"I want to be unsafe with you," Oliver heaved as he struggled against the restraints her father had ordered him and Diggle into following the bloody confrontation with Darhk. That he showed them no gratitude after they helped prevent a coup against him enraged Felicity as much as Oliver's words saddened her.
She supposed that her father expected her to be grateful for this chance to say goodbye to her friends, to be the one to explain to them what would happen next, but their flat out denial made her heartache and this moment – their last – feel like more of a punishment than the gauntlets around her wrists that prevented her use of magic or the last four months spent prisoner in Damien Darhk's opulent home, his icy predatory gaze always seemingly upon her.
Telling them that they were going to be made to forget her made her eyes tear and they grew wetter as they refuted the possibility of ever forgetting her. They'd seen memory magic firsthand; it is what led to the end of Malcolm Merlyn's devious plot for revenge and his permanent stay in Iron Heights. They understood the power of magic, how it could heal and had seen the darker side of it when Darhk whisked her away from them, but until this moment neither of them had truly comprehended the damage it could inflict.
The only solace Felicity could find was that they would not recall this last panicky, desperate moment between them. This moment that hurt so deeply she felt like it was burning into her soul and would continue to fester and haunt her – only her – for the rest of her life.
In the short months that they had been together as a team the two beautiful men before her had delved deep into her heart, becoming her family when Felicity thought she had none anymore. And Oliver, he had awakened a part of her heart that she had never known existed.
Accepting her love for him just as she was losing him was too much for Felicity in the moment, so she threw her arms around Diggle and burrowed her face into his shoulder seeking what little comfort she could. Embracing him did not offer the same level of consolation as his massive arms wrapped around her had in the past, but breathing him in was enough to help her reign in her chaotic whirl of emotions. "I'll remember for all us," she promised just loud enough for them both to hear, though she hated how her voice caught and wavered.
She felt the press of Diggle's lips against her forehead. "I …" he began to choke out but stumbled over making a false promise. He had always been a pragmatist, the even keel to Oliver's one track mind and her often scattered and off topic rambling. Finally, as she pulled back from him, his dark eyes meeting her blue ones he croaked, "You're our girl. No matter what. Always."
Felicity cupped his cheek and felt the tackiness of his skin caused by the earlier fight against his confinement. She ran her thumb across his high cheek bone as she echoed his sentiment, "Always," she swore before steeling herself within his gaze to look at Oliver.
Everything about him, including his Arrow suit, seemed to be fraying and she knew that feeling. When she had first arrived back amongst her own, uncertain as to the fate of their memory, Felicity had felt the pang of losing the integral pieces Oliver and Diggle had come to be to her. But there had been a flickering in the unknown, a hope that just maybe they were able to remember her … that thought had tormented her as much as it sustained her, but now. Now she knew they wouldn't remember – not just her, but who they had all been together. The team, the family – that knowledge made her feel like she was being ripped apart at the seams, that the very heart of herself was being stolen away with them.
It felt like a slow glacial slide, her crossing to Oliver, kneeling beside him. The heat his body generated radiated out and warmed her. Felicity paused and savored the sensation and as she had with Diggle she breathed Oliver in. There was longing in his crystal eyes and fierce determination written across his brow, "I won't forget you Felicity," he insisted. "I can't. I'll remember."
It wasn't an empty promise. She knew Oliver would fight for every memory; he would cling and grasp at them – holding tight to them as long as he could against the immovable force of the magic that would assault him until there was nothing left to remember. She would simply be gone. Erased from them – from him. He was about to repeat his vow, Felicity was certain of it, but she couldn't bear hear it again; so she stopped his words with kiss.
His lips were chapped and rough against her soft ones, but they parted beneath her own before making their claim, allowing her to sink into his mouth. Into him. His longer than usual stubble scratched at her chin, but that didn't stop her from delighting in the touch of his tongue as it knotted with hers, the feeling of their shared breath between them.
For a brief, glorious moment they were one.
His teeth caught her lower lip when she eased back, the need for air finally breaking into their moment of connection. "I will," he whispered low as he released her lip so they could both gulp in the oxygen they needed.
He wouldn't Felicity knew, but she would. Forever. And she had to know that she'd given him the words in her heart at least once. Felicity pressed a kiss to his ear and murmured the three words she had never given to another person. They crossed her lips just before she was yanked back from Oliver causing him shout, "No!"
Both he and Diggle fought against their bonds more viciously then before, forcing the chains to dig into skin and draw blood. The further away she was dragged from them that louder Oliver repeated his promise, ensuring she heard it. "I'll remember." He kept saying it. Over and over again, making it almost a relief for her when a door was slammed shut between them, cutting off his voice at "I'll—"
If her father hadn't been waiting for her Felicity felt certain she would have crumbled right then. She had spent the whole of her life trying to be different from her mother who had shattered when the man she loved left her. But this wasn't Oliver's choice or hers. It was a fate forced upon them by the man who had once before blown her world apart and left her aching. He had barely acknowledged her heartbreak then and she would be damned if she allowed him to see it now. Felicity could not stop the tears from pooling in her eyes, but managed to stifled them back, refusing to let them fall and straightened her spine. She may be powerless, but she was not weak.
Something flickered in his grey eyes, if he was any other person she would have called the emotion regret, but Felicity knew better. "It has to be done," he said, his voice flat and official. He had a longstanding habit of hiding behind his title and duties; after he left they were often the excuses he sent to her about why she would not being seeing him. She had gotten so used to him not being there that it had been an actual shock to her senses to see him when she stood before the Council. He had abstained from overseeing the proceedings, he had to, and so she had not expected to find him in attendance. That he was surprised her, even more so then Damien speaking on her behalf.
Arguing would do her no good with him Felicity knew because it had gotten her nowhere in the past. Nowhere but to life outside of the magical world, a life that had led her to Starling and her boys, a life that would be denied to her. She did the only thing she really could in the moment, Felicity straightened her shoulders and looked through him, before moving down the corridor to where her mother was waiting for her; she would be her new warden as her childhood home had been selected to be her new prison.
A Month Later
Dig toyed with the stiff edge of his shirt collar as he lamented that fact that Oliver's increased involvement with Queen Consolidated's charitable arm had them attending so many gala functions where even bodyguards were expected to wear monkey suits. Frankly, he knew that they both would prefer wearing their other suits while chasing down the criminals of Starling City instead of glad-handing society types to raise money. No matter how deserving the charity.
It had started out as penance Diggle knew, because the Queen scion had all but pulled another disappearing act on his family. Thea had made some very pointed and colorful remarks upon his second homecoming about how he hadn't been home long enough before to need to escape his family and responsibilities. He knew his friend hated playing the thoughtless playboy, but it was the safest choice for the people he cared about when Amanda Waller came calling.
Oliver hadn't gone into great detail about his history with Waller and ARGUS but what he had shared had been unpleasant, particularly the threats made against his family so that he would do her bidding. If Waller's objective hadn't been Floyd Lawton Diggle knew his partner would have left her high and dry. Hell he had even considered letting it go himself, because making one brother suffer in the name of another hadn't sat well with him.
That discussion ended almost as quickly as it began with Oliver saying, "I made you a promise John." The use of his first name was reserved for whenever his friend felt the need to express his brand of sentimentality or when he was trying to make a point. Apprehending his brother's killer had been a top priority for him since learning that Lawton survived the arrow Oliver put in his eye. And because it was imperative to him, it was important to Oliver.
So they spent a few months traipsing around the world tracking him down, finally cornering him in Russia and with the aid of his ex-wife, Lyla, who even though working for ARGUS was still his favorite person in the world and Oliver's Bratva pal, Anatoly Knyazev, they managed to apprehend the assassin. Lawton was now in the custody of ARGUS and personally Dig couldn't think of a better punishment for the man who killed his brother than to be under the thumb of Amanda Waller.
Over the sound of hushed the voices, clinks of champagne flutes, and the lively playing of a string quartet he observed his surroundings as he fought against the his sense of boredom. Oliver could protect himself, but that didn't stop him from keeping a trained eye. If anything should happen, Diggle knew to protect Thea and Moira if he was closer to them than his intended charge. That wouldn't be an issue at the moment as Oliver was standing with his sister, her date for the evening – a young man by the name of Roy Harper that Oliver kept glaring at – and mother, who was lovingly clutched at her husband's side as they spoke with Tommy and Laurel.
The group had been engaged in a rather long discussion when Diggle noted that Oliver's face was reddening slightly as he continually shook his head. It took him only a moment to catch on. Thea was pointing out prospective prospects for her brother and he was declining. After mostly forgiving her brother for his disappearing act – his "I sent postcards" excuse had not played well with her – the younger Queen decided that the best way to get Oliver to stay put was to get him to settle down. There had been a few blind date setup disasters, traumatic for both of them because Thea had a habit of crying wolf only for Oliver to show up for a surprise date.
It had taken him having a pointed conversation with her for that particular tend to stop, but Thea Queen was nothing if not tenacious. She gestured towards his general direction and he watched Oliver roll his eyes and say something before heading towards him.
"She still trying to play wing-man?" Diggle asked unable to keep the humor from his tone as Oliver neared him.
His friend grimaced in reply. "I have to talk to the blonde to make her happy," he sighed. "Fabricate something in about five minutes so we can extricate ourselves from my little sister's machinations for the rest of the evening."
Diggle took a quick glance at the woman in question, she stood behind him dressed in a hunter green sparking gown that brought out that color in her hazel eyes. She was stunning and if the man Oliver had become was anything like the boy he had been Dig figured those five minutes would have been spent charming the woman to leave with him not waiting impatiently to leave without her.
He wasn't for Oliver jumping into bed with any woman, his dalliance with Helena Bertinelli had proven he needed to learn to be more selective in his dating choices; but Thea did have a point about her brother needing to make more meaningful connections, which is why he asked, "You sure about that?"
Instead of ignoring the question all together, an annoying habit Diggle had yet to break him of; Oliver huffed out a breath and took a moment to actually think about it. With a slight shrug of his shoulders he replied, "She looks nice, but something is missing."
"Something?" he echoed back in challenge.
Sharp blue eyes cut to his dark ones, "Think about Lyla and tell me that you don't understand that something Dig." Hearing her name was enough to make his lips turn up in a smile. "And there you go," Oliver stated. "Five minutes," he instructed before putting on his fake-it-to-make-it-in-society grin and walking over to the blonde.
It felt odd having the 'surprise I'm alive' talk with Oliver and John Diggle for a second a time. At least this time no weapons were drawn, though it had been close call on that front. Diggle had nearly pulled his weapon and if he had Nyssa would have responded in kind. And considering it took a week long battle with her girlfriend to get Nyssa to agree to speak with her father for permission to travel to Starling and approach Oliver, Sara was glad their second first meeting had not taken the turn their original one had in that regard.
Nyssa had kept insisting that "Sentiment is a dangerous affliction," and when it came to life in the League that was true, because their leader would use it or any perceived weakness against them, but in the end she had allowed herself to be convinced. Sara was smart enough to know that Ra's had only consented to their journey because the crime fighting duo had impressed him during their ill-conceived war against the League and the single-minded way they had fought to bring down Darhk. From personal experience she knew that being on Ra's al Ghul's radar was not a good thing, but whether she revealed herself again to Oliver or not he was known to the League.
In the long run Sara figured it would be better for her friend to know of their existence. Still there had been conditions, there always were with Ra's, which was why she had to repeat the painful story of her life – the only bright spot being Nyssa – after the ocean separated them a second time. Reliving it all again, facing Oliver's stunned disbelief and hurt, was a steep price to pay especially since she was risking a lot on his behalf, betting on the slim possibility that she might be able stir his memory.
The brutal world she had come to inhabit taught her one immutable fact, though not the so-called truth Ra's force fed the members of his League. Love, in in all its various incarnations – be it the love she felt for her family, the love she had for Oliver as a friend, or romantic swell that filled her heart at the thought of Nyssa – mattered. If there was one thing to risk everything for it was love and Sara had heard the love in Oliver's voice when he had spoken the witch's name in reverence. "Felicity." Had seen it with her own eyes with the a simple gesture of him adjusting her askew glasses when they had finally reunited in the moments after the heated battle to put an end to Damien Darhk's power grab.
So Sara risked for the both them and in doing so felt more like her father's daughter then she had in years. As she and Nyssa exited the base of operations Oliver and Diggle created for themselves she left them with a way to contact her and a pair glasses resting in front of the pathetic excuse of a computer setup they had.
His heart fluttered at the sight of glasses Sara had left in front of his computer system. They're important somehow he thought, but then shook off the silly notion. It was just a pair of glasses. But when he picked them up something rich and warm, almost comforting, flowed through him. Oliver attributed the sensation to the late hour and the jolting surprise he experienced at learning that Sara was alive. Still without thinking about it he tucked the glasses in his inside jacket pocket.
For the next three weeks it didn't matter which jacket he wore the glasses could always be found there, resting close to his heart. That's how they got damaged. A solidly landed punch from one of the five drug smugglers he'd taken on at once shattered one of the lenses and cracked the frame around it. He'd been so thrown off by the sound of them breaking that he had needed Diggle's assistance in subduing the men before leaving them to Lance to collect. He had accepted his partner's good natured ribbing on their return to the lair to shut down for the night, but gave him no indication as to why he really needed the assist.
Oliver waited until Dig left – promising him that he could get home on his motorcycle without him – before carefully removing the glasses. The broken lens was shot he knew, so he pitched out the remnants of it. The frames he was certain he could glue back together, but if he intended to keep carrying the talisman on him, and he did, he decided that it would be best to pop the other lens out.
He gently removed the other lens, before he painstakingly aligned the broken halves of the frame and vised them together with glue between the pieces. Since it was late he fired off a quick text to his mother letting her know he wouldn't be home, otherwise she would be worried in the morning when he didn't join her for breakfast has had become their ritual since he returned home after his supposed bout of wanderlust. It had been the only feasible excuse he could offer her after Waller pulled him and Diggle into another AGRUS mess. This one had involved Floyd Lawton and since he had promised John to see to it that the man who murdered his brother was brought in he'd been willing to work with Waller one last time. Their extended pursuit of Deadshot, which ended with the man ARUGS custody, had allowed his partner to reconnect with his ex-wife. Though Lyla's status as Diggle's ex had quickly melted away, not that either of them was ready to label their new (old?) relationship.
In the morning after a short, uncomfortable night spent on the chilly medical table – he really should invest in a cot – Oliver carried the glasses into the lair's utilitarian bathroom. To be certain that he set the pieces right he slid the glasses on his face, which was too wide for the frames, so they sat catawampus on the bridge of his nose. As he looked into the mirror before him Oliver straightened the frames. In doing so he had a sudden flash of nearly indigo eyes behind them, framed by bright blonde hair … Felicity, his mind supplied the name and suddenly he could see her sitting at a desk, red pen nestled between plump lips.
"Felicity Smoak. Hi, I'm Oliver Queen."
That first memory sparked dozens of others. They poured through him fast and hard until he was left hunched over the sink panting, struggling to make sense of the conflicting recollections he had of events with and without the blonde bespectacled beauty.
"I'll remember." He had made that pledge, but magic had stolen it – and her – away from him. Oliver yanked the frames off his face and stared down at them. His memory, both sets of them stayed intact, which is how he knew the glasses weren't actually hers. The color combination of brown and green was wrong but the shape of them was right.
Had Sara known or somehow suspected that they could trigger his memories? Was that even a possibility with magic involved?
"I love you," he could still feel the press of Felicity's lips against his ear as she murmured those words for just him. He had wanted to return them but she had been snatched away from him and those words were meant for only her to hear the first time he said them, so he had promised to remember. Over and over again he had said those words, but meant the others.
Magic was a powerful force, but now Oliver knew that there was at least one thing stronger than it out there: love.
That knowledge bolstered him and gave him certainty that this time he wouldn't fail in getting her back.