Megurine Luka, quiet, gentle and mature, that was who she was, at least according to the public. Her fans coveted her as deep and mysterious, while others disapproved of her seemingly cold personality. She'd always turned a blind eye and tried to ignore these interpretations of her as they were what they were, merely interpretations. As idols, they were meant to hold up a certain image, to keep people dreaming. Yet these days, more often than not, Luka found herself frustrated and angry with how people saw her. It was always Luka, the sexy woman or Luka, the manipulative bitch and, more often than not, Luka the afterthought. She despised all of it, to be quite honest. The only thing she truly loved was singing. That was what she wanted to do for the rest of her life. So when opportunity and chance presented themselves in that contract with Crypton, she eagerly took fate's hand, not knowing that she would come to such a conclusion after almost a decade in the industry.
Luka shook her head irritably and stared across the hall at the overwhelmingly teal and upsettingly cheerful door. There was, after all, no way to catch up to her. She hated to admit it, but Megurine Luka would never become a name that people everywhere practically lit up upon hearing, that young children idolized and adults admired. She would forever stay near the bottom, in some old man's sex fantasies and be called only when producers ran out of choices. Luka ran a hand over the familiar table and her slender fingers made their way towards the drawer where she kept a certain object. She took a halting breath and scolded herself half-heartedly. She should've never started the habit. No matter how unpopular she was, she was still in the limelight. What this would do to her already crippled image, Luka did not dare think about. But she couldn't help it. Right now, tears were getting too close to spilling out and that simply would not do. She had an image to uphold after all. With one swift movement, she wrestled open the drawer, grabbed the ordinary tool, now stained with these obscene acts, and lifted the golden sleeve on her right arm. Humourlessly, she noted that her hand no longer shook. Not using her dominant arm was difficult at first and she almost went too far a few times in the past but she needed the cover provided by the huge decorative sleeve. The cold blade pressed mercilessly against the scarred skin tissue. Luka felt herself calm down.
It was at this exact moment that Miku decided to show up, twin tails bouncing behind her. Luka startled again and dropped the razor.
"Luka!" Miku smiled guilelessly at her co-worker and friend when she noticed the open door. Luka usually kept to herself. It was rare to see her so casually out in the open. Her expression quickly changed to one of horror, when she realized what the pink-haired woman had been about to do.
Luka was stricken with fear, grief and panic. Miku wasn't supposed to be here. No one was. No one but her. She always made sure of this when she was about to do these despicable things to herself. It was even stranger, today of all days, that Miku would spontaneously appear. The other four were all busy with projects and Miku had been called to headquarters today for an urgent new song, leaving Luka all alone, as usual. Luka didn't know what to do. She'd never anticipated this scenario in all her meticulous planning. The pause of pure silence between them was already too long for her to simply laugh it off and she was too tired to put up her usual façade.
Miku looked shaken as she slowly walked into Luka's room and knelt beside her friend. She had no idea that things were so bad. No idea that her friend would be driven so far as to harm herself. Tears streamed down her cheeks uncontrollably as her shaky fingers traced the little white lines of slightly raised skin all over the other woman's wrists; scars that told of struggles and pain, unseen to the rest of the world. Miku was aware that she was sobbing at this point and she couldn't help but feel embarrassed as she cried over these wounds, while Luka just sat there, expressionless, with her head turned away.
"I'm sorry…" She finally choked out, wanting to say something to replace the echoing sound of tears. Luka kept still and refused to stare Miku in the eye.
"Sorry for what? It's not like you did this," she said quietly, trying to suppress the anger that was suddenly building inside of her, like some great roaring beast. What right did she have to even be sorry? Her life was perfect. She had what Luka could only dream of and yet here she was, saying that she was 'sorry'. Pathetic, she scoffed in her mind. She could feel Miku's concerned gaze raking over her and she never felt more annoyed and uncomfortable in her life. "Don't pity me." She spat and stood up. What a fake girl, crying over her like this. As if she cared! If only the public knew how insincere and stuck-up Hatsune Miku really was, Luka thought bitterly.
Luka shoved the razor back into its dark resting place and began to leave. Miku, who had been stunned and quiet this entire time, suddenly sprang into action and grabbed Luka's arm. The pinkette was surprised to feel such a firm grip from the delicate-looking girl. Even then, she could feel Miku shivering with emotion. She had not stopped crying. Miku circled around and stood in front of Luka, blocking her path.
"It's not pity," She whispered brokenly, "Anything but that. Why can't you see, Luka? Why can't you ever see…" Miku looked up tearfully and Luka was taken aback by the raw force of the familiar emotions that swirled in Miku's eyes. She looked helpless and hurt. Genuinely hurt. But why? It was unfathomable to Luka that the happy and cheerful Miku that she knew would be capable of delivering such emotion, especially not…especially not over this. Her mind was blank again and she didn't know what to say, or how to feel. She couldn't bear to muster anger again and push the girl away, not when this look so clearly mirrored the emotions that she felt every day. So Luka took a step back and tried to clear her head. Miku didn't relent and followed her steps until Luka had backed away too far and fell onto her bed. Standing above the other woman, Miku tightly gripped Luka's shoulders, half to keep the pink-haired woman in place, half to support herself. Her shaking was visible now and Luka suddenly and irrationally felt bad for inducing such a state in the younger woman.
"It's not like you'd understand, Miku," she tried to explain, as anxiety built up in her chest. What did Miku even think of this situation and why such a reaction? Gently, she tried to loosen Miku's grip on her, to no avail, however, as the teal-haired girl stubbornly latched herself onto Luka.
"What is there to understand?" Miku said evenly, although Luka could feel the strain in her voice, from trying to keep her emotions in check. She almost sounded angry, "Why can't you just love yourself?" At the accusation, Luka's despondent feelings resurfaced. What right did she have to command people like this? She may be the number one princess in the diva world, but Luka sure as hell wasn't allowing this spoiled 'royalty' to rule hers.
"Love myself? Easy for you to say, when everyone loves you. Thousands of fans everywhere. People swoon over your name and me? What do I get? I didn't even want this to begin with. I just wanted to sing. That's all. I never wanted to deal with all these…these creeps who don't appreciate me. They don't care. They don't care about my voice at all. They just want to fuck me and possess me like I'm some kind of trophy. All of them! And I suppose I'm lucky to get even that. You've never experienced the kind of hate messages I've gotten, have you, princess?" Words tumbled out of her mouth chaotically, a roller coaster of emotions, and before she even felt Miku's stinging palm graze her cheek, Luka knew she'd gone too far.
"Don't talk about your fans like that," Miku seethed, her voice dangerously low. If there was one thing Hatsune Miku ever cared about, it was appreciation for those who supported them. Luka didn't respond. A numb part of her was aware that she was wrong, but it still hurt, in more ways than one, that Miku would be so hostile with her. Miku also regretted her own actions, almost immediately after. This wasn't what she had meant to say. "S-sorry…I…" Her voice cracked and she took a deep breath, trying to calm down, "Listen, what I meant to say is, you…the way you are, it's good enough. No…it's more than that. You're amazing and…and…popularity…well, you might not believe me if I say it but, it's not that important. I've seen for myself, how dedicated your fans are…so you're wrong. You don't need more people to love you. You just need to…to see…" Miku faltered. She couldn't seem to find the right words.
"See what? All I know is that I'm "boring", "useless"…People don't need me, Miku." Luka stated, dully and simply. These were words she had seen many times in vicious comments and titles of articles written by her critics.
"That's…that's not true…" Miku shook her head violently, "You shouldn't let hate get to you. I get messages like these too…you've surely seen them," Once again, Luka said nothing. She had indeed seen similar, if not more, vulgar insults directed at the teal-haired diva. But this was Miku. Miku was always different. No matter what kind of things people said about her, or what rudeness she encountered, she was always able to face the world with a smile. Luka couldn't do that. She simply couldn't. To her, it was yet another reason why she didn't belong in this world. Compared to others…she was just weak.
Luka felt a hand press to her cheek, tenderly wiping away tears that she hadn't even realized escaped her eyes. Miku was looking at her with such a heartbroken expression that one would almost think she was the one who was dissatisfied with her life. Suddenly, Miku pulled her into a tight hug, falling clumsily into her lap in the process. "B-besides, y-you're not alone…You h-have me…" Miku tried to continue her persuasion but she was crying even harder now. Luka could feel the vibrations from Miku's wracking sobs as she allowed the young woman to embrace her. Luka didn't move. She was too tired, too numb to think of even a thing to say. Instead, she wondered how things had played out this way. Miku was empathetic and down to earth, sure, but to have a breakdown over this…what was even going on…Not knowing what to do, Luka awkwardly rubbed circles on Miku's back, until her weeping cries died down to hiccupping whimpers. Finally, she felt the tension leave Miku's grip and the tealette went limp in her arms. When Miku pulled back, she did not get up like Luka expected. She simply sat there and stared at Luka with red-rimmed eyes.
"Well?" Luka questioned. Her own sadness sat at the bottom of her heart, a mountain of inescapable weight tying her down. She almost wished she could cry as freely as Miku but her well-practiced poker face had become a part of her.
"Well there's one thing you don't seem to know about yourself," Miku wasn't done yet. This time, she would make sure that Luka understood.
"And what would that be?" Luka whispered back quietly. She looked up to find their faces mere inches apart.
"You…you're just so beautiful!" Miku blurted out, summoning all her courage, "So perfect…" She sighed and before Luka could even completely process the meaning behind such a confession, she felt Miku's lips on hers. They were soft and tasted lightly of salt from her tears and whatever lip balm Crypton was currently promoting. It suddenly made sense to her…everything Miku had said and her reactions. Luka barely dwelled on this discovery before she started to kiss back.
She never had a word for the special kind of resentment she always felt for Miku. A resentful despair, she supposed, but not quite. It was nothing like the occasional pangs of jealousy that hit her whenever Meiko, Rin, Len or Kaito topped the charts. This was too constant and it made her focus on Miku to an uncomfortable level. Yet as they sat like this, close together and tasting each other deeply, everything felt so right. It was then that Luka realized maybe it had never been resentment all along. She wasn't upset that Miku always got more attention. It was more like she hated the fact that so many others lusted after the pop princess. Luka hadn't been aware of it until now, but all she ever wanted was a moment like this; a time when Miku had eyes only for her.
When they pulled apart, they were both flushed and breathing hard. Miku never looked more flawless to Luka than this, despite her puffy eyes and blush that made her red to her ear tips. When she realized that this was probably a side of Miku that no one else in the entire world had ever seen, Luka felt all her worries flutter away, replaced by bursting affection and joy.
"U-um…" Although she was struggling to catch her breath, Miku quickly scrambled off of her spot on Luka's lap, "P-please don't be disgusted w-with me…I-" She looked like she was on the verge of tears again as her gaze shifted uneasily, looking anywhere but at the pinkette.
"I kissed back." Luka said ambiguously, as she bit her lip, trying not to laugh. She had never seen Miku so off guard. It was cute, to say the least.
"Wh-what?" Miku didn't dare believe that her affections were being returned.
"It means what you think it means." Luka offered in a soft voice as she stood up and slowly took Miku's hand. Then they were kissing again, Miku pressing desperately into Luka's body as the pink-haired woman used every ounce of her strength to keep upright, resisting the dizzying new sensations that made her legs weak. Everything would be alright, if they just stayed like this, Luka thought when they pulled apart for the second time. All her troubles, they were nothing compared to what she felt at the current moment. Miku was beaming up at her when they looked at each other again. Her smile was more brilliant than the usual encouraging grin that she gave her co-workers and more free than the carefully constructed laughs she displayed on stage. This seemed more real somehow, like it radiated from within her. The teal-haired pop star's display of happiness wavered when she remembered the circumstances that brought them to this conclusion.
"Promise to never do that again," she said sternly, walking over to the drawer and effectively confiscated the razor. Luka nodded slowly, reluctant to ruin the moment by recalling the feelings that had pushed her to do such a thing.
"I-I'll try," she murmured, suddenly embarrassed to be so damaged and problematic in the presence of a goddess like Miku. She could feel herself blush at thinking of Miku in such terms. Miku giggled at Luka's expression. She never knew she was capable of melting their resident ice queen.
"Good girl," she teased, skipping over to Luka again. Standing on her tiptoes, she kissed the forehead covered by sakura-coloured locks and whispered more seriously: "Remember to love yourself Luka, as much as I do. Always."
A/N: So yeah...planning to make this a more regular thing as practice. It's much easier to me to write based on shorter prompts than to write chapter fics (although this turned out to be really long?).
Prompt will always be put at the end of the oneshots and probably sourced to tumblr. Chapter names will be a main tag/theme in the prompt (they won't all be angst, I promise). If you guys want, I can also put the ship name in there.
Thanks for reading!
Prompt:
Person A has very low self-esteem, but they keep it all bottled up until one night, when they go off to cry. Person B follows after them, and when Person A talks about how stupid and useless and talentless they are, Person B yells at them to stop and starts crying about how they wish Person A could love themselves as much as they (Person B) do.
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