Disclaimer: I don't own Harry Potter
It had been three weeks since Severus Snape and Harry Potter had moved in together. In those three weeks, they had grown quite close. But no one knew that. "Harry, it's time for breakfast." Severus had learned just how horrid Harry's home life had been, and was making an extra effort to treat Lily's son more nicely.
"Coming!" Harry came down clad in Gryffindor colors. Well, not clad in it, but he was wearing too much for Snape's liking. He waved his wand and Harry's socks changed to green and silver, causing Harry to pout.
"Harry, we're going to visit Dumbledore today. Remember what I told you. Put on a convincing facade. Pretend that we hate each other." Harry nodded eagerly. He scarfed down his toast and they Flooed into Dumbledore's office.
"Ah, Harry my boy!" "Professor, Snape isn't nice," Harry all but whined. Harry never whined; maybe Dumbledore would take him more seriously if he did. "Harry?" Dumbledore inquired. Snape climbed out of the fireplace, glaring at Harry, his gaze black with loathing.
"The greasy git locked me out!" Harry said accusingly. A brief flash of humor twinkled in Snape's obsidian eyes, before they hardened. "And Potter knocked down my door." "Well, I'm sure that Harry didn't mean…." Dumbledore trailed off as Snape's glare intensified. This was the glare that made Hufflepuffs pee their pants and Gryffindors cry.
"Oh, he did mean it." "Well, you bastard, why did you lock me out?" "I was
under the impression that you had a key. That you threw away, I might add. And you could've done Alohomora!"
Dumbledore stared at them uncomfortably. "Well, I'm sure you'll learn to get along…." He said. "No, we won't. He forced fed me until I nearly vomited. And then I had to scrub his dirty cauldrons as if I were in detention!" "Well, Potter, that was payback! You nearly pushed me off that cliff the other day!"
"You git, you tripped! It's not my fault you're a vampire-wannabe and your
cloak is so damn long!" "Potter has a dirty mouth!" "Snape gives me no freedom!" "Potter throws away the food I cooked!" "It tastes like burned rubber!" "Potter is too stupid!" "Snape can't be trusted!"
Snape and Harry tried to talk over each other, their voices growing louder and louder. Dumbledore's twinkle had disappeared. "The adoption is irreversible. I'm sorry to hear this, I must say, I did think it would work out."
And Albus Dumbledore watched, dumbfounded, as Severus Snape and Harry Potter both started collapsing in fits of laughter. "The player just got played!" Harry gasped out. "Good day, Headmaster. Please refrain from going into cardiac arrest," Snape choked, and he and Harry Flooed away, their meeting be damned.