"God dammit."
He was thinking if her again and this always happened when he was alone in bed. Which was every night.
In case you didn't know, Jean was in love with Mikasa.
Well, 'was' wasn't the appropriate term.
To re-phrase it, Jean IS in love with Mikasa.
At first he just thought she was pretty...
Heck, what guy wouldn't?
She had the perfectly toned body, not too skinny or fat, she was just perfect.
Even though she had muscles, Jean didn't care.
He thought that it was sexy as Hell.
The way that they moved when she practiced fighting, the flowing movements, the quick jabs, the swift kicks.
Jean couldn't help himself, everytime she left to practice combat, he watched her beat the living daylights out of the training room punching bag. Of course, she didn't know this, she never did see Jean peeking behind the slightly closed doors.
Another thing he loved about her was her strong nature. Not just the fact that she was good at fighting, but because she was able to keep a straight face despite all of the turmoil happening.
The fact that she had the ability to do this baffled him. He did however, hope to be the one to help her open up, to let out her emotions...
But Eren beat him to it...
Jean didn't directly hate Eren. To be honest, Jean respected Eren.
Even if they disliked each other first they found a mutual respect for each other after a while.
But one thing always bugged Jean and that was how close Eren and Mikasa were.
Jean knew that Mikasa loved Eren. It was obvious but. But Eren was of course completely oblivious to this, he was only focused on defeating the titans for good.
Jean knew that deep down, he could never have Mikasa. She was too good for him and her heart already belonged to someone else.
But even if Mikasa confessed to Eren and was rejected, and had to come towards Jean for rebound, Jean wouldn't care. He was madly in love with her and would allow it.
But one thing that Jean loved the most, was her beautiful black hair.
That was the first thing that drew him to her, the way that it swayed lightly when she moved a few inches and just the dark colour overall.
It may have sounded a little creepy, but whenever he stood next to her, he even caught a scent of her hair. It couldn't be described how much he was entranced by it.
It was like falling in love with the most beautiful angel in heaven.
Whenever Jean saw her hair, he just wanted to burrow his face in it, re-assure her that everything would be okay and run his fingers through it and telling her how much he loved her.
And the thought of doing so made Jean hot.
And hard.
It was natural for Jean to do this, ever since he had met Mikasa he had to do this every night.
He groaned in pleasure as he imagined Mikasa's small but strong hand lightly grasping on to his shaft and moving slightly up and down, slowly but slightly faster as she progressed.
No...
Maybe Mikasa liked it rough? Maybe she would let Jean grasp her hair and push her face down until she fit the whole thing in her mouth?
"Ngh..." The thought made him grunt in pleasure.
He undid his pants and got to work, he couldn't leave his cock twitching all night.
He ran his hand up and down as he imagined Mikasa doing the same thing to him, it made him moan and whisper her name over and over like it was some kind of holy chant.
It would make sense. To him, Mikasa was a Godess.
He couldn't helo but keep moaning as he imagined all the things he would do to Mikasa, he would treat her like the angel she was, he would practically worship her.
He honestly wouldn't mind if he was her slave.
Because that was what he was. A slave to her, he would do her every command if it meant some attention to him.
His hand slowly raised to the very tip of his cock and he ever so slightly ran circles around the tip with his thumb.
He bucked up his hips to this, all he could think if was Mikasa, because the thought of her doing this would drive him crazy. He began to pick up the pace and moaned her name slightly louder, as if he was praying up to the angels in heaven to be graced with her presence.
"M-mikasa! Ngh... Mikas- ah!"
He came quickly, he usually did whenever his thoughts strayed to her. Maybe she would have been unimpressed with him. Girls don't like guys finishing first.
Though Jean had to admit, he was a pretty stunning guy, he had very well toned muscles and his face was slightly crooked and handsome, he was quite well-endowed too. Most men would consider him blessed for having a great gift.
Though Mikasa wouldn't care about that. She would just want Eren, and Jean had to accept it.
But he couldn't.
Small beads of water slightly leaked from his eye. Why did he have to fall in love? Why did she come into his life like this? Why did she like Eren fucking Jaeger?
Because Jean needed someone to love. Because Mikasa had practically came from Heaven as if their meeting wad fated.
Because Eren fucking Jaeger had saved her life.
What if Jean had saved her life instead? They could both be happy. He could protect her too, maybe they would have a family.
But he knew that he couldn't change the past.
There was no way he could of saved her without knowing of her existence.
What if they had died during battle? Jean would never be able to confess how he felt. But there was no way he could.
She was just a fantasy, no matter how much he wanted her, she was a dream.
Though also an angel.
But forbidden.
Soon to be a distant memory.
An obsession.