The inane and senseless group of heroes chucked peach after peach at each other, until eventually they were all sticky and soaked through to the skin. There were no whole and un-splattered peaches left. But there would be, soon, and once again the kitchen would overflow with the vile foodstuffs, ready once more to take over the already extremely unstable minds of the Titans.
"Well," Robin started off again, "This is just… just… PEACHY!"
Raven stared. Cyborg stared. BeastBoy stared. Starfire stared. They all knew it wouldn't be long….
"HA HA HA HA HA!"
So what did y'all think? Stupid… plot-less… inane and wrong….
Please review, tell me if you liked it. I personally think it is very funny, but that's just me, and you can't really judge the funniness of your own work. But, anyway, that's my Peaches story. Now I must go do the homework I was supposed to do last night but didn't because I was writing this story, so I should be doing it now, but I'm not because I'm posting this story. Homework really needs doing, I guess.
Read & Review, I love you all. Bye…………………… (YAY DOTS!)…