Eric Theodore Cartman thought Stan was the luckiest man alive.
Of course, he wouldn't say this to his face, or anyone's face, or even out loud, but...you get the point.
He was dating Wendy Testaburger, and that made Cartman jealous. When Wendy had kissed him about a year ago, in third grade, Cartman made it obvious to Stan; he taunted him, making it really noticeable that Cartman actually liked it.
But that was over. Wendy ran back to Stan, and everytime Cartman saw them together, he wanted to throw up.
He would pretend to hate her. He pretended to have no interest in her. But anyone who really knew him well knew damn well this wasn't true.
This person, which shocked Cartman, was Kyle Broflovski.
About mid-way through fourth grade, on an average day, Kyle came up to Cartman. "Fatass," he greeted lightly, saying it as if it was Cartman's real name.
"What, Jew?" he replied, stopping from staring at Wendy and Stan who were walking away out of the class, holding hands.
He whispered something in his ear, which caused Cartman's eyes to widen and a gasp/choke/whimper noise to come out of his throat.
"W-what do you mean, K-Kahl?" he stuttered, not even making eye contact with him. "You know what I fucking mean." Kyle responded, smirking.
"That's not true, Kahhhl!" Cartman whined, getting out of his desk and grabbing money from his backpack to get ready to go to lunch.
Kyle whispered something else in his ear, which made Cartman shudder. "Okay okay goddamnit! I admit it." he looked like a puppy who's bone buried in the dirt was taken away. "I like Wendy Testaburger." he said the last words softly towards Kyle, so that way no one else could hear it.
"If you tell anyone I swear to God Kyle I will kick your ass so hard you'll be living i-" Kyle smacked his cheek, causing Cartman to scream in pain. "Kaaahlll! Why'd you do that for?!" he whimpered, putting a hand to his cheek softly, 'rubbing' away the pain.
"I'll help you, r-tard." Kyle rolled his eyes. Cartman blinked twice.
"What do you mean, you'll help me? You fucking hate me, you Jew-rat!" Kyle slapped his face again. "Goddamnit Kahl stop that!"
Kyle sighed, sitting down on the tile. Cartman mumbled something about not gonna be able to go to lunch today.
"Because. Wendy's dating Stan. And unless you or someone else dates her...well...I won't get to date him." Cartman stared at Kyle for a minute, not catching on until a lightbulb turned on in his head.
"You're a FAG?! Dude! Now you're a gay, Daywalker Jew." Cartman laughed, falling to the ground.
But only 'cuz Kyle kicked him in the spot you don't wanna get kicked in.
"Cartman, I won't help you if you don't stop goddamn laughing! I could easily get Wendy with someone else, lardass, so you better watch it!"
Cartman growled, then said, "Fine, fine. What do I have to do?"
Kyle thought about it for a minute, then said, "After whatever's left of lunch period, meet me in the bathroom, the one closest to Mr. Garrison's class. I'll talk about it there." With that, Kyle turned on his heels, and walked off.
Of course, Cartman laughed once more. "Kyle...faggot....hahaha." Wiping a tear from his eye, he waddled off to lunch.