Remus,
I'm off to James's. Nothing at home is good right now. I'm so sorry. Meet me at the Potters, and please stay safe.
I'm so, so sorry.
-Sirius
.
He was numb and shaking. The green flames of the Floo connection died around him, and still he couldn't bring himself to step out of the fireplace. Sirius had really done it this time. He had thoroughly and utterly fucked up his entire life.
"Sirius?"
His eyes flit up to meet James's. The other boy was clad in his pajamas, barefoot. Sirius hadn't realized how late it must be. His family had started arguing around the dinner table; his throat was raw from shouting. Sirius was sure his eyes were red and puffy from tears; his nose wouldn't stop running. He must've looked a mess, because James ushered him out of the fireplace and onto the sofa, dropping Sirius's few bags of belongings on the floor around them. Without a word, Sirius collapsed into his friend's shoulder, sobbing.
James's voice was worried, gentle. "What happened, mate? Remus said—"
His head snapped up so he could look at James. His hazel eyes flit across Sirius's face, trying to puzzle together the night's traumas. "Remus is here? He's okay?" Sirius asked. His voice cracked, desperate. James nodded, glancing over to the stairs. Sirius leapt to his feet and took the stairs three at a time, dashing the familiar path to James's bedroom.
.
"They know. My parents. I don't know how—"
Remus raised an eyebrow. "Know what?"
He was pacing the room, unable to sit still. Watching Remus seem so calm made Sirius feel even more on edge. "They know you're a werewolf." The words could barely get past his lips, coming out like static. Remus paled.
"You told them?" His face fell, his gaze dropping to the floor. "Did you tell the world, Sirius? This was supposed to be a secret! I trusted you—"
"I didn't tell them, Remus! I swear, I wouldn't—"
Remus didn't look at him as he left James's bedroom, letting the door slam behind him. He shot a quick glance behind him at James's parents' room, hoping he hadn't woken them. When there was no sign of the elder Potters being awake, Remus practically fell down the stairs, too shocked and too weak to walk properly. James was still in the sitting room downstairs. When Remus entered, James didn't need to know anything of what happened—seeing Remus's face was enough to know that nothing was right.
.
He could hear James and Sirius arguing in the other room. Remus sat alone in the Potters' sitting room, picking at the skin around his thumbnail. His index fingers were both bleeding already, but he was careful not to let it drip onto the fabric of the sofa. James's parents had assured Remus that they would do what they could for him. The Ministry summons was still sitting on the table in front of him.
The parchment lay open. The black script upon it was, in itself, not particularly malicious-looking. It seemed a perfectly normal letter. But even looking at it made Remus feel sick to his stomach.
He had been called to a hearing in front of the Wizengamot for being a dangerous beast who had integrated into wizarding society unbeknownst to his human colleagues. Remus Lupin, as an eleven-year-old boy, had been given the ability to go to Hogwarts. Now, six years later, he was about to be tried for that crime.
.
Remus hardly spoke to Sirius anymore. When he did, his words were short and clipped. James was constantly stuck between them, trying to mediate some semblance of the friendship they used to share. Clearly, Sirius was desperate for the same.
"You're not the villain here, Remus. They are."
"Funny," he mutters, not a hint of humor to his words. "Doesn't feel that way." Remus didn't turn from the window, his gaze fixed on a cloud on the horizon. The world outside the Potters' house was bleak—it mirrored the mood inside spectacularly. The sky was painted a gunmetal shade that did nothing to console Remus's dread.
"Sirius," James said with a sigh, his arms crossed. "Can you give us a minute?"
He hesitated for a moment, but then left the room.
"I'm sorry. About all of this, and about him, but Remus," he continued, his tone pleading. "Sirius didn't tell his parents. You know he would never do that, especially not to you. He bloody loves you."
"Then he should act like it."
"He's trying. You won't even look at him—a week ago, back at school, we couldn't get you to quit snogging him long enough to take a breath."
The words gave Remus pause—not because of what James was saying, really, but because it had only been a week since they'd been at Hogwarts last. Just yesterday, he'd been at home with his parents. His world had been normal.
So much had changed.
"Fine," Remus sighed. Since there was no doubt the Ministry would order for his imprisonment at the very least, what did he have to lose by giving Sirius what he wanted for the next couple of days.
.
"What if you just don't show up?" James said, almost conversationally. He passed the heaping plate of roast to Remus. He couldn't help but feel that this was his last meal. Remus took the dish from James, transferring a serving to his own plate but feeling sick at the mere thought of eating.
"Yeah! C'mon, Remus, picture it. We can leave and make a life for ourselves away from here."
Ordinarily, Remus would've found it endearing. Sirius was always the optimist, always the one for big, extravagant gestures. But this was too big a reach. "You picture it. Zoom in on my empty wallet, eh?" Sirius shot him a confused glance. He couldn't see the problem; it was frustrating, but Remus couldn't risk blowing up at him, not now. "Look, even if I could manage to get away and not have them all come after me, I don't have the money to go running off and starting fresh."
"Ah, you know we'd spot you, Remus." James glanced hopefully at his parents, who in turn shared a grim look between them. James shook his head. "We wouldn't leave you broke and hopeless."
Remus pushed his food around with his fork. He speared a few peas on the end of his fork, taking a small bite so as not to be rude to the Potters. He looked at Mr. Potter. "What would happen, if I just didn't show?"
The man didn't meet Remus's eyes. He took a deep breath. "They would issue a warrant. And given the nature of your case, it would give any Auror who found you…" Mr. Potter paused, closing his eyes. He kept his voice clinical and detached. "Permission to kill on sight."
James's hand froze halfway to his mouth, the mashed potatoes falling from his spoon onto his lap. Sirius dropped his glass—it shattered upon impact with the table, sending shards of glass across the table, his water seeping across the table. Remus shot him a look, and it was nowhere near as warm as it once would have been.
"So, I…" Remus spoke slowly, swallowing the lump in his throat and daring his tears not to fall. "I guess I'm going, then."
Mr. and Mrs. Potter shared another heartbroken look. No one spoke for the rest of the evening.
.
The Atrium should be a warm, inviting place. The dark tile on every surface elicited a feeling of power—Remus just wished that he was the one to hold that power for once. Every noise echoed around him. He felt trapped within his own head. He could feel the stares of the Ministry employees and visitors surrounding him, it was like he was a caged animal on display. A chill ran down his spine.
"Remus?" Sirius's voice was uncertain. Remus hadn't heard the other boy this out of his element in years. All it took was one mistake. One massive mistake…
He shook his head, following Sirius through the main lobby, in the direction of the lifts. He wasn't sure he was in control of his feet, he just knew that they were taking him somewhere. Remus was no longer in a position to decide the destination. He spared a long glance at the Fountain of Magical Brethren. He could remember coming here with his father as a child, back when his father had a good-paying job in the Department for the Regulation and Control of Magical Creatures. The irony, if it could even be called that, had never escaped Remus's notice. As a child, he'd marveled at the fountain—the statues of a number of magical creatures and wizards, of beasts and beings alike. Of course, there would never be a werewolf displayed in such a show of unity. Werewolves were dangerous, there was no excusing that.
They rode the lifts down to the lowest level of the Ministry. Remus didn't catch a word of the cool, disembodied voice that announced the lift's arrival. Nothing quite felt real, anymore.
He got off when Sirius did, but they stopped again shortly once in the corridor. A tall woman towered over Sirius. Her hair fell in curls down to her elbows; it was that same gunmetal grey color the sky had been when Remus had received the summons. Nothing about her aura comforted Remus any more than the sky had then. His eyes flit up to her own. They were eerily familiar, like molten silver. It was as off-putting as it was familiar: Remus was accustomed to seeing these eyes alit with passion, not with fury, disgust. Especially not directed at him.
"Mother," Sirius snarled. He shifted his body to stand protectively between Remus and Walburga Black. He stood taller, his posture better than Remus had ever seen it. It was a power move. "You're a horrid woman."
"And you've befriended a monster, yet you insist that I am the worst of us." She scoffed, turning on her heel and strutting into the courtroom with every confidence that she would come out victorious. Remus swallowed thickly.
Sirius turned to face him. "I'm sorry—"
"Don't." His voice was nearly as cold as Sirius's had been when he'd spoken to his mother. Remus hadn't forgotten that it was Sirius who had brought him into this position. As much as he wanted to forgive him, as much as he wanted to seek comfort in the other boy's arms again, he couldn't bring himself to.
.
The Head of the Department of Magical Law Enforcement didn't allow Remus much chance to speak. Whenever Remus could open his mouth, there was no chance of him swaying anyone with his response. The questions were stacked against him; there had never been any hope for him. He knew that.
Remus had walked into this room knowing he may never freely walk anywhere again. He told himself that he'd accepted his fate. He'd known it was a possibility since he was a child—a full life was never guaranteed to him.
.
When they had spoken the final verdict, Sirius broke. His whole weight fell against James. He was unable to hold back his tears. Sirius could feel James shaking. His blood turned cold as his mother met his eyes from across the courtroom.
They'd never had a chance.
.
A/N: Written for Advent Calendar Day 31: (pairing) Remus/Sirius;
Writing Club – Character Appreciation 29: (word) Villain; Disney Challenge T4: Write about somebody isolating themselves; Showtime 6: (dialogue) "Zoom in on my empty wallet"; Amber's Attic F3: Write about friends having a falling out that is irreparable (Bonus); Lyric Alley 19: Now how the hell am I gonna make it into the New Year; Lo's Lowdown C3: Write about a bond between a person and an animal/creature; Bex's Basement 17: Write an angsty Wolfstar;
Seasonal – Days of the Year: Dec 24: Write about Remus Lupin; Winter Prompts: (word) Bleak; Color Prompts: Gunmetal; Birthstones – Garnet: (dialogue) "Did you tell the world? That was supposed to be a secret!"; Flowers – Hellebore: (theme) Death; Elemental: (object) Fountain;
Winter in Japan – Abdication: Write about the end of something; Slytherin Challenge: (character) Walburga Black; (traits) Strong-willed; (color) Silver; Star Chart – Partial Solar Eclipse: (emotion) Broken;
Writing Month and Dragons: wc 1920