Disclaimer: I don't own Degrassi. I do love it though :D Fan since the first season! Holllllaaaa:DDD
SPOILER ALERT: Just to warn everyone again. This story is based on heavy speculation and possibly spoilers about Eli and perhaps the lockdown. So please don't read this if you want to be completely surprised by upcoming episodes. Again I don't know if this is true for sure, but it's my creative take on the possibility!
The sound of ballet flats pounded against the floor as the Clare Edwards made her way through halls of Degarassi. Quickly pushing open the front doors to the school, the eyes of the worried girl immediately fell on a dark figure hunched over on the steps. As Clare got closer, she noticed with a pang in her heart that the boy was rocking back and forth while muttering incessantly to himself. Taking a deep breath, Clare jogged over to her "boyfriend" or whatever he was to her and sat herself down next to the troubled boy. Her arms immediately found their way around his body. She held on tight.
"Eli," she whispered completely torn. It absolutely killed her to see him like this. The usual joking, sarcastic boy that she loved to spend time with was now falling apart in front of her very eyes.
She ran a hand through his jet black hair in an attempt to get him to look at her. His only response was a quiet murmuring of his favorite nick name for her, "Blue Eyes…" Eli's voice cracked suddenly as his anger and pain seeped through. He shut his eyes tight trying to quiet the voices that were echoing throughout his head. He sat there staring at the pavement wondering when his own nightmare would be over.
Her sweet voice filled the air once again causing Eli to look up quickly. He met a pair of familiar crystal, clear blue eyes that always found a way to peer into his very soul. The voices swirling around in his head seemed to stop at that very moment. Finally, Eli had a moment of peace inside his troubled mind. Opening his mouth to speak, the angry boy tried to choose his words carefully but the effort was lost on the anger and despair that overtook his body at that very moment. "Talk to Fitz?" his tone was harsh. The crazed look in his eyes frightened the innocent Clare.
"No," she exclaimed begging Eli to understand. "I could care less about that jerk." She grabbed his chin with her free hand and stroked it gently while maintaining her intense eye contact with him. "Eli you're all I care about. That's why I've been upset about you going after Fitz." Her thumb grazed his lips for a moment, "I want you to be safe."
Eli's angry gaze softened at her touch. Despite his instincts telling him not to give in to any comforting words, Eli grabbed her hand and placed a long, almost desperate kiss on the palm of her hand. After his display of affection, his grip on Clare's hand tightened.
Clare winced slightly at the pain that she felt from his grip, but she chose to ignore it by placing her lips against his forehead. Her lips remained there as Eli gathered his thoughts.
"Don't leave Clare," whispered Eli desperately. Clare removed her lips that were placed gently against his forehead and furrowed her brow in confusion. "What are you talking about Eli?"
Eli took a deep ragged breath as one of his hands began to twitch. "Don't leave me." His tone was deadly serious; Clare felt her heart drop. Her breathing became more labored, "Eli, why would you say that?" Her eyes fell on her wrist, her teeth grinding in pain as Eli's grip became even stronger.
"I'm saying it," stated Eli fiercely, "Because it can't happen." He noticed Clare's pained expression and released his grip on her. His voice became softer, filled with regret, "I'm sorry Blue…" He tore himself away from Clare and stood up. Running his fingers through his hair in frustration, Eli tried to calm the varying thoughts that flashed through his mind. He couldn't hurt her. He couldn't hurt her….
Clare remained seated on the steps watching Eli self destruct in horror. Tears flooded her eyes. She had no idea what to do.
"Eli," she stated, "Please talk to me" Her tears cascaded down her cheeks. "What is wrong?" she begged.
Eli rubbed his fingers against his scalp roughly. He shook his head hastily ignoring Clare's question. Even he couldn't answer that.
"Eli," cried Clare. Her tears were now falling freely down her face. She got up from her position on the steps and put her arms around Eli and held onto him—she felt like she was losing him.
Eli felt Clare's shaking figure against his own. Filled with a sense of guilt, he turned around and placed his arms around Clare's small figure. Surprised by the sudden action, Clare looked up and met his intense gaze through her tear stricken eyes. Upon making eye contact, Clare instinctively tried to back away but Eli held her firmly in his arms.
As her eyes gazed down at the pavement, Clare took a deep breath in order to calm herself down. Placing her hands timidly on his chest, Clare bravely looked into his eyes once more. She instantly regretted it. Instead of him having a sad or pained expression like Clare was expecting; Eli was currently smirking at her. To say she was shocked would be an understatement.
The emotionally exhausted girl shook her head while desperately trying to make sense of the emotions Eli was displaying. "What are you thinking right now?" Clare asked afraid.
His signature smirk grew wider. "That's kind of a tough question to answer Blue. My mind is a big place." He frowned as he noticed her hesitant stance. "Afraid of me Clare?"
A chill ran down Clare's spine. Something was not right about this moment. Clare struggled to respond; she was beyond confused.
Eli didn't really take her lack of a response well. Rolling his eyes in frustration, he pulled Clare even closer against him and whispered bitterly, "Regretting your decision to come out here Clare?" He gulped nervously. "It's either the insane boy or the bully. Take your pick." His mind screamed at him to stop talking. Hurting Clare was always completely out of the question but the words poured out of his mouth without a second thought. Eli clutched Clare for dear life in fear that she would misunderstand everything about him and leave.
Clare stood frozen in fear, confusion, and desperation—she was questioning his mental stability all over again. She was without a doubt in love with Eli Goldsworthy and this fact scared her to death. Despite her growing fear of him, Clare knew deep down in her heart that something was very wrong and it was beyond even Eli's control. Her faith overpowered her in that moment and she made a silent oath to remain strong. Her stance straightened suddenly, as her heart pounded heavily against her chest. She stood on her tip toes and gently placed her arms around Eli's neck.
"We are going to get through this," she whispered gently. "I choose you a million times over –no matter what happens."
Eli's eyes widened slightly at her words. Never before had a person shown him so much acceptance and understanding. His smirk left his face as a feeling of love broke through his torrid emotions. The sensation was strong but not strong enough to be left unaffected by his mental state.
"If you ever leave me," he whispered, "I swear I'll kill myself." The words fell so easily from his mouth that even Eli was surprised by them. Tears prickled his eyes, his tough exterior was falling apart and his sickness was beginning to expose itself to the world.
Clare's stance faltered as pure horror coursed through her whole body. Her legs began to shake, her knees felt week and her throat threatened to close so that no air could fill her desperate lungs. Her arms became limp and the only thing she felt at this point were the tears that invaded her eyes. "Eli," she cried weakly. She let intense sobs overtake her body. "Why would you…'' She took a step back desperately trying to get release herself from his grip.
Eli stood helplessly frozen as he watched Clare. He could faintly hear the bell ring signaling the beginning of lunch. It was only a matter of time before the whole student body would come running outside. The two miserable and distracted teens barely noticed as students began to run out of the building. Most of the students ignored the obvious tense interaction between Eli and Clare and began to occupy the scattered picnic tables in order to eat and catch up with friends.
Four laughing students stepped outside, each one carefree. Ali gripped the hand of her boyfriend tighter as she smiled at KC and Jenna. Still giggling, Ali's eyes scanned the front of the school for a table but she spotted something else instead—a visibly shaking Clare and a very disturbed looking Eli.
Ali let go of Drew's hand and walked toward her upset friend, "Clare?" she asked worriedly.
Ali noticed Clare immediately straightening up and wiping her face vigorously. "Ali," she stated hurriedly while turning around, "What's up?" Her lips twitched into a fake smile.
Ali's eyes narrowed as she stared at her best friend's red face. It was blatantly obvious that something was wrong. "What's wrong?" Ali asked as he glanced over at Eli suspiciously.
Clare wiped her face as she tried to regain her composure. The stares of Drew, KC, and Jenna didn't help her.
"I'm good Ali," she stated while avoiding eye contact with her best friend. She stretched her arm out behind her and felt Eli place his hand in hers. The action was bold on Clare's part—despite feeling helpless and distraught over Eli—her strong feelings for him caused her to protect him from the others that were staring at them.
Ali continued to stare at Clare and Eli worriedly. "Clare I know I've been sort of distracted but, "she glanced over at Eli hesitantly, "You can tell me what's up."
Clare's fake plastered smile remained intact as her best friend expressed concern. Her mind was turning numb by all of the emotional turmoil she was experiencing at the moment. She took a deep breath as Eli squeezed her hand. The response from Eli made her heart flutter—even at a moment like this. "Listen Ali," stated Clare, "You are on your way to lunch," Her eyes quickly glanced over at the three concerned and confused bystanders, "Plus you guys have double dating plans to make right?" Clare could have sworn she sounded bitter. She squirmed under the gazes of the others especially of KC and Jenna who have now stepped closer to the two girls.
"Clare," stated Jenna timidly, "Everything alright?" The blonde girl whom Clare had sworn as her own personal enemy was now looking at her with concerned eyes and eyeing Eli with a mixture of fear and disgust. Clare quickly glanced at KC who was staring at Eli with the same look of hatred. Suddenly Clare felt a wave of protectiveness overcome her.
"I'm fine Jenna." She snapped. "Since when do you care?" It was harsh and Clare knew it, but at this point nothing else but Eli seemed important.
Jenna tilted her head downwards sadly. KC stepped in immediately, "Clare we care about you. Don't get mad." Clare stared at the boy who used to be the center of her universe and scoffed in disgust. "Sure you do." Her eyes burned with a wave of sudden tears. The hand that held Eli's shook.
KC stared at Clare angrily unable to respond; he looked over at Eli and saw the gothic boy muttering darkly to himself. His eyes narrowed in confusion, "What's wrong with him?" KC demanded rudely.
Clare turned around and saw her boyfriend murmuring incoherent phrases to himself. The sight was disturbing to say the least; however, Clare ignored the warning signals in her head and moved closer to him. "Nothing is wrong with him," she retorted sharply. She placed her hand against his chest and started to move away from the four of them. "Leave him alone," she stated defensively before forcing him to turn around and walk away.
Clare ignored the calls of her best friend and continued to lead an unhinged Eli out of the prying eyes of her so called "friends". After reaching a deserted table in the corner of the quad, Clare sat down. Eli followed her actions.
The two just sat there for minutes. Clare began to cry silently and Eli stared straight ahead of him—his face devoid of any emotion. The voices began to quiet down once more; he could now hear the silent sobs that were coming from the petite brunette.
Eli turned towards her, his eyes filled with remorse. "Clare I'm sorry." He choked out. Seeing Clare in pain tore him apart.
Clare looked up and met his sad gaze. "Eli," she hiccupped, "Don't—"She let out one more sob before placing her face in her hands. She looked at him once more while trying to stop her tears. "Something isn't right. It's not your fault." She tried to comfort him.
Eli stared at the girl before him wondering how he got so lucky. "I love you Clare," he whispered. He ignored the shocked look on Clare's face. "I'm severely messed up." He sighed. His hands wrung together nervously. Coming to terms with his illness was not easy.
Clare sat there shocked, not sure of whether to respond to his confession of love or mental instability. She chose the former. "I love you too Eli," she confessed vividly. "You have no idea how much."
Eli cracked a smile; his body still rocked back and forth in an attempt to forget about the intruding voices that filled his head only moments before. "Even after all of this." He paused; his eyes became ominous.
Clare shook her head unable to find words. She was paralyzed with fear at the situation. So quickly their relationship went from being fun and carefree to stricken with fear, pain, and intensity. Clare placed her head against his shoulder and laced her fingers through his—there was no going back now. "Even after all of that." She stated.
A moment of slience came upon the couple until Clare spoke up."How about I come with you to talk to Ms. Sauve?" she suggested cautiously. Clare winced as she wondered what his reaction would be.
Eli was surprised by the suggestion. His medical information was in his records—every sordid detail, but his condition never had been this bad before. He needed to do it for her. He couldn't hurt her.
"Yeah," he agreed softly. "While I'm at it, it looks like another visit to the psychiatrist is in order." He stated jokingly in a total Eli Goldsworthy fashion.
She felt a glimpse of hope as she recognized a hint of the boy that changed her world. Pulling away from him, Clare met the gaze of Eli once more. His emerald eyes bore into her blue ones. The two teens silently communicated through their eye contact; understanding became clear between the two of them.
Eli's head was clear; the demons that held onto him released their tight grip in that moment and allowed him to see an angel before his eyes.
Not once breaking eye contact, Eli moved his face closer to Clare's and placed a small kiss against her lips. To his surprise and relief, Clare returned the kiss slowly, her eyes remained fixed on Eli's. The two of them made a silent agreement at that moment—stick close to each other until the foundation of their trust falters. If and when it does threaten to fall apart—hold on tighter. Despite the traumatic situation, Clare couldn't give up—it was Eli—how could she?
Author's Note: So I wrote this all today on a whim in a random spur of the moment lol I hope you all like it. I know there are a lot of EClare fans out there; I am myself! Let me know what you think. This is a really touchy subject and I am so curious to find out if schizophrenia will actually be incorporated in the storyline for Eli. Degrassi has never dealt with the issue before so it would be really interesting. Comments and critiques are always welcomed so please review! Take care :D